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Erzsebet Varga
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ha1zikx47dx6gh1/AACArr5X_BEAsjSEBKmWr7kNa?dl=0
(http://i.imgur.com/diMDXGQ.jpg)
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Ten years had passed since the death of her mother. Erzsebet had spent most of that time wandering around Barovia hunting to get by. She'd even spent a while with her grand parents, in Borca. It had cost her all she had, but she'd made it there, and was glad to be out of Barovia for the recent death of her mother turned her bitter to the land, and she could not bare to linger. She was fifteen when that happened and still today, ten years later, that event replayed in her mind.
Barovian soldiers had come to quell a rising rebellion of the Gundarakites in her home town, and despite her insistence that her mother was not in such, she was executed, and Erzsebet was made to watch the horrible scene. She was left alone, a young woman with nothing left but a growing dislike for her cruel oppressors. Her father had long since been missing, and she thought him dead.
When she finally returned, she lingered around Vallaki, hunting in the woods for Fang. She preferred the woods to the cities, there no one would tell her what to do, no one would arrest her simply for being Gundarakite. She felt safer with the wolves that prowled than with the guards who protected the people of the city.
She learned of the rebellion starting in Ziedenburg, she was set to join and help her people, truly believing that the native Barovians were all the same. Cruel, hate filled beings that treated her kind worse than outlanders. While she didn't want a war to start, it was growing clear that they did. Uncertainty began to grow, and Erzsebet began to mull over the idea of joining. If she joined, she'd become an enemy of Barovia in total, but if she did not help her people, their oppression would continue.
Something had to be done, and now she was faced with the tough choice. Join her people and fight for their rights, or avoid it completely. Perhaps, she thought, perhaps there is a way this can be resolved without violence.. Yet if she were to try that, she would have to join her kin.
What was she to do?
-
The wolves of the forest were often times violent. They would attack and leave the corpses behind. That is why Erzsebet hunted them, that and their pelts fetched a fair price. Yet as time went on, she began to hunt them for the challenge, fighting them hands on with a sack of lead or a dagger, sometimes even both. For her this became a way of training, she believed that if she could not hunt a wolf, how could she hunt man?
It became her dirty secret. The hunt, she viewed man as the toughest creature to hunt, and a challenge for herself. Every time she was reminded of the nature of Barovians, she grew more and more upset. It was easy to forget the nature of the beast when it is your friend.
During one night under the new moon, she sat deep in the woods, a small fire burning and boar meat roasting over it. The smoke and smell enticed not only her, but a young starving wolf. It crept along the edge of the fire light, eyeing the roasting meat. After a while, when the wolf thought Erzsebet was unaware it approached.
As the starved wolf was about to bite into the roasting boar, its eyes were met with deadly end of a crossbow. Arrow poised for a lethal shot. For ten minutes they stared at each other, neither making a move. The silence broken by the crackle of the fire. Erzsebet lowered the crossbow and tossed half the meat to the wolf who ravenously devoured it, gently rubbing against her leg.
Erzsebet reached down to pet the wolf with a smile on her face. "Can I call you Vona?" She asked softly, the wolf barked happily.
Sometimes the best way to learn to fight the beast, is to befriend it.
-
Stranger things had happened to her than a random note appearing out of no where. However, this note caught her interest.
"There was once a place in the Grey City's Noble District know as 'The Malodorous Goat Tavern'.
It has long since burned down - but there are still things to find around it's hearth.."
Of all the reasons it caught her interest, it was the name of the old tavern. She decided, why not? And made her way into the city's noble district. It did not take her long to find the burned down building, not did it take long for her to discover an ornate jewelry box. Silver with gold inlays, and studded with pearls, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
That was until she opened it. Inside the box was another note.
"For Erzsebet. Remember this spot." But that was not all, the note was accompanied by a beautiful red rose, a ruby ring and a sapphire ring. Despite the nagging feeling this might be the work of a stalker, she smiled. She'd never thought she would ever be gifted such expensive items.
