Ravenloft: Prisoners of the Mist

Within the swirling Mist (IC) => Biographies => Topic started by: Raven Credale on December 28, 2021, 09:37:03 PM

Title: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on December 28, 2021, 09:37:03 PM
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   These past few days, I seem to have forgotten things. I've become to lax in my ways. These conversations that I have with others...I must cease them. I must remind myself that emotions are a pathetic thing to have and that they just get in the way. Attachments will only hinder me in the long run. Friends and allies...are just liabilities. These is no place for me in any of the realms that is outside the shadows. I belong no where and i belong to nothing. One may think this is not a way to live...but it is all i know. Hate. Malice...rage...that is all. And they are not needed like all the other emotions one can have. So I must burn these bridges and cut these ties. There is no future for me with these attachments. So why should I keep them. These past few days and with more than just a handful of people..


    It has only proven to me that I can rely on no one but myself.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on December 29, 2021, 04:34:32 AM
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   I suppose there is some explanation I must make. Before These mist filled lands, before the harsh sun of Amn, there was Guallidurth. The temple city of Lolth. I was born into one of the many houses there, House Xal'tari'sylenvii. My mother was second daughter but lowered due to my birth. She took her rage out on me. Her spite and lose of rank on me. And the others members of the house...allowed this. They would say "a fitting treatment for a waste of skin like her." I'd be beaten, starved and locked in some cell for days. Malnutrition easily appeared on me and the bruises didn't fade for weeks. From justy mother beating me, it turned to the whole house becoming my tormentors. One even went so far as to brand me. To carve webs into my forearms then burn them in to make sure they stay. The comment "Even if you live long enough, anyone who sees you will know what you are. And you will die like the pathetic dog that you are."

   Yes these brands on my arm were not self inflicted, and yes they followed the veins up and across before they were burned shut. The more disgusting thing though about this, is that in the temple city of Lolth, there was never just one way to worship her. Never a unified place. Each house had a different means to show their faith to the Spider Queen. Mine showed it by tormenting me and mentally breaking me til I was no longer needed by them. One thing still remains in my mind even now.

"Anyone who is smart with throw you aside. You are a pathetic creature that is just going to be replaced by everyone. Even if you die. There will be no one who will care to miss you."

   Words hissed at me by the one I should have called mother.


   I must forget these memories...I need them to be silenced...yet they keep screaming at me from time to time. Perhaps...this is what some would call Post Traumatic Stress?
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on December 29, 2021, 08:57:09 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/0a/91/0f/0a910f2f76ce8711906a37d5862e6338.jpg)


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   The next brand I got was when I was older. A spider etched into my back by the same one who etched the webs into my forearms. I remember them telling me. "You'll make for a decent Drider, at least then you'll be useful, you pathetic worm." The feeling of the knife being ran into my back with more force... I had to stay quiet, or the pain would get worse. But when it was over and I was branded once again, I went back to my cage and just laid on the cold stone ground. I realize now...that I am broken...fractured and it has only been made worse over the years.

    When the merchant from Amn bought me, part of me felt like I would be free of these chains. But I was wrong. I was sold to be a mere trophy. Something to degrade in the sun. Something that held no value. There were times where I looked at a knife and thought about ending things. I thought about how in the next life something would be better...where I could be free of the chains that wrap so tight around it it's suffocating. I'd hold the knife in my hands above my heart...but I could never plunge the knife in. Instead it would fall and I would weep in silent tears. Asking myself why was I cursed to this life? In what sick and twisted scheme did the Spider queen find it amusing to torment me as such? In Amn...I broke even more and piece by piece that I managed to pick up, my need to run grew stronger and stronger.



   I know...I am broken. Damaged beond repair and flawed beyond recognition...I shut my emotions away...I try to silence the past that screams and hollers at me from the back of my mind...and I find it so terribly heard to really trust anyone...My mind is my enemy, and when it hijacks control of my emotions and rationality...I am a prisoner to it. I do not sleep...I have not slept in...such a long time...And meditations are much the same...
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on December 31, 2021, 05:38:22 AM
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   I am...perplexed...the kindness others have shown me. Treating me like a...person more than something to spite or hate. I don't...I don't understand. It makes no sense to me...and that 'thing' done for the briefest of moments...what was that even? I don't...I don't understand my mind cannot process this or these things. Why ...why? I'm...I don't think I can handle these sorts of things right now...I'm use to such harsh and terrible treatment than this is...unknown to me. I...I don't know how I feel about it...I don't know what to feel about it...I'm confused about it that is for sure. But...what...why...



