Beautiful Sorrow (Ramika)

[Ramika]

Candlelight bounced off the walls of the empty room, still faintly perfumed with her scent.

The delicate black violin was gripped lightly in one hand, it's bow in the other. Her eyes stared, unfocused at the wall, lips slightly parted. A small strand of silver hair moved with a small breeze, and with that, the violin was slowly raised ... and she played. Slow at first, the sound was hauntingly beautiful and melancholic. Soon, she began to play faster, as she began wrapping herself up in her own thoughts, her own disjointed and fragmented memories peppering her conscious. She hadn't touched a violin in years, but somehow, she remembered the notes, the way her fingers should move.

James! I found another one!

Don't worry m'dear-rr...

Touch me again and I will kill you myself...

Why can't I do this...

What do you hear in the shadows?

You betrayed me!

You look beautiful, dear...

Kill them...Kill them all...

A faint echo of laughter followed each disjointed thought until it was so loud she could no longer hear her own music. Her ears were filled with the musical ringing laughter of someone long gone.

Be my sister ... my daughter ... be me.

The wind whispered over her bare shoulders, feeling like a light touch. The violin squealed, two strings snapping and cutting into the perfect pale flesh of her arm. She dropped the bow and looked down at the near perfectly formed Cs cut into her skin. The blood drip down the arm idly as she watched, running down toward her elbow and onto the floor. After a moment, she started laughing. Softly at first, barely audible, then slowly growing louder until the empty room was filled with her pain.

She dropped to her knees, still laughing loudly and freely, hugging the violin to her chest. The blood from her cut arm continued to flow down her skin, coloring the black wood crimson, and creating a pool on the floor.

She caught a glimpse of the cuts again, and the laughter made way to tears.

Gone...

And so she cried, hunching over the last piece memory she had, holding her pale hair with both arms, turning it as red as her 'sister's' with her own dark blood. It dripped into her face, mixing with her tears as she cried, cradling herself.

They're all gone...

She felt arms wrap around her...or did she? But, it was soothing enough, though she continued to go between insane laughter and hysterical crying.

My little Mika... My sister, my mirror...

The world is your toy... and I'm going to show you how to use it...

[Ramika]

Another night … Another reason to remember why I’m still here …

She couldn’t rest. Despite her sudden, overwhelming content feeling ... she couldn’t rest. His breathing flitted to her ears from next to her, and for a moment, she’d forgotten who lay near her. He’d finally come back … maybe not for her, but he’d finally come back.

Her long body stretched out languidly, like the Daesi she was – the soul within her soothed for the first time in months, though she knew it wouldn’t last.

In the moonlight she could see the twin C shaped scars carved lightly on underside of her forearm. Lightly she touched them, remembering, her sister didn’t belong to them … they forever belonged to her.

For a brief moment, she could hear her voice again, smell her skin, see her face. She froze, one hand resting lightly on his chest as she braced herself to sit up.

”I don’t think she’d deny me a little happiness now … “

She wasn’t sure that was true. Deep in her heart, she knew she wouldn’t live long enough to see him find his final satisfaction. He deserved his happy ending, but she wouldn’t be there to witness it.

As much as she wanted to help him, to be the reason he found peace, she couldn’t stay with him the whole time. There was someone else. Another she needed … but to what extent they were bound to each other, she wasn’t sure anymore. Life, love, trust … it was all relative in this world. But still, her own heart was divided.

He stirred slightly as she did and she reached down, putting a hand over the scar on his neck, settling him again. Leaning over, her pale lips touched his temple as she slipped away, pulling her cloak around her thin shoulders. He didn’t stir as she slipped out of the room and down the stairs, taking a drink from the knowing Bianca as she sat at the table in the far corner, drinking alone.

”This just might be the ending of my own life. But, I won't run, there's no turning back…”

Revenge was sweeter than life now. Her former life was destroyed, and everything she’d had here was destroyed. The most important person in her life lay resting on the top floor of the Rest … the second somewhere within the city. The last threads of happiness she held onto now - all she could try and do was protect them as she continued to work toward her goal.

Quieting the rage within her heart.




*Daesi - White Cat

[Ramika]

-Crystal Rose-

I can hear his breathing in this still night. The strong sound of his heart beat echoes in my ears. It's rhythmic, loud. Through his skin, the tips of my fingers absorb the vibrations. I can't help but wonder ... what is really hiding within the depths of his soul?

Friends and occasional lovers. Someone to sleep with at night when the air was somber and cold. In reality, she knew very little.

Far from innocent, but simple in his approach. She touched his hair, his face, the smooth expanse of his chest. For a Tempus follower, his skin was flawless.

Perfect, perfect. Unlike her own.

In a fit of rage, she dug her nails into his arm, trying to mar the skin. He shifted with a small grunt and she let go, leaving a small red indentation behind. The fire passed and she frowned, putting the pads of her fingers over the mark. It was not his fault.

From across the room, the glinted off of blue crystal. The rose he'd given her. So fragile, so beautiful. Unlike her...

He'd called her the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. How could she be? She knew his reputation, his lines. She wasn't beautiful.

Sliding out of the bed, she wandered to the window, picking up the crystal flower. So fragile. She twirled it in her hand lightly, watching the light glint off the petals. The different faces changed the colors shining on the wall. A sudden realization made her nearly drop the rose, but she managed to carefully put it back down. Not tonight.

It was still dark out, and late, so she crawled back into the bed. He half woke up and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to his chest. She shivered and his grip tightened, his deep voice murmuring softly in her ear.

 "There's no Dark here."

It was strangely soothing to hear... and she soon drifted off.

-Pack Mentality-

His thin, sharp features stare back at me. My anger lashes out, but still, he does not move. Why? So secretive. Like myself. What else is he not telling me? What does he see when he sees the blade in my hand? When I'm touching another someone else's cheek? Does he care? I lash out again, and still he stands there ... Why do I fight to protect us? He reminds me ...

The quill scratched acrossed the paper as he wrote, muttering in angry Illuskan.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate reports?"

In the dark room, she leaned against the bar counter, ordering a small shot of whiskey. His anorexic frame was silhouetted by the candlelight in the room... and she was oddly fascinated. She could see some of her own personality in him. Some of her own secrecy, rage, darkness. She watched his ears twitch and wondered what he was hiding in the past.