She looked around, trying to spot the one who had placed it there for her, yet she saw nothing. Whoever did it, had planned it well. A mystery for her to solve. An admirer, who seemed too shy to confess to her. Those gifts set her mood for the day, a glow of happiness about her.
Hours passed and once the Gaping Wound opened, she made her way there once more. Strong liquor, good company and gambling. Nothing could beat that, well unless she had won at gambling. The night was filled with cursing, laughing and drink.
As the dawn crept up, it was soon only Erzsebet and Kafka inside. She learned that not only did she have one admirer, but three. She was astounded by that fact. She had all the class of a rat, and a heart cold as ice, yet somehow, some one found her alluring. It had not dawned on her that Teodor was fond of her until Kafka told her. He was most amused by her shock to learn that she was admired.
It was a night of surprises for her, the most surprising thing came to her when Kafka asked her out to dinner. Erzsebet was hesitant at first, but perhaps it was the drink that coaxed her to agree, or perhaps she just wanted to. It was agreed, they would go out to dine in one of the most high end locales. Butterflies swarmed and fluttered in her stomach as she left the tavern.
For all that she could do, all her capabilities, she dreaded that she might make a mistake in that fancy restaurant. He had connections and had assured her there would be no problems, Erzsebet hoped he was right. At the same time, she began to wonder about Teodor, and how badly he might take this.
Erzsebet chuckled to herself and shook her head. Getting all concerned over a Barovian, when did that happen? She mused as she staggered up to her room to rest her drunken body. As she lay on the bed, she reached into the jewelry box and slipped the two rings on her fingers to admire before passing out.
-
She never would of thought that someone would be foolish or brave enough to steal a corpse from the floor of the Morning Lord church, yet that is precisely what happened. Erzsebet and a few others had sought to find Teodor, since he had not returned from his venture into the shadow caves. Those caves proved deadly even with the magic of a skilled wizard, yet she was determined to retrieve his body for a fifth time.
The three battled their way into the cave, danger was all around them, creatures made of shadow stalking them in the blackness of the cave. They did not make it very far before they were forced to flee. Erzsebet ran from the cave followed by the other fighter. She heard him fall as the creatures chased her up level after level until at last she found safety in the Dwarven mine. Felix, the wizard, soon caught up to her.
"Let's wait for him. I got him up and concealed him." Felix told her, she gave a nod, though she suspected that he had fallen again since he never came up. She went to seek him, and could not find him, that was because the man had not fled into the mines, but further into dangers way. Felix was very brave, once they had retrieved the mans corpse from the dark stalkers he told her to get him seen to, as he would go himself into the caves once more to find Teodors remains.
While Felix searched, Erzsebet hauled the warriors corpse up to the Dwarven priest, who tried to bring him back. Perhaps the priest did so intentionally, or perhaps the ritual went wrong, but the man came back as a zombie. Erzsebet was forced to cut the man down. She lacked the funds to attempt to bring him back again, and so she went down to the mines to wait for Felix.
He returned shortly with Teodors corpse and descended once again to seek his weapon and gold. There was no luck to be had in that, and so, the two left. Felix gathered the warriors corpse and Erzsebet carried Teodor from Dvergheim all the way back to the outskirts of Vallaki. She feared that if she tried to have the Dwarf bring him back, he'd return a zombie. She did not want to risk that. It was a slow, long walk through the night, but the two made it to the church safely.
They paid Lizuca to return Teodor to life, yet he did not come back right away. So, Erzsebet sat there and watched over him until he would return. Hours passed, when suddenly, she noticed his corpse was gone. Her eyes darted around the church taking note of those who were no longer present. Constantine, herself and a few others scoured the church and around it. There was no sign of him.
This was when she saw that darkly clad Pitic come back into the church without the woman who had sat with him all that night. She took no hesitation as she began to demand him tell her where Teodor was. Of course, the gnome denied the accusations, and it was soon determined that his female companion had gone to sell things they found in the crypts. Erzsebet bolted outside to check the Vistani, yet she was not there. Apparently, so the gnome said, the tiny woman had gone to Blaustein to sell. Erzsebet demanded he take her there.