...I really can't fathom the reasons why. Or the concept of it. I am...so very confused by these things...

Below is a doodle of someone giving her a hug and she's 100% confused on what to do. It's not a terrible doodle, but it's no work of art.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on January 02, 2022, 05:55:02 AM
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   I've come across a new place to loiter. A bit dangerous to get to but it's an abandoned monastery up in the mountains. It seems self sustaining for the most part. Wild Musk ox's to use for food, a pool or water that seems to come down from higher up in the mountains. Bit run down though I suppose i could restore it so it's a bit more livable. It would be a nice little haven for those like myself. The temple doesn't seem to house anything ominous or dangerous. And the dorms seem relatively empty. It will take a lot of work to renovate this place, but it doesn't seem like a bad spot for out casts and twists to be.

    Or I could just keep this place all to myself, save for the few I enjoy the company of. Can't be completely isolated after all...not that it would really make much difference I think. If I'm around or not...
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on January 05, 2022, 05:01:06 AM
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   These past few days...I have been...less closed off. Less machine like I suppose. These interactions with others and even the talks have been... different. I find myself...caring about them...it is strange...but...in a curious way. I know that I was trained to not get attached to anything. That I was to be a dagger from the shadows. But...looking back on Shar and her history...even she had allies at one point too. Though she kept it all professional. There was even a time she and Selene set aside their grudge to fight a common threat.

    While I cannot understand these new emotions and thoughts I have fully, in time I believe that I'll gain some understanding of them. Til then...I am curious as to what else the shadows might teach me here.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on January 09, 2022, 04:50:14 AM
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   This silence and having to spend time hiding...how I dislike these Garda that have apparently returned. One was fine to annoy, but...the hooded imposing one that has the greatsword. I do not think that one will tolerate my antics like Cip did. If anything that one looks like he will cleave me in two just for the hell of it. Bit peculiar though, I heard people saying he was some sort of werecroc? If that's the case then these Garda are idiots and I should have lied to Cip. Could have told him "Why yes I am a normal elf but I look like this so that I can hide from the monsters. Wolf in sheep's clothing if you will." But...I not that influential to make such an elaborate lie seem believable.

   In any case, I will need to watch myself or get better gear to boost my appeal to these Barovians. That...or I simple leave this place and find somewhere else to loiter. But...something in my gut tells me if I do that then I may run into something that might...cause my mind to snap back into memories...memories I do not want to be consumed by.

...Not again...
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on February 01, 2022, 08:26:37 PM
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   Having watched how they move. How they disappear into the shadows and to come back out of it. To be one with the darkness and hide in plain sight. It bewilders me with amazement. The Ebon Tigers I have faced today...I wish to face more of them. But my task was to just get one pelt and to study their movements. I studied the movements of the shadow asps as well. Though snake like they are a valuable teacher as well. But there is still room for improvement on my part. And seeing the fabled Shadow Dragon today...I understand now that the dragons are much more fearsome than the lesser half broods.

    Today has been a very interesting day. Now all that is left is to return and await my next tasks. I just one does not require me to eat anything strange or odd again. Strange and odd do not suit my diet.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on March 14, 2022, 12:15:52 PM
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There is much I still need to understand. Some clarity on some questions I have, much as I appreciate what I have learned so far, however it was more cryptic than I'd have liked but..this path I have chosen to walk down is one of secrecy and shadows. I can understand the shadows aspect of this path, of what it means to hide in the shadows of things. But it is the...."Dancing" part that muddles my understanding. Mimicing the tigers seems to not be enough. Perhaps I need to look deeper on this? I do not know. Hopefully there will be answer or something to less cryptic that's useful...ugh...I still hate the fact I tried the flesh of a human for nothing...so slimy and disgusting...I don't envy those that crave such things....
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on March 21, 2022, 05:43:48 AM
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This City of Lights, an odd place really. Seeking on here or in the Mist Camps is not as simple as I had thought it would be. But then again, nothing has been simple for me. No, there's always some sort of trial or challenge i need to overcome. Some sort of task I need to fully understand. Perhaps, the questions I am failing to understand can be answered the longer I stay in this City of Lights. Watch the people and see what sort of 'dance' they do. What 'song' their steps move to. I do wish 'they' were here though. I've not seen them in a long time and I am starting to worry. Perhaps they've grown tired of me. Perhaps they've moved on. I suppose I can't be surprised if that's the case, broken a d fractured as I am...seeking a path that is neither light or dark...and the instance with my heart being torn out by a vampire...it would not surprise me at all.