For so long now she'd worked with him, sometimes relying on him for help she'd be too afraid to ask for. Now, he began pulling some amount of affection from her, inadvertantly. In a way, she felt her belonged to her - if only to protect him.

He muttered again, then sighed in relief as he finished. The sound made her smile.

Wandering over, she held the glass in front of his face and draped her arms around his neck, kissing the top of his head. An action she'd done so many times before. For a brief moment, the metallic taste of old blood filled her mouth again.

She trusted him more than she was ready to admit. It scared her...because trust was so useless in a place like this.

"I'll always have your back."

Would he betray her? Would she betray him? The future was unknown. In a surprise move of affection, she kissed the tip of his ear and moved away, leaving him staring at her in surprise.

As she walked toward the counter, she couldn't help but wonder how their futures would end up entwined ...


************
The cuts in her skin burned, but they were soothing. She was calm, her anger sated for the moment. In the middle of the night, perched lightly in a treebranch just outside the Rest, she let her mind drift.

This is a world of love, of hate. Betrayal, trust. Friendship, enemies. Where pain and pleasure mix, and for some, blood is life. I wear a smile every day of my life ... for the short moment it fades, I'm seen as no better than others. Why do some of us have to wear the same face every day ... and others can hide within the shadows?

Everywhere I look I see blood ... pain. I see my loved ones dead ... the dagger in my own hand. The wall I've built to protect myself fades every day...

This world forgets that behind the facades are hearts. As I've heard so many times ... this world will drive even the purest person mad.

[Ramika]

Wrapped in a spare red cloak, she laid on the floor in Degannwy, shivering and clutching the cloth as if the cold permeated into her very bones. Her smooth skin was paler than normal, as white as the hair that clung to her face in thick streams from the beads of sweat that glistened in the light.

A wave of nausea hit again and she wretched, rolling onto her side. Tears rolled down her face as nothing came up, only the intense pain as her stomach cramped.

On the nights she was alone, she wailed and screamed in pain and horror, reliving some unknown event.

But other nights, she saw a human face. A large, rough paw of a hand would touch her feverish face. His blonde brows would knit in worry as the small elf convulsed on the floor. The illness had hit so quick, so fast ... The best anyone could come up with was to let her ride it out.

Other times, red hair and sharp features appeared in her vision. He spoke in quiet elven, trying to soothe her the best her could figure out. She cried and shook, writhing in pain at even the smallest touch.

I'm dying ... It was excruciating. It felt like needles were being pushed into her body, tearing the nerves and muscles apart.

You're not dying ... I won't let you ... She won't let you. Beneath the cold hand, the smooth surface of a box was placed. She pressed her fingers into it, the fear making her heart race somewhat ebbing.


After a few days, she calmed enough to roughly ask for parchment and a quill. Across the room, another watched. His dark thin features staying safely out of her view as her hand shakily began scratching across the paper. For the first time, real fear seeped onto her face. The pupils in her eyes were nearly gone, the glassiness giving them an almost crystalline appearance. The feverish, red lips moved silently with the words she wrote, trying to hide and hoard the paper from even her caretakers' view...

This was important. Even if she made it out of this ... It was important. Everything she did was for them now ... her revenge ... her love...

And so she wrote ...

I was born Sairalinde Tel'mara Graeyn eighty years ago. In these pages is my story ... So that those I love will never forget ...

[Ramika]

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How long have you been here?"

"Two or so years, I think."

"How have you stayed ... sane ... living here that long?"

"I don't know ... What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, Mika ... I feel disconnected ... and I can't keep doing this without going insane ..."

"Then go ... Take a break ... Don't let this place destroy you."

***

It was early in the morning. She had fallen into reverie on her stomach of all positions, head facing away from him. He leaned over and touched the bare skin of her scarred back for a brief moment, before packing all his things. Quietly, he stole parchment from her bag, scratching out a note and leaving a few things on the top of the shelf near the bed;

"Take care of yourself while I'm gone. I'll always remember those beautiful eyes."

Laying the things over the paper, he packed up and slipped out quietly before anyone noticed...


She awoke to see an empty room. Used to awaking alone, she sat up and stretched, smiling slightly before noticing the note on the desk. Brushing away the familiar dagger and a single rose from the paper, she read the short note with a frown. She hadn't thought he'd leave quite that soon and for a moment, she was angry. It passed quickly, soon turning into determination as her mind drifted for a short moment to the day before. A small smile crept onto her red lips as she slid out of the bed, stretching and changing to face the dawn...

***

"Saira is long dead... "
"I wouldn't know, I've never met her. C'mon, Daesi."
~
"I was born Sairalinde ..."
"I prefer Mika. I prefer you now."
~
"I remember you ... I remember that tattoo ... Graeyn ..."

So many names ... she didn't even know why. Which one was she ... and who were people seeing? Hopelessness stole her thoughts for a brief moment before she realized she couldn't focus on that now. So much to do ... So much. There was more to focus on than her own self-centered thoughts.

He said it'd be over soon. He said it would.

He told her she didn't give herself enough credit. She was resourceful. Talented. He said she knew that in the worst of situations, with a little cleverness, she could survive. But, she didn't like the overwhelming feeling of fear and uncertainty. Things, people, the land .. They were all changing in an ever moving cycle. Including her own life.

Once long ago, she'd been a carefree dancer, a bard with a lust for life and love. When she was brought to Barovia, she became Vardo. Cherry and Jimmy's sister and pet. Then, everything changed. Now ... She wasn't sure what she was anymore. She had been asked three times consecutively why she'd stopped dancing ... or playing Cherry's violin ... or even being as 'free' as she was. And she didn't have an answer for it. Any of it.

These problems seemed so small now. As new situations arose, she felt she was in deep ... and floundering.

As the day passed quickly by her, she wandered outside long enough to speak to a few and traveled back indoors to rest. Hours later, she heard breathing next to her. Momentary panic lead to comfort. A quick glance, a soft touch, and a smile was all she needed.

She slid out of bed, careful not to disturb, and used dim candlelight to start writing. The sudden strike of inspiration made her smile as the quill scratched across the parchment.

After awhile, weariness stole her body. She'd forget about her writing by morning, but the words would remain next to her head in the morning as she lay sleeping on her arms at the desk. Words of shattered dreams that soon became pieces to mend her shattered heart...


