Within the swirling Mist (IC) > Biographies

Contradictions - The Musings of Phoenix

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*The musings of Phoenix to her stick friend, Chuck.*     

     A young elf woman sits neatly on the banks the small stream that flows through the calm settlement of Degannwy. She comes here often to reminisce about her past and the recent issues facing her path of life, but this time she is not alone.  Her almond eyes glance about cautiously before she reaches into the bag lying next to her and produces a rather small, smooth stick.  She brushes back a few strands of soaking, red-orange hair, glancing over the object then holding it out in front of her.

     "How are you today, Chuck?" Her voice is barely above a whisper as she stares at the stick intently. The minuscule piece of wood says nothing, only producing a small pitapat everytime a raindrop falls on its surface. After all, sticks cannot talk.

     The girl nods only once and then furrows her brow with a troubled expression. "I'm afraid I may have a problem," She continues speaking quietly to the small branch, although it continues to say nothing back, "You see, Chuck, I really don't know what to do about him."  She makes no mention of who 'He' is, but it is assumed that the stick knows exactly who she is speaking of.  The elf goes on, "I cannot help but think things will turn out better this time, but I still don't know what to do..."

     Her face takes on a pleading look, as if waiting for the stick to give her all the answers.  It still does not speak, for it is an inanimate object.  The girls eyes widen and she raises her voice slightly, "You know I cannot do that! I could never tell him that I lo-..."  She trails off, lowering her head, her speech returning to a light whisper,"You remember me telling you what happened the last time I did that.  Besides, I don't want to go back to the way things were before.  I do enjoy his friendship, but..." She she falls silent for a moment, this time shaking her head before continuing, "He does have the right to know, but I don't want to put him in that position again. I don't know the effect that it would have..."

     The elf girl lifts her gaze to the back to the stick, staring at it once more.  She tilts her head slightly to the left, as if listening intently.  After a few moments, she scrunches up her face with anger, rising to her feet.  Her voice raises another level, but still remains relatively calm, "I just can't, Chuck! I'm too weak!" She quivers and closes her eyes, wincing, "You remember how I just sat there and let those peasants harm me...I couldn't bring myself to fight back.  I'm not as strong as you!"

     She glares fiercely at the smooth, wooden object, daring it to make a comeback.  After a few, short moments she sighs in frustration and throws the stick to the ground in one, fluid motion. "I don't have time to argue with you Chuck!" She growls this time, nearly shouting and begins to stomp away, "You just lie there and think about what you said, Chuck!"


     The young elf returns to her normal spot in Degannwy, the forgotten Chuck still lying exactly where she left him.  She looks down on the small stick before sighing heavily and taking a seat behind him.  "I hope you're happy...," She began, turning her attention outward at the flowing stream, "I told him, but-"

     The elf woman stopped suddenly, shooting her head toward Chuck to glare sharply down at him.  She heaves another sigh, "Yeah, right, Chuck.  That will never happen for me...I just don't have any luck with this sort of thing.  You remembered what happened before I came here..."

"Come here, darling!" A juvenile human male called from across the tavern.  He wore dusty colored clothes which matched his hair and his face had a rugged attractiveness that could turn any girl's head.  He bekoned to a young, elven woman chatting with another waittress, but the conversation soon ended and the elf hurried over to the man's table.

"What can I get you, dear?" She responded to him in a quiet voice, a bit too sweet for the setting, and gave him a small smile.  The man reached up slowly to grasp a good bit of the elf's long, red-orange hair, fondling it for a moment before tugging it downward sharply.

"How about another drink, eh?"

"I- I think you've had e-enough drinks f-for tonight, dear."

"Well, you love me, don't you?"


"Don't you, Phoenix?"

The girl was tossed to the floor and gave out a cry of pain.  The young man stood, looking down at her.

"It's pitiful, really. You're so weak."

The rugged juvenile swept his gaze around the tavern, but everyone had already gone back to what they were doing before, unfazed by the short spectacle.  The man grunted briefly, taking one last look at the young elf before navigating his way outside.