Still...I started this path long before the Mists took me. I aim to keep on it. I just need to find the one I was told to seek out.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on April 01, 2022, 09:08:43 PM
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   I can't fully recall what it was like to dance without a care in the world. To simply let my guard down when it was just myself. To be frank though...I have been spending a lot of time on my own. It's beginning to be just me and my mind again, I suppose all good things come to an end. I was given advice that I should seek out good company...and I was also give an opportunity for some work. I wouldn't mind it, it's better than just standing around doing nothing all day with no one to talk to. In any case...it's just me, myself and my fractured mind again...
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on April 03, 2022, 05:56:27 AM
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Taking some time to myself and processing the events that have lead me hear, I realize that I do not have a personal code of my own to follow. I had been following that if Sharr, but even then, it was not mine. The teaching do not feel like they are something of my own. It feels suffocating to follow such ideals. I should meditate on this, perhaps converse with Roxy on this and what her thoughts may be. I once thought of her as a shade...but she is me and I her. Two sides of the same coin. Two parts of a Harlequins mask.

   It's amusing to think about really, tarot cards hold two meanings and I have two personalities. Rauva and Roxy. The upright and the reverse. We'll never be whole, but we accept this. It is what we are. It's who we are.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on April 05, 2022, 11:40:23 AM
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There are some meatbags In this place that just make my blood boil. The ones who think slavery is fine, the ones who are to high on their pedestals, the ones who can't see they're not wanted in adventures, and the ones who assume to much of a person and are self centered. All these types of people I'd love to see killed. Even kill a few of them myself. But this girly won't let me. *Tch* How dull she can be. Regardless, one of these days Karma will catch up to these people and I will laugh as they suffer.

Some time later a second entry is added.

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    I can't say the idea wouldn't cross my own mind. But for now, it is best that I simply ignore those who boil her blood. I do hope that one prospect opens up soon. I've not been carrying enough alcohol to keep her satisfied. We need to find a new anchor. One that will remain a constant for us.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on September 12, 2022, 05:58:00 AM
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How long has it been I wonder. Months perhaps since I disconnect myself from the rest of the Mists. And less time since the voices stopped. Recapping, recalling and replaying events that lead up til now. It all seems so... interesting how thick the web can be spun. How irritatingly fractured I once was. Anchored by the past and allowing it to break me repeatedly. I suppose the time I spent in the dark was enough for me to sort everything out. To once again think with a singular mind. I still aim to dance with the shadows, but now I shall try with a singular voice. My voice. I wonder if the one I spoke to back in that City of Lies is still around. If so, I do hope they can refresh my memory of and understanding. It has been so long since I 'Danced'. I feel myself forgetting the steps of the Ebon Tiger and Asps Snakes.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on September 21, 2022, 07:50:41 AM
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Winter is approaching so collecting herbs to pass my time will become harder to do. A shame really, I was getting the knack of things. Oh well, I'll have to reside in the shadows for now til there are better chances and opportunities available for me. Time in the shadows won't kill me and unlike the pure bloods the solitude and silence will no longer affect me. That weakness of theirs is not mine. Though the ghosts of the past still haunt me, that is all they are now. Ghosts. Vanity, status, everything that I had been exposed to in the Underdark in that temple city then thrown to the surface in Amn. Had it not been for that little boy after my escape, perhaps I could have turned out worse. Perhaps I would have died in the sands. I cannot say for certain really. But this time alone, it reminds me of my time in the monastery. Spending time among the old books, being taught by the mentors and teachers of the monastery. Oddly they accepted me as I am but understood things. They are the ones who taught me to speak the way I do and to read and write. They knew I was smart, they knew I picked things up quick. The little boy has been wright about me back then. I was not like others. I wasn't like the pure bloods. But there was one mentor who could see the rage in me. The hate I held for the pure bloods. They saw it, and try as they might to have me forget it, I couldn't. I remember a lot of the Drow sayings, one that rings in my mind still is "The best revenge is revenge". A rather dull saying but it is not wrong I suppose. I should forget it, or at least use it for a more productive things. Like fighting. Or mentally berating a certain mage I've not seen in a long time. That male is testing my patience and I swear on the shadows I will drop kick that man next time I see him. Straight into the pond near the vistani. I'll hang onto his familiar of course. Little rascal didn't do anything terrible and is possibly keeping my heart safe in that box still. That does pose an interesting question still. How am I still alive if my heart is in a box? Perhaps there is more to uncover later. Who knows.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on September 23, 2022, 04:56:42 PM
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      The two I spoke to before in the past about continuing on the path of shadows, I've not spoken to either again, nor have I made any plans to do so. I still hold an item then can help me understand, and there is still the advice that was given to me before I detached myself and stayed in a cave for a time. I suspected that the one who gave me advice and offered me some sort of job, has long forgotten this and me. Can't say I am surprised or hurt by this, it seems rather common for me really. The one whom I loved clearly has forgotten me as well. But wallowing in such petty emotions is not worth my time or energy.

