Ravenloft: Prisoners of the Mist

Within the swirling Mist (IC) => Biographies => Topic started by: ladylena on June 23, 2022, 06:50:19 PM

Title: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 23, 2022, 06:50:19 PM
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"You've been plaguing my family for generations!" The shrill voice wailed.

"My dear, I have not been plaguing your family. I've been EMPOWERING it." A second voice said.

"You've ruined my chances with three suitors. How am I supposed to marry into a good Barovian family with you?!"

"Oh, who says you have to marry into any family? Why not make your own future, your own fortune, your own power?"

"Hala help me, I wont succumb to your temptations, Imp."
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 02:01:38 PM
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The year was 765, twelve years ago.

"Mother, tell me, why do we have to say papa was a Barovian soldier?"
"So that you can get a better life."
"What do you mean?"
The older woman sighed heavily as she continued to brush the young girls hair. "You're only half Barovian. If they knew the truth you'd be treated terribly, and I promised your papa that I would do everything I can I make sure you don't have to live that way."
"But isn't lying bad? I don't want to hurt people Mother."
"It is bad, but not in this case. Now come on, you have a suitor to meet today. Go put your nicest dress on."
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 02:26:30 PM
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The first was the young son of a fabric merchant.
He was fair, kind and caring, but secrets were waiting to be spoken.
In the darkness of the nights, something ate away at his sanity.
More and more he would fret and panic, claiming something was after him.
Something spoke to him from the darkness each night.
Whatever it was, it began when Augustus started courting her.
Whatever it was, it ate away at his sanity until a cell was made for him at Zarcroft Asylum.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 02:35:43 PM
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The second suitor was a fish monger.
He was smart, witty and funny.
He would make sure that she would be a happy wife.
Knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Forbidden texts were revealed one morning falling from his satchel.
Forbidden texts that would be his downfall.
He swore they were not his, but the evidence was there.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 02:40:57 PM
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The third was the son of heiress.
He was handsom, wealthy, and strong.
A good man all around.
But darker things always become known.
A letter issued to those who hunt the wicked.
A letter calling him a traitor.
A traitors death revealing the beast within.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 04:01:54 PM
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It had only been a year since Dimitriu Istrate had been executed following the exposure of him being a werebat, and rebellion supporter. The woman paced her room clearly annoyed. Various objects from pillows, to books, to clothes were strewn about the room as she threw another bottle at the flying menace. "Why does this keep happening?!" She bellowed at the imp that dodged the bottle.

"What? Me dodging what you throw, or all the men you court dying?" It teased, garnering a gutteral growl from the woman. "I already told you. You don't need to marry into a family. Make your own path to fortune."

She sighed and shook her head. "I'm a woman. I should of been married years ago! But you kept stopping it from happening. Mother thinks she's had terrible choices for me."

"And?" The imp gestured its hand to show it's lack of care.

"And? And?! She's worried sick, and she can't work. If you keep screwing things up she'll end up in Zarcroft too! Then who's going to continue to teach me the weave?"

The imp rolled its eyes and snickered. "That's not where your magic comes from." it teased in a sing song voice. Whack! A pillow collided with its face, causing the imp to get thrown into the open closet, a few words and motions later and the door was closed.

"You're a lying demon. Stay in there and be quiet, I've got to go pick up mothers medicine."
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 24, 2022, 06:57:24 PM
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It was her mothers remedy book, of course it contained a little more than just herbal remedies and medical cures.

She held the book open with one hand and prepared the ingredients, they were simple enough and her mother had taught her well. Something shifted in her corner view.

"What did you just do?!" she snatched the imp by its tail.

"I just added the water for you." She eyed the creature suspiciously, and sniffed the contents of the bowel.

She couldn't smell anything suspicious about the concoction, so she added the final ingredient for her mothers medicine.

Their funds were getting low, and Narcissa lacked her mothers skill and knowledge with remedies.

She would have to resort to leaving her comfort zone, and stepping outside of the world of upper middle class, and into the world outside the walls of the city of Vallaki.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 26, 2022, 05:21:11 PM
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Despite following her instructions, and even her direct guidance her health continues to decline. I am going to need to get more potent medicines for her. I haven't enough fang to buy them, and to work in Vallaki would take too long.
I'll be safe, I'll wear a mask so my face can't be seen, and I will go by a different name. Maybe I can get over my fear of associating with outlanders and follow them somewhere. It will be the quickest way to get the money I need for mothers medicine.
Outlanders wont care that I am a witch. They consort with witches and fiends all the time. Besides, they will need help, and while I know Hala wants us to do no harm, I can still help without hurting people. Is it against things to aid in causing harm? I guess if I only go to unnatural places it should be alright. Who knows, maybe I will find someone who can teach me more about the weave.
Maybe I can learn how to get rid of this flying rat.
It has been a while since Papa sent any care packages, or letters. Mother used to say he would slink away once a month for a night. She thought maybe he was vistani, but the nights were not consistant with the moons cycle. If she found out, she kept it secret. I know he left to fight, but I don't know if he survived the war. It was terrible, so much loss on either side. Mother was very busy helping Barovian soldiers and outlanders who were injured, I helped some too. I learned to stitch a wound, and how to apply a salve. I saw much tragedy.
But today, mother is worse, so I have to go out of the town and make some fang.

Narcissa Bogdan
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 27, 2022, 06:28:10 PM
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Who would of believed the rumours could be true! Outlanders really are rich!
I sold a single flower head for 40 fang. I'm going to use it to hire a nurse to look after her while I go out and... Hm, I guess pick more plants to sell.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 29, 2022, 06:45:51 PM
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I can't stand the sound of the bats that flap their wings anymore. I haven't been able to for a few years now. I wake up from nightmares screaming as in the dreams swarms of bats attack and encircle me. Just like that night. I was never fond of bats before they always sort of scared me, but now they are terrifying. How can I know if one is a werebat or just a normal bat? What about those giant ones I've heard about from outlanders talking. I get goosebumps and shivers just thinking about those airborn rats. I don't like being outside at night because of bats. Mother and papa used to take me outside when I was little at nighttime. We'd go for walks under the moonless sky and enjoy the stars that speckled the blackness.

Now I'm sitting in the broken bell, the nurse I hired is going to be with mother for a few days while I try to get the coin needed to ensure her continued care. Doctors still aren't sure what is causing her to be weak like this, but at least I can get her care. Papa hasn't sent a letter in a few months, even though I sent him one about Mothers sickness. I guess he can't safely return here yet. Or he would be here. I know that for sure. He would always tell me about the dream of a place where Gundarakites didn't get treated so badly, where we wouldn't have to put all the focus on my mother, hiding my half Gundarakite status from the world.

The imp keeps teasing me saying that the magic isn't from the weave but something darker. Even if it is, magic is neutral. It can be used for good or for bad, right? Mother hasn't been well enough to teach me much. I know that the magic I can harness so easily must be used to help people, to alleviate their suffering and agony. But there is a nagging thought in the back of my head, questions about the imp that came to me one night, about the truth behind my magic. Father wouldn't ever discuss his family, he said they were dead and it was best to let the dead rest as they have earned it.

Narcissa Bogdan
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 01, 2022, 04:07:46 PM
The following is writtin in a shaking hand:
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07,01,777

That was terrifying. What if fey can turn into wolves? What if it wasn't a wolf? I mean it happened so fast. I remember the searing hot pain of what I think were claws, but they could of been fangs. But that elf with those bloodied claws... If I had used the imp to make me hidden from sight maybe I wouldn't of died. But then I wouldn't of met that nice garda. He gave me 200 fang like it was nothing. What a kind man. But I know that it would be different if the truth was known. I'm a witch with a Gundarakite rebel for a father.

I am sitting in the fishing lodge in a rented room. It would of been too close to dark when I got back if I took the ferry, so I figured I'd stay here, wash my dress, try to get the blood stains out and fix it. I know that fey kept more of my fang than he returned to me, but... What can I do about it. Maybe he needed it for something?

I bought a dagger. I don't know how to use it to fight, but it can't be that different from cutting up meat, right?

Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 03, 2022, 11:47:12 AM
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07,03,777

Despite the terrifying encounter two days ago, last night went better than other days. I met an outlander who was actually pretty kind and she offered to help me make more fang. I can't fight, but I can at least offer a bit of protection from harm for her and her friend.

I also met an older Gundarakite man called Orvan. He seemed nice and I hope he has good fortune in life. And I met a Lamordian too! He doesn't believe in magic, but is willing to believe in what he can see. Maybe things wont be so difficult after all.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 08, 2022, 03:19:32 PM
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07,08,777

I've secured enough funds to make sure that mother recieves good care. I am going to have to search outside of Vallaki for aid for her. She barely stays awake anymore. It's as if the medicines I had been preparing for her have had the opposite effect. The imp says that it's because they weren't really trying to help her. He seems convinced that somehow they know that she married a Gundarakite rebel. I don't know that I believe the imp, then again... I have been more hrm.. Open to using the imps ability to conceal me. Surely that wont have an influence on me, right?

I've seen some fliers for medical assistant in Vallaki, but I think the person behind it is an outlander. Anyone calling themselves Yahtzee must be. I also heard of another, the hospice in the slums... Maybe I will look there and see if they can teach me. I've not really had any luck finding any witches of Hala here, but I knew it would be difficult. Still, what if the imp isn't lying?

I have this vague memory of papa screaming at someone, and I'm pretty sure that the name he used was Eros, which is what the imp says is its name. When I was younger I thought he was just angry, like how he'd tell demons to take someone troublesome. Perhaps, no. No. I'll figure this out in time. I can't dare let the imp know I suspect anything. Then again that winged rat is nosy.  If I could learn how to conceal myself I wouldn't have to rely on him.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 11, 2022, 07:33:02 PM
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"It is wonderful to see you starting to accept my aid Narcissa."
"Shut up. You're going to ruin everything."
"Oh? Am I? You met another who has a companion like me."
"So? He's not a Barovian now is he?"
"Still doing what your mother wants, hm?"
"Of course! I -want- that too."
"Oh I don't think you do. You've tasted power, you've felt what it's like when new magic comes to you."
"I don't want to talk about it. It is the weave that I access, that's what mother always told me."
"What about your father hm? Ever ask him?"
"Well.. No... I suppose I could send him a letter and hope it reaches him... But what would I even ask?"
"You know what you need to ask. Such a simple question: Why was I born with magic. Maybe you'll learn something."
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 15, 2022, 06:40:02 PM
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07,15,777

I didn't think. I just acted. I just revealed myself. My magic.

They were outlanders, and it was night. They were in trouble, fighting some monsters from the mists... And the eerie darkness... And all the bats flying around. I didn't think I just acted. Maybe... Maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe as long as I don't flaunt it I will be fine.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 16, 2022, 06:57:26 PM
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07,16,777

She called the imp my guardian. That oddly matches what the imp says. Eros keeps claiming that he empowers me and protects me. But ever since he showed up it seems like the people I love have tragedies befall them. Even mother isn't free from this. It could be the price of the magic that runs in my veins? Or pure coincidence?

Even if Eros is a flying rat and imp maybe he's not evil... Maybe I am just judging him based on his appearance. He hasn't harmed me and I haven't seen him harm anyone. Infact all he has done is protect me. By doing that he's allowed me to let my powers grow. At the same time I've taken up weaving to better understand how to weave the threads that create magic. I need to find more followers of Hala. Maybe they may know how to help my mother. The doctors aren't sure what's wrong with her. I come home daily now to make sure that she's alright and spend time at her bedside. I've let the nurse and doctor know how to find me when I am out, if she takes a turn for the worse. I hope that day does not come.

A letter is handed off under the cover of darkness and passes many hands before hopefully reaching the intended recipient:

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[This is writen in Luktar]

Papa,

Mother is ill and the doctors are unsure what to do or what could be causing it. She spend most of the time asleep and the worry is she may slip into a permanent sleep or die. I know you are busy, and that this is a risk in and of itself but I promised you if something happened to reach out. I just hope that you're alive and well when you get this letter. I hope you are making progress in your cause.

Your loving daughter,
Narcissa.

P.S. Do you know the name Eros?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 17, 2022, 08:44:59 PM
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"How about you don't mess around with things you don't understand."

Those are some wise words and if I wasn't certain that there was a connection between Eros and my father I'd let it be. I want to know more about this imp and try to figure out why it picked me. Was it sent to me? How truthful is it? Are these things liars? I have a lot of questions, but I guess I will have to continue looking. While I learned of a possible connection with my fathers bloodline, that being Gundarakite, I still don't know enough. I'll have to hope that maybe father will respond and answer.

I'm going to look around for some knowledgeable healers or practitioners, maybe they can help to determin what is plaguing my mother and stealing her strength. I have to be open to the possibility that what has befallen her is not natural, it could be a curse or some magic at play. I don't understand the weave very well, but I know there are consequences for misusing it.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 22, 2022, 06:39:07 PM
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I met someone who can introduce me to another Halan. Finally. I hope I can learn from them, maybe mothers illness stems from a misuse of the weave.
I also met an incredibly generous and kind outlander. Mother wouldn't be overly pleased to know the amount of outlanders I'm with, but Papa would be proud of me for doing so. He always knew they would be helpful. Guess that's because so many of them helped the rebellion over the years.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 24, 2022, 04:04:51 PM
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I've been thinking. That outlander who told me about imp venom, I had never noticed it or even considered it but Eros has a stinger. I've never seen it fight, nor do I know if it can. But, what if the creature has been poisoning my mother? Could it be responsible for other things? I really don't know, everything is speculation. Maybe she caught some strange disease that laid dorment from the outlanders we tended. Maybe she misused the weave and this is the result.

However, no matter how long I am gone for, she doesn't improve, which means it may not be the imp, or whatever Eros is. If I am going to reach out to another beyond the local doctors and healers, I will need to compile a list of her symptoms for them. She's too ill to move and she does not trust outlanders very much. I fear I am going to have to make Eros fight for me so I can see if he has any venom or poison. But doing that contains some hefty risks.

Maybe my best bet would be to try to find these other Halans and leave the outlanders to a final straw if no one in the core can help.

The nurses tell me that she has been running a mild fever that they have been able to control. I wish I knew what was wrong with her, if it is misuse of the weave, what does that mean? If it's the imp, how do I get rid of it without hurting myself? If it's a curse, how do I break it?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 27, 2022, 06:51:05 PM
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I have watched the way the sister I met weaves her magic. The patterns are not the same as the ones that I can see and use. And again the same with the other sister who has a connection with animals.

The Night Mother seems to know a lot, perhaps she wiill be able to guide me. Perhaps this is the difference in being born naturally able to use the weave. Or maybe the imp is right. Maybe it's not from the weave. I'm still not ready to face that possibility. Meanwhile mother has been asleep for two days now...
Title: OOC Information
Post by: ladylena on July 28, 2022, 12:43:23 PM
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Narcissa Bogdan OOC info
The following is purely OOC information
Spoiler: show

Fears:

Being found out she's half Gundarakite
Being ousted as a sorceress/witch
Her magic being evil in source
Bats, especially werebats


Dislikes:

Going/being outside at night because of the bats
Seeing people suffering
Killing sentient living things
Gossip

Likes:

Spiders
Weaving
Learning
Legends
The colour Green and light blue
Learning about Hala
Helping people


Goals:

To understand her magic
Become a proper sister of Hala
Find out what is wrong with her mother and heal her


Dreams:

Join the garda
Aid Gundarakites
Learn to fight

Assassin imps goal:

Corrupt Narcissa
Get her to abuse the weave
Serve the Dark Powers
Protect Narcissa to the extreme
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 29, 2022, 07:51:46 PM
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07,29,777

Domn Artyom thinks it may be a Quasit causing my mothers illness. Considering the flying creature she saw it's possible... However a native from richmulois who's a sister is willing to help too. I know Domn Artyom means well, but mother doesn't trust outlanders, and since I don't know what it's like in his home, it could be entirely different from ours. The sister I spoke with is a very skilled herbalist, so if there is any plant that can help, she is likely to know better than the healers and doctors in Vallaki. Not that they aren't skilled, it's simply they are not as well travelled. There could be a plant in another domain that could cure her.

I will need to take the time to clean the house and make sure that imp stays hidden, maybe even locked up. I know mother will be willing to accept help from the sisters, and I'm glad I finally found one who seems willing to help. I just hope that it's not what she said... I don't know what it will mean or how I'll be able to handle it if mother becomes a hag. I had never even thought of that possibility.... Or not wanted to accept it...

I'm scared.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 03, 2022, 02:50:26 PM
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Dear Narcissa,

You took a huge risk in sending that letter and as am I in sending this. If you have not already, seek out the Halans. Your mother and them had a falling out years ago when we wed, however, they are unlikely to deny her aid. Though it may take a little bit of time if they have to discuss what to do. I will try to come home if it's safe for me to do so. Please continue to take care of your mother.

I love you,
Papa
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 04, 2022, 03:47:17 PM
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Mother woke up today, however it was not for long but it was long enough for her to eat and take the medicine the doctors have given her.
I picked up a book on the humours in hopes that I can understand enough of it to maybe help her if it's something naturally occuring. I'm just afraid that Eros may be lying to me. Though I really have no reason to believe that feeling, but it is there. The Night Mother I think tried to set me up with Mr. De Corvis, he seems like a nice man, but he's from Borca and in with the vardo. On the other hand, I am afraid that if I try to find some love, then the little bastard ... I don't have proof, but I have a instinctual feeling.

I've been thinking that maybe since there doesn't seem to be a need for weavers, I may try to start tailoring too. There seems to be a good demand for that. I've spent the last couple of nights with mother at her bedside. She does breathe, and her heart does beat. I should find sister Fallieres and see if she has been able to secure the antidote she thinks will help. She isn't from the local group of witches so perhaps she wont be coloured by whatever caused the fallout between her and them. Perhaps that is why she refused to teach me much beyond the basics. I know the legend, I know about the weave in basics, and I know that we should strive to keep on the path of least suffering.

Mother wants me to have a normal life, to get married to a good Barovian family, ensure that I have a good life. I know Papa wants to see a world where being Gundarakite, or Barovian does not matter and where Barovians are forced to pay for the atrocities they've done. I'm not sure I agree with him that they need to pay, but they do need to be held accountable.

I met a young Gundarakite who lied about her name to the garda and was badly beaten. I was able to be permitted to tend to her, the other Halan - at least I think she was- was a little slow to react despite being closer. I even offered to employ her to help me get weaving fibers. That way the Garda can't get mad at her for not having a job. It wasn't very smart to lie to the garda, and I hope that employing her does not backfire on me.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 07, 2022, 01:29:30 PM
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08,07,777

Eros urged me to watch and go in. I did, and what I saw is going to be visiting me in my nightmares for a while. The Black Duke in a circle of corpses, the people stamping the flag posts into the ground. That thudding, the smell. Oh the smell of blood and viscera. Why couldn't I look away? Why did I stay when I should of fled?

Then that woman blaming me... I was frozen in place. And even if I had fled and gone to the outskirts for aid all that would of done would of been to add to the suffering that was already on going. I bore witness to it all, I did not interfere except to tend to the man whose hand they removed. It's not my place to stop people or judge them. It's my duty as a sister of Hala to tend to the path of least suffering. Had I brought more people they would of been harmed by the devil and its crew. They proved to be quite powerful and capable.

That was a terrifying scene. How can such a powerful entity be stopped? Should it be stopped? I need to find the night mother and ask her to teach me what my own mother is unable to. On the other hand, if this thing can help Gundarakites... What side do I take? Should I even take a side?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 08, 2022, 05:32:05 PM
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08,08,777

I had a dream last night where Eros and I stood before this black duke. Eros seemed to control what I said with his hands moving my mouth to make me speak. I looked around and I could see my athame and it was dripping with the blood of one of the sisters infront of me. I woke up drenched in sweat and screaming. Fairly certain I woke up the rest of the patrons in the inn. Eros tried to pry the dream from me, I only told him what I've written here. The rest of that nightmare should remain in my mind. The atrocities that I dreamt have no place on paper or in reality.

Even when I weave my mind was drifting back to that scene. Is it just fear? There is this pulling in the back of my mind that makes me question what if. What if I followed them, they seem to want to ultimately alleviate some suffering, no, that's just me being hopefully naive. Reality is they killed many, and will continue to cause suffering until either they are victorious or they fail. But what if I could find a way to make their suffering stop.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 10, 2022, 11:57:02 AM
Narcissa lounged on the bed staring at the ceiling, she had been staring for the past two hours, unable to sleep. Eros perched atop the nearby bookshelf, watching over her and the room. Shaking his head the foot tall assassin imp fluttered his wings and flew to sit beside Narcissa's bed. She turned her head and stared at the imp with a distrustful glare, this caused the imp to smirk and chuckle. "What? Are you still thinking about the Black Duke? Or are you doubting me?" Somehow Eros managed to sound concerned and worried, as if he actually cared about the woman laying beside him. He picked up her comb and began to brush her hair for her. "I understand Narcissa. Feeling such power and seeing such might and fearsome details can be deeply unsettling, especially if you wanted them." With those five words, Narcissa grabbed the imp by his throat and tossed him against the far wall. A painting of her family clattering to the ground along with the cackling imp. "Oh ho ho! Look at you! That actually hurt." Narcissa took a deep breath, had she truly just done that? She was not normally violent like this. Why did she harm Eros?

"I've seen you heal on your own before Eros. Don't try to guilt me."

"Guilt you? Oh Narcissa you have it all wrong. I am praising you. Harming me is a sign of you beginning to understand your true nature. You liked what you saw, what you felt. "

"I saw an atrocity. It doesn't matter how powerful it felt, how the power held me to the spot, not entirely the fear. I saw dead children. That's not right, no one in their right mind could like what they saw there."

"You admit you felt the power." Eros chuckled with a grin as the injuries finally healed over.

Narcissa rolled over on her bed and sighed. She didn't answer her familiar assassin imp, she fell silent. Staring at the wall instead. She did not want to admit it, but Eros was partially right. She liked what she felt, but not what she saw. The power that swirled there was immense, it was intoxicating. She loved how it felt, how her skin tingled and the hair rose on the back of her neck. She could not ignore the cost. The cost was disturbing. Yet the way she could feel the weave being manipulated, it bothered her. She wanted to feel that power flowing through her, she did not want to pay his cost. "Yes, Eros. I felt the power, but his cost is too much. Killing children caused so much suffering, families grieve for their lost children. I don't want power if it comes at the cost of suffering."

With her back to him, she could not see the proud, devious grin that snaked its way across the imps face. Its greyish skin stretching as he smiled, this was a good step. She was admitting that she wanted power, now all he had to do was to work on her desire for it until she no longer cared the cost. The beings that created him would be pleased at this progress, he thought to himself. She was proving to be hard to sway, and hard to convince. She'd lost people she cared for, but that did not shake her faith or her desire to help. He'd get it though. Eros was set in his task to corrupt the young Halan sorceress. Sometime she would slip up and kill a creature, the same way she had reacted and hurt him. Yes, he would corrupt her, and he could see a wicked idea forming in his mind regarding the Halans and her mother. The devious imp chuckled quietly to himself as he watched Narcissa drift into sleep.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 14, 2022, 08:53:15 AM
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I am unsure why I wanted to test his capabilities in battle. But regardless of why I did it, Eros proved capable. He was happy to put an end to the gremishka in Hazlan. Maybe he can be useful in helping me get spider glands when I can't find anyone else. But what if he's got bad intentions for me? Could he have been manipulating me all these years? I am unsure.