     She shook her head, sighing once more before repeating, "These things just don't work out for me and I doubt they ever will, Chuck."  She picks up the small branch, bringing it from one hand to the other, examining it thoroughly.  She pulls a single arrow out of her pack, holding the point up to the stick and then begins to carve a rigde near one end around its circumference.  She carves out a second, centimeters away and parallel to the first.  Once finished, she places the arrow and Chuck back into the bag at her side and goes back to staring calmly at the water flowing in the stream, muttering softly, "I'm so weak..."   

It had been months since Phoenix had spoken to anyone, her mind lingering to those she had not seen for the longest time.  She thought of Elda, one of her truest friends and the last person to have a conversation with her, however melancholy it might have been.  The poor elf was having trouble coping with the betrayal of someone very close to her and Phoenix took it upon herself to share some pieces of advice with her friend.  The conversation went surprisingly well, she never thought herself to give good counsel, yet a few days later, she had received a letter from Elda, praising her for the help.  Even if she had comforted a friend with the much needed guidance, could she really believe the advice herself?  Surely not after her own experiences.  Could she really just forget and move on?  No, she was not the kind to forgive and forget.  Certainly not forget...

A strong arm stretched out and a hand grabbed the long, soft mass of red-orange hair, pulling the elf woman attached to it back toward the arm's source.  The girl let out a small gasp of surprise as she was forcefully brought into the arms of a large human male with sandy, blonde hair.  The man leaned down and whispered in the elf's pointed ear.

"Now, you wouldn't be trying to escape from me, would you?"


"Surely you know the consequences for trying to run away, don't you?"

"I might ha-"

"What is it you're trying to say, huh? Another 'I love you', right? Ha!"

"...I might have loved you once, Arlen, but I never will again! Nor any man, for that matter!"

The elf woman broke free from the surprised young man's grasp and began to run away from the small tavern they had been standing outside of.  Recovering from shock, the young man rose his voice in a shout.

"No matter what you do, Phoenix, you're still weak! You might have slipped away this time, but I will find you!"

Phoenix shook her head, clearing a few loose strands of hair from her face, then raised her gaze to the sky. It was almost morning.  It was also a big day for one of her friends, or at least, whom she considered to be a friend.  She didn't really know Soren that well, yet he was someone that everyone seemed to be friends with.  She had been invited to his wedding and yet, something kept her from going.  Something about the whole event made her slightly sick to the stomach.  Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

It was then that Phoenix realized exactly what it was.  It was the fact that it seemed impossible for two people of this world to actually come together and be married.  Everyone she had met seemed to run around, claiming many different loves, none of them permanent.  Love was just a game to them.   She never thought that anything as sacred as a kiss could mean so little, yet it was something she had to learn the hard way.  And this is what kept her in place.  It seemed to her that even something as unbreakable as a vow could dissipate over time.

The elf woman sat at the edge of a nearby forest, a blade held in her palm.  A moment later, one hand grasped her hair, the other, brought up the blade to swiftly move across it.  A shower of fire fell to the forest floor.  The elf took a handful of the fallen locks and raised it toward the sun.

"Never will I love another man again. And never again will I be weak..."

Phoenix lowered her head and scoffed lightly, "Yeah, so much for that."

(This is from quite a while ago, but I thought I'd take this chance to try and get caught up. ^^;)

   A lone elf sits in her normal position in Degannwy, this time mulling over a curious piece of parchment she found crumpled up in the bottom of her bag, now completely unreadable due to what's it's been through.  She glimpses down at her familiar stick friend and furrows her brow at him.  "No, Chuck, it's not that," Phoenix shakes her head to clear her thoughts and frowns, "It's a journal page...from Arlen.  He wanted me to have it after I left...at least that's what my friend told me." She closes her eyes as she reflects on that one day...

   "I don't see why you have to leave, Phoenix," the dark-haired waitress pleaded, "Arlen can be taken care of. It shouldn't have to come to this."

The now short-haired elf girl gazed at her friend with sorrow painted across her face, "I'm sorry, Aspen, but you know I cannot stay; he won't leave me alone if I do.  At least this way I am able to dodge his attacks and he very well may come after me.  I'm not strong enough to walk back in there and face him...not after what I said."