Is this everything?
I've dreamed of so much more, between the end and where we lie
Here all our hopes and dreams are scavenged from the floor
and fed into drea delusions that feed on vacant eyes
All of my dreams always find me far beyond these fake lumin fluorescent skies
I know there must be something more...
If I could only find the door then I could free myself and see the world outside

[Ramika]

~"Anger is pointless, aye ... it'll nae change an'eh fing. Ever'eh 'un knows thit. Ain't gonnae bring Cherreh back." She knew he was right. "All we can dae 'ere is make th'most o' whit we got. Enjoy ourselves, dae white'er it is thit makes oos 'happ'eh... We've all got problems, Lass. Ain't gonnae be able ta change them er git rid o' 'em overnight..."~

His arm was tight around her, keeping her warm. The cold snow was soothing the pain in her leg, where the stubborn half-healed Werebite lay wrapped up tightly. There was no whiskey smell tonight, only a faint scent of the outdoors and his own innate one. He'd been bothered, upset ... Something twinged in her own heart, following him off quietly as he lead her to a back area of Degannwy and sat down in the snow.

The aura was different. There was no laughter, no joking. Just two people, curled up in the dark, their soft voices getting lost in the wind.

He spoke to her softly of what was on his mind, making the frown that lined her delicate features more prominent. A few words, a gentle squeeze, and Mika began speaking softly herself, gripping the cloth of his shirt a bit.

It was 25 or so years ago ...I was coming back from a party in Waterdeep for a noble's son. A coming of age party of sorts. Everyone knew the kid was a cocky little bastard. He was terrible to -everyone- accept those just like him. And he was cruel. Very, very cruel.

This kid and two of his friends had been flirting with me all night. They kept drinking, I kept saying no, they kept getting angrier. I asked permission to slip out early after my essential job was completed, taking the back alleys and side roads to get out of the Noble's District. I thought I'd slipped away quietly, but ... I'd been followed.

The expression on his face was enough for her to cut the next part short.

Three men ... took their pleasure with me at knife point. They laughed .. and drank. To them, it was a game. They drank so much they didn't see me pick up the knife afterwards...

I don't remember what happened. I carved smiles into their faces ... one man had his organs wrapped around his neck. I just .. I didn't know what happened. I just remember the aftermath, the knife, and all the blood...

That's why I don't let myself get angry ... I don't want to blank out like that...

His expression darkened as they continued to speak, his arm slowly pulling the small elf closer to him. More gentle comfort, more soft words. It seemed like the right time. A soft comment and a gentle hand moved her chin enough to meet and return a gentle, almost needed kiss. The mood stayed comforting and caring, and in each gaze, eyes meeting eyes, they knew there was something similar in each scarred soul. She learned he'd gone out, risked his own life, to get revenge for her. And she wouldn't say it that night, but it meant a lot to her....

Eventually, the mood lightened again, the familiar laughter and joking springing up again as the sun rose. As it did, so did the small hope that they'd get through this life in one piece yet.

[Ramika]

She'd left without saying goodbye. Not to Neithu, nor to anyone else. She just ... disappeared. Early in the morning, she slid out of the bed, careful not to stir the sleeping elf next to her. She kissed his lips gently and packed her things, disappearing without a sound into the dawn ...

~~

She'd just stormed out of the room when Ariana showed up. Neither elf nor human had any understanding of what had happened. Throughout the restless night, Finn stared at the black book sitting on the dresser nearby. Her book ... The document of her life ... and she'd just left it behind. Maybe she'd forgotten, or perhaps it was on purpose, but either way ...
His curiosity won out and carefully picked the worn leather up, opening to the first page ...

*The dates are marked by Month, Day, and how many years in Barovia*

-Month 10, Day 4, Year 1-

What has happened to me ... I don't even know where I am.
They say "Barovia" and "Vallaki" ... What is that? How did I get out?

I feel sick to my stomach ... The woman says it will pass.
Her hair is so beautiful. A bright cherry red. And I think that's what she's called.
Cherry.

Is she going to take care of me now?
I'm still so confused.



-Month 10, Day 6, Year 1-

Met an important man today. He says he's captain of the boyar guard. Hair like mine, but not elven.
What is he? He says normal, but I don't believe it.

He gave me money and a rose ... a beautiful flower, but filled with thorns.  I didn't tell him, but I pricked my finger on it.

They keep asking me what I remember.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why was I covered in blood?

Jimmy left the dagger I carried out on the table near me, gleaming in the light, but darkened by old blood.
Is it my blood? I don't think so. No wounds.

They tell me magic and elves are considered evil here. Dangerous.
How will I survive this place if I can't be what I am?

Cherry combs my hair for me, twirling it in her fingers and I ready myself to sleep.



-Month 10, Day 12, Year 1-

I don't feel so disoriented. Confused, scared. But, not so disoriented.

The light hurts my eyes. I prefer the night, but they make me stay inside.
I think I almost miss the caves of the Underdark.

Jimmy and Cherry left me alone for the first time today.
A man in the inn stared at my clothes and called me a whore.
Cherry worked hard on what I was wearing ...

He grabbed me and tried dragging me downstairs, muttering about using me as what I was ...
I screamed and screamed until someone heard me.

When the door opened, I got away and ran past. I don't know who heard.
Who opened the door?

I don't care. I was so scared.
I hope I never see him again.
I hope he suffers for trying to touch me ...


*The writing ends abruptly, several entries scratched out, as if angry, the next date flashing forward a few months*



-Month 1, Day 9, Year 1-

I'm working for Jimmy and Cherry now.
Vasham took a liking to me, and wants to help me.
Using this to my advantage.

I finally started noticing the regulars in the inn. Elves and humans alike. Among the most interesting being a man in a skirt.
Not sure -exactly- what it is ... but he looks rediculous. And he watches me. I don't think he knows I've noticed, but I know he does.

Cherry tells me I'm still too shy ... but how can I compete with as loud as boisterious as she and Jimmy are. The music ...

Gods, the music ... I miss it.

I tell everyone I was a dancer. This is only half the truth.

I remember my song...
I remember I was valued for my song ... but barely. It was my body people wanted ... my way with words to accomplish a goal.

So many dead because of me.

Today to make Vasham happy, I wrote. Just one song to show my skill...
What's left of it. I don't feel any sense of commitment to the music now ...

I also remember the dark. Pain mixed with pleasure. Screams of anguish and my own body becoming numb to whip and chain, lash and blood.

Have I lost myself?