I've given my mother the antidote and restorative that Sister Fallieres gave me, but all it seemed to do was give her a brief respite from symptoms for a few hours. It was nice to speak with her and she told me not to worry before she felt herself grow too tired to talk. The doctor seemed hesitant in allowing me to give her the tonics, but he did relent and permit me to. Maybe it's a curse... Or maybe it's a poison that these tonics couldn't treat?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 21, 2022, 09:37:27 AM
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I've been spending time weaving and tailoring lately. While I excell at weaving, it seems I need a lot more support and practice in making clothes. Further it seems people are only interested in the highest of quality items. At least Mr. Dirge has been helpful in supplying me with materials. He gave me two bags of braided cord, I suppose I should try to get some animal hide patches to make some slings. I don't think I will sell those though. I don't think it would be proper for a Halan to sell a weapon that can be used to harm others. Selling clothes, cloaks and hoods are fine though.

Mother was doing well for a day when I gave her the tonics, but has since regressed back to being ill. I know that I am going to have to find someone to help me to get some ingots of copper maybe, or get someone to help me get more asbestos.

I've not seen Miss Eve for a few days, I hope she's alright. I guess I could make my way to dementlieu and see if the sisters are there, but... Going that far from home while mother is unwell bothers me. Hazlan is far enough.

There is a part of me that has been wanting to find a way to boost my power, maybe if I get strong enough I may be able to use the weave to see what is wrong with my mother.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 25, 2022, 12:44:49 PM
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08,25,777

It has been a while since I gave mother the medicine Sister Fallieres gave me. It helped short term but it didn't help more than a day at best. She only had energy for a few hours before she needed to rest again and since that she's remained mostly asleep. I worry about her and I don't know how she will feel recieving help from a Halan. I am worried that it may be something beyond our knowledge, but then again, I remind myself that Sister Fallieres has training in Dementlieu. The medical knowledge there is much more advanced than here in Barovia. So maybe it will make all the difference.

Every time I've seen a flier that slanders Sister Eve I feel anger that I've never felt before. It makes me want to burn whoever is responsible for it. Makes me want to conjure coils of darkness to tether them in place while I hurl magic at them for the audacity of trying to accuse the Night Mother of betraying Hala. I told Eros, he laughed gleefully at the idea, but I know that doing that would be abusing the weave, at least that's what mother always told me.

Magic is not meant to be used to harm, only to help. But Hala help me, if I ever find that person responsible, I will need all the divine strength I can muster to resist the urge. Even just thinking of it makes me feel a new power trying to push through, a new pattern in the weave trying to reveal itself, something new and intoxicating. Powerful. I need to be careful though, as I've noticed that the patterns I gleam come based on my desire and needs. If I am not careful at controlling my desires and quelling that lust for power, I could comit atrocities and I don't want to.

Yet as I grow in power, and as I used my magic more and more, I feel drawn to use it further. To get more magic. Maybe this is why mother wanted me to avoid pursuing the magic. She is a Witch of Hala, and she knows the risks of using magic, but also the benefits it can bring and the temptation of power.

Eros is blabbering on about how she was afraid that my power would surpass hers, that I could be a better witch... Sometimes it feels like he speaks truths, other times it feels like those truths are laced wtih poison.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 26, 2022, 06:38:07 PM
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[The following entry is writen in a shaking hand]
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I only wanted her to listen and stop. I didn't want anyone to get hurt let alone die. I tried to bring her back, but only ended up making it worse. And then the vampire. Why couldn't it of been a normal bat? I didn't want to see a bat turn into a man. I don't want to see that ever again. I'm still shaking from the terror of it. Bats were bad enough, and I mean I knew that vampires could turn into bats and back, but I never thought I'd see it. Hala help me, I cowered behind the rock and couldn't do anything for a few minutes. I was frozen with fear. I feel horrible that Miss Topaz was slain... twice... Why did everything bad have to happen at once?

I got angry and ended up putting only the humans in my group asleep. Elves don't sleep. Ever. They are not capable of it. No matter how many times you try. I learned that the hard way. And then Miss Ari chased her down and others hurt her too for her theft. I just wanted her to stop. When I tried to remove my sleep spell I could only remove the defensive wards, someone had to strike them to wake them up.

Then while I'm carrying her body down the mountain I see that terrifying scene. I am so tired and Eros is going to laugh at the scenario, or me, probably both when he learns of it, if he wasn't already watching. I'm spending the rest of the night in the church, I'm too scared to go outside again tonight.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 01, 2022, 01:23:05 PM
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09,01,777

Things have gone smoothly after that mess. I ran into a nice Barovian man who offered to escort me to Krezk, I didn't want to pull him away from his work or cause him delays, but it turned out that we were going the same way. He seemed nice enough and seems Mr Ben has joined the city guard. They could use some good hearted people, I hope he's one.

I've been taking some time to tidy up the house and make sure everything is clean and neat. It's taking a little bit of time and work, and I'm taking breaks between doing it and weaving. I'm getting decent at sewing... But I still prefer weaving. I have paid the nurse who takes care of moher on the daily, and even the doctor, despite him getting no where in the way of finding out what is wrong. Ms Fallieres and Ms Eve are both knowledgeable and devout sisters. I am sure they can help figure out what is going on with mother.

Eros teased me about what happened with Ms Topaz. When I was upset he told me that it could of been worse. I could of conjured up something that caused harm, all I did was make them all sleep. I should steel my mind so I don't succumb to my own magic... Again.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 05, 2022, 11:02:10 AM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ff/7f/20/ff7f20dcc2b9997f164cf36102546a05.jpg)

Narcissa had been an only child, and growing up with her magic was not a simple childhood. She felt disconnected from the other children around. She had to make sure that she controlled her emotions when she was about, less she loose control and let an outburst of magic happen. It had happened once when she was 4, it was the first time she had displayed any magic.

Her mother and father had been discussing how to educate her and had broken out in a small dissagreement over it. Her mother wanted to keep her daughter home to teach her, while her father had wanted to send her away to study at a school abroad. Narcissa had heard this and burst into the room sobbing and wailing about not wanting to leave home. Cosmina and Fredek stopped their argument and tried to comfort their daughter, who only got more upset.

This was the moment that changed things, as the doors all around began to open and shut, repeatedly. Increasing in speed as their daughter got more and more upset. Naturally this caused some fear and concern with the two parents who stared at each other dumbfounded for a few moments before they embraced their daughter tightly, comforting her enough to stop the slamming of the various doors. Narcissa was frightened and didn't understand why her parents reacted so, it wasn't until her mother sat her down and explained what happened. She told her daughter about magic and how it came from the weave and how the Goddess Hala had once come down and taught people how to use it. Her father told her a different tale, about how magic was dangerous and powerful and she should be proud that she can wield such power, he told her about all the things she could possibly do. Gave her the idea of a better Barovia where those who wronged others were punished, while her mother tried to encourage her to focus on how her magic can be used to help. It was confusing and the four year old child didn't really understand it. She was upset, scared, intimidated and wanted to be normal.

Narcissa had planned to run away from home a few days later. She had packed a loaf of bread and some apples, a blanket and a waterskin and was sneaking down the stairs in the late night. Her plan was to stay hidden in the basement until her parents had gone looking for her, then she'd flee. She just wanted to be normal. So she did, she sequestered herself away in the basement of the house. As she huddled in a corner in the damp basement she cried and begged for someone who would understand, someone she could trust who wouldn't hate her for her magic. She didn't want to hurt people, and she was terrified of her magic. She thought, perhaps, she could flee the city, maybe she could find somewhere else to go. Somewhere where people wouldn't be frightened by her magic, and that was when she heard it. A rustling in the far right side of the basement.

"He-hello?" A frightened voice called out, as she muttered a few words and conjured a light. Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth to not scream as her eyes spotted a foot tall, flying creature who grinned at her.

"Shh little dear. My name is Eros, and I want to be your friend. I'm not afraid of you. Are you afraid of me?" The blackish greyish imp asked as he flew over towards the little girl who recoiled in fear. The imp frowned. "Don't be afraid of me. I want to help you. Please?" the imp grinned deviously as the child approached him and touched one of his leathery wings. "I heard you wanting a friend, someone who wasn't afraid of your magic, is that right?"

"Y-yes... That's right Mr uh... Eros..." Narcissa said timidly, her fear of the creature dissipating as he spoke to her.

"I can do magic too, see?" Eros said, making himself invisible and visible again. This made the little Narcissa giggle and smile. Someone who was like her!

"Wow!! That's amazing Mr Eros! Can you teach me to do that?"

"In time, I think you'll be able to do more than what I can!"

"Really? You really think so? But... What if magic is bad like people say?"

"Ignore them child, they just fear what they don't understand."

"Alright. My name is Narcissa. It's nice to meet you Mr Eros."

The imp bowed in the air, eliciting another giggle from the girl, which drew her parents attention. Eros could hear them walking towards the basement hatch. "If you ever get scared Narcissa, just call for me and I'll come. I promise."

"Really?" She asked looking up at the imp with her wild, innocent child eyes.

"Really, now best go be a good girl for your mother and father, hm? No need to run away now, alright?" Narcissa nodded eagerly and rushed up the stairs, startling her parents.

"Mommy, daddy! I made a friend! His name is Eros and he lives in the basement and he's not a scared of me!!" She said proudly to her parents, who just assumed their daughter had created an imaginary friend.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 05, 2022, 06:29:41 PM
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09,05,777

Mother would be happy. It's been a long time since I've been asked out for drinks. At the Blue Water no less. He is a nice looking man too, Barovian, in the garda. The only thing he wouldn't check off on her list is I don't think he's from the upper class, but she can't really argue too much. I mean look who she married, she can't say anything. I'm excited.

I haven't been excited and nervous in years. Maybe my luck with men will be better than my mothers. I mean she picked those men, maybe she has some innate attraction to "bad boys". That might explain why the men she picked for me ended up dead and insane. Sister Eve has alluded to the fact that her group may allow marriage, which I thought was forbidden to followers.

I'm going to have to make myself a proper dress for the Blue Water... I don't think my green one would be suitable. I do want to impress him.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 10, 2022, 07:50:47 PM
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09,10,777

The night felt like it lasted only minutes. I wish it was longer, or that he had the day off. His smile is beautiful... Maybe I will have good luck in making my own choice. Surely mother would be happy to know I chose a Barovian, and he's in the guard, which is a very respectful job. I don't care that he's from the village or that he's not some lingering wealthy family line, he seems like a genuinely nice person.

I wonder how he'd react if he knew I was a witch, or half Gundarakite. Maybe those things wont matter to him. Maybe I'll even be able to become a full fledged follower of Hala and be married. I could make mother happy and myself. Speaking of... I came home and she has not woken in a few days. I've done what I could to make the house presentable. I hope the Sisters can help her.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 18, 2022, 04:15:51 PM
Quote
09,17,777

It's a relief to know that we found the source of the illness, but why was the perfume from Papa poisoned? How long has it been poisoned and how did it get poisoned? What sort of thing is behind the blue toxin? I admit I know very little about poisons but what I do know makes me think it's not from something in nature. It's unnatural in source, it has to be.

Mama and I have never allowed people upstairs, and the only living thing that's been up there is Eros....
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 19, 2022, 10:52:23 AM
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[The following is a letter in Luktar, sent off and delivered to a rebel base somewhere in Barovia.]
Quote
Dear Papa,

I took your advice and brought some Halans to check on mother, and it turns out that she was being poisoned. The strangest thing is that the poison was in the perfume you gave her. I'm worried that someone whom you know who also knows mama may be trying to kill her. The sisters suggested that maybe it was from the Halans whom she had a falling out with, but I'm not sure on that. We never let anyone go upstairs except for us and the only people who have had any access to the house has been the local doctors and healers that I hired.

I know the rebels can be good at sneaking around and breaking into places. Is it possible someone wants her gone so they can have you all to themselves? Papa I'm scared for her now. How did a blue poison end up in the perfume you got her? Do you or anyone you know know anything about a blue poison that causes a wasting like condition?

-Your loving daughter,
Narcissa
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 22, 2022, 07:13:34 PM
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The following page only has three words
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His little bluebell


Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 29, 2022, 05:54:38 PM
Quote
09,25,777

I didn't think I'd end up feeling like this again. Augustus was the last time, but this time... I'm starting to love Benedikte, after the attack he endured, I spent the night with him tending the injuries he sustained and making sure he was alright... There was a lot of blood that was washed off. I've told mama that I'm starting to fall for a man, she pressed me for details but I told her not yet. I don't want to introduce her until I know what this blue toxin is for sure.

I know that I am going to have kill or sever the bond Eros, and I have never intentionally harmed anything, this will be the first, and truthfully, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. Yet if Eros is behind the poisoning of my mother, then that means he may of been behind my suitors deaths and madness. If it is... I will have to visit the asylum to apologise to him and see if we can get him released.

The more that I think about Eros and my relationship, the more I am fearing the truth. Maybe he isn't as he has claimed. Maybe he is harming people, and if that's the case, the Mother dictates that I do something about him. Maybe I could find a way to contain him? Trap him somehow so I don't have to hurt him. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that, and I understand that severing the bond of a familiar is painful, and I guess that pain would be my penance for whatever horrible things that flying rat has done to the people I love.

I really want to be able to do both, marry and become a full fledged sister. I enjoy helping people greatly, and I truly believe that no one should suffer, regardless of what they have done if they seek out aid they should get it. At least that is how I feel. Whenever I think of harming something I feel sick. I asked Benedikte how he does it... He says that when the risk to others is present the threat needs to be dealt with. I've explained Eros to him as a childhood pet and he offered to put him down for me, but... I don't know if he would stay with me if he saw Eros. Or if he knew everything.

I know that I don't know him that well yet, but I really want to get to know him better especially since he's brought up marriage. Marrying a guard has its risks, but there are many who live long lives. I love seeing him smile, looking into his stunning rare hazel eyes, how fair he is with enforcing the law. He's not lost to power, or scary like the corporal. That man terrifies me, even his smile didn't seem genuine. Ben has worked hard every day, and not just that, but he has risked his life to deal with a deserter who sold his soul to a fiend.

When I saw his head crash into the ground and that stone, I was terrified that he was going to die. I am so relieved though that the outlanders were able to help. They gave me time to tend to Ben, but I know that he will face more dangers in the garda. I also know the risk that being my fathers daughter poses in this. He is a rebel soldier, and I am likely going to wed a garda. It will bring scrunity on me and mother if I am not careful. Maybe Ben wouldn't care about these things though... For now I'm just glad that he survived that attack. My own burns have healed wtih the help of some medicine.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 29, 2022, 05:55:04 PM
Narcissa had been spending more time with Benedikte, and she knew she would have to give her mother some more information about the man that was taking up her time. Tonight, Narcissa was staying home and having a good dinner of Sarmale and potatoes with her mother. They sat across from each other at the table, Cosmina smiling as she picked away at the meal. It had been a while since she was cured, and it had been slow but she was recovering, her appetite was the first thing to return. Each day Narcissa had been sure to make her mother take the medicine Marissa and Eve had given her, and that she had a good breakfast to go with it. She was happy to see the colour returning to her mothers face, and her mother was happy that her daughter had a man in her life. Cosmina was hopeful that Narcissa would settle down and retire from travelling with outlanders.

"Dear Narcissa, when are you going to introduce me to this new man of yours?"

"Soon Mama, I want you to be recovered first."

"Narcissa, sweet heart, you care so much about me.'' Cosmina said with a small smile as she began to slow her eating. "Did you find anything about the blue toxin yet?"

"No, not yet. I've been busy and I haven't seen Miss Fallieres yet. I think she's still abroad researching it, but... We do have some ideas. Are you full Mama?" Narcissa asked, looking at the half eaten dish that had been untouched for a few minutes.

Cosmina smiled sadly and nodded, "I guess I am. I'm sorry dear, my appetite isn't fully back yet."

"It's alright. You go rest up Mama, I'll clean." Cosmina nodded and made her way up the stairs to her room to rest. Narcissa stayed down and sighed. She muttered something and glared to the top of the shelf. The imp fluttered down and perched on her shoulder.

"My my, guess I can't hide as easily from you anymore. I'm so proud your magic is growing Narcissa." Eros cooed as he stroked her hair possessively. "Seems that you've got the ability to see those who hide behind the veil of magic."

"True. Eros..." Narcissa began in a sad voice, "I know you protect me, but... What about the people I care about?"

"Hm? You mean those witches and that garda?"

"Yes Eros. I mean them."

"What about them? Do you really think they care? That garda is probably only getting close to you to find out your fathers rebel connections. He's going to have to throw you in jail when he finds out that you're not a full Barovian, pretending to be above your station and all. And those witches? Have you ever noticed that -your- magic is different? They just want to control your magic, use you for their own benefit."

"Eros shut the hell up.'' She snarled, grabbing the tiny imps head and ripping him from her shoulder. She held him infront of her face, "I do not care what you think about them anymore. I do not care if you think they will betray me. I trust them. I will not tolerate you harming them, or causing them any trouble. You will not touch a hair on their heads, nor will you harm them. Or I will have no choice but to kill you."

Eros gawked at his mistress, a slight tremor in his tiny, foot tall form. He'd never felt her grab him with this level of force before, nor speak to him in such a way. Infact, in all the years he had been with her, this was the first time she ever threatened to kill. It was a threat to his life, but she made it. The demure, kind, caring, sweet and innocent Narcissa had finally threatened to kill something. Despite the fear that coursed through him, and the pain from her iron grip on his head, the little imp was proud. She was coming along in her path. He had got her to accept and use her power, to allow it to grow, and now, she had threatened to kill. How much more would it take to achieve his goals?

"Are you even listening to me you pathetic worm!?" Her sharp, angry voice brought him back from his thoughts.

"U-uh, ye-yes! I promise you I will not touch a hair on their heads or will I cause them any harm." The imp agreed, a devious twinkle in his eyes that Narcissa missed. He would stay true to his exact words. Eros would not cause them direct harm, nor would he touch their hair, but he would protect his mistress from them even if she didn't believe him. Busy with his thoughts, he almost fell to the floor, having reacted slowly to Narcissa dropping him. His wings fluttered coming to life to save him from the cold stone floor.

"Good. Bring me the hot water." She ordered, watching the imp struggle with the heavy pot of water. When he had finally managed to get it over, Narcissa began to wash the dishes, not saying a word further to the imp. He could tell she was mad.

'She really shouldn't be mad. It's not my fault she can't see the truth. Those pathetic people don't care about her. When that garda learns the truth my dear Narcissa will be so crushed when he throws her in jail. I really can't let that happen, and I can't let the witches control her magic either. She needs to let it grow without expectations. Now that she can see me when I'm invisible that'll make it harder, and I bet at least one of those witches can see it too, that's where she learned it I'm sure. But I bet the garda can't. I should spend some time around him, see what I can learn so I can prevent him from learning the truth about Narcissa.' Eros thought to himself as he watched Narcissa clean. He would have to be careful now, it seemed that his deeds may soon come to light if he didn't do something.

As she washed the dishes from supper, her mind drifted back and forth between her goal to be a Halan and the love that was growing for Benedikte. She did wonder what would happen if he learned the truth, but she wanted to believe that he would accept her regardless of the fact she was a witch. She was also beginning to understand why some sisters did not allow for marriages to happen. Benedikte hadn't been the only one injured that day, but he was the only one she cared about. Although she did try to stop the death of that traitor, but words weren't enough when that man clearly wanted to die, he had injured a lot of people.

She sighed and stared into the dish water, what would she do if he rejected her because of her magic? She'd never been rejected before, but then again, none of her other fiances had lasted long enough to learn the truth. She had been hurt by their loss, but that was not a rejection. Yet, when she thought back to the night she told him she was starting to love him, and the worry he had for how she would live if he died made that thought vanish pretty fast. She dried her hands on her skirt, grabbed Eros by his neck and headed to her bedroom, a book of ghost stories sat open on her bed, waiting for her to pick it back up.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 03, 2022, 02:51:42 PM
Quote
10,03,777

I never thought I'd be this nervous about introducing a man to my mother. But here I am, it's been a few days since I've been planning it and I've felt sick to my stomach every day I wake. I'm so nervous, I really hope she'll approve, and I also dread what would happen if he were to meet my father. This mix of dread and anticipating is downright nauseating. I'm sure mama will approve, marrying a Barovian family is what she wants for me. She may be hesitant because he is in the garda...

This has become confusing. I've fallen for him, and I had never planned on pursuing affairs of the heart after my last fiance. Yet here I am, thinking about marriage, about marrying Benedikte. I want to make him happy, and I'll even happily move out of the city for him. I don't mind really. I have not felt like this since my first fiance, the one who's now in the asylum. I don't want the same fate to come to Ben, and more and more that I think about the past, the only constant has been Eros. If I kill him he wont be able to cause any more harm, but I do not have proof. I can't act until I know for sure.

I've been debating on asking one of the sisters to hold Eros still while I figure out how to harvest some poison from his tail.

Oh why did that man have to suggest Benedikte and I having many children? That was so embarassing. My own mother doesn't even know yet, but she will tomorrow. Goddess I'm nervous. I have tried ginger tea to settle my stomach but that hasn't helped.

My thoughts are so disorganized. Eros, the poisoning of my mother, what if a rebel was responsible, Margit... Oh Margit... You worry me. She does not seem to fully grasp my warning. I know the heft of the threat of being marked. They will watch her every move, listen to her every word. I think Benedikte is right... Maybe people are inhertantly corrupt.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 03, 2022, 05:38:52 PM
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/505792975755018246/1026607678916669470/unknown.png?width=1040&height=585)
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/505792975755018246/1026607732633128990/unknown.png?width=1040&height=585)
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 05, 2022, 11:44:45 AM
Quote
10,05,777

I did try to warn him that she'd bring up marriage... She gave him the bride quest though. The sisters still haven't figure out what this poison is other than knowing that it's not from something "natural". Eve wants to see if the alchemist at the Baratak mages retreat can determin anything, I'm going to ask Ben first though. With his connection and interest in nature and animals maybe he will be able to figure it out, if not we'll check the alchemist.

I know mama and papa haven't always agreed on what they want for me, but I know what I want, I think. Papa wanted me to accept outlanders, and embrace their help so my magic can grow, mama wants me to avoid all that danger and risk and get married into a good Barovian family, one who will take good care of me. Up until I met Benedikte, I wanted to devote myself to Hala, under the understanding that I could not be married and be a sister. I was fine with that, with what had happened to my previous fiances I felt that I was surely cursed and that avoiding the longings of the heart I could preent others suffering the same fate, but now if I can do both...

If this poison turns out to belong to Eros... Well I will know that I'm not cursed, persey. I am terrified that I'll have to kill Eros though. I know Benedikte has offered an I am sure the sisters would too, but... It almost feels like something I should do myself. I don't want anyone else to bear the weight of killing a sentient being.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 06, 2022, 10:36:54 AM
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I met the strangest of lady yesterday. Although she probably did spend time in a asylum she seems nice. She's funny and very childlike. I guess she's a performer of something, I suppose it's puppets that she uses in her performances since she asked me to make her one. I've never made a puppet before, but she has a design in mind and is going to provide me with the frame for the marrionette. I can use wool for padding and stuffing and I guess I should prepare some samples of fabric for her to look through. Or maybe I'll decide that based on her design?