When he refused, she grew furious threatening him if he had any involvement in it. She and Constantine gathered a group consisting of a Wayfarer, an Ezrite Inquisitor and a few others. They began to hunt around for Teodors remains.
While they did not find the remains, they found the woman who was supposed to be in Blaustein. She was near a stone circle one could assume to perform some ritual. The Inquisitor had tracked her there and when Erzsebet and the Light Carrier met up with him he agreed to take them to her.
The small woman was bloodied, beaten and afraid. Erzsebet lost control she grabbed the petite woman by the clasp of her cloak and ordered her to give her Teodor. Elena and Lorianna tried to stop Erzsebet from hurting the minute girl. She violently pushed them away as she stared down at the halfling with eyes burning with a passionate rage.
Shouting questions and expecting answers, soon the halfling confessed that she was in fact doing a ritual. A sacrifice for her cards. Erzsebet ignored this and invasively searched the halfling with haste. She found nothing and demanded she strip. The others stepped in, and argued in the darkness of the night. Erzsebet was relentless in her questions and demands. In due time, the halfling agreed to be searched.
Lorianna searched her, Elena stood guard to protect the little woman from the furious Gundarakite. They found nothing. No remains, no trace of Teodor. Overwhelmed by fear that she would never see him again, she dropped to her knees and began to sob. Those tears did not last long as they swiftly turned back to hatred and anger.
Once the searching of the halfling was complete, and Lorianna, Elena and the Inquisitor had left Erzsebet asked the halfling to use her cards to help her find Teodor. In the end the cards turned to be a pointless distraction, and Erzsebet wandered off to try and find him. Constantine eventually caught up with her, and they continued their search, talking.
With a sudden moment of clarity, Erzsebet realized that she could of saved so much time by having her wolf track him. They agreed to try this. Returning to the church, Erzsebet called Vona out and by some miracle, the wolf caught his scent. She led them out into the night, with the help of the Inquisitor, Viorela and later Lorianna, they found him.
However finding him led to some very curious questions. Why was there a locked room with a secret passage that led to the wolf den nearby in the cellar of the Fishing lodge? Erzsebet cared little at the time. She had found Teodor, and so for a second time that day, she carried his corpse back to the church. She would not make the same mistake a second time, and sat with his head placed tenderly in her lap, waiting for him to return to life.
She defended his remains from a armoured brute who wanted to convince her that he was dead for good. He wasn't, and when he stirred, the armoured man threatened him thinking Teodor undead. Erzsebet hugged Teodors head to her chest protectively and in turn threatened the man should he lay a finger on the Barovian in her lap.
As things died down, and attentions turned to a vampire outside, Erzsebet allowed the days exhaustion to catch up with her. Rest was required for the both of them. Waiting till day break, Erzsebet made her way to the inn, paying for a room and collapsing on the bed with a small smile. She knew he was safe and sound, as for the ones who took his remains, that remained uncertain. Erzsebet was convinced that it was the halfling woman and her gnomish friend. Whether she would ever find the culprits or not remained as much as mystery as to why they stole his remains. For now, she was just happy that Teodor was alive and safe, she let herself drift off to a blissful slumber.
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Condition of test subject prior to exposure was rested, and in good health.
Subject ingested deer meat poisoned with Viper Venom. Ten minutes have passed with no reaction to the poisoned meat.
Conclusion of test is successful.
Topic of test venom resistance; Prior attempts have been drops in increasing amounts to open injury. First attempt with ingesting results in mild stomach cramps.
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[The following is penned hastily, by a shaking hand]
Today I hunted man. I killed two men. I have never felt a better thrill or anything quite like this. Why did I enjoy it so much?