    It is for the best that I refocus on what it is I am after. I have the physical skills to accomplish my goal, but I still need to mentally process things. Step outside the box and look at everything from a newer, fresher angle. There is no one else who can help me achieve my goals. No one who will even care or bother to help. This is something I need to learn on my own. Something I need to do by myself. Those I knew are gone or have left me behind. So there is no one else but me who can achieve my goal.

     My mentors will be the shadows of the Sullen Woods, the Ghouls of the Ghoul House, the Ebon Tigers in the Shadow Caves, and lastly, The phantoms of my past. Those shall be my new mentors and guides in this endeavor.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on September 29, 2022, 04:24:53 AM
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It has been interesting the past couple days, speaking with those who do not care to judge me based on my skin tone. It is...relieving in a sort of sense really. And with the help of some I've gone to the places I had planned. But I am still lacking something, I feel as though I am anyways. Something else needs to be done. But I cannot place my finger on what it is. I know there needs to me more to things that just punching things. I know what my Raison D'etre is now as well, but is that enough? Is that ever enough to fully understand the path that I walk. Perhaps I will need to 'Dance' more to fully grasp it. Perhaps not in a dungeon this time, but out in the open. With select people. It is worth a try, as not everyone tends to have keen eyesight. I will have to give it a try and hope that the Guarda or Radu do not notice me.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 02, 2022, 12:26:20 PM
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Recently my memory has been jogged. What I once thought of being heartless.... turns out I had suppressed the truth. I live, I laugh, I feel, and I desire. I've a heart in my chest that beats the blood through my veins. So, what I had lost; what is in the hands of the one I lost, is utterly useless now. As it has been for quite some time. How silly I had been to believe that it was under some curse all this time. But I suppose this now means my life is cut a bit shorter. Perhaps when everything is said and done, I can lay in a Grave of my own design and reside myself to the Fate that has been laid out before me. I suppose my own morality doesn't scare me, I don't fear the things as I once did, and I now look into the darkness knowing that what I am searching for is looking back at me beyond the veil. I know it is out there, watching my movements and mimicing me down to the exact detail. But I do not fear it. Nor should I. I am it, and it is me. Two halves of a whole that walk between the lines of light and darkness. A dance in eternal twilight that is unlike one could expect to see. I don't dream or visualize myself to be one of the many who tread in the darkness, but I would rather be a midway point in the journey to others who might wish to walk this path as well. A way to say that you do not have to become that which you will find in the Sullen Woods. Or that which has forsaken their own mortality for power. Not everything is black and white in the world. And souls...souls are many shades of colors. Many of which are dyed by the world around us to be darker or brighter than they once started as. These lands make it to easy to fall into madness and despair. It crushes the hopes people build to entertain itself in twisted and vile ways. Perhaps it is aware of this and believes others will not catch on. But regardless of why and how, there is one thing I still need to do. Something I should have done in the cave during my meditations.