Aspen nodded slowly and wrapped a heavy travelling cloak around Phoenix's shoulders.  "I understand, but promise me you will be careful and I hope you do come back to visit me sometime."

The elf girls fastened the cloak around her neck and gave her friend a parting hug.  "I don't know exactly where I'm going, nor do I know what difficulties I will be facing, but I promise I will see you again some day."

Phoenix released Aspen and began to walk away, however, the dark-haired woman called her back.  "Phoenix, wait.  Arlen...he wanted you to have this."  Aspen held out a folded up envelope and the elf girl hesitantly reached for it.  "Don't read it here, though.  He said he only wanted you to read it once you were far away."

So Phoenix took the letter, said a final goodbye, and turned to travel into the woods.  That night when she had set up camp deep in the forest, she pulled out the envelope, gaging she was far enough away from where she had come.  She nervously unfolded the package and grief sprung to her eyes as she read over the parchment inside.

Journal -
I don't know what to do any more.  My gang won't let up on me.  They keep forcing me to hurt her more and more in their presence.  I'm beginning to think I shouldn't be following their orders of entertainment any longer, but what else can I do?  There are more of them than I can handle, but I don't want to hurt her any more.  I can't even imagine the pain she must feel because of me...If only I could find a way to get her out of here.  I have to find a way to get her out of here.  There's just no way I can follow, for they will hunt me to the ends of eternity and back.  If only I had been smarter at the start...then maybe we could have been together.
- Arlen

Phoenix held in a sob and cautiously flipped the parchment over.  There, in darker ink, freshly written, no doubt, were the words she could have done without: "I really did love you."

She mockingly laughed at the memory and how foolish she once was. She had almost run back to that silly human.  What a disgusting thought.  She shifted the letter from one hand to the other before folding it back up.  Phoenix looked down at Chuck, still lying on the ground, of course, because sticks do not have legs, and simply states, "I'll burn it later."

"Rise...from the ashes.  Rise, Phoenix.  Don't let them quench you...like they quenched the sun."

   "Chuck...Chuck, I don't know what to do..."
Phoenix pleaded to the small stick, but it simply stared at her in return.  Her eyes were a cloudy red and more tears threatened to fall.  She subconsciously touched her right shoulder where he had hurt her, and her back still ached from their last meeting.  His words still rang in her head, no matter how hard she tried to drown them out.

"Phoenix.  I know all about you, Phoenix.  You will do as I tell you henceforth."

The images from the incident flashed through her mind with no way to get rid of them.  Chuck just stared on, unable to help her.

"I am watching you.  I have been for some time.  You will keep our meetings to yourself."

How could she keep it a secret?  Not after Ariana is expecting her to tell.  She couldn't deny her good friend the knowledge, could she?  Certainly not...she could be in danger right now.  But still...

"Should you choose to entertain different thoughts, I will visit those you hold dear.  Ariana...Elda...Anethet.  Before I come to see you again, that is."

Ariana...she would be in more danger if she told her.  She didn't want to give Ariana anything else to worry about, that was for sure.
Elda...she she had not heard or seen from since she had given advice to the poor elf after her love interest had gone and married another.  Phoenix had no idea where she was or how she was faring.  She could only hope Elda was somewhere safe. 
Thet...he had promised to come back and visit her before he left again.  How she wished he were here now.  It might have helped her to be in his presence just for a moment, just to know he was safe.  She thought it was most likely for him to have left and forgotten about her, as many others had done in the past.  Even though it upset her slightly, she hoped that was the case.

     "Chuck...I think I should do what he says...I don't want anyone getting hurt."
Phoenix shoots the stick a pleading glance, but soon a tear finds its way down her cheek.  "No, Chuck...I can't think about myself.  More lives will be saved that way.  I...have to do as he says."

"Veritas, you will gain the trust of Jadin Veritas."

     Jadin Veritas.
She knew not who he was, but she had to find out, that was certain.  She wasn't sure what would happen if she didn't.

"Do not fail me, Phoenix.  There will be no rise from the ashes if you do.  Only an endsong."


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