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It has now been eleven years since I was home. The more I hear about the Invidians possibly working with my kin, the less I like it, and the happier I am not to be home. Teodor wants me to meet his family. I think that would be amusing to see his fathers face when his, now rich, son presents me. Half Borcan and half Gundarakite, and quite well off myself. It's odd feeling for vulnerable.
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Krofburg, an isolated comunity in the Ghakis mountain. Teodors home. They had walked up to his old childhood home discussing the past. Both were nervous about how the meeting would go, but Teodor was determined and wanted Erzsebet to meet his family. Despite her own fears and reluctance, she agreed.
Tensions tightened as step by step they headed to the vineyard that was his home. All that remained there was a burned down house. Surely this couldn't be his home. Teodor had become silent as he stared at the house and called out for his family, but there was no reply, and Erzsebet knew why. She stared at the names on the grave stones near the forest. Name after name, tragedy had taken his family from him.
A neighbour came over after hearing the shouting. He did not recognize Teodor at first, but when it dawned on him who he stood before, he was shocked, telling the two lovers that everyone had believed Teodor dead, like his family. Erzsebet knew the pain of loosing your family, but still, it took her time to gather the will to show Teodor the graves.
Soon they learned what had happened. "White Fever". That is what had claimed the house hold, and all its inhabitants. Sorin had spoken before his death of a fear that his past would catch up to him. He had seen a darkly clad woman in the shadows, watching him. Whatever the figure was, real or imagined, it changed not the fact that Teodor was the last of the Dragomir family of Krofburg.
Before Teodor and Erzsebet left the old farm, Teodor was given something, the only thing that was not destroyed. A nightmarish belt that Erzsebet knew all too well. The snarling silver wolf was the last thing she had seen on that wretched day where she lost her innocence and her mother.
The Black Wolf of Teufeldorf.
A fearsome man who comitted many atrocities, a man who haunted Erzsebets nights for eleven years. The laughter of the men as her mother was strangled and she was violated. Pain, and flashes of that belt filled her mind as she looked it over. Disgust, hatred, fear, rage, sorrow.. Erzsebet had found herself in love with the son of the very man who hurt her.
But that man was no more. He was dead.
The Black Wolf of Teufeldorf was no more.
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The Black Wolf of Teufeldorf.
The man who violated me.
The man who killed my mother.
The man who haunted my dreams, and my nightmares.
But now he's dead. However, he was also Teodors father. I've slept with Teodor.. The Black Wolfs son. For me, this is a good thing. He's dead, and has no power over me. But I don't feel any better.
Teodor wants to hunt the vampire who killed his family. While I don't think killing his fmaily was needed, I'd like to thank this vampire for getting rid of that rotten son of whore called Sorin. I understand the vampire taking them all. Especially if it is Sorins past catching up with him.
I used to dream about the things I'd do to that man. Horrible things..
I remember it happening. The men laughing as my mother was strangled. It seems like I was so small eleven years ago. Most of that day is a blur, all that comes back to my mind are awful flashes of that past. Maybe now that he is dead, and I have his belt the dreams and memories will rest for good.
Maybe I will burn the belt like Teodor wants.
Or maybe, maybe I can find a use for it. Use my past as fuel for what's to come.
-
[The following is written in a very shaky hand]
She called me her flower.
She said her gift to me would be exterminating the blood line of the "Wolf".
Been eleven years since I was called 'Flower'
I missed it.
-
Erzsebet sat out under the moon staring at the lakes crystalline reflection of the waxing moon. In her hand was the belt of the Black Wolf of Teufeldorf, yet her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was focused on her mother. On the skills that she gave her, the love and care.
Szabina wanted only to protect her little flower. She had failed in life, and now, she would hunt every last drop of blood from Sorins blood line. From Teodors father. Erzsebet screamed in frustration, her cry breaking the peaceful silence. Tears flowed from Erzsebets hazel eyes, as she began to hum the melody from her childhood lullaby.
