Within the swirling Mist (IC) > Biographies
Esquisse of Dreams ~ Trish Moiré
Moiré:
Theme music for the post from Silent Hill 2 (Promise)
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9Yu44IjGBw[/youtube]
~~~
Imagination
I inhale, and then I exhale…
I pollute, and then I clean...
I take, and I give…
I sing, and then I listen...
I love, and then I break…
I dance, and then I lay…
I stare, and then I seal…
I drift, and then I sink…
I live, and then I die…
This is my life, each day and night on that never-changing home. A home where the Gods are not present and the good and evil stay put. A place where justice and injustice are non-existent. A place where I am shackled, yet I am free.
What…is freedom? Is it right? Or maybe it is a privilege? Freedom does not exist in the material, this much I am certain. Back home, I was not free. In Barovia, I am told that I am free, yet I choose not to be.
Why am I doing this? So many years, have I lived in an isolated world, surrounded by happiness and misery. I fell in love with my mind before I fell in love with another man, and I can only wish that my mind took my innocence from my body instead of man. If only the mind could give me the warmth I ever so need…that reassurance of being loved that fate forces me to ‘seek’ instead of ‘create’.
Man only brought me pain, but I like to believe that man can be useful to me, and I speak not of just males, but females as well. In some of my dreams, I even see myself being born as a man, and I ponder to myself…how would I act, if I were a man? Would I be as I am now? Would life be easier? Would I need to seek recluse in the safest place I know of?
What ‘is’ the safest place I know of? The Dream World, where I rule everything. I can be whoever I want and live however I desire. I can be at the top of rank, or I can be at the bottom, serving. Whatever tickles my mind and body, I will create in the Dream World. But what I have experienced is far too minor…
I come from a world where morals are meaningless. I come from a world where time freezes, and everything loops continuously. Whatever may have pleased or hurt me would repeat the following day. I cannot even escape them in my dreams, despite escaping them in the Real World. They will always haunt me...
The wooden creaking…
The tides splashing against our home…
The sun and moon constantly passing us with shrouds of clouds…
The lute I would play for all of them…
And the man who gave birth to my beautiful mind…my father…
And here I stand now, in this land of mists…far from the sea-tides and crew. Far away from the world of the Blue Rose, where my life remained unchanging. I am only equipped with the talents I learned, and my world within my soul. But now there is something I feel I can improve.
The more I live with this new family that cares for me, the more I realize that life holds lessons most worthy for my world. The more I travel with my family, an the more I study the outsiders… I see potential to add to my world, and in each passing night, I add more. It is my passion to inspire and create… and as I inspire and create, my world matures into perfection.
I wrap myself around the people I inspire, and I plunge myself into their dreams. I see the dreams they experience, and I learn what more I could add to my world. There are those that have dreams of finding a lover, as there are those that seek to control the weak. Some desire to serve, like myself in the Real World, and others wish to lead. But one aspect stands in common with all of these dreams… They are hiding an aspect that makes the dreams ‘remain’ dreams. I continue to watch these dreamers tremble by my inspiring words. They tremble, because they want it to be true, but it shall not come, as long as they remain closed.
And when I return from everything, I lie on my bed and place their dreams in mine. How I love my dreamers, each and every one of them, and how I wish to see their dreams develop into reality, for I inspire them to chase their dreams, each time. If they follow my words, I can rest, knowing that they loved me enough to chase their dreams for me. I am not useless… and I never will admit to being such until the day I die.
Moiré:
Music from Silent Hill 2 (Ordinary Vanity)
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLes9u1nlXA[/youtube]
~~~
Loving Thine Neighbors
Even after many months of being away from him, I still feel the sharp pain when I awaken in my new bedroom, shared by a small group of ‘others’. My legs twitch beneath the bed sheets, and my hands immediately pull over my body, expecting to feel the sore weakness of my life. I turn my head toward the door leading out of my home and ponder if soon I’ll hear his voice calling out to me; that raspy, wicked voice that beckons me to return and continue my life. How relieved, yet sad I feel when I realize that the voice is not going to return.