I don't know what I am.
Jimmy tells me I'll learn.
Cherry will teach me. Their little Mika...
I'll become perfect and flourish in this world...
And I'll remember more of what I'd forgotten ...


*inserted at the end of the first set of entries is a song with musical notations, faded and slightly smeared*


Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form,
Worn paths in the dirt outside,
sinking...
feeling...

Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets filled with people
would stop to hide their heads.

Hide and seek.
All these years,
and still they'll take lives first....

//Song is a mutilated version of a Imogen Heap song (I did a long time ago, but it was done for RL).

Finn has full permission to post any responses. As does anyone else to any of the previous entries.

[Ramika]

-Month 7, Day 20, Year 1-

So much lying.

Is this what being Vardo is?

Vasham found out what I'd done. The minute I appeared in that uniform - all he could see was red.
It was apparent on his face. I don't blame him.

I hurt him.
But, it was my job. Only a job.
Wasn't it?

Faxon came home tonight. Completely covered in blood.
More hunting, he says. He needs to get better. Stronger.
So reckless with his life.
But, he loves me.

He found me crying on the floor with a dagger in my hand.
I don't remember grabbing it.
My arm was sliced up, but he simply wrapped it and held me tight in his arms.

He loves me ...


-Month 8, Day 12, Year 1-

James found me crying over what I'd done.

The world is my playground, he told me. I'm a goddess; meant to be served and to command.
I could destroy this nation.
But, I'm too weak.

He wanted to test my devotion to learning.
There was the glint of a blade and the sight of the long, exposed flesh of his neck ...

And so, I cut.

Cherry came in to blood on his neck and my lips, my own arm clutched acrossed a wound on my chest.
And she smiled...


-Month 8, Day 28, Year 1-

The room was dark and filled with an overwhelming stench.
The sewers.

The soft sound of singing was behind me, slowly getting closer.
And I couldn't see.

The song gets closer and closer until I finally feel her warm body wrap around mine in a motherly embrace.
Cherry ...
Her voice is distant as she speaks to me.

She asks what I want most... What my dreams are...
Revenge.
To make others feel the pain that I have, to suffer as I have.
To be the one in control...
To remember what I've lost...

Smiling, she cradled me closer and kissed my hair.
She tells me I'm her sister, her daughter, a piece of her..
And the shadows seemed to wrap up around us like a protective blanket...

I don't hear my song anymore ...
Only the music of the night ...

*the next entry is smeared and ruined by tears and blood, only a few words spaced shakily out visible...*

-Month 9, Day 2, Year 1-

I ... remember ... everything...-----

*more lyrics are inserted here, written on a crumpled, bloody page*

Born from silence,
silence full of it
A perfect concert my best friend
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart had a home

Sing what you can't say
Forget what you can't play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
- My love letter to nobody

Never sigh for better world
It's already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

Wrote for the eclipse, wrote for the virgin
Died for the beauty the one in the garden
Created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
Failed in becoming a god.

Never sigh...

[Ramika]

*In later entries, the dates fizzle out, leaving behind only the entries*

Faxon convinced me to hunt with him. Nueri in the sewers ...

I woke up a day later in the Morninglord church, having been mauled by the very thing we were hunting.
And Faxon wasn't with me.

I went back to rescue him, enlisting the help of someone else.
I love him ... I couldn't leave him there.
I was bitten several times by the nueri before my helper and I got Faxon's large body to safety.

When he was raised, he was angry. Angry he'd fallen, angry I'd been hurt.

I haven't seen him in almost a week.

I was told he'd gone with a group hunting.
Valen keeps asking me where my "man" is.

I don't know, but this is Barovia ...
I can't worry just yet ...

*****

I'm alone a lot these days.

Faxon has been missing for months...
And James and Cherry have a new toy.
Lila.

Tonight Cherry showed us how to manipulate the shadows. To dance with, behind, and in them.

Oh, my dearest 'sister', Lila.
How I wanted to slit her throat and leave her for the rats.

I watched my 'siblings' tonight a I showed Lila how to dance; holding her hips to help her move and sway.
Pathetic.

She is a doll for them to control and mold into what they want.
Just like me.

***

The Vardo has all but forgotten me. No assignments. No reports.
I rarely see my "family" these days.

I like it that way...

Earlier for a brief moment, I saw James.
Yet another test.
Am I still devoted?
Would I give all of myself to him if he asked?

No. No, he's Cherry's.

The more I protested, the more he advanced.
I started getting scared.

But ...
Something happened. Something changed. I felt ... not in control.
He ... what did he do?

I regained my senses sitting on the edge of the bed, with him watching me from the doorway.
Good, he tells me. We'll take later, he says. The kisses were exquisite.

Why does he do this?

*written across the page faintly are the words "Tiger Lily"*

***

*The words are slightly tear stained and smeared, shakily written acrossed the page*

Wanderlust ...
Even here, I feel the pull to leave and explore.
I need to get out.

The nightmares ... the anger...
They're getting worse.

Bloodstained smiles and ice cold touches infect my memories.
Heartless, sinister laughter and the crack of whips block even the most pleasurable sound from my ears.

I can't stop it.

Now, I have this uncontrollable need.
I need to be held, be touched...

So much pain...

I've found only a calm, comforting, loving touch ever squashes down the ever-present, faint agony in my limbs ...
No matter if the sentiment is false.
I can give my body for peace of soul.
It's just too much pain to have to bear...

At least it's on my terms.
My decision.

The pain is always there ...
I feel sick all the time ...
Can't eat ...
Can't rest ...
And there's no comfort for me here.

Wanderlust ...

I need to leave before they turn me into what I fear ...

[Ramika]

Dead ...

How can she be -dead-?
I was gone -that- long?

Cherry's dead .... Lila's dead ... and James has gone missing.

Learned offhandedly from Notton as he told the story in the Rest.
Collapsed right there.

Woman named Suzette found me, helped me sit and calm down.
Her accent is similar to LeBarthe's.
Kind of pleasant.

Ran to home before they got rid of all Cherry's things.
Searched and searched until I found what I wanted.
The violin.

The obsidian wood was still flawless, though one string was snapped.
I took it and hid it away.
My piece of Cherry.

But ...
Part of me feels ... glad.

****

Ugh. New members.
More Vardo wannabes to have to watch over.
What the hell is Escher thinking.

Met two of the rookies - Ka'lath and Randy.
Not so impressed by the human, but there's a small ... attraction to Ka'lath.
Interesting.