How cruel fate can be. Two lovers now shouldering the sins of their families. Each responsible for the others misery. Teodor, whose father was the dreaded lieutenant responsible for Erzsebets nightmares. And Erzsebet, whose mother has now killed Teodors entire family, and was threatening to kill him.
"I wasn't strong enough to protect you then... But I am now..."
A whimper came from behind Erzsebet as Vona curled protectively around the sobbing woman.
Slowly the mournful cries faded, and the lullaby hummed by the young woman.
Peace settled over the place, wolf and maiden sleeping whilst the fireflies danced, upon the lake shone the moon and stars.
-
Why did it have to be this way?
My past suffering was due to his father, and now, the loss of his family and his current pains are because my mother killed them.
My mother killed his family. She wants to kill him. This is the last thing I wanted.
I understand why Mother did that, it is what I was going to do when I had tracked Him down. And I understand Teodor wanting revenge against my mother.
What is this? Some twisted curse of fate?
Or is it just coincidence.
-
War.
It had officially reached Vallaki, with Invidians attacking in a small scouting group. For all Erzsebet had done to try to become stronger, the recent events brought back those feelings of weakness and helplessness.
Andras, for quite some time Erzsebet had wanted to ask him for his side of the story. Find out what exactly spurred that initial event. She took too long to act, and that delay instilled such terror and despair in her. When the news reached her that Teodor had been murdered and taken, Erzsebet was filled with dread. She did not want to loose him. A disturbing coldness filled her hazel eyes as she began to prepare for the hunt to come. Allies were called upon, word was spread, but for whatever reason, Teodor was returned.
Erzsebet had been away searching for her lovers body, and was returning to Vallaki when she saw a familiar form. He pushed back his hood, over whelmed with joy and sadness and relief, the small Gundarakite ran into his arms crying as she embraced him. She finally understood, as she had told her own mother. She was still weak. She knew she could not currently act, revenge would wait, and just as when she would hunt, she would only strike when she knew she could kill. She had a long way to go before she got there, but she would not forget, and she would not forgive.
War was the time when chaos crept out in its vilest forms. Vampires, were-beasts, and further terrifying creatures were oozing out of the mists and crevices of the land. As if the impending war over Vallaki acted like a beacon for trouble.
This was the ideal time to put her plans in motion. Especially if she was granted that permit. One step towards equality, soon, perhaps she would call out to her fellow Gundarakites, urge them to aid Vallaki. Perhaps in exchange for their aid, they could gain rights. A small smile formed on her lips at the idea of a land where Gundarakites and Barovians co-exist. It was a dream, but not one Erzsebet would let go of.
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A permit. I can now legally carry a proper weapon. The first step to my goal is complete. I am more than happy right now. This will make so many things easier. If I can show that Gundarakites can be trusted, and that we aren't all rebels, maybe just maybe, I will be able to achieve some rights for my kin, at least in Vallaki. Small steps, towards a huge goal. Equality.
On a less favourable note, I'm told another has fallen victim to that man. Should of acted when we had the chance the first time.
I want to celebrate for being granted this permit!
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Subtlety has failed me. Seems someone who was aware of the plans has told him. I can only think it be the Vardo woman. She was the only one who knew what we were doing. I am coming to a dire point. Perhaps some prayers to the Old God might grant me some fortune.
I had planed to deal with this mess quietly, but it would seem that is no longer an option. Well that's fine by me. I must simply make plans for a new tactic. I must admit that I am disappointed in the Red Vardo Traders. Claiming they will help us, yet having that woman working on both sides. I am going to have to take this into my own hands and act the way I want to.
I'm sorry Teodor, but your method is not going to work. And I can't die. I've a child growing within me, and I can not allow him to murder me and an innocent baby.
//OOC: removed name due to fears of metagaming.
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A liar, a skilled liar. I wonder what lies he has spewed to others. But, I am with child. I will wait, I will get stronger, and when the day comes. I WILL make him pay. Perhaps his woman doesn't need to die. Perhaps knowing that her lover is gone and she will never have him again, perhaps that will be enough.