Relieved because it means I was given a chance to survive and press to become something I never was destined to be. I feel sad because I truly am a different girl from the rest of the ones here in this new world. They flock to their men, trees, and food, whether it is stomach cravings, money stealing, or live-taking. The men in this region are just as bad, if not, worse, than the ones of my past. The women, on the other hand, are simple, unsophisticated people because they want to add to their collection of pleasure-toys. Some days, I can stand women but not men, and other times it is the opposite. Sometimes I love both men an’ women.
Sometimes, I hate them both!
Who are these ‘others’ I mentioned before? They are amazing... with talents that go far beyond any of the people I’ve known in my time withinin this land called Barovia. They are the very reason that I continue to strive and push myself for. They are a culture that will soon form its own group, in my humble opinion. They are… My family.
They are what the very source of the blood pumping throughout my freezing body. I can feel them all around me, whether they are near me, enjoying me, or when they are distanced from me. They have always been there for me in truth, but we never have been closer until we met in Barovia. For so many years, they have been apart of my life, and now that I am here, we are closer.
The sky…
The sea…
The land...
The rain…
The sun and moon…
We are this, and nothing more. We are formless when we die, but our bodies radiate together through clear rays of affection. We submit and control one another, except for the sky, for the sky is above all of us, and he can never be touched. The sky may touch, but we may not. The sea may touch all of us, but the sky waits for the demanding of permissions.
So many more to find, but still, our family huddles together in enjoyment and shares life to the fullest extent. I do whatever I can to please my loving family, for their love for me is unmatched. Not one man or woman from the ground will ever truly please me the way my family does… But perhaps soon, there may be a change in this.
There is one that stands before me, and I question him without moving my lips. I trace his body in my mind and search deep within his dreams to see what it is he truly desires. So many dreams, I have grasped in my hands and expanded or depressed. I have seen dreams of devotion to the self, but I’ve also felt the dreams of greedy ones who aim to turn this feeling into a disease. The clock ticks and the wheels turn with their gizmos…
Round and round…
...tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…tick…tock…tiiii-iiiiick…toooo-oooock…
Time freezes, and I stare at everything in brisk, still air. I see everything as it is when the time is frozen. I can see the empty, angry expressions on the merchants who truly care not for their customers. I see the faces of my family become critical in this moment of frozen time. I shed tears when the time is frozen, but no one offers me pity, they simply move on to what they were doing.
The time resumes, as does the repeating cycle of life…
I wake up in pain…
End a misery…
Prepare the feast each night…
Enter my dreams...
And in each day, I learn something new to add to my dream collection, so that my sleep becomes that much more valuable.
I make love to my dreams, as I stab them at times. So many horrible dreams, I have seen from my own heart and from the hearts of many in Barovia. I have seen dreams of honorable suicide, dreams of finding a lover…dreams of standing on a stage before a crowd. Oh…how I love this dream much, for it is an experience I can wish for as well with my dreamer. I have seen the dreams I sense coming true, so perhaps it will happen… But does this mean I am in love?
Am I in love because I feel this bond with my dreamer? What if he, himself, was a dream? What if all of this is a dream? What if life itself…was a dream? If life, itself, was a dream, then perhaps I should start telling people to wake up. It is not the dramatic plot I desire from my mind. Everything must be perfect for my mind...
Life…
Friends…
Family…
Beauty...
I twitch and moan now as darkness covers my very essence. I hear no sound, but I see the darkness becoming bright. A black tunnel with an opening…and that opening reveals to me the answer to my nightmare. With that…I woke up…And I was alive again. The Dream World spared me once more, for I am not truly ready to die.
I will never be ready to die…
…tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…tick…tock…tiiii-iiiiick…toooo-oooock…
Moiré:
Music from Silent Hill 2 (Block Mind)
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxMBoTbC9Dg[/youtube]
~~~
Black Sky
The family grows, more and more, and my dreams become ever clearer when I close my eyes and rest in one’s arms. Until this very moment, I felt that everything was perfect and we truly were going to be okay. Soon, Wind and Cloud would join the rest of us, and even sooner, the star that threatens the Sun and Moon shall be thrown into the Sea, to be swallowed and forgotten.