His personality leaves soemthing to be desired.
Looks like an underfed cat, just as surly.
But, he's easy to work with. Might use him as a partner.
Actually rather like him so far. Needs to get the dagger out of his arse though.

Despite the new members, was glad to see Raphael still around.
Joined at the same time as me, watched him defend my 'honor' again today as a drugged-out elf tried to attack.

Reported to Vasham.
He at least looks at me again ...

Maybe that time away was useful after all.

***

Gone again.
Vallaki's too much.

Somewhere in the forest, not sure where.
Nightmares returned after the violin strings snapped on my arm.
Two Cs perfectly carved.

I hate them.

I loved her, but now I hate myself.
Why here?
Beautiful little Ramika.

I can see the moon from here.
Large and full and bright.
Perfect night for nueri.

Part of me loathes the creatures.
Part of me understands.

Can't hate an innate sense.
People are so much worse....

***

Vallaki again...
Escher's gone.

Found some sense of love again.
Secret. Always secret.
I'll try.

James is back ...
Old feelings have resurfaced and despite my cries and protests ...
What I say ...

It's just not the same.

I don't feel the need to be guided. To be taught.
All I feel is revenge. For him. For Cherry.
How can I both love and hate them at the same time?

Ka'lath is gone as well.
Sad, was looking forward to having my back covered.
He's useful for that.
Part of me misses his sardonic humor.

Old friends are returning at least.
Good to see Finn around and alive still.
Always made me laugh, even in the worst of moods.
He and James always made a fun pair to watch.

Nightmares are gone again at least ...
I dream of other things now ...
But, the pain, the anger ... Ever present.
But ... A new feeling has risen up as well ...
Insatiable lust ...
I don't understand ...

Working hard to stay happy.
Can't snap ...

[Ramika]

How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I notice I'd left that behind?

Now he knew nearly everything...

And he kept reminding her. Reminding her of everything that'd happened since she arrived. Maybe he thought he was helping, or maybe he was being vicious. She couldn't tell through the anger swelling in her chest.
Ye 'ave problems, 'Mika.

How dare he read it ... Nevermind the fact she'd forgotten it, but it was still hers, and her indignation told her that it wasn't right.

She figured it didn't matter now as she tossed the old book into the Lady's Rest fireplace, watching the flames eat her past.

He thought he was so smart. That he 'understood' her now.
He knew so little.

But she'd show him.
Then he'd really understand. He thought she had problems now.

The old pages curled and burned away, word by word, page by page. Years of memory disappeared in a blink of an eye.

No one else will know now.

[Ramika]

Blood'eh frustratin' woman!

He was angry. Extremely angry. Ramika just stared at the wall as she saw him storm out, bag of fang in his hand.

"Ah'll be back."

But he wasn't.

Days passed, and the more time that went on, the more worried she got. It was starting to be noticeable to the people that knew, and when she finally got a few to agree to start looking ...

He came back.

*Couple Weeks Later...*

She refused to leave him alone. Despite what the big lug said, Finn needed someone to watch over him as he healed. And she was pretty sure she was the only real friend he had. The only one who'd tolerate dealing with him in that state.

She was glad when she saw his arm working again, fingers moving and twitching. Watching him be somewhat himself. She smiled a genuine smile, hoping ... maybe ... he'd learned his lesson.

She knew what he'd said, what he told them ... But, he was a man, not a god. And, despite the danger she knew it would pose to herself ... She just wanted to see it come to a close.

Lemmy knew where they were, he'd said.

Gods, not again. She'd hoped he'd let it go, for Maegan's sake ... for her own.

*****
She looked up. Rain again. Not that it mattered much to her, so she simply closed her eyes and leaned against the tree to rest.
The sound of water being filled next to her caused her ears to twitch. As she opened one eye, Marcus' face came into view.

"Don't even think it..."
"Whaat?" The human tried to give her an innocent grin as he inched his hands closer to her, filled with cold rainwater. "I thought you liked water?"
"Not down my cleavage." He snorted and dropped the water, letting it splash to the ground. She couldn't help but grin a bit. Marcus was always tolerating her goofy nature.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Mika noticed an odd odor.
"Do - ..?"
"Whu-?"

It happened so fast, she saw Marcus fall ... then black.

Sweet, sweet black ....

***

She waakkkesss...

The hissing voice filled her ears. She knew what happened.
They'd come for her.
And she was about to share another experience with so many before her ... yet only two were on her mind ...

Her eye ...
Her nose ...
Her face ...
Sanctity of body ...
Her strength ...

They took it from her.
And while, with the last bits of strength she had, she refused again and again to name of all those she she was trying to protect ...
No, no, no, no, no!

Everything she worked for in herself crumbled in those last minutes ...
The wall she'd built, the one that could face down witches, nueri, killers ... without so much as a cringe.
Completely gone, leaving her bleeding and raw.

A stab to the heart, through the ribs, and the black came again ...
No more pain ...

***
She woke up in the church of Ezra and crawled out, on hands and knees, all the way to the Morninglord church ... where she finally collapsed, naked and mangled, in the middle of the aisle.
Soon, there were voices, and a familiar smell ...

Finn.
Oh gods, he'd found her.
He'd found her like this.

She could hear more voices above her, familiar, some soothing, but the more she woke, the more she felt.
And she screamed, she screamed so loud she thought her head would burst. She screamed and screamed until she couldn't scream anymore.
Some of the pain subsided after a moment and she turned over and wretched. Everything that had been forced into her stomach came up, including some of her own blood.

Finn.
She could hear him still, despite being unable to really see.
He'd fought to keep her safe against nueri on a few days before ... and now he saw her lying bleeding and broken on the floor ...
She hadn't wanted anyone to see her like this.

He shooed everyone away and carried her into the Lady's Rest, wrapped in his robe, staying with her through more than she could handle by herself that night alone ...
He held her as she drifted off into a fitful reverie, gripping one arm tightly ...
All he could do was watch, fighting off tears.

***

She awoke, but Finn had fallen asleep.
Water ... Throat's dry ...
Climbing out of the bed later to get a glass from Bianca, she found another she had to explain to.
His reaction was expected. Anger. Grief. Malice.

Through his screams, she cowered on the bed, curled in a ball, mangled arms over her head.
He scared her.
For the first time, she realized he truly, honestly, scared her.

His sweet, innocent Ramika.
Do you want me to lessen the cold love with warm love ...?