I wonder how long it will take Ben, and what he'll bring back. I hope it will good enough for mama, hopefully it will all go smoothly. I am going to ask him if he is able to determine what this poison is. Admitingly I know that will open a line of questions if it is the imps. I'm terrified of revealing that I'm a blooded witch to him. He seems not to mind it, and it's not like I can harm things with it. I can protect and that's it, I can't heal, like when that man asked me to fix the womans eyes...

I almost cried, I could see the pain she was in, every sound seemed to cause her to twitch and she clung to Mr. Slade like a frightened child. I wasn't able to heal her but I at least was able to buy her a staff to help her walk until they could find a healer. Mr Slades disdain of Sister Eve has affected others, making them leery of all Halans, under the presumption that she is in charge.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 07, 2022, 12:10:44 PM
Narcissa sat on the bed in the room, she had grown to dislike being alone, Eros tended to take any chance when she was alone to speak to her, to whisper misleading ideas in her ears. He would remind her that her magic was different than the other sisters, ask if she had yet met one with magic like hers, remind her of the threat that would loom should her Gundarakite heritage become known. There was always a hint of truth in his words, however misleading they were, for the assassin imp had to obey his mistresses order, but that would not stop him from trying to protect her from them regardless. He was not permitted to harm them, but he could surely convince her of the threat they would pose to her. Eros had a deep desire to protect her, and to see her magic grow. He hoped that with his pushing, and his guidance, she could achieve such greatness the very world would respond. She had that capability in her, she just needed the right guidance, it was with this in mind that he shed the concealment and came out of the shadows under the bed.

"Of course you're here." His mistress sighed.

"Of course I am, sweet Narcissa. How does it feel learning that one woman could possibly destroy everything and get you banished?"

"It feel awful Eros. It really does. Why do people continue to cause suffering?"

"Because they like it. Look at Margit, you've watched her provoke the guards and done nothing but gossip about it afterwards. Even though you're fully capable of talking to her about it. Even you seem to like to cause some sort of suffering." He chimed.

Narcissa remained silent for several minutes, simply staring at her hands as if they were covered in blood. "She doesn't listen."

"Of course not. As far as she knows you're Barovian and with a garda. Why would she? And what about Eve? The Slade fellow seems to be sowing hatred for all you halans, he's going to put you back in hiding back to being hated. You know, the thing your mother wanted you to avovid? Why continue with that? I mean, what are you going to do if someday your magic turns up as something wicked, or reveals a painful truth?"

"I don't even know what I will do if I have to kill you Eros, so why don't you shut that gaping hole you call a mouth and crawl back to where you were hiding and stay there."

"What if something terrible happens to the man you love? What if he doesn't come back from the hunt?" He said maliciously, chosing to leave his mistress to dwell on those words. He tried to speak truth, albeit coloured by his paranoid mind. Paranoid it was indeed, for what he spoke though truth, was from his view, and to this little assassin imp, unless they allowed his mistress to grow within his own goals, they were a threat. Pure as Narcissa was, even she was not immune to the temptation of power. She knew it too, she had known it since that moment she stepped beyond the gates of Zeklos Keep. She could feel the power that eminated from the Black Duke, it was like a tangible force that she could reach out to grab for herself. She had resisted it then, but for how long could she resist it?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 09, 2022, 06:04:09 PM
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Eros is dead. My oldest, best friend is dead. I know this had to happen, he confessed to poisoning mother. How he got his hands on Mauskull mushroom powder is a different story... But Eros is responsible for all that tragedy and suffering. He saw Augustus locked up, two other fiances killed, he poisoned mama, he manipulated me... But he was still the first person to accept my magic. And now he is dead.

These past weeks I had begun to loathe being alone because he'd torment me, now I sit in silence knowing that my ever present companion is no longer. It is bittersweet. On one hand I am relieved, my mother is healthy, Benedikte wont be harmed. On the other hand Eros helped me pursue my own path and helped me accept my magic, yet he caused so much suffering.

I've known this was going to be the outcome for a while, but I had just hoped that it would not be the case. Eros is dead, or maybe sent back to whatever it was he served. Whatever has happened, the constant companion and friend I knew for ages is gone.
Title: The Death of a Familiar
Post by: ladylena on October 11, 2022, 02:43:33 PM
Spoiler: show
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(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/505792975755018246/1029463619768959016/eros_death_dialogue.png)
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 12, 2022, 06:14:31 PM
Three sisters stood in the center of a small orchard under the stars of a moonless night. They had gathered to garner the sort of poison that had plagued Narcissa's mother, and so each of the sisters cast their spell to detect the poison. A mushroom from Forlorn, Musskul mushroom powder, that was the toxin that had been slowly killing Cosmina Bogdan. Of course, a mushroom from another land being in the perfume gifted by Fredek, Comina's husband, and Narcissa's father, brought up a lot of questions, the most important being how. How did it get there? There had been no trespasses on the house, and Fredek and Cosmina were in love, so how did such a vile and strange fungus end up in a Barovian womans perfume? They had no answers, nothing except guesses and assumptions, but there was one that had an answer, one that would surely know: Eros.

Narcissa called out to him, the imp coming out of the shadows it hid in. She had been reluctant to bring him about, having already known deep down that there was something foul with the flying fiend. Nonetheless she called upon her familiar with a question in mind. "Eros what's Musskul powder?"

"Wh- why do you ask? I don't know anything about a mushroom."

"None said it was a mushroom."

Eros was a cowardly creature who had a perverse idea of what it was to care about another. He avoided providing a clear answer, trying to turn the sisters into villains, insisting that her mother had not died, and that because of the poison, Narcissa was able to pursue her life how she chose. He swore he cared for her.

"She didn't die, did she? It didn't even hurt her, not really!" Eros whined, looking at his mistress in a pleading state, begging her to believe him.

As the Night Mother watched, she drew a staff from her bag, and with a thud, she stomped it into the ground. "Answer, or I shal compell you to do so. And you will be forced to answer any question put to you." The Night Mother would find out if the imp had put that poison into the perfume one way or another.

"I was helping you! You got to make your own choices without her always nagging to tell you what they should be!"

Narcissa had heard more than enough from her familiar and her hand shot out in anger, reaching for his throat. A surprising move from the normally docile woman, but her imp was familiar with such antics and swooped out of her grasp. "Get back you flying rat!" Narcissa sneered as she reached for the imp who gleefully was avoiding her attempts to catch him. "Enough!" She roared.

The staffs of command was triggered by the imp would not be controlled, instead he did what he would normally do in such a case and shield himself with a spell of invisibility. But that was never enough to protect him from the lashing of the darkness controlled by the Night Mother. Without having so much as a chance to express his surprise or pain, Eros fell to the ground, limp.

Eros was dead. The Night Mothers power too much for the little fiend to witstand. A hand clutched her heart as Narcissa dropped to the ground in shock, pain and sadness. Tears welled up in her eyes as the truth settled in, her familiar seemed to be the one poisoning her mother, the one responsible for the fates of her three fiances.

Eros dissapeared in a puff of red smoke, leaving nothing behind but the sobbing woman and the two Halan Sisters. Perhaps the imp had not perished, but the connection between him and Narcissa was absolutely gone. She was free from the imps influence, and those she cared for would be safe going forward. A bittersweet feeling for the witch.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 18, 2022, 06:24:10 PM
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Sister Amelia seems like she's very worried about me. I know that because I can cast magic inately that I am probably more enticing to a hag than other sisters. It has worried me ever since Sister Eve told me that the hags will abduct sisters of Hala to corrupt and turn into hags. Beyond that I know that I need to be careful because Ben is a lance corporal now, and it's possible that people may come after me to sleight him. I don't want that to happen, so I suppose it's good that I can use Boreal Wind to knock and freeze anyone who would harm me.

I found it out after I punched Selwynn. I can call upon the bitter wind three times and it is dangerous. I like the power behind it. However, I know that liking power is the first step down the road of being corrupted by it. Eros would of been so proud. I will have to watch myself, I don't want to allow myself to become corrupted, or get abducted by a hag. I truly am starting to understand why mama didn't want me to pursue this path...
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 21, 2022, 04:13:04 PM
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This is what I know of the hag around the outskirts as of late.
This is most likely an annis hag, as the description is that of a tall, dark hued skin, woman with claws. She also seems to have a fondness for turning people into toads. She has stuck to attacking at night, and the sisters tell me that hags enjoy playing with their food, beyond that they enjoy causing chaos and harm. It would seem, thankfully that this is only one hag. A covey, is what a group of hags is called. It's a perverse coven.

Annis Hags are one of the, if not, the, most powerful of all the hags. They have dark skin and claws that are sharper than steel. Capable of slicing through their enemies like a hot knife through butter. I really do not know why one is around the outskirts...

I have a nightmare that all the sisters gathered together, regardless of our views to seek to deal with the hag, but, we learned that the hag was drawn to us. I woke up screaming. I'm glad that Ben had already left for patrol at that point.

Soon he says that he will take a vacation to the Village, and I'll go with him. I would like to meet what remains of his family, which I think he said was cousins. I guess, if mother agrees with what he hunts, they will be my cousins too.

I thought that I would feel better after he met with mama, but for some reason still I feel sick to my stomch. Sisters have impressed on me the danger that a hag poses, and one worries about it more than the other. I do not know how I would handle the hags test.

I've not slept well since the hag arrived, each night has been filled with mostly nightmares. Especially the nights when Ben is not with me, when he is with me though... I think I am far too exhausted to have any horrid dreams, or perhaps it's because he makes me feel safe when I am nestled in his arms.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 28, 2022, 09:16:17 AM
It had been a long earned break from the insanity and brutality of the outskirts of Vallaki. It was a lovely break from the city life that Narcissa was so used to, infact, it would be the first time she had spent any real time away from her home town. She had travelled to Hazlan before to pick cotton, flax and wool, but she never stayed there for longer than a night, but now, she was spending days away from Vallaki. Where she would normally return to her mothers house, or a room rented at the Broken Bell, she was now living a taste of what she hoped her life would be in the future. Over this vacation, she would return to a small home, greeted by a raven and the man she had grown to love.

It was a small house, but it was a home in a very short time. Narcissa enjoyed returning to Benedikte and the raven she had taken as her familiar. Whether it was from travelling abroad, or weaving fabric, being able to return home to the man she loved felt like a dream. She knew it wouldn't last for very long, this was just a vacation, and soon, Benedikte would have to return to his duties as a city guard. There would be more outlanders who would need to be reminded of the law they must follow. It was a never ending cycle there. Outlanders arriving, thinking they would be immune to the laws, or subject to the same laws as their homes, there would be criminals and dangers at every turn. Both of them would be at risk, and so, for now, they chose to enjoy this rare break from most dangers. Simple meals, a shared bed and seeing each other upon waking, it was a blissful escape.

Her raven had been getting better each day, and seeing Benedikte caring for the animal brought a spark of joy to her already joyous heart. Each day the ravens wing would improve. Medicine and the knowledge Benedikte had about animals were making such drastic improvements to the bird that Narcissa had hope that maybe in time the bird would be able to fly. Her days felt magical, spending the time cooking together, tending the raven together, and sleeping each night together, it felt like a dream come true. In truth she did not want it to end. The only time she would ever venture out would be to travel with her allies to get the coin she would need to pay for the weaving tablets, everything else was provided.

They stayed in the cabin his grandfather and grandmother had owned. The one he had spent most of his life in. It wasn't large or luxurious, nor was it surrounded by other houses, no, this home she stayed in was near the woods. Each night the wolves would howl, and the flutter of the wings of many bats would sound through the night, but other than that, it was quiet. Peaceful, but the lack of city noise would take Narcissa time to adjust to, for now it spooked her and she was ever glad to sleep with Benedikte, safe in his arms.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 08, 2022, 03:31:26 PM
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What have I done? Was it wrong to stop the bleeding on a man who wanted to die? Why would he want to die, why would he dance like that? I don't understand... Eve said that sometimes death is the path of least suffering, as living can cause more suffering, but... I don't think I agree. I think people must be suffering immensely if they are eager to die like that man was. Suffering makes people loose the desire to live, but is it the path of least suffering if I let them die? Or is it better that I stop the bleeding? I feel very conflicted with this.

On one hand the life of a caliban is full of suffering and pain and misery, but on the other hand you can not accomplish greatness when you're dead.

I suppose I forget the suffering people experience when they are different. I wonder how people would change their views if they knew that I was half Gundarakite? Would I be shunned and called a liar? Or would they understand why I don't advertise it?

Hala wanted us all to achieve greatness in our lives, she knew that suffering would obstruct that goal.

I suppose I should wait next time and learn more about what happened before attempting to intervene.

Why would he want to die? I don't understand that... He had a friend...
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 16, 2022, 04:07:24 PM
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I've not seen Benedikte in a little while... I'm starting to wory something may of befallen him. I miss him.

I've aquired new spells, a further glance into the weave that holds it all together but, while I feel them, I.... I am afraid of them. I can call upon the bitter northern wind, and I can feel a new power that wants to be used. It feels like if I do I will control someone, that terrifies me. I don't want to have control over someone, do I? I mean the desire to try it is there. I could use it for good I'm sure. Maybe I could stop someone from harming another with it... But still, to take away ones power like that, to make them obey when they don't want to... Why would I need this spell?

As I allow myself to learn more and more about the weave and uncover more patterns, I'm discovering my magic becomming less helpful and more damaging. I'm afraid of what I may do if I somehow someday loose control of my emotions.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 22, 2022, 02:16:46 PM
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I went with a few people to ensure they were not hurt badly and I got to see several new things. Weird arcane powered floating metal creatures, hot rivers of a thick red liquid like the blood of the ground beneath us. I got to see a illithid too. A terrifying, ugly thing with tentacles on its face. The people I was with said it was an octopus thing, octopuses sound terrifying. I wonder if it was octopus tentacles in that wrecked ship in Blaustein. I also got to see these weird little child height creatures with wings, and massive black cats, and the shadow dragon. I was expecting him to be much larger...

I've gone with people to the forest fane and seen the Annis Hag myself. She has powerful magic at her disposal, and is a terrifying beast in battle. I watched her talon cut through their armour.  Mister Ignis shares the same view that my father has about my magic, that it should be allowed to grow and be used. Mama has shown fear over it, wanting me to rarely if ever use it, let alone allow it to grow. I must admit there is a wonderous feeling in using my magic.

Feeling the threads of reality bend and reshape to my will... When I don't use it, I can feel this feeling inside, I can not explain it, but not using my magic is an uncomfortable feeling. Perhaps it's akin to someone who drinks daily, whatever it is, it's unpleasant. But using it on the other hand, well that is euphoric. It makes me feel energetic, alive, like I could do anything.

But these very same feelings also make me worry. I could control the mind of someone, make them do what I want, leaving them unable to remember a thing. I could freeze someone with the bitter wind of the highest peak of Mount Ghakis. I both love and fear my magic. I have been asked to meet with Sister Amelia, and I'll be doing that soon, perhaps she may know of another Halan who's magic is inante.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 28, 2022, 09:01:42 AM
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Why would a vampire hunt down "vanity"? Why would my eyes be considered vain? Who is his lady and how does my green eyes compare to her?

Miss Yeira got badly hurt because I fled into the church... There are powerful clerics who would restore my eyes, and these men who want mine... I feel like I am at fault for her injuries. Had I given them what they wanted no one would of had to suffer that night except me. But the path of least suffering also applies to me, and if I had done that it would of made many people upset, which would of made them hunt the vampires and suffer at their hands.

I don't understand why he wants my eyes. I also don't understand why people refused to seek safety. If they had gone inside when I asked them, no one would of been hurt. Mister Hemlock is right I should stay near the church and seek shelter in it at night, but truthfully I am worried people may try to kidnap me for favour of the vampires.

I went back out after I stitched myself a veil, and I admit that I found it odd that they seemed to ignore my presence. I will keep wearing it for now, perhaps eternally.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 10, 2022, 04:36:28 PM
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I've been spending so many nights in the church that it has almost become a second home. I dislike living this way, I should not be allowing fear to dictate my actions. There are many people who are outside at night and for whatever reason, they think they are helping. I can't help but wonder and want to use my power to make people go inside. I have access to such a spell that would strip them of their free will and make them subject to mine. If I used that to protect people would that be misusing the weave? I can justify it plenty. These people are obviously not well and seek to harm themselves, and by such, others. I could control their minds and make them seek safety and by doing tha eliminate the suffering that may occure physically that night, but would they suffer from my choice to control them?

Magic should not be used to harm or control people, but that pattern in the weave is there, and I know it. I can use it, and Hala help me, I want to. I am so sick of people endangering themselves and others by stupidly staying outside at night. I know nothing is a perfect solution. Legends say that vampires are the only undead that can't enter a church, and werewolves and other werebeasts and undead certainly can. I can feel the burning desire to use these new spells, but I know they come with a risk.

I had a dream the other night about weaving. I was sitting infront of a beautiful loom made of silver and redwood. I was weaving with these threads that glimmered and shone even though there was no light, it was like weaving with stardust. It was beautiful, and the other threads were like weaving with the darkness of the night sky. Slowly the image was revealed, a glorious pattern woven into the dark fabric, it shone like it was magical in nature. I stared at it, and I felt the knowledge of that pattern flood my mind. A second one began to shift from the same, as if a similar patterned spell. This new one was similar to the one to dominate a person, but it did not rob them of their free will, instead it put them in a daze. I knew it from the pattern in the weave that was revealed to me... I can make an individual sleep, animals, or weak minded creatures, I can change the perception of reality by concealing people and making them invisible to others, I can control a persons mind and body... And utter a single word that will daze them. It's as though my magic is shifting away from protecting people and more towards controlling people.

Hala wants people to be free of suffering so they can achieve greatness, why is half of my magic the ability to manipulate peoples minds? Is there a reason Hala is revealing these to me? Or has Eros been right that my magic is not from Hala. I heard that there are not many sorceress followers of Hala, and that they are the ones Hags prefer to corrupt. I can't help but wonder why that is. Just because emotions tend to run high with people like me, it does not mean it will be destructive or malevolent, right?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 12, 2022, 12:19:29 PM
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A green hag has green skin, a sea hag has seaweed in her hair, an annis hag is dark blue almost black skin and is taller than the rest while having sharp talons. The hag that Miss Heir reported had grey skin, hopped from shadow to shadow, and despite being shorter than normal for a hag, she was exceptionally strong.

This hag does not match any of the descriptions of the known hags. Sister Marissa suggested that this may be a night hag since it does not match, attacked at night and jumped from shadow to shadow. I will see if I can find information from the Herczogs. They may know something about it.

Quote
[A letter, written in Luktar sent to her father, somewhere in a rebel camp]
Papa,

I'm sure Mama informed you by now, but she sent a man on the brides quest. Although, I've not seen him in some time. Seeing as the man was a Garda, I'm curious if the rebels may have something to do with his dissapearance. If it's not that then it would be that he went on the hunt but was not succesful...

Papa, in the past you seemed to suggest that you knew of Eros, which makes me wonder if you're aware of any means in which to contact that thing. I have some questions for Eros and my connection to him is gone. Other than that, is it possible that our family is cursed?

I know that you probably wont be able to get a letter back safely to me in a timely manner, but I hope you're alright and able to reply. I've began to pursue my magic, and it has grown quite a lot over the months. I think I have managed to keep it a secret, but there are circumstances that are arising where I may not be able to hide it anymore. I am scared of my magic papa and mother would simply tell me to ignore it, lock it away and not use it, but I keep wanting to.

Please stay as safe as you can papa.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 19, 2022, 12:31:58 PM
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[A letter in Luktar, delivered to her father Fredek somewhere in a rebel camp in Barovia]
Papa,

Please disregard my other letter. He had been overwhelmed with work and couldn't get free to see me. It is a relief that he's alright, he took down an ancient dire bear from the mountains. I hope you are safe Papa, but if you know anything about Muskall Mushroom I would appreciate the shared knowledge.

Your loving daughter, Narcissa
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 23, 2022, 01:12:51 PM
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It was a non issue before he spoke to Eloane... I've never felt rage like I did today. Every fiber of my being wanted me to misuse the power of the weave. Every fiber of my being wanted me to find that bitch wanted to make her forget any feelings she may have towards Benedikte. I, for a brief moment, wanted to use it on Benedikte. I wanted to make him not care if he was excomunicated.

Today I called upon dark shadows to bind around some innocent animals, and next I knew, I'd killed them with the bitter north wind. I never felt this way before in my life. Ever. This was the first time. When I realized that I had done that, and was about to do the same to a bird, it got away thankfully, I came to the hospice.

Marissa called it rage. A blind rage. Maybe, but the fact that I wanted to harm things terrified me. The shadow bindings were upsetting but they didn't hurt anything, just held it in place. But they came because I felt . . . Dark inside.

I love Benedikte so much, I can't bear the thought of seeing him suffer. I don't want to be the source of pain for him. I'm sure there's a sect that will allow me to help anyone and everyone.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 24, 2022, 12:29:45 PM
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The second sect, they wont even turn away an enemy if they ask for aid. I can agree with that sentiment, but, what I am not sure I can live with is belonging to something that could cause such suffering to one of their own as excommunication for the choice of their spouse. Being forced to pick between loosing love or faith family is not something that anyone should have to face.

The sisters have no issue with the idea of me marrying an Ezrite, but the Ezrites seem to have issue with one of their own marrying outside of the faith. I am sure I can bear it, I hope. Do I want to do this though? I can still walk the same path under a different cloth. Many brothers and sisters have and do.

It is not that I don't believe in a battle of souls, it is simply that I am concerned with the people as they live. I can do something for them, but I can't for a soul. I believe that suffering leads to people doing awful things, maybe even people becoming monsters. If we can lessen the suffering they endure maybe they wont be so quick to turn to darker means.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 26, 2022, 09:58:00 AM
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I told him my descision. I love Benedikte wholy and completely. For him I will convert, I can still help people and ease their suffering from the second sect.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 03, 2023, 11:20:56 AM
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I must admit that I made mistakes lately. Venturing with people I didn't really know, and ending up nearly dead a few times, and unable to stop the suffering that everyone endured. Even that poor hooded man. I also feel terrible for Andris, he didn't do anything to deserve that, but knowing now that rebels are active again... I understand it. A mixture of jealousy, desire to protect me, but still. I am at least glad that Miss Aleksandra called him over to take care of him. It feels like it was my fault for it happening, maybe his jealousy will settle when we are wed.

Of course if rebels are active around here, I should try to act as fast as possible to set up that meeting with mother so she can see the ancient dire bear Ben slayed. I can't see any reason why she would deem his hunt not worthy. She's been wanting me to marry into a good Barovian family, while Benedikte may not have much family left, he is a Lance Corporal in the garda, and I've replenished the fang lost during mothers sickness, and then some. Considering that she also wants me to avoid Hala and pursuing my magic, converting to Ezra will make her happy too.

I can still pursue the teaching of Hala through the second sect. Hardly the first witch to have to do that, and sadly, unlikely to be the last. I am going to start working properly at the hospice, I may see if Marissa is alright with me selling and or giving away clothes from here. I can use that money to help buy supplies. At least until miss Neferet sets up her guild or union thing, maybe then I can go back to simply weaving...