I thought I was strong, but this, and this fear.. I'm weak. Weak in my mind, and physically. Will I ever become as strong as I need to be? Perhaps while I let my hatred and desire for revenge fester, I should focus on getting rights for the Gundarakites of Vallaki, perhaps even for all of Barovia.
Right now my mind is full of rage. Rage directed not at Andras, but at myself. For being weak, for not acting, for waiting so long. Now here I sit, sipping on wine that was to be poisoned and shared with them. But now that is all off, everything I planned for, everything I hoped for. All of it is over. Fang wasted, planning wasted.
So the root cause of everything finally surfaces. A testing of magic confused for assault. A garda greedy to show off for a woman. An unnecessary execution to impress her. What a disgusting mess. People I trusted and heeded turned out to be the very ones responsible.
Serves me right for putting any sort of faith in outlanders, or Barovians.
Hm. I'll trust Teodor, but no one else. Even Teodor wont know everything I do. Or plan. I think I will do some more reading in this book I bought in Port. This so called "Prince of Twilight", the rituals in here.. Maybe there is something I can gain from them. Power or strength. I can not keep on going like I have been.
I've walked the line for so long now, I need to decide which side of it to stand on.
-
Silphium.
Erzsebet mixed two spoonfuls in a glass of wine and gulped it down. Anger, and sadness mixed in her heart as she came to terms with the loss of the child she had so happily had. Whether the child was still growing, or dead, it didn't matter, it was a risk to her life to continue it. Three different doctors had told her the same thing. She could no longer ignore the truth.
She had lost the child. Recklessness, drinking and violence all contributed to it, and she could not deny it any longer. In truth, neither Erzsebet or Teodor were ready for the gift of a child. She would spend time that night crying in his arms. Lamenting over the loss of the child that was causing her pain.
It had been so long since she had first injested Silphium that she no longer remembered how it would effect her, thankfully the Halaite Mikkel had said he would not be far should she need him. Knowing such eased her mind some. She had learned a lot for the future, and hoped that in time, she could give Teodor the child he desired, the family he wanted. It would be a while before that would happen though, and Erzsebet found herself praying that the next time they tried, it would be problem free.
In the mean time, she had things to focus on. A strange situation to unwravel and leathers to work.
-
Fate is twisted. Medical examination showed that the child was not where it should of been, letting it grow would of killed me. Like father like son, both caused me to ingest Silphium. The more I think on it, the colder I feel. Is this hatred? Sadness? Where is it directed? At who? Or what?
It doesn't matter.
I'll just focus on other things. Part of me wonders if the venoms and poisons I've subjected myself to may of had negative effects. Perhaps they have aided in causing this trouble. I will have to study it.
And I need to send those invitations to my grand parents in Levkarest, Teodor is insistent on meeting them at the wedding.
I wonder if I could find a way for mother to be there.
-
Erzsebet wanted equality between the Gundarakites and Barovians, and yet again, another Barovian entered her life. A peculiar oddity. Both began with hatred and slowly grew to friendship, and with Teodor, more.
Never once was she religious, she went along for blackmail purposes, doubtful that anything would happen. When that corpse spoke, her entire perspective was shaken. He was real, it was more than wives tales. All her years of doubt, her recent struggles with bearing a child, it clicked in. In her mind, it was clear she had such troubles because of neglect.
That event brought two enemies closer than ever before. Brought Erzsebet another tiny step closer to her goal.
She would gain favour, and pray for a child. Erzsebet wanted Teodor to be happy, she wanted to give him a family. It pained her to see him so upset. So cold.
But she was cold too. It was how she coped. Certainly the Heart of Ice around her neck added to her coldness. How long had she felt numb?
As the hot blood gushed over her hands, as she watched the life vanish from her eyes, that coldness vanished. The thrill, the scent, the sound. It was intoxicating, it made her feel alive. It made her realize that she had missed the hunt more than she realized.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Have I lied to myself about how much I enjoy spilling blood? The satisfaction of it is beyond words. Stalking prey, hunting them down. These things and more make up the passion I feel when hunting. I don't know if I can give that up. Teodor would want me to. Could I give up part of myself?