But in this moment… I am at loss for my Sky…
The Sky takes precious care of all the beings in my world. His ever-watchful blue gaze above the Cloud, Sun, and Moon sheds protection from the unknown space beyond on our precious world. The Sky is beyond the rest of the world, for the Sky does not have a readable mind to share dreams with, at least I felt this at first. But now I realize that the mind of the Sky is long-abused being with a history of tarnishing in the world.
The Sky spins and makes shapes with Cloud, it brightens and darkness, and it becomes dead and grey at times. It swirls all around and remains unchanging while the rest of us are opposite. But now the Sky is beginning to shift, and a black hole is forming in its core.
The hole that opens in the Sky is but a gateway into the very mind and essence of the Sky. It is a piercing on the Sky’s shell, and with this, now the Sun and Moon can see the reality of the Sky clearer. With this, now I can see what truly lurks in the mind of MY sky.
I see darkness…
I see a woman…
I see a woman of blonde curls…
I see a woman of bright, blue eyes…
I see a woman running away…
I see a woman screaming…
I see a woman whimpering…
I see a hand…
I see a hand twitching…
I see a hand calming…
I see a hand twitching…
I see a hand calming…
I see a hand twitching…
I see a hand calming…
I see a hand calming…
I see a hand calming…
I see a hand grasping…
I see flesh…
I see flesh being scarred…
I see flesh becoming wrinkled…
I see flesh running with sweat…
I see flesh running with tears…
I see flesh running with blood…
I see an eye…
I see an eye narrowing…
I see an eye widening…
I see an eye narrowing…
I see an eye widening…
I see an eye narrowing…
I see an eye widening…
I see an eye widening further…
I see an eye widening further…
I see an eye twitching…
I see an eye twitching…
I see an eye twitching…
I see a face…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face laughing…
I see a face fading…
And then my own eyes close, and the tears shed without control. The images were blurred and uncertain, but they were there. A nightmare that now haunts me when I see the Sky, lost and hurt. All I want is for the Sky to be Blue again...
Moiré:
Music from Silent Hill 2 (The Darkness That Lurks In Our Minds)
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZPj_F5hDFU[/youtube]
~~~
Heavenly Wrath
I thought it was going to be okay. I thought everything was getting better. He was eating everything I made for him, and he was having plenty of alone time when I couldn’t be there to satisfy him. I really thought everything was going to be okay, but I was wrong, and so was the Sea.
I saw the Sky in its purple tone beneath shadows of this scene. I called out to him and kneeled before him, waiting for him to speak, but his words were not his own in that moment. The sky was not before me, for in that very moment, he exposed me to his world of dreams. The darkest, coldest place imaginable...
Darkness filled my eyes as he wrapped his ever-reaching self around my body. I paused and held my Sky there, comforting him, but the words of his dream world continued, and as the words were coming, one by one, I felt him gripping me.
I loved you…
I loved you…
You hurt me…
You hurt me…
I do not give second chances…
Second chances…
Second chances…
And that was when I realized where I stood in the Sky’s grasp. I was ‘her’, and I would remain her unless something was done. I felt sweat rushing around my face as my heart began pounding against him. My fingers pressed against the garb my Sky wore, but I could do nothing to stop what he desired in that moment.
You would have been my wife…
You would not stop screaming…
You were so beautiful in red…
They took you away from me…
And you came back...
I was trembling all over. I begged for his mercy to prove my worth to him. I begged forgiveness from him, for I sinned long ago in his world by hurting him. I did not mean to, I told him, for I was scared, yet I was in love with him back then.
I do not give second chances…
Give me your knife…
Give it to me…
The tears were rushing at the corners of my eyes, and my breathing became heavy. My Sky wanted to return his vengeance. He was so determined in his grasp around me. I could feel his wind against my golden hair. His hands were all over me, but there was no affection, only sorrow in that moment. Only my obeying would satisfy him in this moment. As I reached for the knife the sea had given to me, my heart nearly froze at what would possibly happen next. But there was no turning back.