On the other hand, I need to find out more about that weird device under Berez with Marissa and Andris. I should also let her know that things are going to become a lot harder to Gundarakites if rumour is true. It's going to get a lot more complicated soon I fear.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 04, 2023, 01:32:22 PM
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Benedikte wasn't in good shape when he came back after duty. New wounds and scars, and not much I could do to ease his mind. I guess he couldn't sleep, I vaguely remember him leaving when it was still dark. I know he'll tell me the details when he's had a little time to process it. Vallaki is my home, I grew up here and I've seen what the garda do in the light, and it's not an easy job. Benedikte isn't from here, he's from Barovia, the small village. Maybe he would be better as a guard in the town, than here. I know that he cares, but lately... There's a... A darkness for lack of better words... The way he looked at me when he smashed Andris' head against the tree... It's not something I've seen on his face before.

I knew that loving a garda would not be easy, and I know they have to do what is needed to keep Vallaki safe. I was not really ready to accept the level of violence I would have to see. I still don't want to. I also can't deny my own rising hostility. Anger is hard to control at times, and I suppose that is part of what Marissa meant. I know that I have to control myself at all times, keep my emotions under control, but... It seems that when I reach a certain point, I become cold. I feel empty, void of anything except this bitter iciness.

This is the second time such has happened. And the second time I deliberately went out of my way to inflict harm upon something. That Jackdaw did not deserve to be frozen to death, but I did it, and it is only now, hours after the fact, that I am even beginning to feel an inkling of regret. I am very thankful that the magic I know is not really that harmful. I fear what I could do if my magic was of the sort that would harm. The weave is what makes up everything, magic comes from it, and misusing it has consequences. But when Nyanka said she hopes I never have children? I lost it.

In that moment I wanted to bind her in shadows and make her hurt herself. I wanted to watch her suffer. I wanted to curse her. Every single inch of my being meant those words when I said I hope she experiences the joy of being in love and being pregnant, and the pain of loosing it over and over again. It felt so powerful to utter those words.

Maybe I do have a darkness in me like Eros would suggest. In that moment I was willing to misuse the weave.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 06, 2023, 02:13:58 PM
Quote
01,06,778

I'm afraid right now. I fear for Benedikte, all he's endure has made him colder, and for myself. I am possibly with child, and Benedikte will be busy with work for... I don't know how long. The only time I will see him for now will be when he is on duty. I'm afraid. I don't want Benedikte to be in any trouble with his faith. I've suspected for about a week now, but I've been too afraid to find out. Especially now that he is as busy as he is. I'd rather be dissapointed and have it be due to stress, that not know when he will be able to be there for me.

I've been reading the Ezrite books he gave me, and the first two paint her as mortal, while the last two as always having been a Goddess.

I keep thinking back to the Silphium I have. I could take it, he would not risk any trouble with his faith then, but... How he looked at me, there was a glimmer of light in his eyes, but I am still scared. I know how deadly complications can be and birth itself. I could die, the child could die. I don't know if I can handle being pregnant without him by my side, and I certainly don't want him to be more worried.

I took a bullet out of Nyanka's thigh. I hadn't seen a bullet from a gun since the war. Vallaki is starting to feel dangerous, and with rebels and fiends at play here... Not to mention hags.

Hala help me.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 06, 2023, 04:25:22 PM
Nyanka barged into the Broken Bell, barely clinging to life. Blood gushed from several wounds, including a bullet hole in her thigh. Despite the differences and animosity Narcissa felt towards the woman, she sprung to action. Her healers nature took hold and in that moment she did not care who her patient was, what mattered only in those moments was being able to save her and help.

Her deft hands swiftly packed and bandaged the worst of the wounds, as Benedikte called for her to take Nyanka upstairs. with his help the pair aided the woman up the stairs and into the bed so that Narcissa could work better. Narcissa knew she needed a knife, she had her Athame, but for it to be tainted in blood would mean it would need to be cleansed at best, and so she asked Benedikte for a knife. A short sword was offered to her instead. "The blade is too big." With a sigh she took out her ritual knife. She would deal with the consequences of her choice later, for now she had to act, and she had to act fast. She tore open the hole from the gunshot and exposed the bullet hole wedged firmly in the womans thigh. There was a brief wave of relief as Narcissa noticed that no major veins were severed, she could do this. Benedikte had brought up plenty of liquor, and so Narcissa handed a bottle to Nyanka saying, "Drink." As Nyanka drank, she wadded up some cotton cloth and handed it to her as she doused her hands, the knife and the wound itself with some whisky. "Bite on this, it's going to hurt." She warned as Benedikte came in to hold Nyankas hand to comfort her as best as he could for what was about to happen. The alcohol hit the wound and Narcissa plunged the knife in, wiggling it around until she found the bullet. A swift jerk dislodged it from the bone, and using the knife to keep the wound open, she dug her fingers in and pried the bullet out.

A horrible, gutteral, muffled wail of agony echoed upstairs in the Broken Bell as Narcissa pried the bullet from the former garda's thigh. Nyanka was handed another bottle to drink from as Narcissa cleaned and sutured the wound. Nyanka took a few deep breaths to steady herself before attempting to make herself vomit. "Why are you doing that?" Narcissa questioned her, as she did it again. "Stop that!" she said sternly trying to take the womans hand away.

"I have to get this vraja out of me." She coughed and spat out phlemgh tinged with red. Narcissa was concerned, but that was cut short by Benediktes questioning of her. Some sort of fiend, she heard a name, Zsofika, and heard that she had almost killed the man she loved. A nerve was struck and the cold rage returned. "She did what?!" Benedikte did not reply, his concern was more on who or what had attacked Nyanka. Shaking her head at another failed attempt to purge her stomach, Narcissa grabbed Nyanka's head and pushed it back. Her fingers pried open her mouth as she plunged several down the back of her throat attempting to cause enough to make her vomit. It did not. Narcissa was more focused on what she could do for Nyanka than what the two were speaking about. All that she heard and paid attention to was the name Zsofika, and horns. Some sort of Gundarakite devil worshipper she assumed. It did not matter to her as much as her patient.

"Benedikte, I need egg white and charcoal."

"The shops don't open until morning and I don't think Samvel has any."

"Get me some coal then." She ordered, the man nodding and heading out to fetch what asked. Narcissa set out a bottle of whisky and a vial of powdered herbs. "I'm going to mix an emetic plant into this to make you vomit." She said, adding the powdered bayberry and blessed thistle to the bottle as Benedikte came back with a lump of cool coal. Narcissa thanked him and broke the coal in two, grinding the halves against each other to create a fine powder into the bottle. Satisfied with the concoction, she corked the bottle and gave it a shake before telling Nyanka to drink it all in one go. Knowing what would come, she pulled Benedikte away from the path of projectile vomit that was soon to follow. And follow it did, the womam wretched and heaved, emptying her stomach, and to Narcissa's disgust she watched Ben kneel down and examin the vomit.

It turned out that the Gundarakite had forced her to drink some strange concoction that smelled of sulphur. That was what she was trying to purge, and Benedikte had recognized it as he had seen such a liquid before. He took out a vile causing the weakened woman to recoil. That was the thing she had drank. It reeked of sulphur and made her worry. She would take a sample and seek out a few people to see if they could provide any information about it. She had no idea how much the woman had absorbed from her stomach, nor what the substance was or did. But for now Narcissa could at least relax a little. Nyanka would make it. Although she had spoiled the last night she and Benedikte would have for a while, but it was her first duty to help ease suffering and heal people. She would set aside her dislike and contempt for the woman whose words had hurt her so, and make sure that she would make it through the next few dangerous hours as she lay passed out on the bed.

If only that would be the last traumatic thing she or her beloved Benedikte would deal with.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 07, 2023, 11:02:44 AM
Quote
01,07,778

If the rumour is true about the mobilization of the garda... And about the rebel encampment... Benedikte may end up facing a lot of horror and I'm scared he may not return. If he does not return, I am unsure how I will handle it, it scares me. I may be carrying his child, and if the rumours are true, then.... Maybe the headless rider will do their work for them, and save the garda from more atrocities. It would be swift from my understanding. They would be left headless and die a swift death with little suffering... It's not right, but it may be the best solution.

I have magic at my hands, but all I could do with it would be to put people to sleep, or knock them down with bitter cold wind. I don't want the rumours to be true. I don't want Benedikte to have to go fight against guns and magic when all they will have is potions and mundane weapons.

If the rumours are true, I could seek out where the camp is, and I could try something, maybe I could dominate the mind of their leader and make them return to... Somewhere else, but at the same time, if it is rebels.... It may be my father. At this point he knows that I plan to marry Benedikte, no doubt he'd know that mama sent him on the bride quest.

My father, Fredek Sziga, is a rebel. If these rumours are true, it may end up being my father against the father of my child. My father against the father of his grandchild. Against the man his daughter loves. I don't want the rumours to be true.

Quote
I wish I had not seen that. I could of deluded myself that the rumours were rumours and nothing more. When I saw it my heart sank. I've felt a tightness in my chest since then, and sick to my stomach. I am afraid. I want to give him this gift. He should have an Ezrite amulet to keep him safe and help him through this trying time.

Rumours are true and they are so close to Vallaki, laying claim to land that was never once theirs. What if I loose him? I've gathered up things that I hope can help, it's all I can do.

Emilians words are sticking with me "Be better than you are".

What is it that I truly want to do?

Before I met Benedikte I was certain. As much as Eros caused harm, the imp also made some good points to me. Is marriage what I want? Is being a guards wife what I want?

I do understand more than before why Halans dissaprove of marriage. I've heard rumours that Emilians group is not afraid of magic. I could let it grow unrestricted. I could toss the fear of what it could turn into and welcome whatever destructive, unnatural arcane patterns are revealed to me.

But I love Benedikte with my whole being. I am terrified.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 08, 2023, 06:17:37 PM
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/884927217572921414/1061740022019137637/le_picture_of_Lena_edit_2.png?width=431&height=585)
Spoiler: show
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Y7Jm5Re-KG_Vh28XXSxjzZ-q7KhKSNFq?usp=share_link

The journal has been thrown into the fire of the broken bell as Narcissa sat infront of it, stitching the holes in one of her dresses from an attack by mobats. She watched the fire consume the book to ashes and took a deep, shaky breath. She would be starting a new life soon, and that night had realized that for the man she loved she would give up everything. The chances were more likely that she was with his child, Vallaki was her home and she had now seen the danger the rebels posed so close to home.  She had grown suspicions over the years about her father, as she had been too young to really remember him. It had been so long she barely remembered his face.

She knew her heritage but this was what her mother and her had agreed upon. Her knowing Luktar being a joke started by her father when a little four year old expressed interest in joining the garda, one that had turned into reality as it could prove a useful skill to have. Every word she spoke was true that night. She had not seen him since he left when she was five, his care packages had stopped coming since the Black Army had been defeated. While she did not know the fullest of details to what poor Benedikte had been enduring, she longed to.

Narcissa had grown to love him to a fault. Even if he still pined for his lost love, she still wanted to be his woman. If she had to convert to be his, she would. And so with that understanding of herself she wrote a letter in Luktar, leaving it at their usual designated pick up spot, which she had given to Benedikte. A place she had often run and hidden in as a child. In the middle of the night, under the cover of the pre dawn darkness, Narcissa accepted her fate and made her choice.

Quote
[A letter in Luktar, presumably delivered to her father somewhere in a rebel camp within Barovia]
Papa,

I'm pregnant. Please come home, I need to see you, I'm terrified.

Your loving daughter, Sissi

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 08, 2023, 07:02:31 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/1b/bd/ec/1bbdec31f577c154fdbb79e8ea011f2d.jpg)
A new journal begins

Quote
01,08,778

This has been a truly awful time. I can not even imagine the horrors Benedikte has endured, and whatever is going on within the garda must be awful. Truly awful. I know that my life has just become more complicated than I ever thought possible. I wish I had never left the walls of the city.  I love Benedikte so much, I suspect i may be my downfall. I'll give my all to this man, who seems to barely give me an ounce.

I miss the man he was. These last few months have taken a hefty toll on him. I wish we could of stayed in that cabin in Barovia. I was the happiest I've been there.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 09, 2023, 09:32:29 AM

Quote
01,09,778

I was baptised, and the entire time I had hoped that Benedikte would make it. I had hoped that him seeing it would bring a smile to his face. A true smile, one that meets his eyes. I admit that for the briefest of moments when he acted as though he would leave me, two thoughts came to my mind, and neither one was good. This hell water, I will hold on the this small sample, I know it takes as little as a drop on the skin, if I have no more desire to go on as I am now, perhaps I will drink it. I want to help Benedikte with his past love, loosing someone and knowing not of their fate would weigh on me too, the proper thing is to help him find her, but what I really want to do is make him admit she's dead and move on. Make him believe he has known her dead for months, maybe years, that he has grieved for her already. I could do it while he sleeps, I've seen robes that enable one to use magic without uttering a word, he wouldn't wake up... And I could make him forget I ever did it.

But that is wrong to do. Even if it would help ease the suffering that poor man is going through. It would be wrong. Yet part of me doesn't care.

I spoke with Mama last night about Papa, I asked her if she thinks he is still alive. I didn't want to see her cry, I didn't mean to upset her. She hasn't heard word from him either since the war. She hit me when I told her I sent him letters. I haven't seen her this furious with me since I was nine and accidentally made the tree glow. She called me stupid, idiotic, told me that doing so I threatened everything she had been trying to secure for me. She was right. She is right. Papa is most likely dead, and I was stupid. So incredibly naive and stupid.

I'll tell Benedikte the truth if he asks me why my face is bruised. He probably would agree with my mothers reaction.

Sometimes, I think I assume the best in everyone and ignore the possibility that they are not all that good of a person until it is too late.

I don't know if this is a flaw or a gift.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 09, 2023, 11:24:34 AM
She was scared, and what does anyone with a mother still alive do when in such emotion? Narcissa went home.

It had been quite a long while since she'd been home and she explained to her mother that Benedikte had shown her the pelt he had hunted and that his duties as a city guard were causing the delay. Cosmina understood it, the life of a garda was far from an easy one, and to be wed to one carried additional hardships. These were not the things that she had wanted for her daughter, but she had seen the love and she knew how much it meant to her daughter for her to bring home a man. She would see if the pelt was to her standards, Narcissa knew that but she still hoped that it would be. She could not speed this up more than she had. What remained now was for Benedikte to take the time to give it to her.

"Mama, there were rebels in the woods."

"I know my dear. Why do you bring it up? Benedikte wasn't hurt was he?" She asked, stirring the stew on the stove.

"Battered, bruised but not physically broken." Narcissa stressed.

"It's not an easy choice he's been forced to make lately Narcissa. Life as a garda is far from easy. It's why I never wanted you to join them. I thought you would learn that from working as a nurse in the last war." Cosmina said turning from the pot to look at her daughter.

"I think the garda superiors, or maybe even one of the counts representatives, are scrutinizing the garda... Benedikte was concerned about my green eyes. Someone suggested that I was fey."

Cosmina shook her head, "Probably some girl who is envious. I told you I had a great aunt of Forarian descent, right?" Her daughter nodded.

"He asked about papa..."

Cosmina straightened her back, a scowl creeping onto her face. "Narcissa..."

"I told him what you've always told me. He kept pressing, and well... When I was little and I'd go and hide... Papa always said that if I got scared or missed him to leave a letter there and he'd find me..."

"Narcissa, you didn't." Her mother said, the colour draining from her face, a reaction she had seen not long ago. Her mother marched across the small kitchen to where Narcissa was sitting. Narcissa gulped, feeling her body begin to quake.

"Oh you stupid, stupid child!" She shouted cracking the spoon in her hand across her daughters face hard enough to send splinters onto the table and floor. "I can not believe you Narcissa! How could you possibly so stupid. You could ruin every single thing I've worked so hard to get for you!"

Narcissed cried out in shock and pain, her hand going to the side of her face were she was stuck. Looking horrified at the blood on her hand. "You have no idea how hard I have worked to secure a good life for you." Cosmina said shaking her head and scowling at her daughter in a way only a mother can.

"I-I'm sorry... Mama..." She asked nervously in a pained voice. "Is he even alive?"

Cosmina grabbed a chair and sat in it with a heavy sigh and tears welling up. "The reason I cherish that bottle that was poisoning me is because it was the last thing he sent me. He has not made any contact since the events in Zeidenberg." The tears began to flow her her mothers warm brown eyes. "You had better hope he is dead Narcissa." She said coldly pointing to the door.

Narcissa nodded, and pulled the hood up over her face, and left for the broken bell, her head down. Droplets of blood marking her trail for a little ways past the gate to the slums.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 10, 2023, 03:05:42 PM
Narcissa had gambled that night. Not with any money or cards or dice, but with fate. She had her hopes in which direction fate would go, but had resigned herself to the choices she had made. Narcissa loved Benedikte wholly, but that night she was prepared to bleed.

Narcissa sat in the Broken Bell as she had many nights now. The bruise and gash from her mothers outburst had formed a scab and was no longer swollen. It was a mark she had tried to hide but the swelling was going down and tonight, she would pick the scab and see how the scent of blood would change things. She was willing to make a deal with a devil if that is what it would take for her to have her beloved back in her arms. Narcissa hoped and prayed that it would be Benedikte who would enter the inn that night. She hoped he would show up for her, and her emerald green eyes watched the door, waiting.

"I'm really going to do this..." she admitted to herself with resignation.

Her mind skipped back to that morning, a small smile forming as she remembered his words. She had missed his voice, but she was beginning to understand the situation. She spoke with a few people she trusted about her worries and fears relating to Benedikte, and each had helped her better understand. She was aware of the rumours about their Count, and now she was aware a woman named Talena Von Zarovich was around. Benedikte had lost his last bride under the gaze of the castle owned by Count Strahd Von Zarovich, and now a Von Zarovich was acting as a representative of the count here, in Vallaki. She was starting to understand the fear he must surely be facing interally, amplified by questions about her eye colour.

Cosmina had never officially been married, she had been a wise woman and thought well ahead for her daughter. She owned the house, she had made certain to leave no traces that could cause her daughter to suffer, but she had not forseen her daughters own course of actions that would result in suffering none the less. Cosmina could not of predicted the scrutinization of the garda, nor the difficulties Narcissa's lack of a father could cause. Least of all the fear her daughter would face not knowing if she would have Benedikte at her side while she faced the joys and risks of carrying his child, or what lengths she may go.

Narcissa's ears twitched as she heard the door open and her eyes lit up in early hopes of seeing Benedikte. Those hopes were dashed replaced instead by an acceptance of what fate had handed her that night. She would play these cards, and pay the blood toll for her wish. With that in mind, she spoke six words to the one who had entered the bell at the hands of fate.

"I have a favour to ask..."
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 10, 2023, 03:13:36 PM
Quote
01,10,778

I thought I knew the price I'd pay, why do I remember doing that... I feel a little weak. Maybe I drank too much and he took advantage of me? I don't think I would of agreed to paying.... that way. It's done though, I waited many nights in the inn, he could of come at any time.

I can't undo what I've done, I can only hope it wont bring more suffering.

Quote
Chin up Narcissa, you know what he is. Maybe he never laid a hand on me, but these memories are too real... I have no bite mark, I don't feel particularly weak. Did I really sleep with him? The memories would lead me to say yes, but... Despite how gentle or tender or loving a touch, the only man I would ever let touch me that way is Benedikte.

You know what he is Narcissa, you just don't know as much as you should.

I always thought vampires drank blood, do they have other needs? I never thought they did. Based on what I know, and what people say, he is. So then why are there memories so intimate that the idea of them being with anyone other than Benedikte makes me sick, in my mind? Why?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 11, 2023, 09:56:29 AM
Quote
01,11,778

I am going to take the silphium. Carrying this child is making me loose my mind.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 11, 2023, 04:28:41 PM
With enough wool and weaving materials to keep herself occupied, Narcissa made her way back into her land. Back to Barovia, although she would not return to Vallaki for some time yet. With a bottle of wine in one hand and a key in the other, she went up to her room at the Blood of the Vine and mixed the Silphium into the glass of wine. It took her several minutes staring at the glass before she would bring it to her lips, swallowing the mixture that would end the child growing within her. It was not what she wanted, not at all. No, Narcissa wanted to keep it, she wanted to be a mother to Benedikte's children, but that was not to be right now. For as much as she wanted to keep it, she knew that she could not.

She had always had such a strong control over her emotions and thoughts and actions, but ever since she began to grow a life within her, she'd felt that grasp dwindle. She'd felt her control lessen each week, and her most recent actions made her realize too clearly the state she was in. If this was to be how she would react to carrying a child, carrying a child would see her comitted to Zarcroft. That would cause more suffering for all involved than putting an end to it. In her current state she had thought it was a valid action, a proper choice to seek the aid of a vampire to manipulate the mind of someone. A thing she would not even do herself, but she had.

Her mind was not well, be it from the child itself, the effects it would have on her body, or from the stresses and fears of the growing tension in Vallaki and within the garda. Narcissa cried. She sobbed. She did not want to give up the child, but nor could she continue with it. It would be a painful thing to do to herself, but it was one she ultimately needed to do. Carrying his child was risking a lot for Benedikte. They were unwed, she had only just been baptised, and his past bride to be haunted him. During a time when Narcissa felt she needed the father of their child more than ever, he was more absent and distant than ever before. It hurt, it cut deep, but it was dawning on her that no matter what she wanted, if it was not to be, she could not have it.

She sat the now empty glass down and refilled it. She did not want to be sober tonight. She would not return to Vallaki until her mind was clear once more. She would return and refocus on the hospice, on helping people. She would return and hope that someday her beloved Benedikte would return to her.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 14, 2023, 02:01:19 PM
Quote
01,14,778

Well, that's that I guess. I suppose in my previous state I had deluded myself into believing that we had not separated, but, truth is... I will wait for him. While we may no longer be together and my heart aches, I can accept this. It is not something that I can change or alter. It will be his choice. And I will accept his choice. At least now I can. Everything was clouded and I was terrified, my actions during that time... While I am under control now, would such a thing happen if I tried to carry a child again? Would that paranoia and fear take my mind again? Would I be able to maintain control of myself? Or was it simply a matter of too much stress for me to handle?

It's done now. I can think clear again, and I can see my mistakes. I'm glad Benedikte finally came to talk, it saddens me greatly though. I have gone through this before. Three times infact. Now this is the fourth time I have been set to marry, and for something to come up. At least he did not die or go insane. I have that to be thankful for. And perhaps, some day, he will change his mind, and maybe when he does, my heart will still long for him.

For now, I should focus my attention elsewhere, there is little use in dwelling on things I can't change. I must simply accept them as they are.

But my heart aches, and these tears flow freely. 
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 16, 2023, 10:16:35 AM
Quote
01,15,778

I seem to have somehow simultaneously ruined my chances at two goals. With fair standing I will never be able to join the garda, and I do fear that I have ruined my chances to learn from Sister Marissa. I may never become a full fledged sister of Hala now. Unless I can find someone else to teach me the ways. Perhaps Sister Eve, or maybe I will have no choice but to go to that city that makes me so sad. Sit in their slums and talk to the Sisters there while little children mug people in the streets. I don't know how they can function there and not do anything to help those poor children. That city is as vile as possible, yet if I truly want to learn... Would it even be good to learn from people seem to do nothing for the children of the slums?

What do I do now? I have no longer a fiance to be wed to, I've lost my good standing in my home, and I honestly do not think Marissa would teach me a single thing now. Not after she called me a baby murderer.  I'm unsure she would be the right person to teach me anyway, she seemed to lack an understanding of the situation beyond the fact I took silphium. And to call me such a thing for making a choice that would prove the best. Had I not, I would of continued to loose my mind. I would of descended into madness full paranoia and fully misused the weave. Benedikte would of had to deal with the clashback of being responsible for a child out of wedlock, for having the mother of his child either commit a crime or end up in the asylum. Not to mention how that may affect his position in the garda, and the sheer fact that he had decided to leave me. Or if I died in childbirth, he would be responsible for the child, and... He is far to busy with the garda for such.