-
Upon the hidden leaves and vines that have been carved into her left forearm, Erzsebet began to carve a new addition. A small bell like flower dangles from one of the vines; upon which sit several round plump berries. As she takes her time to draw in the finer details with her dagger, she adds a subtle sort of shading to indicate the darkness of the berries.
Smiling down at the bleeding art upon her arm, she picked up a quill, dipped it in her blood and began to pen down the image in her journal, along with a description of the plant.
Atropa Belladonna, Deadly Nightshade, Devils herb
Symptoms may be slow to appear but last for several days. They include dryness in the mouth, thirst, difficulty in swallowing and speaking, blurred vision from the dilated pupils, vomiting, excessive stimulation of the heart, drowsiness, slurred speech, hallucinations, confusion, disorientation, delirium, and agitation. Coma and convulsions often precede death.
The berries are slightly sweet. Highly toxic.
(http://media.istockphoto.com/illustrations/belladona-or-deadly-nightshade-illustration-id603261236?k=6&m=603261236&s=170667a&w=0&h=kzbcJuQu28WVuB3R-klWK7gogIfAxI-gdEGstUK8vN4=)
-
[Written in Luktar]
Why did this have to happen? Teodor, much like my father, left on business and vanished. I haven't heard from Teodor in a while. I should of known this would happen. Mother warned me.
Serves me right for falling for a Barovian. I feel numb. Dread sinking in as I realize I probably never will see him again. At least I hadn't sent an invitation to my grand parents for the wedding.
I will pray for guidance. Perhaps ask the man who speaks for a God for guidance. I do know one thing though. I need to return to my goal. Vallaki is the key. I can try to lead the Gundarakites into a time where we are equals. I just need to gain more allies. Spread my messege to them.
I've spent a good while hunting lately, it helps me to calm down. It is like a release; the hunt. Yet I am growing bored with my prey.
Mother was right, Teodor would only hurt me. His dissapearance and, what I can only assume, his death..
-
For hours she sat in that damp cave, staring at the hat in her hands. Her gloveless hands felt the fabric of the iconic hat. They danced along the plume that adorned it. Mystified by the action of the man she once thought to be heartless, she chuckled and laughed at it. It seemed like something right out of a fairy tale, or a dream.
Religion was turning out to truly be life changing, certainly for them both. Erzsebet looked around the cave, making sure she was alone. She pushed her hood off and donned the hat.
"He gave me his hat! He actually gave me his hat.." She mused, laughing again. She didn't know why she was laughing, or how she felt. She was giddy, perhaps even touched by the action of that man. So much had changed in such a short time. What was going on? Why was this former enemy growing on her?
What would happen now?
"I offered my woman instead of you."
Those words and their message struck a chord deep inside of her. She had more use than lover. But why?
Teodors letters had ceased and Erzsebet was coming to understand that he was never returning. She would not have to hide her faith and deeds from him. How strange that things fall into place.
"Freedom from the Devils bootheel."
For both Gundarakite and Barovian alike. It was like a dream come true.
-
Who would ever seen two opposites matching so well? Surely it should not work, yet somehow, it does. Such is the case with Erzsebet and Stefan. Beatings, abuse, threats and worse coloured their past together, but, those very things brought them closer.
A whores orphaned son, and an orphaned Gundarakite. Faith and fate played a role in their meeting. A hat had changed so many things, and set something new into play. A bottle of Delaroux Temptation that she had been saving to poison a foul man was shared between the two. Their last night before he was sent away.
The couple sat in a skeezy inn room, drinking the fine wine from the bottle like savages. Certainly something the Dementlieuse would call them, if they could see the prized wine being drank like common swill. It was a freeing night, an awkward night. Neither of them really knew what to say, or what to do. But, as it turned out, neither of them needed words. It was a shared feeling, a shared thought.