And that is to let you go. It pains me, but lately it seems to be the right choice. Holding on to something that may never appear again, to hold onto the desire to hear your voice one last time. It is enough to drive one mad. And I've grown to understand that letting go does not mean saying good-bye, that one day perhaps we will meet again. But for now, letting go of the past, of the feelings I kept, it is hindering me in growing to becoming what I must me in order to survive the future trials before me. I will not forget, and I will cherish the memories, but it is time to move on and walk a path where I may be alone for a time. But that is alright. I will be alright.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 06, 2022, 06:12:43 AM
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Lately I find myself enjoying the company of one I did not expect to find that from. A bit strange at times, but amusing none the less. There is another I find to be rather pleasant company too, though the feeling of being a One Monk Army is very entertaining. And the rush of a Haste Spell still leaves me with wanting to break more creatures. Perhaps he was right, I can be a bit scary at times. I wonder if I gave myself the title of Starscorge, would that add onto it? Perhaps I should avoid such ideas, it seems rather arrogant to assume such titles right now.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 08, 2022, 04:07:03 AM
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  I've seen the mark on the tree in the Vistani camp, I never thought I would see that again honestly. I remember the days where training was brutal, where the instructors would push me til there was no choice but to fall to the exhaustion. They wanted to train me to be a killer. To be an assassin just like the rest. But I knew better, I knew I was more than just some tool to be used by another. I knew that there was more to me than just that dull fate. So, I left it. I left that Order and though it may seem impossible to others to do, I did it anyways. It wasn't til later that I found the one who would Teach me the Way of Shadow, the mentor who could see I had the potential to tap into the shadows themselves. But I was unrefined then. I was still too raw and unpolished. Like a freshly cracked Geode. He knew, so he trained me alongside his other pupil. But that is the past.

    Now I see this image again and the message left with it. I know it is not for me, it couldn't be. But to see it again has stirred up old memories. Memories that I don't want to remember. Memories of myself that I should have long forgotten by now. But I know better...The past is something to learn from, not run from.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 12, 2022, 05:51:01 AM
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Ah hah, I am reminded that though others may consider me to be a shadow, I still cannot hide from certain individuals. One of which just so happens to be a Garda. This one has proven to be quite the pain in the past for me. Attempting to dehood me in public when not an ounce of my skin was visible, seemingly to know that there was something wrong with me at that time. A rather suspicious thing really how this one knew when nothing about me gave it away. Regardless, this one Garda I will need to remain wary of, if he is able to see me when I've achieved my first goal, then perhaps I will need certain items to remain out of sight for him. It would be quite a pain to have to knock him out. I'm certain though that it can be done...as much as I will greatly regret it later. Having a bounty on my head for simply defending myself seems rather....silly. But the Laws of Barovia are far harsher than that of Amn. So I suppose I cannot blame them for living by such things. After all, the one in charge is one that cannot truly know the embrace of Death. A sad soul, trapped in a sad depressing domain. Hopefully I will know if I've done all that I can to reach my first goal soon. If not, then I will need to seek out aid where I can find it. Time will tell I suppose, but for now, I will have to wait. Wait, until there is some sort of sign that I've accomplished the first part of my destined goal.

How I hope to teach the Way of Shadows to worthy individuals. Course, they'll have to prove themselves to me too. Can't take on just anyone as a pupil after all. I'll need to be discrete about it too. Leave something as a calling card perhaps. Something inconspicuous so that it does not raise alarm or suspicions. As for a way to be reached by those who seek me out. All things to consider for this ideal goal of mine.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 14, 2022, 05:58:54 AM
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Seems I still have much I need to refine. I need to cease my chaotic thoughts and remind myself that there is a law to abide by. Much as I dislike the Garda for their xenophobic ways, I have to remember that in these lands I do not have the power or ability to change their minds or hearts. Those who live in fear of things they cannot understand are unable to see past the surface of others. I know better than most that things are not always as they appear. Myself for example. Ashen grey skin, white hair and Violet eyes...I look as those who lived underground yes, but I act as my Human Mother did. She taught me to be more human than what I was raised to face. My memory, slowly is getting reformed as I delve deeper into understanding myself. I just need to remember to keep to my own personal Code. I may not agree with these Laws of Barovia, but I must remember to abide by them if I am to keep on my path. Though I find the curfew to to be a pain, much like hiding in the day. But I'll figure something out. Somehow.