Not a single of those instances are conducive to a happy and healthy child. I will not bring a child into this world if it will suffer, and it would of. I would of suffered too. If she reacts this way to me taking such, oh goddess, what if she encountered a woman who sought out the Halans for help with a child she could not raise? Or if she would die or suffer greatly due to it? I understand emotions can make us act and say things we do not mean, but... She should not ask questions she is not able to handle the answers to. The truth is rarely pleasant and never pretty. It is harsh, brutal and cold. It is cruel and freeing.

I will take some more time away from home to calm myself down and then I will go back and speak to her, hopefully she will have calmed down too. I forgive her words, even if she truly meant them. I guess Richemulot has no issues with unwed mothers, or children raised by lunatics. It sounds like a wonderful place to live. Or maybe she left it in search of a place that matches her? Sadly she will not find much kindness for those things in Barovia. I should find out where Eve procured this silphium and make sure the hospice has it in stock. Along with other medicines.

I've been exploring the Hazlani woods in search of herbs the Garda said they needed. I think the Barovians forests are a little safer, but I can not deny the abundance here. When I fill these pouches I'll return home and come back in the summer for the berries, along with cotton and flax. I've been finding a lot of these pretty white flowers, I'm not sure if they are useful, but maybe they are. I'm sure Marissa will know what they are

 
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 16, 2023, 02:41:18 PM
Quote
01,16,778

I gathered she would not teach me, but to take my job? Because of that?

I guess I have lost everything I had.
Well I am back at the start again I suppose... Do I have it in me to go another round? Am I suppressing my emotions? Am I terrible?
I grieved more than she would ever know, could ever know. I was going insane. Being ferried out of the country would not of solved anything, I can see that being worse.
"Woman carrying lance corporals child vanishes"
"Woman carrying lance corporals child admitted to asylum"

Not his wife, just a woman.

During a time when I needed normalcy more than ever, where I needed the routine and the small joy, where I needed compassion and friendship. I instead end up jobless, no tutor or mentor. I was not prepared for this sort of loss. What do I do now?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 17, 2023, 06:05:44 PM
Quote
01,17,778

I saw a group of Garda, even one of the Lances on a day off. Outside of the citadel. Everyone I have spoken to has told me that I deserved better, Barovian, outlander alike. Only one person spoke differently. I understand Sister Amelia's explanation of why she reacted with so much hostility, and I know she most likely spoke out of hurt and anger. I want to speak to her about it, but I guess I am still hurt by her words, or afraid that her anger and hurt will return.

Seeing a group of Garda taking a day off to go chop wood and socialize made me realize that Benedikte could of taken time off to be with me and I am sure they would of understood. He knew there was a strong chance that I was carrying his child when he came to leave me. He was aware, I remember our conversation. Had I not had such a hard time in finding an Ezrite, nor delayed it, things would of be different. I can not deny my part, but nor can I take full blame.

I guess it is right what people are telling me. I did deserve a man who'd pay attention to me. Hell even whatever the goddess damned creature Seraphim is was right about that. Thinking back on it... As much of a unwanted thing it was, it did show me a tenderness I deserved. Mama taught me to give thanks where it is due, I guess I owe him thanks for that.

Despite it all and as my thoughts become clearer, I still miss him, and to think...

The duke was brought here by the actions of a person driven by lossed love. I almost repeated that. I contemplated it, really I did. I stared at the sample of the water of styx and thought about using it to call him forth. To make a deal to get my beloved back. I learned today that one time a monk lost the woman he loved, and in a desperate attempt to get her back the duke was brought about. I can understand the level of pain that can drive a person to rationalize such actions, because I was walking that path myself. However, I realized what I was thinking of doing was insane. I could of ended up in the same place as Augustus.

I should try to visit him someday. Perhaps see if he can be released. He wasn't ever insane, that bastard imp really was out to get him.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 19, 2023, 11:28:23 AM
Quote
01,18,778

I finally got to see the Ice palace of Jezra Wagner! Well not entirely, just a small section of it. It was beautiful. I'm still chilled to the bone and it's been a few hours, but I want to go back. I want to see more of it, and Miss Nissa said she even knows the location where Jezra took refuge and became trapped. I understand completely why she loved the mountain, it is very beautiful up there. And the ice palace it is stunning.

I had no idea that the mountain could be so massive within! I always thought that mountains were solid. Yet, inside of the mountain there is a chasm, we did not explore it because by this point, the vast majority of the people left in the group wanted to fight and to get fang out of it. Mister Bartholomeus stayed behind at the logging camp while we continued up. Even though it wasn't the coldest months, it was still bitter at the peak, and the palace, somehow, colder.

We saw a lot of- well it would be naive to believe they were ice sculptures- frozen people. I had no clue that a person could be frozen solid like that. Most of them looked afraid, or were positioned in combative poses. There were these massive ice things, and giant snowmen, the latter was what caused our party to fail. The strongest fighters were not able to match the beings and so they fell and we had to begin the arduous and dangerous trek back down the mountain carrying three corpses and their gear. I got lost and seperated from the group on the way down, it was terrifying on my own but we all made it back down to safety.

Knowing the dangers that are present up there now, I wont go without proper preparations, and that means I will need to ensure we bring someone who can address the weaponry.

I still want and need to speak with Marissa, but... When I look at her, the images of our last conversation flood me and I feel like crying. I am not ready yet to speak with her, I am still quite hurt by her actions and words, at least I am not angry anymore. I've not set foot back in the hospice yet because of it. I dread facing her right now, I don't want to be the recipient of such harshness again, I would not be able to handle it. I fear it would break me.

I admit that I am not at my best right now. I feel fragile, I've lost a great deal in a short time, and much of it being the first time experiencing it. Loving someone to that depth, carrying a child, loosing both lover and child. Due to my own actions in part. Being told that a sister saw me with my daughter in a vision, telling me that that was what I could of had, that I stole it from Benedikte. Deprived myself of it... That it broke his heart. How could it break the heart of a man who had already decided to leave us?

I do not think she even knew he had decided he was leaving me the day I told him the barley seeds had sprouted.

I deserve better. The path of least suffering applies to those who walk it too, right?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 20, 2023, 01:54:00 PM
Quote
01,19,778

Why would she tell me one day that she took a vow to only speak truth, and then the next not only break confidence and discuss my medical choices, but also spread a lie? It was not just to sister Margit that she spoke but to an Ezrite named Jane. Spreading such information can have horrible effects on Benediktes position both in the church and in the garda. He needs his Ezrite family, more than ever I think. I worry about him even as I am realizing that I deserved better treatment. I am sure when the time is right I will find another if I want.

I guess Sister Amelia spoke to Marissa about her actions, and from what Sister Eve said, this is not the first time she has done such. I suppose perhaps the power she weilds has gone to her head. Or maybe she is under the influence of a hag. Sister Eve said that they prefer to target Halans...  I don't know why else she would act so cruel, or claim to have vowed to speak truth, and to lie to others. I want to believe that there is some other reason that is causing her to act so.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 24, 2023, 04:02:23 PM
[A letter left in the designated location, presumably delivered to her father]

Quote
Papa,

I can only assume now that you are gone. I'm not sure who is taking the letters, but this will be my last one. I've lost the man I loved to a woman who lives as a memory of his past. Mama said you've not sent any packages since the war. I will miss you Papa. For a brief moment in time I had it all. A fiance, a growing child, friends, but my actions cost me all of that. Benedikte has broken my heart, and I have spent many nights crying. Mama kicked me out, I haven't been home since we fought.

I will accept that you're gone Papa. I will miss you, but know this Papa. I know my worth now, and I wont let myself settle for anything less ever again.

Who ever has been taking these letters, thank you for keeping a young woman's hope alive all these years.

Your loving daughter, Sisi
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 27, 2023, 06:38:23 PM
Quote
01,27,778

I was finally ready to speak with her today and I tried. I can forgive all that she has done except the lie. I struggle with that one, I understand why she would be upset at how I did not speak with her or the others, I understand that she did not approve of my choice. I can forgive these things, and even her sharing my personal choice with others without my consent. I can forgive those mistakes, but the lie... Why would she lie? And about that?

What did I do to her that she wont speak with me? What mistake did I make this time? How did I further push her away?

More so, what do I do when there is someone with an issue who will not speak with me to solve it. What do I do in this situation? I want to make it right with her, very much so.

I'm also worried about her. Whatever happened recently to her, she seems to have lost her sight again. At least she seems to have that elf lady for a friend, perhaps her new friend will help her adjust to her new loss of sight.

I've begun to notice something, since things have ended with Benedikte, other people have shown me kindness and even given me flowers. I may of loved him deeply and part of my heart will always be his, but I can see how he neglected me. How he could of treated me better, made better choices. I was the happiest I ever was with him, now I just have to figure out how to find that joy again. Because as much as I want to believe otherwise, he will never be mine.

Pluth has also felt saddened. I mean Benedikte was the other person who helped save him, helped nurse him back to health. The luster of his feathers has faded a little, and he has spent more time in hiding than ever before. But I do like how he comes to me when I cry. Pluth is such a sweet bird, I guess I was lucky to encounter Pluth.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 27, 2023, 07:43:38 PM
Narcissa's life was full of many lessons, and she embraced each one, in due time.
As she walked the Hazlani lands searching for those wild cotton shrubs, she began to think to herself. Perhaps this was another lesson that she was being taught. She had learned to look beyond herself, she had learned what it was like to be tricked and what it was like to love. Her curiosity was being tempered too by the group she had joined to delve into the historical ruins of her home. So why wouldn't her affair with that other Halan be one as well?

While her hands pulled the fibers free from the plant, she mused over the possibilities of this potential lesson. Could it be a lesson in forgiveness? Perhaps in acceptance? Accepting that there may be many a thing in her life that she would never understand. Accepting that there would be many things she would never know. Accepting that what another persons says or does is not her responsibility. But then, whose would it be? She wondered to herself as she filled the pouch with fibers.

Accept that it may never be known.
Accept that it is out of your hands.

Yes, surely that was it. Acceptance. It must be the lesson she was being taught. Narcissa thought back to the creation story in her bag. The original 13 got envious of each other and began to fight. But it was not until they almost destroyed themselves that Hala intervened. Life was as complicated as the chaos it was woven from, and Narcissa was beginning to understand this. This last half year had given the young sheltered city girl many lessons and opportunities to learn. She enjoyed each one, the new challenges she was presented with, the new things she got to see and learn. Even the pain.

Narcissa appreciated all of these things. For in her understanding better, she felt that she could better aid those in suffering. If she walked in their path, she would learn about them. Understand them and be able to help them. She wanted to do what it would take to learn how to be better. She knew she had made mistakes, and as Sister Amelia had pointed out, mistakes are prime examples of a chance to learn and to improve.

Narcissa smiled to herself. That was right, a mistake was a chance to improve. A chance to accept a flaw or a failure and strive to make it better. To not repeat the same mistake, and be able to guide others with the knowledge she gained from her own mistakes.

Perhaps, this lesson of acceptance, was also in accepting that not everyone would be her friend. That not everyone would like her. She could succumb to the woe of this notion, or she could rise above it and accept it.

And so, as she filled her bags with cotton, wool and flax fibers, she headed back to her home, ready to seek the aid of her sisters in her lesson, and learn to accept and let go. Sometimes there were things better left unanswered. Some truths better left unknown, and some people better off forgotten.

After all, the path of least suffering applied to those who chose to walk it too.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 28, 2023, 07:17:03 PM
Quote
01,28,778

A game of envoys, where children share a whispered messege and have it come out different than the original. Perhaps that's the case here. Maybe she did not listen fully, maybe her emotions caused her to remember my words wrong. However, even if a person believes what they are saying as true, does not make it true if it is false. I could believe that the sky was purple, but that would not make it purple. What is true is true regardless. What is false is false even if you think it true.

I know if I made a mistake and repeated something false, I'd seek to correct it once I learned it was false.

It is getting tiresom, this whole situation. Allegations I did what I did to hurt the man I love, allegations I worked with a fiend... Maybe this is something that I wont be able to repair. Perhaps I am ready to face what may. I don't understand why people are so eager to move to violence, or why they don't listen to warnings.

If I don't understand then I should try to come to a middle ground, a compromise. I guess like I treat the people who want to go to dangerous places. I'll go with them because they wont change their minds and if I go I can do my best to protect them from the suffering they would endure.

I noticed something today, it's happened a few times before now too... When I was stitching up the wounds on the dwarf that fought Emilian, they closed up. Not from stitches, but it was akin to how divine magic can heal. I've noticed this a few times, where it seems like I've done more than I should be able to do with a mundane tools, but this was the first time I saw someone rise up because of it. I'm not sure how I did it, maybe I will ask Amelia and Eve about it. It isn't something that happens all the time. I've only been able to do it for people who are at deaths door.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 30, 2023, 09:57:20 AM
Quote
01,30,778

I have had every last thing taken from me. My home, my work, my friend, my child and my lover. I was kicked out of my mothers house, and now I am banished from my home town. I have lost everything. And all because I made the mistake of working at the hospice. Had I not done that, I am sure that I would not of lost it all. How do I live with myself knowing that a lie has cost me everything. I know there is no way to fix this mess, the allegation that I consorted with a fiend, when I never ever did. Misled by one yes. When I learned what it was I was horrified. How the hell should I know what an imp looks like?

Eros misled me, convinced me he was a friend. But none of that matters anymore. He's dead and gone, that was months ago. More so being punished for my mothers choice... People wouldn't even let the water take me. I have nothing left except outlanders. My job at the hospice, gone. My chance to explore my homelands history, gone. My good standing, gone. And all because I took silphium. All because my choice upset Marissa so much that she believed I worked with a fiend to abort the child, but that was not the case. Well unless Sister Eve is a fiend, since she gave me the silphium.

Marissa has no right to call herself a Halan. She has no right to force such suffering on another person when our duty as Halans is to ease suffering. I want to drown. I want to die. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to live with all this loss. With all this pain. If those people had let me drown, at least my pain would stop. Marissa would win, like I am certain she wants. It would be my choice, but her actions are what pushed me to this brink. I tried to repair things, I tried to find out where she got the notion. And instead, I am branded a liar, and a consorter of fiends. Claimed that I speak no truth, and do harm.

They would not beat me, whip me, or punish me in any other way. I begged them. I begged and sobbed and cried. But the Garda are convinced of the words of Marissa, even though she broke law, was punished by having her sight removed for owning Van Richten books in her possession. Me, a barovian born woman, is taken as a liar based on the words of an outlander criminal witch.

None of this makes sense to me. Eve has tried to convince me that the Mother is still at my side, but... I am... Having a hard time believing in anything right now. Ezrites surely wont believe me now, and my home is stolen from me. It's a good thing that I wont use my athame to cause harm, even though it tempts me with the glint of the steel blade. It tempts me and begs me to use it, to end myself. To stop my suffering.

I do not understand why the garda did this. I've made mistakes while I was distraught and pregnant, I understand that. I made a mistake in obeying my mother when she said she did not want to report it. I understand that.

I was misled by Eros, yes that is true. I did not consort with a fiend though. I did not make any deals with that imp, or anything. Infact it was long dead. Marissa intentionally created a lie with malice to achieve this outcome. I don't know why she did that. Nor why she would want that for a sister of Hala.

My head hurts from crying. I want to end it all.

Garda wont do it, they wont even send me to the asylum.

They just stole the last thing I had holding me together.

I have come undone. The seams which held me together have fallen apart, they've been shredded by malicious intent. And I don't know what to do now.

I've lost too much to have the will to go on.

Quote
I remember all the lovely times I had in my home town. Even though the children teased me when I was little for my fondness of ghost stories and legends, I forgave them. Even when they would pick on me, or when I would be left out, I would forgive them. Benedikte, Marissa, the garda, I want to and I will forgive them all. Garda are simply doing their job. I understand it. I admire the Garda. It's not an easy job, but it's one so vital to my home. They keep it safe... Or they try to.

In this case, a case of slander... They are wrong. I understand why they cut my tongue, I made a mistake, and put my mother first before the laws of my home. I understand and accept that, there is no disputing it after all. I did withhold information of criminal activity, although I had no proof if it was criminal. I still do not. There are many questions about it perhaps she did it to herself and that is why she did not want to report it. Perhaps papa did it, or perhaps one of the families of my prior fiances. Perhaps Eros did it. It will be one of the things I will never know.

Perhaps Mama will speak with the Garda about it. However, I doubt it will do any good. How do I forgive myself and how do I forgive Marissa for destroying my life? Amelia, Eve, Margit, they all say they stand by what I did, understanding why I did it. I upset them by not going to them first, not because I took Silphium. Not because I prevented the suffering and unpleasant life a bastard child would have.

Why would the garda think I would flee?

What did I do to deserve all of this?

Surely Hala, nor Ezra would forsake me, I have always strived to ease suffering and pain where I can. I don't lie about people, I don't speak ill of them behind their backs or to their faces, and I try to be understanding of why people do things. I try to see the best in everyone, and I try my best to follow laws and behave. I am so scared. I do not understand why they punished me in this way. I'm all alone right now, I'm terrified, and alone.

Mama speak with me now, that's for sure, and Papa is most likely dead. No family to turn to now, no permanent dwelling. While the outlanders may not understand it, but I lived my life a proud Barovian, strived to be a good Barovian woman, so what has happened... Besides lacking a shred of truth, every thing that I am, my identity, has been destroyed. I do not understand how it came to this, how this happened or why it happened.

I am terrified, I don't understand any of this. What do I do now? I just want to not exist.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on January 31, 2023, 12:57:05 PM

Two days had passed since she tried to surrender herself to the waters that boardered the territory of her home. She had not left the room since the first night she came. She had gone down to get some liquor and attempted to eat some fish. The liquor was much easier to stomach than food, and she had not eaten since. Her mouth was dry from lack of water, and her stomach growled from hunger. She could not find the will nor the energy to walk down the stairs to eat nor search her belongings for water. Her comfort had been the quiet burning of the candles flame and a sole visitor the prior day.

She enjoyed the company, a chance to distract her from the invasive thoughts that coursed through her mind. The pain in her heart and soul. She was terrified and felt utterly alone. The only support she had had these days had come from those who were not of Barovia. People who she felt could not fathom or understand the depth of what had been taken from her. She wasn't just banished, kicked out of her home and slandered. Narcissa felt that everything that identified who she was had been stripped away.

As she lay in the bed staring at the colourful bird of paradise flower, she felt raw. Her identity, her dreams, aspirations, goals, the very people she admired and had dreamt of joining, her mothers goals for her. A chance to marry into a good Barovian family, make her mother happy and proud, the pride she felt as a citizen of Vallaki, the joy she had in working at the hospice, and the Sisters there she had considered friends, all of these things were now gone. The very things that had formed the foundation the woman was built upon. They had crumbled away, letting her unravel.

As the candled burned down to a nub and darkness surrounded her, she cried. She cried a desperate, broken cry for help. A cry that was heard only by pillow she burried her face into.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 02, 2023, 05:18:18 PM
Quote
02,01,778

It was nice to see Sister Amelia, I am thankful my mind was clear enough that I could let her know about the question the garda asked about the basement. She sees strength and light still within me, Victor said similar as did Weyland... I don't feel strong, and I don't see light around me anymore. I used to look at people and see only good, I believed that people would only act horribly due to suffering. Now though... People, I am learning, sometimes are simply horrid.

Perhaps there is benefit to all this suffering. Ezrite and Halan alike share similar views. Only the Warden I spoke to said she stabbed me in the back. There is a toret who can tell if you are lying, and maybe speaking with him will help to repair the damage done. I asked Sister Amelia to make sure that my mother isn't lynched for the lie about me. She, like myself, will need to pay the price of the consequence for not reporting her poisoning, but that should be all.

Amelia still has hope that Marissa will be willing to speak with me to resolve this, but I've accepted that she wont. Maybe that is alright. Maybe I don't have to speak with her, maybe I don't have to forgive her either. Even to the Ezrites it is not up to us to judge, and I surely know that Hala asks us that we not judge.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 05, 2023, 01:22:28 PM
Quote
02,04,778

I left Barovia.. I think I'll try to pick some flax and cotton if there is any left in Hazlan. I still feel lost and I don't know what to do. I can feel the encroaching darkness and it terrifies me. I do not want to dwell in that darkness. I am beginning to think people are right, and that Marissa is not worth my time, even an Ezrite has said such. When given the truth of the matter, the Warden I spoke to said that she stabbed me in the back. She did.

I am not a liar, I do not consort with fiends.

I may of had the thought of descending that road, but I realized how insane it was before it was too late. I really miss my home. I wish there had been a way to clear my name.

Hopefully the warden will be able to get that toret to speak with me, so I can confess the truth to him, and he will know that I am not lying. I've drank holy water, if there was any sort of fiendish control over me, there would of been a reaction. So I can rest easy and know that I did not do something awful without my knowing. Maybe I will visit a hospice in Port a lucine and inquire about the belief relating to silphium. Marissa spent a lot of time there, so if she was taught that, they would know.

I have a lot still to learn. I want to learn prayers, maybe my magic can be used to heal people. Maybe I have that ability hidden inside me. Why else would my hands heal people beyond what normal means allow? It's not consistent, nor something I can control yet, but maybe if someone will teach me, I can do it.

Maybe I can fight off this damning darkness that threatens to consume me. Maybe Amelia is right, maybe there is strength and light still within me.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 07, 2023, 07:10:34 PM
Quote
02,07,778

I was asked to write a letter to sister Klara to inform her of what happened...
Let's see if I write it like describing a third party...
Person A experienced mental distress as a result of pregnancy, and being left while pregnant. Person A considered making a deal out of grief for their lost fiance with a fiend. They did not. Person A considered things and chose to use silphium.
Person B has seen person A acting out and suggested they get tutored by some sorcerer to control their emotions. Person A says that is not a problem anymore and apologised. Person B presses Person A for an explanation. Person A gives truthful answer. Person B is upset by this and calls person A a baby killer. Person A explains why they took silphium. Person B is upset and maybe did not listen effect did not hear correct details. Person B goes on to spread misinformation and personal choices with multiple parties.

Hmm no, that still seems to convey the wrong intent...

Maybe...
She misheard what I said when I explained why I took silphium and did not check with me about the truth. She then told others a falsehood about me regarding consorting with a fiend.

Hmm... That doesn't quite work either... But it is better.

I'll try again tomorrow after I get some sleep. Maybe with time to disgest what the advice Amelia gave me I'll be able to write it in pure facts. I trust my Sisters judgement.

Oh what was it she said, she let go of the past accusation made by another sister. Perhaps it is better to do that. Wash myself of this matter and let sleeping dogs be.

I think I will pray to the Goddess for guidance, to me it seems like sending a letter would be stepping out of line, but Sister Amelia thinks it best Mother Klara be informed incase Marissa needs protection. Perhaps the Goddess will even grant me vision of divine prayer and healing magic. All magic is from the weave, so that should mean that regardless of how my magic is drawn, I should be able to use divine magic.

To be fair, I've watched the beautiful way Sister Eve and the outlanders and Ezrites heal people. The magic they use is beautiful and pure. Though I watched them, I was always more focused on how beautiful it was, rather than how it was done.