She couldn't deny him. She couldn't find the words. She barely realized what was going on.
He made love to her as he would, strength and dominance, pain and pleasure.

In the end ... she felt numb.
Absolutely nothing.
I love you, Ramika. You know I do.

A few words, glances, and he was gone.
And there she remained, cold, until the footsteps faded away.

In a panic, she got up clumsily, running from the destroyed room, her body wracked with pain, and crawled back into the room with Finn and into bed.
Sliding underneath his bare arm, she curled up and cried.
She let them mangle her for them ...

And now she wasn't sure it was worth it.

[Ramika]

It was raining, dark, and extremely cold. She stood in front of an old ruin just east of the forest wearing no more than her thin clothing and some boots. The cold rain made her shiver, but all she could do was stare at a few random objects in her hands.

It was all she had left of him.

He said she was his world, that he'd be there for her.
And when she'd come back for him ...
He was gone.

She was used to him disappearing for a few nights on sporadically, but she'd always woken up after those few days with him curled behind her, one thin arm wrapped around her waist.
There was no coming back from this. He was dead.

Please don't leave me...

Her torso lurched in a withheld sob as she dropped down onto the wet ground in front of a small grave covered with stones. Pulling off her gloves, she started digging with her fingers in the hard earth, creating a small hole.

She look at the cloth headband in her hand, as well as a few other trinkets and a small book and dumped them in the shallow grave, covering them back up. Her nails were broken and her fingers bled from the rocky, hard earth.

I'd die without you ...

She cradled her hands against her chest slightly, curling up on herself as she laid in front of the two mounds in the rain, tears mixing with the water from the drop from the sky above.

She was quiet at first, the sad sounds coming from her muffled and weak, but soon the sounds were loud and howling. The heartbroken, mournful sounds echoed through the forest in an almost animalistic way as she laid in the rain.

There was no curing this wound. It didn't matter what happened to her now.
There was a small glimmer of hope, but it was lost in a sea of sorrow ...
With him went another piece of her fractured heart.

She hadn't cried like this for anyone. With every tear, every cry, more and more of her collapsed, detaching from the world. It was too much, and she was not doing it again.

"You promised.... Dammit, you promised." She slammed her fist into the ground, sobbing until sleep stole her. At this point, she didn't care of a werewolf found her.

Let them come.

Never going to be, Never going to be
Never going to be alive again
I'm never going to be, never going to be
I'm never going to be alive again
You remain as a shade on my heart
Yes, you remain as a shade....

[Ramika]

So many assumptions. So much anger and accusations. She was too tired for this. She knew he was too. A minor blow out in the Rest made her sigh. It was enough to make it final. She needed to leave Vallaki. She needed to leave Barovia. Right then.
Nevermind the fact that the Unseelie Court wanted her dead. She was leaving.
This was for her.
This was for him.
They were going together.

They'd spent months getting used to each other, discovering quirks, moving as slow as possible.
Slow for them, at least. It wasn't likely anyone would really understand how the two operated, especially regarding each other. They were becoming closer and soon, inseparable.

They got what they needed from each other. Powerplay, intimacy. But most importantly, he'd made her stop crying. She stopped crying for herself, for Cherry, and most importantly, for Neithu. That was a pain even he knew she'd never fully forget. But, it was at least mended.

But, now she knew he was terrified. Terrified for her. Terrified of losing her.
And it was time to go before anything happened.

They left the church together and went into the forest. After leaving a note with Lorelei in Degannwy for Thraxys, Divaun, Ariana, Isal'wyn, and Za'Raa, she took his hand and led him out.
At the bridge, she stopped and kissed the top of his hand.
"I love you."

He shifted awkwardly, but leaned over with a smirk after a minute and caught the tip of her ear with his teeth, kissing it gently.
"Ah luv ye."

Maybe he didn't mean it, maybe he did. At the moment, it didn't matter. They had each other, and the bond was strong and very real.

He pulled her in closer, protectively and led her over the bridge and out of the elven city, sneaking away and out of sight...

[Ramika]

Had it been a year already? She was surprised when the passage of time was mentioned to her.
Just when she'd come back for good, promising Finn she wouldn't run off again out of fear of the shadowfey, she was slammed with the news.

Ariana was dead. Kane was dead. Well, undead apparently.

The news didn't sit well. Unknowingly, a normal reaction on her part sparked a snowball of effects she would soon lose control over.

************************

"What dae ye mean ye went into th' Drain?!"
".... I wanted to know if it was true. I wanted to find Kane."
"Are ye bloodeh stupid?! What is out there is not Kane, anymore. Are ye tha' bloodeh naive?"
"Do not call me naive, Finn. I knew what I was doing."

The argument went on like this for hours. Eventually, the pair felt it was necessary to take their argument downstairs. Mika threw a full bottle at Finn's head, and so it began again. Alice and Caidrac started making bets or something next to her. She couldn't hear through the throbbing in her temples.

Their argument went on for days, but the night she left for Dementlieu, she knew.

They were completely, truly, and honestly through. She wouldn't go back.
Alice said it always happened that way. But, most seemed somewhat surprised, expecting Finn to actually settle on Mika.

Leaving him crushed her. She cried. She got angry. But eventually, she just ... numbed to it. What could she do about it?

Finn had said the problems were brewing for awhile, but she disagreed. In the end, he got what she want.

His 'freedom'. Whatever that meant.

She thought he'd be fine, but a few days later, she found him drinking alone in the Rest in front of Bianca, who looked less than impressed. She came up behind him, putting her hand over a specific spot on his shoulder to get his attention. All he seemed to be able to do was mutter at her.

"Why ye still e'en here? Why dae ye 'ave ta make this 'arder..." His fingers went to his shoulderblade where her hand had been moments before.

She frowned a bit and wrapped her arms gingerly around him, putting her lips to his neck lightly, whispering in return.

"This may be for the best, but no matter what, a part of me will always belong to you."  He groaned and put his head on his arms, and Mika left, sighing with a renewed sense of pain.
****************

"Why do you wish to find someone who non wishes to be found?"

She was lifted off the ground, held by her throat, gasping for air. Some punk from Port-a-Lucine had apparently heard of her trip into the Drain and was trying to snap her neck over it. She finally convinced him the intention was harmless, but she was left with a large hand-shaped bruise on her throat.