But...it has been a long time since I last thought of my Mother. I can barely remember what she fully looked like. But I remember she had Violet eyes like mine. Which I found odd for a human to have. Perhaps it was something to do with her blood line? I don't remember. She was kind, gentle, never looking at me like I was some curse or burden nonetheless. But at times I could tell there was something odd about her. She would look over her shoulder at nothing sometimes or act like something was digging into her mind. As a child I thought it was just the Mindflayers nearby, but now that I'm older and seen others. I know now she was something like the one I've spoken to about the Shadows. I'm reminded of what she had told me long before she departed the world. "When you are lost and feel like there is nothing but darkness, remember i am always there with you in the shadows. From now, til forever, my little dancer."

It is odd that these memories are coming back to me. As if I had build a flood gate in my mind to suppress them. Perhaps what I think I know is not what I really know? What I think is real could all be a lie. That this sanity of mine, is just an illusion I created to block out all the things that had happened to me. The things I do. The way I act...is this really me? Or did I create a Mask to wear to hide from the truth? I need to process these things...because if these memories are true...then I should be so broken and destroyed by my own past that I shouldn't be able to do anything that I can do now.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 16, 2022, 08:13:47 AM
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"Reflect on your personal laws Rauva. They're meant to guide you through the world."

I remember Grandpa Grelind telling me this on our way through Cloud Peak. He wanted me to find the laws I followed. The sort of Code that would guide me even now. Back then, I didn't understand what he meant by Personal Laws. I didn't know anything other than the tenants of The Dark Moon Order then. He knew this, knew that it wasn't meant for me. He wanted me to find my own way in the world. Like my mother wanted for me. I suppose being in these lands now, I should have thought all about this sooner. Because if I am to be honest with myself, I don't k ow what my own personal Code is. I've been following others like I had been with the Order. I've fallen back into the role of being a subordinate to others rather than stand on equal footing. Do I truly give myself so little credit? I need to understand myself better, perhaps if I do that, then maybe I will better understand this path I walk. As vague as it can be, and as solitary as it can get, I need to keep trying.

As for my true memories, I've decided that if they come back to me bit by bit, I will have to process then. Accept the possibility that they're real and that whatever happened in my past. For better or worse. It is a part of me and it would be wrong to shun that away. But for now, I must think of the laws I want to live with. Later on I am add them or I may add them as the days go on. I know one thing is for certain, I shall never turn my back on allies who oppose Undeath.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 17, 2022, 05:18:18 AM
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I've though it over some while being beside myself during the days. My code of ethics will follow as such, and should I fail to abide by them. Then I'll of course pay a price to reconcile for it. These shall be my Ten laws for which I will live by. Should I fail even once, the price will come in time. In the form of my own shadow, for it will not be just a reflection of myself, it will be my Judge, my Jury, and my Executioner.

  • I shall remain loyal to allies and not abandon them for a self-serving purpose.
  • I will treat others equally; we are all the same under the flesh and blood.
  • None are above the law, including myself.
  • I will better myself in all aspect of my life and training, so that I might better maintain the balance within myself.
  • The past is a teacher. Failures are a mentor to keep one humble. Loss is an instructor to gain wisdom for future endeavors.
  • There is a silverling to all things in the world. Even in shadows, I will not look to either the light or darkness.
  • I shall not judge others based on word of mouth. I will decide based on the actions of others.
  • If I am to choose one life over the other, I will not hesitate to risk my own for theirs.
  • I will trust those who offer their aid to me. For I know, I cannot do everything alone.
  • I will uphold my own code and take responsibility should I find myself falling astray.

I will to the best of my abilities uphold this code. These lands will not make it easy, but it is better than stumbling through the darkness, thinking that I am doing what is right. These chains will be the only ones to bind me, and as a Half Drow, I'll accept that.