Ezra had no teacher or mentor, and through trusting herself she gave up everything for people to be protected. Even without a mentor she managed to achieve greatness and helped many people. If I apply myself with the same devotion Ezra did, and with the compassion of Hala, maybe I can figure out the pattern in the weave for healing.

Dream or something more, I enjoy dreaming about those mystical weavings in the stardust fabric. Of the beautiful loom upon which this tapestry is woven. Perhaps if I pray enough and with enough intent I can achieve divine healing.

I think I'll rest some now, I want to have a clear head when I speak with Mister Tarset.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 08, 2023, 10:56:52 AM
Narcissa went up to her room and locked the door. Tonight she would spend in prayer and meditation, praying for both guidance and aid. The last time that she had prayed for divine help she watched a creature that hovered over her travel companion vanish. At least at the time she thought that it had vanished. Perhaps it had simply moved out of her line of sight, but that did not change the fact that she believed her prayer had been answered. And so she hoped that if she committed herself enough in prayer perhaps she could gleam some glance or glimmer of divine magic. Narcissa set up her small altar. A statuette of Hala in the middle of the desk, a couple of candles and her holy symbol. It was not much nor elaborate or fancy, but it was honest.

"Hala, Goddess, Caretaker and Mother, I need your guidance. How do I proceed, what do I do about this matter?
Hala, Mother and Caretaker, please show me how to heal divinely, so I can better ease the suffering of those around me.
Hala, Caretaker, please show me how to treat myself with your compassion and care.
Hala, Mother, please give your child wisdom to know what and where to go.
Hala, please show me what I need to see to know."

She uttered the prayer with her whole beings intention behind it. The words falling from her lips as though ushered through by some other force. A prayer that she spoke for the first time as if she knew. These were the things she wanted to sort, she wanted to know how to make amends, how to proceed and what to do. Narcissa kneeled in front of her makeshift altar, her eyes closed as she focused on her Goddess. As she focused her intention on what she was after.

Her deep breathing soon pulled her off into a slumber land full of cosmic wonder. Before her eyes lay a tapestry of her life, woven details of recent events displayed vividly. She studied it, looking at the memories and listening to the words said.

'Marissa I was going to make a deal with a Goddess damned fiend! That is not mentally well.'

She revisited the moment in the hospice where she learned the vows a sister had taken.

'To never remove the veil... To never use the gifts of the Goddess for play vengeance or to cause suffering...To take no husband and bear no child while the veil is drawn... To never speak a word that is not truth.'

The tapestry moved forward, showing her the images of Eve healing, the patterns she wove in the air with her divine magic. It flashed back to remind her that all magic comes from the weave, the most very basic lesson she was ever taught. It showed her the first time she pulled on the threads of the weave to illuminate the tree so she could climb at night. It showed her the moment her healing hands restored health to a man on the brink of death. She looked closer at that image of the tapestry, noticing the different pattern in the weave than in others. While still the same tapestry, the same woven fabric of reality, there was a little difference that she could now see.

At that moment in front of the vampire, she saw a beautiful pattern emerge in the darkness of the night. It was faint, and hard to make out, but it was there. A most beautiful pattern similar to what she saw as divine healing magic. Narcissa focused on this pattern in her dreams weave. The pattern of her magic was etched within this new design.

Perhaps she did not need prayer at all, but perhaps all she needed to do was to set aside everything she thought she was and look for something new.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 11, 2023, 07:25:50 PM
Quote
02,11,778

I have decided not to send a letter to Mother Klara. I do not wish to put Marissa in a similar if not the same, position that I am in. That is a level of suffering that I can prevent. Her mistake was made in Vallaki, and it should remain and be resolved in Barovia. I will not be responsible for her suffering in an entirely different country, let alone one as far from Barovia as Dementlieu. I have been there very rarely and thus, since Marissa can tolerate that place, she deserves to have that at least. If she speaks her allegations to Mother Klara, I trust in Hala that the wise Mother Klara would suggest she seek to confirm something before spreading it.

Who am I to involve another person who need not be involved? Who am I to be the voice that causes suffering, even though she has caused a great much to me?

I will be better than her. I will rise above this. And I will clear my name.

It will take a while to regain my sense of self, and rekindle the flame in my soul, but...

I want to live and learn.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 14, 2023, 11:00:32 AM
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02,13,778

It happened again. I was stabilizing someone who was dying and I healed them again. They stood up despite the fact that bandaging and stabilizing a person does not heal them, but I managed it. When I told Sister Eve about it she told me it was the Mother showing me that she is still with me. Closer at my side now than before. I feel blessed to be able to heal the dying. I hope I will be able to heal the living too.

I have many questions about these rumours and who started them, especially the allegation that I was in the Black Dukes cult. What did Marissa tell people? Or did Nyanka do this? I have confirmed my suspicion that Marissa was the one who went to the garda, and it seems that it all tracks back to her. Had she been doing this in secret for months? Or at least weeks? Perhaps whatever happened to her, the suffering that she must feel to have the need to inflict it upon others... She must be hurting and suffering intensely inside.

Mister Tarset has enlightened me and I will be writing to inform Mother Klara, since she was supposed to mediate a similar debacle with Sisters Eve and Amelia. While I had not wanted to do this, it seems now that it will be the right thing to do. She has begun to slander Sister Margit too, and that is hardly fair. I see now that if I do not inform the Mother Klara, then she will likely continue to inflict suffering on the sisters and brothers that she does not agree with.

I can forgive her for all her trespasses against me... In time. Right now... I am still too hurt to forgive her lie. I do hope that she will attend Sister Eves summoning of all her followers. At the least that way I can tell her I forgive her for taking my job from me, and for causing my suffering. I've endured the suffering, and continue to endure it. I admit I lived a sheltered life, no one had spread a rumour about me before now, at least not to my knowledge. So this is new to me, and even though it has hurt me deeply and injured my very soul, the Goddess is still beside me.

I am not abandoned, and I am not in the wrong. If I hold a grudge against her, that is poisoning myself. If I cling to the hurt she caused, that is also akin to poisoning myself. Maybe, just maybe, it is time to wash myself of it all. Cleanse myself of her intentions and words and actions. I do not think I will be able to heal people like I want to, like I hope to, while I cling to these pains. I need to learn to let go and forgive, even those times that I do not understand their reasons for causing harm. I must still learn to let go and to forgive.

To forgive is a way to ease the suffering of both sides.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 17, 2023, 05:29:58 PM
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02,17,778

Day by day and night by night I feel as though torn in two ways. A darkness tries to push me along one path, while I try to cling to the light. Nyanka, Marissa... Two women who seem to have caused this mess with the garda. I can not write to ask them for less, they made it clear to me that they had no such desire. I also, unlike what everyone else thinks, I do not have the strength of soul to bear the banishment. I need to return to my home. I want to return to my home.

I try to fight this impending darkness and despair but as the days go by with no change, I begin to dread that my fate has been sealed and in the back of my mind I hear the call of the water. Or the call of the mountain peak. I hear the cold is a peaceful way to go. Perhaps I will do that. While they all think me strong, I know the truth. I am not as strong as they think. I long to make this end, and I am almost to the point of doing whatever it takes, even if that means abusing the weave, or turning to darker magics.

I really don't want to. I just want to go home. I was not raised to live among the outlanders. Hala help me.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 19, 2023, 01:43:56 PM

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I am understanding how my own actions impacted my fate. If I had let sleeping dogs lay instead of waking them to prevent harm, I could of avoided harm to this degree. Maybe? Regardless of it, it seems that I can only prove them wrong now. When I can return I will attend the fifth day services weekly, and do what I can to prove that the allegations were wrong. At least in that I have no associations with fiends. It is about all that I can do now. I can either give up to the darkness and return to the cold waters of Lake Zarovich, or I can find the light, however faint, and go towards that.

I never claimed to be experienced in life. My life existed in Vallaki, until our coffers were emptied and I had to replenish them. Since that I have learned love, loss, what it is like to be victim to a falsehood, banishment, despair, and hurt. I admit that I am in a better place now than I was to offer aid to people, having experienced such so quickly. Hala may be a goddess of compassion and magic, but it is in lessons that us mortals learn best. It is in experience that we retain best what we are taught. I expressed desire to walk the path of least suffering, to aid and offer succor to any and all who need it...

I needed to learn what it was to suffer to be able to offer the best care and compassion. However, it has opened my eyes to the innate cruelty and malice that exists within some people. It is tragic and sad, but there is little I can do other than to try to help them. I will just try my best...

As I'm writing this, the little doll Mordalynn gave me is sitting on the table. I called her Flora... In honour of the little girl that could of been. Tomorrow I will get to meet more Brothers and Sisters of Hala.

I am starting to understand why the Mother let me endure this. It was a lesson I needed to learn.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 21, 2023, 08:09:55 PM
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I have now seen the three hags of Barovia. Also devils, demons fiends, whatever you call those terrifying horned monstrosities. I do not understand how people can enjoy killing those things, they are harrowing. Terrifying... Why would anyone work with those things?

I noticed something odd in the swamp though, the stone pillar there seemed to be dedicated to some sort of nature dieties... I always thought that they had no faith. Perhaps, perhaps they were sent to punish people for Halas interferance? Perhaps they worship the other gods who are forgotten in the Tale of Ages... The stone pillar in the underground carvern in Lysaga hill had unique symbols that I didn't remember seeing on the others, I will have to look again. The people I was with were very brutal, so there wasn't much of the hags left for me to really note the features. But they were both smaller than the Annis hag of the forest fane.

I managed to do it again. Healing beyond what stabalyzing a dying person does. I am going to learn from as many as I can. I am sure there is a way that I can call upon divine blessings. I have understood suffering, and love in ways I had no idea possible. Now, I am trying to cling to the light, and Mister Tarset helped me better see it last night. I pray nightly now, to both Hala and Ezra, although, I think they are the same woman, or perhaps one of her thirteen.

It was lovely to meet more Halans. Though I have not taken the veil officially, it felt proper to wear it. It was a sacred gathering, and it was about the whole, nu individuals. I did not want to have reputation follow me, as I was there as a Sister of Hala, not as Narcissa... I think that makes sense... I took a sedative to calm myself from those fiends, it was a little too much, but we survived.

I was only slightly less terrified than I was when I saw the black duke. That was because Mister Raenok is indeed quite capable of putting them down. Why in Hala and Ezras name would people think I'd be consorting with those things? I've seen them now, I would of rathered remain blissfully ignorant.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on February 25, 2023, 04:18:06 PM
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I have been putting off writing the letter to Mother Klara. I think I will ask Sister Amelia for advice on how to write it.

Miss Rith taught me that I can share sight with my familiar, I had no such idea that was ever possible. Actually I knew nothing in the first place, this only proves to me that Eros was certainly not a familiar. She also showed me the pool and this magical place called a planatarium. It was magical and beautiful, and the top of the observation tower! Oh my Goddess I could see the walls of Vallaki, and even the city itself with the magnfiying tube you look through, what was it called? Oh right a telescope.

I've been enjoying speaking with Sister Amelia and I believe that I will take up her offer of tutelage, but first I need to know a little more. I wonder though, if she is only doing this because I made an error and wore the veil when I shouldn't of. If I had not made that choice, would she still be willing to teach me? She wants to have me devote myself to her order wholly though. I'm not sure about that. For if I do she would want me not to learn from Eve. I want to learn from both women. They each have their own wisdom, and are wise in different ways. They both have different means of taking the path of least suffering. Perhaps I can learn first from Eve, and then the traditions from Amelia.

I really am excited to learn more about Hala. I believe more now than ever before, the importance of being able to alleviate suffering. Although to me, suffering and pain go hand in hand. Although, even I understand that sometimes we have to suffer. Even if we learn from it, it doesn't negate the suffering endured while learning. Part of being able to have compassion is understanding what suffering is like. Although it would be lovely to see a world without suffering, there will always be suffering to some degree, that is why we call it the path of least suffering.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on March 18, 2023, 05:39:57 PM
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I have thought much about my actions and what I should do going forward. Marissa is from Richmulot, Amelia is from Mordent I think, Eve is an elf. They are the three that I know personally who know the most about Hala, each of these women are knowledgeable in the information I want to learn, but none of them are from Barovia and so they do not have an understanding of life here. I do know of one other Halan, Mother Herczog. Perhaps she would be willing to instruct me, as someone from barovia she has a better understanding than the other three. On my own I try to put others first, to take actions that will result in the least amount of suffering possible, I put others first, but perhaps that is not all there is. Sister Amelia offered to teach me, but I think she may of become too busy to teach me what I lack.

I can read the story of creation over and over, study the book about magic that mentions the weave, study my medical books, but I feel like there is something vital that I am missing, something I need a teacher for. Marissa spoke to me about her order where in order to take the veil one must forsake relationships, and how she took a vow to speak only truth and of course to cause no harm. Eve has taught me that it is not our job to interfere, nor to judge but to help how ever we can. Amelia has taught me that forgiveness is the highest road we can walk. Despite all the time I have been around them, not a single one ever taught me about prayer or divine magic, or arcane. Eve gave me the book, statue and a holy symbol she has taught me the most. It took my making an error for sister Amelia to offer to teach me more in depth, and that is because of how her order operates, she explained that to me, and lacking a Mother, she felt the need to do so. I appreciate the chance, but the reason for her teaching me doesn't feel right. I do not want to learn to be a proper Sister of Hala because of guilt and a mistake.

Perhaps it will be better for me to learn from one who lives in these lands, who has experienced the harshness of this land and its people. I have tried to learn and tried to act by example, perhaps it is because my ability to use magic is innate that they feel I do not belong. All magic comes from the weave. Regardless of it being arcane in nature or divine. I've watched the patterns woven when divine spells are cast, I've seen the motions of the hands and heard the words, but no one ever offered to teach me how. I've thought back to what I've seen when Eve used magic, and Marissa when she taught me to counter-spell. I have spent many days now in prayer and meditation, thinking about the path of least suffering, how to help others and how all magic is connected. I would happily trade several of my spells for the ability to heal. It may be selfish wanting to have such capability but, it is what I want. It seems like without that ability I will not be permitted to learn. However, if all I can ever access is the ability to heal those who are on deaths door, then I will be grateful for that ability.

Since all magic comes from the weave, I do not see why I should not be able to use divine magic as easily as arcane. I know that I can make this happen.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on March 31, 2023, 12:17:24 PM
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03,31,778

I have spent quite a while in isolation, meditating and thinking about my choices, actions, everything that Sister Amelia has taught and said to me, all that Sister Eve has said too. I admit I do have much to learn, I am eager to learn now. I want to learn more. Not just about Hala, the weave or healing, but about the world. I want to see what more there is beyond the confines of my home town. That is what I want. Getting married to a Barovian was what my mother wanted for me, it wasn't really what I wanted for myself. Although, I did love Benedikte, I have learned that I deserve better if I am to go that route.

For now I want to focus on trying to figure out how to harness healing magic from the weave. I have watched how people use divine magic, I have the words memorized, and I've watched Eve and Marissa cast, but for all this time, I have believed that I could not heal. That my magic was different from theirs. Even when told that all magic comes from the same source, I had convinced myself that I was not capable of doing such without being taught. So, I tried to find a mentor, but none seemed to want to teach me. I had accepted that for a while, but now... If I can cast magic naturally, then I can cast magic naturally. I have already felt the spells I know shift and change before, and all magic comes from the weave. As the weave is the very thing which makes up everything. Strings and threads which connect all together.

As one who has that natural connection to magic, I know there is a way that I can tap into that magic classified as divine.

I have spent all this time focusing on that aspect. On the fact that all magic comes from the weave, I can easily access the weave, so if I focus and concentrate hard enough on the patterns I've seen used by others, I will be able to manifest that magic. I will be able to heal people beyond those at deaths door.

I wont let anyone stop me from being able to be my best self and be best able to help alleviate suffering. I may not fit with Sister Marissa's views of the path of least suffering, and perhaps not with Sister Amelia either. I have books to learn from, and I can learn from the very world around me. Why should learning be restricted when the weave encompasses all? I will learn from everything, and choose, from today on, to take every hardship as a lesson and learn how to better understand what the path of least suffering is truly about.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on April 12, 2023, 02:02:03 PM
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04,12,778

Magic comes from the weave, the distinction between arcane and divine are created by those who are not given the knowledge about the source of all magic. They do not know or understand and thus believe that it can be one or the other. I was one of those people. I thought that divine magic was something that had to be taught, had to be learned. I thought that because my magic was "arcane" that I was unable to heal and would not be able to without learning from a priest or sister or brother.

The weave connects everything. It is the fabric of reality, of the existence of all. Magic stems from the weave, the fabrics of reality are what we pull at and what we shift and sway when we use magic. I understand that now, but I have much more to learn. While this banishment lasts I will see if there are people who will help me to explore the old abandoned monastary, and the ice palace.

Legends and lore are ancient keys to history oft forgot.

I want to learn about everything there is. About the world that I live in. If the beautiful display at midway is truth, then that must mean there is much that I can learn. Knowing is how we can best treat and ease suffering.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 03, 2023, 03:38:21 PM
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I've found a better understanding of magic through much thought, and due to that, I can better aid others. I really was quite foolish to assume that I would not be able to heal, that restriction was all my doing. I prevented myself from fully grasping the gift that the Mother gave me. Yet also showed me how easily magic can come, and to be alert and careful of my thoughts and desires. Magic is something that we must be cautious of and respect, for if we let ourselves, we can find the allure of its power corrupting. Find ourselves drawn to using magic for a darker purpose, such as to control, manipulate, harm or even kill. For those who follow Hala, there is an additional risk I've been taught. Hags enjoy corrupting Her faithful more than others.

I do wish to thank Marissa, she allowed me to grow, and to experience things beyond my comfort. Even now I'm sitting, alone, in an old fishing lodge, every time the wind blows I can hear the beams creaking with the gusts. I can also hear the heaving and settling of the old wood as spring sets in... All alone with just a lantern and magical light for illumination it's rather eerie. I keep expecting something to pop out of the shadows.

Since my return I've met someone who was lost in the mists for nine whole years. That must of been terrifying, but I am glad he found a way out, Mister Le Nore seems like a very kind man. We tried to put down some undead and worgs, but the lack of combat enhancing magic proved to be a downfall. We survived and took little in the way of damage, but, likewise weren't able to do much in the way of damage. I excell at preventing people from being harmed. I wont use magic in a way that will cause pain and suffering, but perhaps I can learn alchemy instead. Maybe by using the remains of the creatures destroyed, I can put them towards a better end. I have seen people selling 'magical varnishes' so I know it is possible. I understand that not wanting to harm is a wonderful, noble ideal, but there are times where being able to harm is needed. Even if I don't like them, that is why it is the path of least suffering, not no suffering.

I'm getting better at brewing medicines too, I'm going to try to make some regeneratives to help boost a persons natural healing abilities.

I am also thinking of going from town to town offering medicines, clothes and aid while I await the banishments end. I read in the review that Benedikte is more or less the highest rank, I'm so glad he achieved that. He worked so hard, and by the sounds of it, paid quite a hefty price in his morals and spirit. I wish I could be by his side again, but if wishes were horses beggars would ride.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 06, 2023, 11:56:41 AM
Velvety blackness, shrouded figures made mysterious movements, hands weaving and pulling at strings unseen, chaos and order from within it, undone by darker hands. A dream that shifted from that scene to a woman alone at a loom. Magical threads wove intricate arcane and divine sigils and patterns into a strange cloth, archaic symbols in a language long lost and forgotten. Thirteen faces rose from the cloth, and soon took human form, hands joined together in a circle. A darkness creeping in from the center, tugging at the connected hands until one comes loose, chaos ensues. Again the woman at the loom, with a heavy heart and sigh she left and dove into the patterned woven world. So connected again the thirteen grew, and more patterns were woven into the fabric on that loom. Yet no matter the time, again and again that darkness would creep in, breaking apart the connections and causing suffering.

A woman's voice echoed throughout, "Help heal them. Reforge the bond. Before the dark hands do more damage."

Dark fleshed taloned hands emerged from the void and rushed towards her. Claws ripping and tearing into her skin, the blood that gushed forth quickly turned to darkness which the hands greedily grasped at. Quickened foot steps, fleeing down a dark hall into a room with a silver loom and a veiled woman sitting there. Her hands were busy pulling and weaving the threads to create a wondrous tapestry. New faces arose and took humanoid form again, a darkness was shown within one, a darkness like a seed encased by those wretched dark hands. She could feel the suffering they endured, the pain within that slowly corrupted. How easy to curse the dark, where it is much harder to create a light within it.

Narcissa turned to the veiled woman with a sense of understanding. Her hands reaching for the woman's, only to find her gone before able to reach. She sat down at the loom and watched as her hands, as if guided by some other, began to continue the work of the veiled weaver. Her fingers dancing across the loom as they pulled and wove at the silvery threads of the dream time loom. More patterns emerged on the tapestry, ones she recognized and more she did not. Mysterious words in ancient tongues and long forgotten patterns emerged as if she were seeing history come alive within the woven world of the fabric.


A cold sweat covered Narcissa as she sat upright in the bed, panting. Her body was ice cold, and trembling, yet she felt a strange calmness within her. 'Such a strange dream...' She thought to herself, internally doubting the thought that it was merely a dream. It felt different to her than other dreams, even different from the dreams that revealed her magic. Why couldn't she remember what the woman looked like? Why was she feeling calm, yet trembling and cold as if awoken from a nightmare? With a sigh, she laid back down and summoned her familiar whom she told of her dream.

"What do you think Pluth?"

"Hmmm... I think you would be best seeking the advice of the Halans."

"Are you sure? I don't want to upset them, and it could just be a dream and nothing more."

"If you believed that, Mistress, you'd not be asking me for advice." The wise raven replied.

Narcissa sighed, the bird was right. She didn't fully believe it was just a dream, she believed it was more, and that terrified her.

"It's already so weird that I can heal without prayer though. Mister Tarset said it was a miracle..." Se trailed off, the fear evident in her voice.

"You were quite overjoyed to be able to heal Mistress, why the sudden change?"

"Because that vision, or dream, or whatever it was scared me. I've never experienced anything like that before Pluth."

"New things can be terrifying indeed my Mistress, but remember what Mother Eve had said to you. The Mother has not abandoned you, in fact, I'd say you've found a way to become closer to Her, and that is not something to fear my dear."

"Maybe I'll have a drink or two and try to sleep the rest of the night." She said as she took out a small flask and pat the pillow beside her. Pluth spread his wings and fluttered over to the pillow besides his mistress's head. As soon as she put the flask away, her familiar nestled himself beside her, rubbing his feathered cheek against hers in a show of affection and comfort.

"Rest well Mistress, I will be here to watch over you." Pluth whispered soothingly as he watched Narcissa drift off into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 08, 2023, 06:03:42 PM
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05,07,778

I ran into her, although she wore her veil, it felt like she was staring at me, I felt a chill run down my spine. Everything felt odd about that situation. Especially her greeting. Why would anyone greet someone in Barovia by calling them witches unless they want to put them in danger? It is something I will pay attention to. I was shown a shop in a thieves highway in Port a Lucine, where I was able to find some alternative pain relief medicines. I also found an anasthetic, and a lesser one that would do in a pinch. It's used on ships at sea when things have run out... I've also had the pleasure of exploring a ruined monastary from a Darkonese order. It was beautiful but eerie, and the upper part was a wreck.