Now she was angry at herself. Convinced this all could have been avoided if she had just been smart and not gone into the Drain, she went back to Vallaki, hoping to get some peace and quiet.
*****************

Who does this guy think he is?

Roland had approached her in the Church, originally trying to get her to buy something, but his intention was to buy her a drink. She agreed, and actually had fun talking with him as Soren and Alice bet on whether or not they'd get a room together. Mika was secretly angry Soren thought she'd sleep was someone on the first night, but she said nothing, hiding it with laughter and actually taking Roland upstairs to try and win the bet for Soren. She figured Alice figured it out when she followed them and stalled them until morning, causing her to win the bet instead. Either way, it made Mika forget for a little while.

Roland spent the next few days with her, even paying for a trip to Port-a-Lucine. Despite playful flirting and kisses, she realized that this was not what she wanted.

The next time she saw him, she said no. For once, she felt better. She put her foot down instead of going with it like everyone expected her to.

She felt bad. But, she knew it was better to keep a friend than lead him on.
*******************
Thraxys found her panicking inside the Morninglord church. Arm throbbing from a werebite, heart nearly exploding from fear, his presence almost immediately calmed her down. She'd been followed by a witch who'd taken her hair. She kept smelling his decaying stench on the wind, hearing him call her name, and she was in near tears. He touched her face and whispered to her, hoping his words of protection would cause her to relax. But, it wasn't until later as he hugged her that she relaxed in his grasp. He was drow, but he was more comforting than anything else in Vallaki. They stopped at the eastern ruins, letting Mika pay a small tribute to where 'Neithu' lay. And there in front of the small pile of stones, she took a good look at Thraxys and a realization dawned on her.

There was more there than friendship.

Figuring it to be displaced emotion again, she smiled slightly as he spoke quietly to her, leading her back down the hill. The feeling was easy enough to ignore, and soon she forgot it again. That was satisfying enough to her as proof it was only her own emotions getting out of hand.

He promised her a night in his kingdom, a cavern, which was strangely familiar and comforting. Joking she was more suited as a drow, Thraxys simply smirked and said it would look good on her. The banter was meant to keep her from focusing on what had happened the days before.

Leading her outside, he showed her the main road, letting her see they'd notice anyone coming. Making a fire they camped out, but soon Thraxys was asleep. Again.

Mika sighed and watched him in reverie, digging through his things until she found a spare cloak to drape over him. While he slept she watched the road blandly, he one good eye focused idly on the road below. Why was all this happening now?

She wrapped her own cloak around herself and rest against a tree, checking the fire next to her and the sleeping drow. This seemed so familiar. As long as he was there, she'd be safe.

Neithu had said the same thing.

Closing her eyes, she went to reverie. She didn't want Thraxys there ... because she suddnenly felt was far more dangerous than anything Barovia had to offer. People around her ended up messed up or dead ... and she didn't want him to fall into that trap as well.

[Ramika]

Thraxys ...

His timing sucked. Why did he have to go and tell her all these things when she was already feeling so messed up?

She asked why he waited until now, if she was just a second choice because of his distance from Isal'wyn and his response caused her to choke up. She was not a second choice, it was never a choice he had until now.

Why did he have to be so damn perfect and so damn frustrating at the same time?

She said she was a bad person, but he simply smiled and touched her cheek, calling her a kindred spirit.
She told him she was still getting over Finn and struggling with that. He told he'd wait and only asked for one thing. Honesty.
He was 'married', but when they found his lover that night, he let her go.
She thought of everything she possibly could to try and scare him off, including a few things she wouldn't have normally told him. Things she was ashamed of, or simply scared of letting out.

And he didn't care.

He told her in the church he'd loved her from almost the very beginning, feeling a bond beyond simple friendship. It'd started out as joking, but when he touched her face and lifted her eyes to meet his as they spoke, she realized ...

he wasn't kidding.

She'd never looked at him in that manner before. At least, she thought she hadn't. But, after he lead Isal'wyn outside to talk to her, he found her in the graveyard, trying to 'scream' at a mink to drain some of the awkwardness and guilt she was feeling. She hadn't wanted to gain a lover at the loss of a friend, but it seemed to be out of her hands completely. He'd made up his mind.

The way he wrapped her in his arms as he found her in the graveyard was different than he ever had before, and when their lips met in their first honest kiss, she suddenly remembered what it felt like to be that wanted.

Not for her body.
Not for her skill.
For her soul.

He offered himself to her and she found herself unable to really say no, only asking he give her a little time to sort through her problems.
All he did was smile and ask to work on them together, leaving the young elf finally out of protests and left with tears. Both of sorrow and happiness.

She let down her guard and agreed to leave with him, finding herself staring wonderously at his as she tried to figure out just what they were going to do next and how he was going to surprise her.

[Ramika]

And so, history repeats itself ....


She'd been paranoid for almost two weeks about something happening. Ever since her hair had been taken in the outskirts in broad daylight, she'd done everything she could think of to try and stay out of this witch's way. She had even swallowed her dislike of Jadin Veritas and asked for his help. The guards were questioning her left and right, and she was actually doing as she was told, keeping people with her, not being out at night, sticking close to public, safe places. She was hoping it'd be enough.

So far, it had been. Despite being cornered in the church, she'd been left alone.

She'd seen him outside the church, getting questioned by the guards. Standing next to Finn, she eyed the hooded witch warily, whispering to the bard on the ground next to her. It was still day, but Finn was trying to get her to go inside.

"No. It's still day out and you can see him just as clearly as I can. I'll go inside when it starts getting dark."
"Screw 'is, then. I'm goin' in."

Mika grumbled at him, frowning as he stormed inside and stayed outside, going back to watching the guard and the witch. The sound of metal caught her ears and she glanced over, spotting an armor-clad Finn with sword and shield near her, his attention focused in the same direction as the elf's.

Eventually, they both left and Nara'ia called her over to speak to her. Finn waited as the two elves spoke and Mika wandered back over, looking displeased. She followed him inside and watched him disappear to sleep.

There was no one she cared for in the inn, so she got up and made a run for it to the church across the road. Inside were a few ... but also a few she'd rather avoid. Grumbling angrily, especially since she was hoping Thraxys had been out, she turned and went back out the door, heading back for the Lady's Rest.

She made it about half way before it went dark.

"What the f- ?!"

A small scream escaped her lips as she felt something hard get knocked into her head, the world going black.

******

She woke up in a basement somewhere, being hoisted out of the water by another elf. Her head was throbbing and she could feel blood running down her face and neck.