(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/973323845845008414/1031305942618345504/New_Rauva.jpg)

(Rauva's new portrait!)
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 23, 2022, 01:19:10 PM
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   I remember a bit more of my past. Of my true memories. The chains that bound me when I was owned by the merchant, I was treated as a servant, a cleaning girl. Taught to never speak back, to never look the master in the eye, to always be silent, to never show any sort of emotion that would disgust guests. All punishment was to be taken in silence, a single sound meant more lashes. Take any food and it was twenty lashes. Fight anyone, thirty lashes, pass out while working, ten lashes...then get burned by an iron poker...

    I remembered this and found my blood boiling. I hate this knowledge. Of the idea that there are people out there who believe it acceptable to do. But I must remind myself. The past is a teacher. This wisdom of the past will give me insight towards the future. What has happened to me in the past, will not happen to me now. I am stronger, faster, more determined than I was back then. Back then I caved and buckled under the forceful will of the master. I was broken. I lived and served with no qualms. That is...until something woke up in me. Something that demanded I leave that life and start over. I still don't remember what possessed me to attempt to kill my master. So in time that too many return to me.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on October 30, 2022, 08:37:04 AM
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 I remember it all now. Why I asked Grelind to mask my true memories. Why I hid from what really happened.

I killed my own mother and my nearly killed my step father. And I witnessed the effects of a Shadow Dancer death.

So that I may never forget again and so that I cannot hide from this crime, I will recant the incident.

I was fourteen, mother and I had been free of our enslavement for five years then. I grew up a happy child in the streets of Amn, my mother remarried to a human merchant. Life was decent for us. But...it was during one of the festivals in the summer where this incident happened. I was running ahead, carefree and overjoyed. Mother was shouting for me not to get lost and father simply laughed at my high energy. However, a panic soon came over the crowd when one of the creatures that was going to be used in a performance later broke free and went on a rampage. The tamer had been killed and in the panic of running bodies away, I was knocked down, nearly trampled. I could hear my mother and father shouting for me in the mix of other screams. I felt a strong hand lift me up by the back of my dress. A man with a black circle tattooed on his face looked at me for a moment then dropped me before he melded with the crowd. My mother then found me and what found us was the monster. A Sword Spider of all things. My mother quickly shielded me from the creature her back to me with her arms spread wide, and in doing so she was killed. A blade ran through her chest, her blood splashed onto my face and clothing. The blade was drawn back and her body fell to the ground. The spider then looked at me and chittered its mandibles. My father came rushing in, a chain whip at the ready to defend me from the spider. But...the spider stopped when it saw a dark smoke cover my mother's body...it looked over myself and the spider before a pair of red glowing orbs and a shape began to form. My father noticed and quickly ran towards me, but in doing so the Greater Shadow fiend attacked him in a rampage. Critically injuring him. The shadow then looked at the spider and fought it til it ceased to move. Then...it looked at me...

//Work in progress.
Title: Re: Shadows of solitude
Post by: Raven Credale on November 18, 2022, 09:39:15 AM
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The day I saw that shadow, the day I witnessed that death...I felt my own mortality at a very young age. I was fourteen when it happened. And from then til I was twenty i was plagued with the memory ofy mother's death. Of seeing my father nearly killed and the Shadow reaching for me to claim my own life before the guards came. I looked into those glowing orbs, I saw nothing holding them but darkness and malice in place. But...as the claw drew closer, and they threatened to cut into my skin, I felt it. All my mother's pent up rage. All her malice and hatred. Every negative emotion she had felt was in this shadow. Then it was killed.

It haunted me for so long. So long that I started to seek a way to understand it. To understand what my mother really was. I searched for answers, against my own step father's wishes even. He knew, he must have known and wanted to keep me from that same fate. But I persisted...I kept looking, til Shar had a grip on me. Til I was broken and then molded to how her Monastic Order wanted me to be. A killer...

Yet they taught me how to "Dance" in a way. They taught me a way of being one with the shadows, even if the i tent was to make me an assassin later. However, I later remembered why I searched to understand the shadow dancers...and as foolish as the goal may be to others, it is precious to me. I still wish to be as my Mother was...