I believe it was the Overseer, but I was more curious about what we could find. Like the report of a paladin going out, his comrades not aiding him as he was overcome by wolves. How he haunted them for their inaction, and how there was a plague in 691. Almost a century ago, that must of been horrible, I remember the last plague that hit, Mama was so busy. Speaking of my mother... I've yet to return home.

I had the same dream again, I remember now clearly that it is a veiled woman.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 11, 2023, 10:28:41 AM
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It's nice to be back home. I've spoken to mother and told her that I intend to walk my own path, but will always ensure that there is plenty of funds in the bank for her. She isn't happy that I've decided to do this, she berated me for screwing up my chance at marrying a good barovian man, but that is what she wanted for me, not what I want. I'm also not sure that I will stay in Vallaki yet. Apparently she found my warning about greeting people as "witch" in Barovia as rude. I wasn't trying to be rude, infact I was trying to be polite and kind.

I still want to explore more places before I settle down, and I have much to learn about Hala, these dreams I get, and the weave itself. I know that Hags corrupt it and are created apart from the weave itself, an outside force that taints and corrupts I think?

I will speak with Marissa when others are present to witness, whatever issue she has with me, she should keep to herself. It gets in the way of our ability to unite as followers of Hala, and harder to help alleviate the suffering around Vallaki. Further, there was no reason for her to inform the garda that she found my greeting and warning rude. She must be suffering greatly to allow her issues with me to impact so much. I hope I can help her overcome it, or at least come to terms with it and be civil.

I've decided that I'm going to gather wool and make blankets and warm winter cloaks and clothes for the children in the orphanage as well as the people in the slums of Vallaki. I know there are caliban beneath the city and criminals in some spot called the drain, I don't know if they need warm winter cloaks though, let alone where it is.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 20, 2023, 05:21:40 PM
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Even though I have returned and most of those who knew the slander aren't around... I can still feel the harsh stares and dubious glares that the townsfolk give me. Outlanders may of forgotten, but not the locals. They still remember. Mama has at least spoken to me. She endured a fair bit of a fallout for those allegations. We had been close, and they had even begun to suspect her as being a devil worshipper and witch. Of course neither of us work with fiends or devils or demons, but once that rumour is there, it lingers.

I don't know if I will ever have the same sort of welcoming feeling here again. It feels like those who know are avoiding me, and I have no idea why. The dream keeps on repeating, and the womans voice sounds more concerned every few nights. She keeps showing me the individual with the growing seed of darkness, telling me to mend the bridges, repair the gaps and bring them together. I want to act, but I'm afraid.

I am terrified by these vision like dreams. I wake from them several times a night, drenched in a cold sweat. I need to act on it, but... I am terrified.

Not just that, but Benedikte... My heart longs for his smile to be directed to me, for his caress again. To be held in his protective arms like I used to be... I know deep down I would still give up everything for him if he wanted. I just... don't think I'll be allowed to anymore. If these are indeed visions, then... I have a divine task to attend to and that has to come first. But I love him still, more if that is possible.

If he wanted me, could he accept my visions? Or would his faith in Ezra see me in a different light? If he wanted me, how long could I hide these from him, could I even? Or would they become so intense that I am seen as a madwoman?
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 22, 2023, 12:02:09 PM
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I know I should not allow myself to fall for him again, but I am unable to control my heart it seems. When he smiled at me I felt myself melt. It warmed my heart and soul... But still... I have to know what he believed from the lies and rumours. I am unsure if Benedikte would be able to deal with these dreams or visions, yet... my heart wants him. I want to spend a life with him, and I'm hopeful he may with me. However, if I asked advice on this matter I know what I would be told.

But what is it that I want? If this repeating dream is a vision from Hala, does what I want even matter?

I hope I can figure this out.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on May 27, 2023, 05:58:17 PM
From the darkness there rose a figure, clothed in glorious white. She shone brilliantly akin to a celestial body in the night sky, her robes flowed like the finest of silks as she glided across the floor. Narcissa was unable to move as she watched this woman begin to turn black from the inside. She wanted to reach out, longed to reach out. Every fiber of her very being desperately wanted to reach for the figure to help her. She did not want her to become darkness.

'You must find them, unite them, protect them. Forgive her fully, heal the wound before the Hags corrupt it fully.'


She knew that voice, it had been in her dreams constantly, but as she blinked, reality set back in. She looked from the flickering flames of the fireplace to the surrounding people muttering over their tsuika. This was the Broken Bell, she was downstairs. Had she just fallen asleep? She didn't remember falling asleep. She took a shaking breath and pulled out a bottle of Rhum Vieux and took a drink from the bottle, and then another. And another. As she felt the shaking of her body stop, she knew that that had been no mere dream.

The fear of her new reality had begun to set in. She could heal, her greatest wish fulfilled, she had learned forgiveness, learned first hand how suffering felt, and now, perhaps someone had taken a favour to her. Attempting to guide her along a certain path. Favoured by the divine, Narcissa was terrified. She knew that Barovians would most assuredly not accept a woman with religious visions, if she was found out, surely she'd be sent to the asylum. Deemed not sound of mind. Perhaps, Narcissa thought in dread, that was the case.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 09, 2023, 02:18:27 PM
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06,09,778

I have not had a good rest in a while. It feels like the more I try to convince myself that these are nothing but dreams, the louder she gets. She is screaming at me each night now. Imploring me to gather people, to protect and to weed out the darkness. I lack the ability to speak with others about this, as I can not find the other Sisters. Only Marissa, who will not speak with me. At this point, I fear she would be the only one who could potentially give me guidance about these vision like dreams, but at the same time... I fear that she would deem them Hag sent, or demonic, or wicked in nature. Could they be? I don't know enough about them, about this sort of thing...

I fear that I may end up as one of those women who are forced out of society for the visions they have, and how they act. I have lived my life within the city and I am not sure how to live outside it. I don't even know how to skin an animal for dinner. I've always purchased from the butcher. If I am like that... What sort of life will befall me then?

I spoke to an outlander who understood my vision dreams as they had experienced such in their home world. I know that Benedikte asked me not to lie to him, though I am unsure why he thinks I did in the first place, should I confide in him? I could tell Garald, but... I am not sure that I should. There is anger in him and he needs more guidance... Maybe I will have to try to find Weyland again. I am scared.

If these are visions, then where are they from? Is it really Hala? Is it Ezra? Is it something pretending to be good like Eros? I am not sure that I want this power to heal if these visions are the cost. How can I live a normal life- how could I ever live a normal life when magic flows through my veins like the blood of life. I know there is power within my blood, it is why I can so easily connect and draw from the weave, but I realize that this connection, though innate comes with a limitation. While others are able to draw a wide variety of magics from the weave at any given chance, I am limited to what my heart desires.

When my heart desired to control someones life, that magic came to me, and I am thankful that I never succumbed to that temptation of power. What will happen if Halans learn that I am having these dreams and visions? Will I be further tossed away? Will they see me as a threat? Will they see me as a blessing? I only want to be seen as me.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 12, 2023, 10:54:57 AM
Quote
06,12,778

I knew we couldn't be together... The damage done to my repuation has destroyed that chance. I can only now, try to make things up to him. Up to everyone I hurt. Even so, hearing the words from his lips... Hurt. Cut so deep, but, I know it's true. I know it's for the best. I have visions now, and it's obvious I can not be the woman he deserves. Benedikte deserves the best, he deserves a woman who will be able to safely give him a child. That is not me. Not if the last time is going to repeat and that idea scares me.

I will have to ask Mitica how I can make ammends, I think he is the last person who was around during that time. The last person my actions might of harmed. If they had put me in the asylum, although it may of been best for my wellbeing... I would of lost myself the more the pregnancy progressed. But, at least I would of been in the right place for such, I think... Perhaps an asylum in a country that was accepting of magic might of been better. But that was not something I needed to fret about then or now.

All I want now is to find someone who is a Sister of Hala, or even  Brother, who I can ask about these vision like dreams.

I have made mistakes, and now I get the chance to make up for them. Marissa seems to be the one whom I hurt the most, and I sincerly hope that she will agree to speak with me. There are not many followers of Hala, so despite our differences we should strive to work together. Even the first 13 experienced discord and almost destruction admidst themselves, and it took Hala intervening to stop the destruction. I wonder if these vision dreams are akin to that. Hala trying to intervene to stop the discourse that could lead to destruction...

But if that is it, why me?

I can see two pathes ahead of me. One is rough, full of bramble, thorns and roots. The other is a clearer path illuminated by the gentle moonlight and sparkling stars that fill the sky. I don't know which path to take...

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 20, 2023, 08:00:10 PM
Quote
06,20,778

Again? Why, and who keeps doing this? How did she know about the little bastard? Not that it matters, but how did she know something she was not present for? I don't remember telling her...

I thought that things were getting better for me, but now... Why now? Why again? How could his friend know? Mother and I have been so careful.

Divine visions, magic, now to be called a blood traitor... Garald put it perfectly, I am somehow afloat in an ocean of shit.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on June 29, 2023, 05:38:31 PM
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06,29,778

May they both get exactly what they deserve.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 03, 2023, 01:44:34 PM
Quote
07,02,778


There are mushroom circles showing up and a strange, seemingly abandoned caravan in the woods. It would seem the mushrooms started there, but without being able to see inside, it's hard to say. Garald suspects a hag but, I'm not sure. It could be fey, and going to the Ice Palace sort of helped solidify that thought with me. I had no idea you could see the Shadow Rift from the mountain. I want to find out more, there was word about a gnome? And then there was a hag not long ago too.

I would much like it to not be a hag, but if it is... I guess it will be a good learning experience.

But the ice palace! Garald, Talis and Emma took me there, although we weren't fully prepared for what was there, I finally got to see the place I dreamed of since I was a child! And it looked as magical and as cold as I dreamed. None of us, save Garald, were prepared for the ice crystals to get in our eyes. That was very painful to remove and for some reason they did not melt like normal ice. Good news is our sight was restored, and Talis prepared some divine wards to remove blindness. The funny thing is, when we stopped at the mage tower to prepare and take a short rest, well... I debated buying a bunch of scrolls of Vision of the Omniscient eye, but opted for clarity instead. I know better now.

We also could of benefited from using those warm fire varnishes on our clothes and armour to help with the cold, but there will be a next time and next time we will be prepared, maybe I'll even get to see Jezra herself, oh if only I could speak with her specter and find out her story. Not often does one get the chance to learn the truth of a legend from its source. That is, if she's able to get passed her rage and hate for a few moments at least.

There are other places I'd like to explore too, like the Silver Threads Monastary, and even the peak of the mountain. Barovia has a beautiful landscape and its mountains are no exception. Garald was asking about my father... I'm sure he's begun to piece it together, but, he deserves to know the details. He is a good man, but he doesn't understand the fear I live in daily. Do I dare write it down? I burned my last journal to protect Benedikte and myself for the same reason.

I remember I once asked Amelia if hags were drawn to Halans, or if Halans draw the hags to them. She did not know, or at least could not tell me clearly. There will be many things that will come up that I do not know, such as the existence of dusk and dawn hags. Next time I go abroad I will spend some time sitting and reading over Van Richtens book on hags. Information will arm me best.

I... had another vision while we were out. Dark clawed hands, slender hands, dark hands all reached for a tapestry, pulling it apart. It's obvious that I need to find more Halans. We need to come together and be ready to face what it is that comes next. Because we also have the lawgivers stationing themselves in Berez. They may be more problematic than the Ezrites. I think they are behind the witch hunts in Tepest.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 05, 2023, 03:33:41 PM
The darkness is coming my child, great suffering looms ahead. Stand strong, stay true to the Path my child.

The womans voice echoed in her ears as she felt her own power grow. There was indeed a great suffering that loomed over the west Barovia and Narcissa knew it. A hag, the fairy circles, the lawgivers getting a base of operations, a church. Narcissa needed more than ever some guidance from another Halan, but lacking it, she had turned to prayer and ritual. In the safety of her house, she gathered the materials needed.

A circle of salt, the stationing of offerings to the elements: incense for air, a candle for fire, a few plant leaves for earth, and a chalice for water. Each placed in the corresponding element. Narcissa took a deep breath and moved to the center of the circle she had created. She placed the idol of Hala infront of her and kneeled before it. She held her hands open in offering, and softly spoke with closed eyes.

"Hala, Mother, Caretaker, it is now that I need your aid. I do not know enough, I fret that I am weak. For how can I fight that which I do not fully know? Hala, Mother, Caretaker please come to my aid with guidance."

She uttered the words in truth, and held tight her holy symbol, remaining silent in prayer and meditation until the candle and incense had burned out. Carrying her words off in their smoke towards the heavens.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 18, 2023, 10:33:14 AM
Quote
07,18,778

I had hoped that I would not see the Gundarakite registration again, but here it is. Not just that, but someone I thought was dead is not. Perhaps it's just someone pretending? But I can't deny the writing looks the same as his. I wont inform Mama, I don't want to put her in danger... I fear this next while will force me to walk a very precarious line.

The vision dreams keep coming, and some have even happened while I am awake. I need to investigate Berez, but not just that, I need to try to find out why hags have been showing up around Vallaki periodically.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 22, 2023, 04:30:33 PM
Quote
07,20,778

Perhaps my interpretation of my visions was wrong. Perhaps it was never about Halans... Perhaps it was about a looming rebellion... There will be so much suffering
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 28, 2023, 04:13:13 PM
Quote
07,28,778

How about that. It would seem I am being stalked, watched, and kept under eye by someone. I do feel terrible for her student, but, she should be made aware that she will be learning from someone who broke their vows.

I really hope that we can finally speak together and set things straight. I'd rather she spread the facts, over falsehoods. I grow very weary of it.

The truth is not subjective; what one thinks truth does not make it so.

Perhaps it is Margit who spread things to the garda, but the others they told me who spoke to them, and none of them said Margit. I really do hope that she and I can sort this out. Vallaki is about to face a great deal of suffering and if what rumours say are true, she may be in a unique position to stop a war from starting. I will repeat what my mother and I did last time, and spend my time tending the injuries of those in Vallaki. Perhaps this time I will even be able to serve the garda as a doctor.  I was informed that the garda who was slain, one of them was returned, perhaps that will be enough, but truthfully, I've not seen any of them out in the open since the attack.

I am sure the tension can be cut with a dull blade by now at the Citadel, I fear that should Lady Talena return to Vallaki, it wont turn out as well as before.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on July 31, 2023, 02:54:29 PM
The night of the ritual, Narcissa meditated, letting herself become lost in the tracing of the 13 coiled snakes, each eating their own tail. Her fingers traced each serpant over and over as she meditated on what guidance she seeked to gain. Narcissa had grown genuinely worried for the second wisest witch of Hala that she knew. The actions she had taken were most unlike a Halan, and she greatly feared that others may suffer for it. Narcissa, had grown to appreciate Marissa's actions, as they had guided her to a better understanding of the Path. She had experience a level of personal suffering that had opened her heart and mind to the sufering experienced by others.

Narcissa sat in a small inn room illuminated solely by the lit incense that she burned to help focus her mind. With a blended tea of Quovusp root and other herbs, she sipped at it until the sedative nature took hold of her. Lulled to sleep in the cradel of the Mother, Narcissa prayed that she could learn. That she could gain some mere glimmer of guidance on how to proceed in this matter.

The incense wafted around the small room, the candle light dancing through the rising smoke. She sat and watched those patterns ebb and change in the swirling smoke. Darkness soon took hold of her as her eye fluttered shut. The sedatives and mind opening herbs she smoked began to dance their magic within her mind, granted her the guidance and connection that she begged and longed for.

The world designed upon the tapestry began to burn. The three who once stood together, the one who turned to darkness, the clawing talons. It all burned before her eyes. Within the burning flame she witness a miracle. A glowing ember that turned to much, much more. It rose from the ashes of the tapestry, bathed in a gentle glow. The figure reached out to Narcissa, and she reached back. Hand connected and fingers interlaced, the figure slowly became one with her. Stars began to illuminate a damning darkness. She felt herself guided to walk from star to star, dancing across the cosmos in a exceptional dance. Her feets path behind her began to grow flowers and greenery. The darkness that threatened to destroy everything had been washed away by the flames that brought illumination to the darkness.

'You have stood strong, continue to do so. Gather up those who are true. They will bring about the peace and ease the suffering. While your heart still beats, do not neglect the hope it can bring. A simple dot of light in a sea of darkness can be the saving grace to all who are lost.'


She stared into the ember red light of the incense as she found herself lost in the visions she had sought. She could see that the path of least suffering would not be easy, as sometimes the suffering was necessary, and she had been given a glimmer of light to her darkness of confusion and lack of insight. Narcissa would base her thoughts and efforts forward with the visions she saw nightly, or intentionally, in the very forefront of her mind, and consider how each action she takes may affect those much farther down the road than the immediate.

Spoiler: show

LYRICS:
I should've seen it sooner,
but what can 'should've's do for me?
You know, I heard a rumour
that I couldn't quite believe.

Eyes might tell the truth
but words have power to deceive.
If it suits their speaker,
there's no story they can't weave.

And so, in you I put my faith.
I threw my trust behind a friendly face.
Couldn't name one safer place,
yet here I am. I watched it go to waste.

I could ask 'how could you?'
but I know the answer's just 'because you can'.
Funny how the worst part is
I finally understand.

But I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Tell me, is it true
or is it my imagination?
There's no exit built into
this maze of your creation.
You talk like it's against the rules
to turn this game against you.
You've got it wrong. I'll tear your walls down
if that's what it comes to.

I won't break in front of you.
I'll hold on 'til I've gone the whole way through
and if I end up on the floor
it's fine, 'cause you won't see me any more.
And though you put me through hell,
I know I chose my battles well.
I'm in control. I'm taking over.
This story's mine to tell.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Once upon a time, I wanted
you to tell me why it wasn't
good enough for you to have
the whole world at your feet.
But now I've had some time and distance,
I know better than the listen
to a single syllable
you'd want to say to me.

Every word you spoke was poison.
Your heartfelt speeches, hollow noises.
And I'm kicking myself 'cause I just couldn't see
how you could go this far.
I don't stand here 'cause I want to.
I never wanted to fight you.
But what I want's irrelevant now.
Look at where we are.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 01, 2023, 06:50:05 PM
After ensuring that Garald was alright and resting, Narcissa headed back to her mothers house. She crossed the archway and stepped into her family home, only to be greeted by a frowning Cosmina. Narcissa shrank beneath that glare, she had seen that look many times and braced herself to be shouted at by her angry mother. Instead though, her mother pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you, my dearest daughter. I saw you, your Invidian and Father outside. Why didn't you come inside?"

"I didn't know if you'd let us in..."

"I can't believe your father is alive. So I am to assume that the reason that half dead man carried you to our door is a bride quest?" Narcissa nodded, "Well, tell me what that fool put him through."

"Garald insisted on tracking him down... He insisted on seeking his permission and approval. Papa, well, Papa is a jack ass. He made Garald strip, gave 31 whacks with a stick out of 50, made him stand vigil, naked and injured all night, and then carry me home." Narcissa explained, Cosmina chuckled in response.

"Naked in the winter, lashed and burdened. Honestly, he's calmed down over the years. He used to insist on sending any suitor right to the Counts door."

"I know, you told Benedikte that, but he did go easy on him when I told him he'd kill him. Garald made it though, and Papa gave him approval, oh by the way, he's going by a different name. I was terrified he'd end up exposing me Mama." Narcissa spoke with a shaky voice, and tears welling up in her eyes.

"Oh sweetie, my dear daughter, Fredek may be an asshole, but he would never put you in harms way. Nor say or do anything that could pose a risk for you." Her mother said, wiping the tears from her daughters cheeks as she pulled her into another embrace. "Don't you worry about your papa, alright? He's resourceful, smart and clever."

"I really was scared he was going to die too. I don't want to loose my papa again."

Cosmina smiled sadly and held her daughter in her arms as she cried. She understood why her daughter was upset, in truth, Cosmina was afraid too. Afraid for herself, and afraid for her daughter. The Black Army was back, their names posted on bounty boards around the town of Vallaki. Neither woman had any idea what Fredek had been up to for the last twenty something years, but the fact of his return, along with the rebels was something she could not deny. It looked bad, and could be very bad, but that was something Cosmina would worry about later, for right now her daughter needed her, and she would seek to meet her daughters fiance, and ensure the man would be suitable. Even if she did not approve, Fredek had already given the approval, and so, she would as well.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 14, 2023, 11:58:20 AM
Quote
08,13,778

They took the life of an innocent child. People were gathered there and given the choice. Speak or the children die. I begged people to speak, I can understand how they were afraid, but these were children on the line. I understand the army and rebels being upset that they took children, but they must realize how their actions hurt the rest of the Gundarakites. I know they want land and rights, but... There is nothing that can bring back the people lost on either side, but going forward with violence wont fix it either.

People often don't understand Hala; we walk the path of least suffering, seeking to take actions that alleviate suffering and allow people to achieve greatness. Greatness comes in many forms, and each of those forms are valid. While the gods agreed to let this place be, Hala saw that we lacked the proper tools and broke the pact with the others in order to make sure that going forward we would.

The gods wanted to make this a world where our actions were our own, void of any godly intervention. To see where it would go, and see what sort of great things people could come up with and achieve, but the suffering that we endured was too much for that goal to come to fruition. She saw the lack of of guidance and compassion. She saw how there were those who wanted to stop the suffering of others but they lacked the skills, knowledge and tools to do so. She taught us what she believed we needed to know so we could help others achieve their greatness.

Hala seeks to ease the suffering, but not to eliminate it, because there are times where it is required for us to achieve our personal greatness, and to grow. Nothing good is easy, and people often try to put the blame on others when they are hurt. Many people stayed silent when the Count's man told them to speak if they knew about the rebels or army locations, they stayed silent, he asked them again, reminding them the children would be punished for the actions of adults. I remember shouting and begging them to speak up, telling them the children don't need to die because adults are afraid of consequences. It took the life of one innocent for people who knew anything to speak up.

It was a horrible situation brought on by horrible circumstances, and they now seek to shift blame elsewhere because it is easier to do so than to face the fact. Which is that quite simply put, the rebels and army threats became so much that the garda needed aid. Who comes when the garda need aid? The Count sends someone. He sent his executioner first who murdered a Gundarakite woman, this did little to remind them of the consequences of their actions, so he sent another. One who lacks compassion and a heart. He was sent to help deal with this mess, he could of done different, he could of taken young people instead of children, or the elderly, but the heartless man felt this was the best way. It is not the gardas fault, they must obey the orders given. The fault lies with those at the top. With the Count and the rebel leader and the army's leader.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 25, 2023, 11:52:07 AM
[This note is tucked away in a journal, hidden admist the pages]

Quote
To whom cares

I have tried for over a year now to repair the damage done by the Halan Marissa who was against my choice of using silphium to end a pregnancy of the Corporal Benediktes child when he left me. I have been accused of many things by her and her word, the word of a criminal has always been believed over mine, a Barovian. A known Witch who speaks to Benedikte so much and so closely that she is believed entirely by him.

I tried to fix my reputation by actions, by deeds, but no matter what I have done it has been eclipsed by Marissa Fallieres and her friends, who from the shadows have destroyed me. She says it was Margit, who has sworn on her Goddess that she did not, yet when offered the same to Marissa, she did not show. She has never desired to speak with me to fix this mess, nor to repair damages her falsehoods and lies did.

Yes, there was an imp named Eros that plagued me for years. He tried to get me to do things but I refused and when I learned that it was an imp, the Night Mother killed it for me. I had been free from that fiend for several months before Marissa felt it important that the garda, wayfarers and Knights all knew that I had an imp. I've even been accused of working with the Black Duke, and I don't even know why.