"Ow.."
"Come on. Let's go before he comes back."

All her fuzzy mind could make out was that it was another elf, and she numbly followed, trying to keep pace. At the gate, she spotted the witch again, bolting the other direction into the city to hide, knowing all the crooks and crevices of the slums. Looking around with her sight up, and not seeing him, she stopped and caught her breath.

"... Mika?"

She looked up and spotted Morrighan standing in front of her, who reached a hand out to stop her from falling.

"Yeah..."
"Are you alright? Nara'ia heard you scream..."

She barely remembered the conversation, only following after the woman and into the church, getting Lizuca to look her over, and sitting. People were talking to her, asking her about it, but her head was throbbing.

She remembered following Morri to the Rest after asking for an escort and cleaning up, chatting with her idly.

The next morning she decided she'd hide herself and run as fast as she could into the city to get some money, then wait for Thraxys and leave. She'd been attacked once, that was enough to cause her to want to get away as fast as she could....

*********
She ran through Vallaki as quickly as she could, not even bothering to stop and say hello to Simon and Jade as they walked past. She wanted to get in and out as fast as possible so there'd be no risk. Almost to the change into the market district, she heard feet behind her, but didn't turn quickly enough to get away, something hitting her in the head again.

*********

She remembered waking up in that basement again, but hearing another voice and seeing Simon, who'd somehow found her ... but the witch fell him easily and moved the body, leaving Mika alone in the room to scream in futility for help.

She couldn't remember much after that just ... pain. And blood. A lot of it. The sound of bones snapping and laughter. It was worse than last time. All the blood. There were no questions, no second chances. Just gleeful laughter and the sound of her screaming. She could clearly remember a wight, but not one she recognized, happily feasting away at her flesh, as she screamed and spasmed.

When she woke, her entire face was sore, and everything from her collarbone to her hips hurt.  She was in a clean dress, not one of hers, and she immediately started fighting the urge to throw up. This was a fight she lost, and her head shot over the side of a bed, her stomach giving up everything within it.

She could hear Simon and Jade talking near her, and she remembered responding, but she soon passed out again, the pain too much.

Something in the back of her mind told her to be patient, and she felt fear, but she wasn't sure why.

Darkness overtook her and she slept again, hoping it was all just a bad dream....

Thraxys ... Where are you?

[Ramika]

Ramika sat up and rubbed her face, trying to wipe away the sleep still fogging up her mind. Thraxys was still asleep behind her, barely shifting as she sat up. One arm was still half wrapped around her, his hand pressed against her bare side.

Somehow, the cold wind that bit at her didn't bother her as she hunkered back down, pulling one cloak over her, using the other as a pillow. She was warm enough the minute she laid down again, and being outside was far more peaceful than being indoors.

Thraxys shifted closer and she allowed him to lay on her shoulder, one arm wrapping around to gently comb her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner, keeping the drow asleep.

He'd been somewhat surprised, though happy, that she'd bounced back as quickly as she had. But, she knew she had to. Someone new had been taken, and that was more important in her mind. If they needed someone to talk to, she couldn't be a mess. And, if Thraxys was near, the nightmares didn't come. It was almost as if her mind was resigning itself to the fact there would always be someone out there wanting to hurt her.

She'd had a momentary slipup with the guard, which nearly resulted in her getting arrested, an arrested she would have readily faced, but Jade managed to save her from it. Why Jade kept covering for the young elf, she couldn't figure out, but it gave Ramika the opportunity to go back to the grove where her lover was hiding and curl back up with him. He had been pretty unhappy by the thought of her just readily going with the arrest, but all the time Mika had spent in Vallaki had taught her one thing; running lead to wanted posters, wanted posters lead to bad things. A night in jail was not as bad as possibly facing worse for running. She smirked faintly, remembering the event. It was over with. Now Korzha was just trying to 'redeem' her from protecting all her 'caliban friends.'

She decided Hunter had been right about one thing; if she was sure about something, she wouldn't hesitate. Knowing yourself was one of the most important things she could do. And she was certainly figuring it out. He'd been disappointed when she'd said she was happy to be in the background and out of the way, which was true. Being the center of attention was not her idea of a good time. Not anymore. She was glad when Finn had let go of the idea of her working at the Prancing Nymph, for example.

For a brief moment, she thought of Simon. He was always whining that he just wanted something nice if he was stuck here. Ramika realized that, in her own way, so did she. She didn't need to be famous or known or the center of attention. She just wanted happiness. And with a small smile, looking at Thraxys, she figured she finally had a shot, even if she had to stay with him away from Vallaki.

[Ramika]

Her had was spinning so badly she thought she'd be sick.

Sitting alone in the dark, Ramika tried to make sense of what she'd just gone through that day ... and the emotions feeling her head that she was suddenly suspecting were not completely her own.

They'd found him bound, sick, injured, and naked in the Alhoon. And all she could do was panic and stare until everyone finally left.

Cloned...
He was cloned.
And she'd gone out of her way to ...

She couldn't even finish the thought, bending over her knees and holding her stomach, as if she'd throw up. She didn't know what to think at the moment. He was alive, he was human, and everything that had happened had basically been erased. She was ecstatic....and horrified all at the same time. This was a good thing, wasn't it?

She started hearing laughter... Something she hadn't heard in a long time. It was loud, it was angry, it was hateful. She held her head, pressing the heels of her palms hard to her temples. After a moment, the disjointed sound faded away, leaving her panting and wiping tears off of her face. Thraxys was still gone, so wrapping up in her spare cloak, she attempted to reverie under the trees of the orchard.

It wasn't long before she felt herself moving again, but it was as if she didn't have control over her own body. Through a misty haze she could feel herself in an almost superior, feral like state of mind. She was out for blood.

She walked all the way into the slums of the city, killing rats and weres until she was cornered by the common street thug, getting ready to shift no doubt. By the time she woke up, there was a body at the toes of her pointed heeled boots, her whip wrapped around his neck several times, the spine completely snapped. She barely resist screaming before she unhooked the long leather and metal weapon and ran back out of the city, all the way to the Fishing Lodge.

She hastily bought a room and ran into it, slamming the door, heart pounding and head swimming. She didn't know what was going on now.

And she heard it again. That laughter. All these years, she'd thought it'd been Cherry's voice she'd been hearing when that happened. Now she realized.... it was her own.