Give it to me…
Give it to me…
I forced my body to obey his words, and as he held my knife and raised it, the darkness faded, and I could finally see my Sky’s true face. It was this face that I knew that soon, he would be happy, for the sake of my sacrifices. He brought my knife down with all the hate in his body he had for me. I cried as he continued to bring it down, for I felt loss raining down my body, and as I looked down, I saw the horror of what he was doing to me…
I have killed her…
You are no longer her…
My hair filled the floor, and the horrible pain in my mind became unbearable. I cried and lowered my head, and all I could think about was how cruel he was to me. He was an unforgiving Sky, and my long-awaited punishment was given. When it was finally over, he held me and asked me...
Do you still hate me…?
In my sorrow and loss, I shook my head, for I truly could not hate him. I could not bring myself to hate what I had come to love and protect for as long as I had. Even when the Sea arrived and rescued me from him… Even when he brought his own wrath down on the Sky while I cried in the corner of the room… Even when all was said and done, and everything was safe again… I still loved him, and to keep him happy, I would do what I could…
The Sea gave me hope, but he also warned me…That if I ever failed to resist the Sky’s hunger for greed, the consequences would be dire, far beyond the punishment the Sky had given me. The consequence, would be a paradox within my Land of Dreams…
Moiré:
Music from Silent Hill 2 (Forest)
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcLYmpMR8nM[/youtube]
~~~
Falling Sky
My dream world is slowly fading, and the reality becomes every slightly grim and apparent to me. The sea is becoming still, without waves or excitement, the land is polluted and stained by the mark of mankind, the rainfall becomes rough, endless and biting in temperature, and the sky loses its blue hue every day further. My dream world is becoming the reality, and that is this place called Barovia.
I travel with my dear sky, from time to time, and very slowly, I watch his life deteriorate step after step. He twitches and acts as something he is not, and each time, I must provide him with enough attention to allow him to survive another day. The attention turns him blue for only a short time, and then he darkens for me and loses the grasp I have on him.
Life outside in the real world is slowly becoming my new residence, but it isn’t too bad, really. I’ve learned to accept the dwellers in reality, and to even trust some to an extent. So many of them I have watched, whether they could see me or not. Just watching them satisfied my curiosity, at times. Some hold codes, while others are selfish. Some desire change, while others seek containment. Some wish to serve, and others intend to dominate.
So young of a being I have come to aid, yet admire. She has much to learn, as do I, but already she understands her roles in reality, as well as her limited exploits. She looks to me with uncertainty as I look to her the same way. I amuse and frighten her as she offers the same to me. So much I can show her from my world, as she can show me her own.
When I return to Cloud, who remains grey and unchanging, the light around me shrinks, and I shed tears that only he sees. He shrouds me and listens to my struggle, and he holds me the way I enjoy being held. I stare at him and command him, and he obeys and pleases me. When I feel the warmth and comfort return, I pull him against me and enter my dreams as he makes love to me, and slowly, the light of the sun I am is wrapped in his essence.
As my heart races during this moment, I see the fragments of memories in my dreams once more. I remember what it felt like to give into the illusion of love. The waves of the excited seas roared against the room we were in, and all was quiet. So much passion I once held, and when I came to the realization that all was but an illusion back home, my nightmares and struggle began.
I am strong, but I am also weak. When I feel weak, I retreat to my dreams and rest until my body regains from fatigue. In my dreams, I can see the happy sky and sea on that ship I very so often recall. I remember all of those who hurt me, and beyond the pain, I remember the slayer of my happiness.
Over and over, I hear the echoes of the past returning…
Yes?
…
Oh… Thank you for the birthday celebration
…
You’ve taken good care of me.
…
I couldn’t have been there without’cha.
…
I have… New work to do now?
…
What… Do you mean?
…
That…T-that feels uncomfortable.
…
N-no, I dun feel right about that.
…
S-stop it! I’m not doing that!
…
Ow! That hurts! Stop that! STOP!
…
Why are you doing this…? This is wrong!
…
Is this… All you were after from me?
…
No… Please dun hurt me…
…
I promise… I’ll be good to them…
…
Just… Leave me be for now…
…
Goodbye…
The sky tells me that my dreams are no longer needed, now that I’ve grown in this place. He does not understand that I cannot leave my dreams behind. Wherever I go, so follows my dreams like a blade and its sheath. I’ll never forget the dreams of my past, and I’ll never truly escape my ultimate enemy.
Papa… Where are you?
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version