So as I write this note, it is with heavy heart, because I have reached a breaking point. I had an outburst at the garda when they chose to banish me for 6 months for not telling them that my mothers sickness turned out to be from a poison, and that I was a suspected witch and demon consorter, despite the fact that I was baptized Ezrite earlier before the Banishment. And that the imp that plagued me was long dead.

With this letter that I pen, and will see distributed when I am ready, I confess to all the truth.

I am innocent. In the past I was plagued by a creature I did not know was a fiend, and when I learned about it back in last summer, the Night Mother, Sister Eve killed it for me. I am to this day unsure how Marissa learned it because she was not present, and no one present told her. However it does not matter, because her word means more than mine ever did. To Barovians, and outlanders alike.

I have tried for long and I am tired. Tired of trying, tired of hoping and tired of dealing with lies. I only wanted to repair the damages done to my reputation so that I can help my town, and people of my land. I want to help them, I want to become a full sister of Hala, and I want to alleviate suffering as best as I can. But with this weight that I bare, it is hard to do so. The locals all look at me as if I were three headed, the garda have been told not to be seen with me, and even outlanders have treated me the same they treat followers of demons.

I follow Hala. Not some twisted demon. I believe that Ezra and Hala are the same person.

If I was the villain they made me out to be I would of stopped them long ago. Instead of that, I have tried to make amends, to repair damages and rebuild bridges. All to no avail, all because a woman lied and is unwilling to correct it. I am tired of her game. And I grow tired of living it.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on August 26, 2023, 03:42:32 PM
Quote
08,26,778

I've had a nightmare about that poor child most nights I've slept. I have always tried to understand why people take the actions or inactions that they do, however... I can't wrap my head around why those outlanders would be silent for so long. Why they would risk an innocent childs life. It was disgusting, and horrifying. The children who were there did not deserve to go through that, and the sad part is, I am willing to bet many of the outlanders from beyond the mists have moved on as if that were nothing real that happened. They allowed the child to die, and the garda obeyed their orders.

     This night I dreamed that I was one of the children in that line.
I stared up at all the tall people around me, the ones who we were taught were supposed to protect us and keep us safe. I listened to the big man on the horse explain to the outlanders that we would all die unless they spoke up with what they knew about the rebel forces. We had been told to stay still in our place in line along the road but I wanted to run away, but I was frozen still. This man was one of the counts family, and they weren't obeying him, they were silent. Then those dreadful words came from the man on the horse "Execute him." I watched in absolute horror, frozen to the ground in cold dread, as the sword was brought down on the little boys neck. By the time the outlanders spoke up, the blood had reached the feet of the last child.
    At the end of the scene when the outlanders who saved us spoke up, the dream shifted. Everything around me swam and swirled and suddenly I stared at a woven tapestry of the event. The gentle woman placed her hands on my shoulders, as we both cried.
'The children suffered needlessly my child, you did your best. One child was lost but the others survive and suffer fear they will die next. Even if there lacks a building, gather those who will prevent further suffering from happening. Together the knowledge will be gained.'

When I woke up from that dream about ten minutes ago, I decided to write it down this time, and I will from here on in.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 03, 2023, 01:58:04 PM
Quote
09,03,778

I am done playing nice with her. I am done trying to make amends. Marissa's intention is clear to me now and actions must be taken before her deeds cause further suffering.

While I would of rathered sort this out with words, her refusal to speak with me, her continued lying to the garda, and her actions of turning Gundarakites over to the garda has spoken loudly. While she may be knowledgeable, and while she may be a sister, her actions inflict suffering which is antithetical to the path of least suffering. Had she acted once or twice, it would be within it, but her actions have gone beyond causing a little suffering for good intent. Her actions speak of hostility, open hatred, and a desire to destroy another persons life. None of those things will serve to allow anyone to achieve any form of greatness except great suffering, which is the only form of greatness Hala does not seek to allow.

I will no longer stand to the side and allow her to continue her actions. The path of least suffering is one of duality.

On one hand we prevent suffering and take actions to alleviate it from others. On that hand, we heal and aid and do not intervene.

On the other hand, to prevent suffering we must at times intervene. When we must intervene, the actions that must be taken are harsh and swift. For we look to natures harshness and brutal weather for influence on how to put an end to suffering once and for all.

This is not the path most seek to take first, but it remains the options when all else fails, and regarding the slander caused by Marissa...

All else has failed.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 16, 2023, 05:41:56 PM
At last the fever dreams stopped, along with the horrible fever that Narcissa had endured. Although still gravely ill and huddled up in blankets, Narcissa finally woke up. Her body was shivering under the heavy wool blanket, despite the fever she ran. With a foggy mind, she looked around the room, trying to determin reality from the dreams. Her emerald eyes traced the book shelf in the corner, and the open closet opposite it full of dresses she had worn over the years. She was familiar with this, and nothing seemed out of sorts or strange, she was safe at home and in her room. With shaking legs she stood up and walked towards the door, curious about the voices she could hear.

"Good evening Miss Bogdan-"
"Oh come now Garald, call me Cosmina, you are my future son in law."
"Alright, how is Narcissa? Has the fever broken yet?"
"Not yet, she's still asleep, but her head did feel a little cooler this afternoon."
"I'm relieved to hear it! I've been quite worried about her..." Garald said awkwardly.
"As have I, Garald. Between the doctor and my own medical knowledge and healing abilities, she will be alright."

With a weak smile, Narcissa descended the stairs and stumbled down the last few steps. Her mother and fiance caught her and scolded her for not staying in bed. With a sigh, she let them take her back to the bedroom.

"I'm so glad your fever broke. We were quite worried."
"Worried? Why? Was I unconcious?" Narcissa asked, coughing afterwards.
"Yes, you were unconcious with a high fever for days."
Narcissa frowned, "I am sorry I caused such worry..."

With a shake of the head, she was tucked back into the bed and told to rest up. Although her fever broke, she still was unwell and it would be a few more days at least before she was able to be fully recovered.

As she lay in the candle lit room, alone once more, she began to ponder over the fever dreams. They were different from the vision dreams, and different from normal dreams. They felt as though they held some secret, something trying to use the sickness she suffered to reach into her dreams. If Hala could reach her through her vision dreams, did a fever allow her mind to be weakened enough for a hag or fiend to slip in?

Worried, she reached for the hanging dream catcher, sighing as a feather fell from it at her touch. It would still last, but soon she would require a new one. The catcher had helped lessen the nightmares she had about witnessing the childs demise, but it did nothing for the vision dreams, and her understanding of the item was that it would only allow good dreams in and protect her from nightmares and unsavoury beings. Narcissa reached for the glass of water and took a sip, her mouth dry. She could worry about such things later when her mind was more clear.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 17, 2023, 04:43:53 PM
Quote
09,17,778

To think this illness had me sleep through such a horrible thing. I'm glad Garald didn't go, but I worry about the garda now. They will no doubt be suffering horribly for the loss of their fellow garda, not to mention all the families who will have to mourn their now dead children or parents. I wish I could alleviate their pains, perhaps I will offer a free clinic soon, I may be able to get some medicinal herbs to help them sleep or deal with the melancholy of loss.

I am sure the hospice will be busy with an influx of patients who near the end from a broken heart. Or an imbalance of humours that is so out of order it has become lethal. Erika is missing I'm sure her brother must be fearful for her well being, they did seem quite close. I need to branch out into other sorts of brews to help the garda. I know neither side is in the right here as both sides cause suffering, but outlanders neglect to understand that every action has a consequence and sometimes, many times, those are bitter or harsh consequences.

Perhaps it is different in other domains, but Barovia and Vallaki are my home.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 25, 2023, 05:32:32 PM
Quote
09,25,778

I was with the sisters and a couple of brothers hunting hags today.
I managed to counterspell most if not all of the swamp hags magic.
I'm rather proud of that.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on September 28, 2023, 04:42:41 PM
From the darkness of the tapestry rose a figure of pure white. She wove stars and light into the tapestry, illuminating a world of suffering. Agony ruled and people lacked compassion or care. The tapestry grew, and with it grew the lineage of suffering, so ingrained in existance that the white figure wept and wailed for the people she watched over in silence. She felt their suffering, their misery and loss of hope, the despair. She felt it all like a heavy burden upon her, and alone she entered to teach and ease the pains of mortals in this godless world they had created.

Power passed on from generation to generation from thirteen souls whom the Goddess found and chose, power of insight of magic, of understanding and compassion. Power that connected everyone and everything. Power was not alone in this gift, for it also included wisdom and knowledge. Healing and protection, divine blessings of an ancient power coursed through the line of her family. She watched the descedants and their duties, their attempts to ease the suffering and their own inner disputes.

When all are seen as one, true strength is manifest.

The woman spoke those words gentle as a whisper upon the wind, the dream as fleeting as a flicker of a flame in a windy night.

Narcissa awoke in a cold sweat, her body covered in goosebumps. Those words remained with her like a lingering melody stuck in her head.

Quote
When all are see as one, true strength is manifest
The woman in white spoke these words after showing me how there are two sides, like I think it was Sister Amelia, said about the faith. There are those who protect and those of us who study, there are secrets of our faith that are shared with such people. I understand that now. Ancient knowledge is something that must be protected, guarded and kept secret, it is not for all to know. Nor is it for all Halans to know, those of us who can protect are here to guard those who keep the knowledge safe.

I am sure there are informations and spells that could reshape the very world, we must guard these from hags, and from those who would misuse it. That much I know, even if that information is not for me to know.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 08, 2023, 01:39:31 PM
Quote
10,08,778

That execution... If it could be called that- more like a show... But the axe. As we prayed for a swift end to his suffering, the axe moved, and as our hands joined it levitated and struck the gundarakite in the back! It was what killed him, not the executioner. Honestly I'm not even sure whose axe it was. The Gundarakites or the executioners? It doesn't matter in the end. He was put to death for the crimes he committed. But is Sister Eve right? Was it our united prayer that caused the axe to move?

I am proud of myself, I didn't run when the sky was full of bats- not like I could of fled anywhere to begin with... But still, I stood my ground against the sound of swarms of flapping bats. I NEVER want to do that again.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 12, 2023, 05:40:09 PM
Quote
10,12,778

I think I forgot what Romeo had taught me about not speaking too much to law officials. I probably dug myself a deeper hole. I know that Mama is ready for the upcoming questioning. She's actually been ready for it since I was banished. I feel awful she has to go through this but... It will be alright.

I was always so afraid that if the Garda knew I could do magic that they'd execute me on the spot. It seems that is not the case anymore. They now know and it is not a problem. I suspect that I will be closely monitored and probably even spied on. I don't mind there is nothing for me to hide. I do wish that they had asked me if I could do magic, not if I was a witch.

My mother taught me the only witches are those who serve Hala. I've taken no vows so for me to say I am a Witch would be a lie to Hala. That is why I said no. Because I am not a Witch. I am a sorceress. Like my mother, and her mother, going back to... well I don't actually know. I do know that I haven't lied to the garda, willfully took things at one value instead of another, but that's not a lie. Is it?

I do hope that this investigation ends in my favour. She did call papa Fred from what I remember.

I am so disappointed in Marissa. It's like she thought her words and actions would fizzle out, not linger and impact the rest of my life. I can't even rent a goddess damned lease because of her. Not once has her words or Margit's, whoever it was, not once has it faded, it remains and causes me suffering to this day.

Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on October 31, 2023, 04:31:23 PM
Quote
10,31,778

She cursed my whole family, and my bloodline. I was so scared, I still am. I've never been so terrified before in my life. I'm scared that if I go outside of this hidden room, she or someone she trusts will hunt me down. And kill me. This is not what a Halan should do, right? We don't curse our brothers or sisters... Or threaten to take their lives...
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 08, 2023, 11:38:40 AM
Quote
11,08,778

I've tried for a very long time to sort this affair and solve it peacefully. I wrote her many letters, tried to apologise many times, begged and implored to find out what I did to hurt her so much. Yet she would never tell me. She once saw me as unstable because I am a blooded mage, not a studied one. She broke her banishment, and I made the mistake of informing the garda of it. I did not think it fully through. Had I done that, I would of known she'd be hurt even more by my actions.

I sent her a letter apologising for my mistake in reporting her for breaking the law, which is something I would do to my fiance and soon to be husband. Local laws need to be respected, even if you do not agree with them. If people do not respect the laws, then we enter into lawlessness and in that there is much more suffering. I should of waited to learn the reason she broke the banishment.

However, I can only take responsibility for my own actions, I can not be held responsible for others. If I were in her place, how would I react?

Poorly. I know that, but, I would not of broken the law to begin with. I would of sent a letter, or had Pluth deliver it. Much like Marissa could of done in her pretty white owl form. I have caused a great deal of suffering and trouble for my Brothers and Sisters. Yet, throughout it all, I have not wanted bad things to happen to Marissa.

I understood that she acted out so volatilely because she was hurt by the things I had done; taking silphium after Ben left me and when the pregnancy was driving me insane, returning to Vallaki after the banishment was ended 2 months early. The final thing was reporting her for breaking her banishment.

However, I honestly fail to see how seeking to murder an innocent woman, slander her to ruin her life and relationships, and finally, to curse her ENTIRE bloodline, if a valid reaction to my mistakes.

If anything such a reaction seems to be warrented had I done something truly foul. Something horrendous like making a deal with a demon or hag. Selling my soul or.... I don't even know. I don't know when such a reaction is warrented, it just seems to much to me. To curse unborn innocents because she was hurt by me is beyond exessive, it boarders on the absurd.

I know my desire to find a peaceful solution to this has halted the actions of many, and delayed a true end to this mess. Hala help me, I don't know how to proceed.

One side shows me that if she is allowed to continue, my entire family will suffer if I can't remove the curse. Marissa has also shown a lack of desire to admit to any error or mistake, and has opted to resort to violence. This mess has caused suffering within the Halans, and within my own mind. The only thing I wanted in this life was to be a Halan Witch, a proper veiled sister. I have wanted to run a clinic and hospice or work for one to help my townsfolk. I never wanted any of this drama.

If I could go back in time, I would undo taking the silphium since unless Marissa says otherwise, that is the only thing that I can see which caused this mess. Unless someone else is lying.

I am amazed that she would break her vow of truth by saying that I am trying to become a hag. A thing that is just not possible. A hag is not made, it is born. Sometimes, and this is a rarity among rarities, a covey may try to replace a member by corrupting a specific woman to replace the lost hag (Eve said a green hag can only be replaced by an elven woman) and that they prefer to corrupt Halans if they can, but do not always do so. If she were to be speaking truth, I would be needing to work with a hag, or several hags. Which is a vile notion to begin with.

I don't know what to do. Garald and Eve think that this will only end with one of our deaths, and while that may be true, I hope it's not. I hope that I can find a way to make ammends for what ever I did to hurt her so much.

Yet others would tell me that it has reached kill or be killed. She's already sent someone to kill me, a woman that I don't even know. There is darkness that descends upon us now and I am to blame.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 14, 2023, 09:51:55 AM
Quote
11,14,778

I remember being worried about having to face the brutality of the fourth sect and I seem to remember being told that as a Second sect member I would not have to. Yet that was a lie, I learned that yesterday. What is penance? It is to make amends to ones god for an error or misdeed. At least that is my understanding of it. Perhaps to the Ezrites penance means torture, garda level punishments. No. Ezra did not sacrifice herself for her faithful to torture each other. My belief that Ezra and Hala are the same individual remains, but I will not have anything to do with a church that would harm its own over a mistake.

I was bracing myself to be whipped, but instead, the Inquisitor shocked me. He used some sort of torture device to electrocute me, five times. I could feel the electricity coursing through every fiber of my being. It hurt like hell. It burned and stung, and that smell... I took it, because to the church that I was baptised into, carrying that book was very bad. I accepted punishment for my mistake, but I expected to be working for people, or helping in the church, not inflicted pain.

I have never felt a hate like this. It is... Foreign to me, yet present. I will have nothing to do with a religion that would torture their own. That is evil and sick, and Inquisitor Creek is legion himself for what he did, but at least, they are satisfied that Marissa lied to them. I am not a hag.

Speaking of hags, I learned some details about Night Hags;
They are able to travel through the spirit world, and dreams, they use such to drain the life of their victims. They are related to the Annis hag, but lack its physical capabilities and instead focuses on the use of dream and nightmare magic.

Maybe I am pathetic, but I spoke honestly to them when I said I had nothing to hide. Perhaps if they had been there when I needed them, life would be different, but matter of fact, they didn't. It was a struggle to find one to teach me about the faith and then as soon as I converted and asked for help, they abandoned me. They left me to deal with the rumours, allegations and slander alone. They did not visit me, at least not frequently, maybe two or three times, but that was it. When I asked for aid they left and never returned.

Why would Marissa do this? Why would she spread a rumour that I am a hag? Not just any hag but a Night Hag murdering people. I haven't caused harm to any sentient living being. Yet now, I need to learn to fight, I will no longer allow people to use me as a patsy for their actions.

Enough is enough.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 14, 2023, 06:50:34 PM
'You understand now my child. There are those who seek to cause suffering, and they will not change. Your magic will guide you as you discover this new path. You were meant to be more than just a healer and protector. Narcissa, the path of least suffering does not mean no harm. You understand that now.'

She spoke calmly, like a mother explaining to her child where she went wrong. Offering her guidance and reassurance from behind a veil of white light. Visions danced across that light, showing her fighting, a warrior of compassion. A dagger in hand, and a whip at her side, Narcissa watched as her form switched between the two. She saw magic she had never seen, magic meant to harm. Yet ever only used when all else failed. She saw herself disarm her opponents, offering them a chance to back down for a peaceful resolution. She also watched as she took lives of those who caused suffering, to those who served hags, and those who harmed the innocent.

She watched herself don the garb of a healer and tend the injured in a clinic, people around her to aid and mend others. Duality. She understood. She would tend the sick and poor, the rich and injured, give no change to treatment based on race or class. She watched as she opened the doors to Caliban and twists seeking out her aid or wisdom. She saw herself perform divine miracles and watched as wounds were mended.

Duality of harm and compassion. When suffering continues and no other option has worked, the time for harm comes to view. And even though Narcissa did not care for violence, she now saw how vital such actions could be.

Narcissa woke up with a jolt of pain, drenched in sweat from her dream and the pain of the healing flesh. Groaning she peeled off the sweat soaked bandages and felt at the wounds. They had recovered, she felt the new pink flesh that had grown over each of the five sites, the memory flashing in her mind causing a spasm as her body remembered the shocks. After she dried off and had changed into a simple cotton gown, she returned to her bed in the clinic, sleeping on her stomach until she next woke.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on November 17, 2023, 10:59:12 AM
Spoiler: show
LYRICS:
I should've seen it sooner,
but what can 'should've's do for me?
You know, I heard a rumour
that I couldn't quite believe.

Eyes might tell the truth
but words have power to deceive.
If it suits their speaker,
there's no story they can't weave.

And so, in you I put my faith.
I threw my trust behind a friendly face.
Couldn't name one safer place,
yet here I am. I watched it go to waste.

I could ask 'how could you?'
but I know the answer's just 'because you can'.
Funny how the worst part is
I finally understand.

But I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Tell me, is it true
or is it my imagination?
There's no exit built into
this maze of your creation.
You talk like it's against the rules
to turn this game against you.
You've got it wrong. I'll tear your walls down
if that's what it comes to.

I won't break in front of you.
I'll hold on 'til I've gone the whole way through
and if I end up on the floor
it's fine, 'cause you won't see me any more.
And though you put me through hell,
I know I chose my battles well.
I'm in control. I'm taking over.
This story's mine to tell.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Once upon a time, I wanted
you to tell me why it wasn't
good enough for you to have
the whole world at your feet.
But now I've had some time and distance,
I know better than the listen
to a single syllable
you'd want to say to me.

Every word you spoke was poison.
Your heartfelt speeches, hollow noises.
And I'm kicking myself 'cause I just couldn't see
how you could go this far.
I don't stand here 'cause I want to.
I never wanted to fight you.
But what I want's irrelevant now.
Look at where we are.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.


Within her soul she admitted something to herself, something she had longed to deny. Something she craved to be a lie, but something that now she had to face. While she may be a pacifist, that part of her life was over, it was time for action. She wasted time and waited too long, but now.. Now Narcissa Bogdan was going to embrace all of her power, and learn that harmful magic has its use just as healing and protective. Her heart beat stronger with a mixture of fear and elation as she accepted that for the first time in her life, she would be learning how to fight. How to wear armour and how to wield a weapon.

She had a task to do, a mess that she began that she felt that she should resolve. At the end of a vipers pit, she knew that her only way forward was through the pit, facing the serpents that would seek to poison her mind with lies, or cripple her with the venom of fear. She would not let this be her downfall. Narcissa took a breath and took a step into the pit.

She fell into it, feeling the vipers coiling and slithering around her. Her hand wrapped around a weapon and she began the course she had to take to resolve the mess she made.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 05, 2023, 02:35:30 PM
Quote
12,05,778

It has been days since I broke Marissa's decree and turned an item into Mister Foggs office in Port a Lucine. I dared not stay long and have since fled back home to Vallaki, but still, I watch the doors of the inn where I stay, and the door to my room with anxious nerves dreading the moment the woman she sent after me has arrives. I am unsure that the injuries from the electrocution will disappear, I suspect that they will remain with me forever as scars. When I think about it, it is as though I can feel each jab of the torture rod again.

I have grown used to fighting now, at least against things that are undead. Or animals like snakes or those salamander things of Har Akir. I fear that I will not have it in me to do what must be done to stop all this suffering from continuing. One does not come out of taking a life unchanged. It alters who you are inside, it is like a stain on the soul, a blackness that can spread. Hatred that is easiest to go to rather than the light of the painful truth.

While I want to try to end this through words and peacefully, through non violence, actions of the past show it is beyond that. I know this. I know it all to well. I know how many letters I sent to Marissa to try to resolve this, and prior to her weird allegation that I "sold her out to the garda"... I do feel bad for reporting her for breaking her banishment, that was petty of me. A spiteful action because she was livid at the chance that I may of broken my banishment. I remember her going to the garda upset I was back in town. I waited out my banishment. She could of done so easily. She also could of sent a letter about the hag in Port a lucine. I admit my fault in that I did not think my choice fully through. I did not think they would bounty her. Truly I thought that her banishment would be extended or something. It does not matter though, as her choice to threaten to murder me in front of the altar to Hala, her choice to tell the Church of Ezra that I was a hag, among other people that I was trying to become one...

It is hardly just me her actions have harmed. She has hurt the sisters, insulted Brother Emmerich, and even accused others of being hags when they strayed from her view. Should this woman find and kill me she will have murdered an innocent and would suffer that weight for the rest of her life. That is not fair to burden someone with such suffering. I know what has to be done, but I am afraid to do it.

Hala help me, guide me and grant me wisdom. Please forgive me for what must be done. I feel like I should be the one to have blood on my hands, even if it is in service of Hala and the path of least suffering.
Title: Re: Powers Seduction
Post by: ladylena on December 28, 2023, 04:02:35 PM
Quote
12,28,778

I saved a man who should of been a corpse today. He seems to be a vital witness for the garda. I don't understand what happened and I wish I had been able to save the other man too. It does make me tired when I bring people from deaths door back to the living world. But I am thankful to Hala for being able to save someone from the brink of death.