Faith, a shared religion, a shared miracle had turned that burning hatred into something far more powerful, and something far more destructive.
As dawn crept up on them, Erzsebet found herself not wanting him to leave. A strange thought donned on her that moment.
"I am going to miss you more than I ever did Teodor.."
A hesitant departure, and a longing touch. Erzsebet sighed wistfully as she lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a smile on her face. Her fingers played with the black feather of the hat.
-
[A letter, which has been read many times, has been tucked safely into her journal.]
(http://i838.photobucket.com/albums/zz306/LadyLenaMoore/letter%201_zpsszp34yxu.jpg)
-
[Written in Luktar]
It's been a while since he sent me a letter. Why am I feeling this way? I should just focus on ... On.. I don't know. What is with me?
Rodica warned me about someone who may get upset over a hat now in my possession. Why would anyone get upset over a hat? It's just fabric. Besides, as far as I know Myrtle and I have no problems. I can't see how a hat could change that.
I guess though, I do miss him. Oddly. Soon I'll be heading to Berez, I've stored anything illegal, carrying only one weapon. I'm curious as to what the Burgomaster out there wants to hire outlanders for.
I'm a bit concerned that it may be a trap, but, I can slip away if needed. I wonder when his next letter will arrive.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Hero of Berez, even a celebration in two weeks time. Yet I wish those who were there had been less murder happy. Oh well, it is too late now, I am a kin slayer. I enjoyed seeing the life flee from them, I just wish I could of had a chance to speak to them. To learn what they were doing. And why.
Oh well, at least I've gained a title out of this. One more step for my goal. I am proud.
-
[Written in Luktar]
So the illness is not an illness at all, but some entity, playing a game. It wants all of Vallaki dead. Whatever Toben The Many is, parasite or fiend, it's a very real threat. These past few days have been strange. A demon summoning cult of Gundarakites who kidnapped the Burgomasters family, Toben the Many causing an illness and taking any dead for itself.. I am even a Hero now.
Considering that I was attacked in broad daylight by Toben, I've decided that I will not walk around without my guard up. If Toben the Many wants to play games, it is welcome to. I was starting to get bored in Vallaki anyway. Maybe sometime I will get to sit and ask Toben questions.
Hunting it down sounds like fun. What more is the Hunt than a deadly game of chase?
-
"I'll spend the night in the Blood of the Vine. Perhaps you can slip away."
Erzsebet stayed true to her word, and after tailoring a dress for the upcoming celebration, she trudged through the snowy Barovian night into the small dreary village. Paying for a bottle of whisky and a private room, she headed upstairs to wait.
She sat down in front of the window, watching the street below as she sipped on the alcohol. She smoothed down the red silk of her skirt, perking up as she heard him enter the room. She couldn't help but smile. The two talked long into the night, Erzsebet tending to the mans wounded side.
Much had been discussed, some things leaving Erzsebet stunned, and lacking any words to describe it.
"How can you love a childs painting when you spend every few days staring at a masterpiece?"
He thinks I am a masterpiece?
Well our Lord may not of given him a face a mother could love, but He sure as hell blessed him with words.
Being with him was intoxicating for her. They shared so much together and even for the first time, a kiss. As quick as a vipers bite, and as intoxicating as a strong venom. Her mind raced at what could be accomplished together.
"...My crimson queen..."
So many thoughts passed through her mind in that brief kiss that lasted an eternity. Someday they would make a free land for Gundarakites and Barovians alike. Free from the devils bootheel. Free from oppression.
Even in the right dosages, poisons can be beneficial.
-
[Writen in Luktar]
I feel like a fool. I've been avoiding Vallaki, as if I was afraid of Toben. I need to stop being afraid. Tonight I will go inside the walls. I just won't let my guard down
-
(http://i838.photobucket.com/albums/zz306/LadyLenaMoore/letter_zpsctxcrv2s.png)
(http://i838.photobucket.com/albums/zz306/LadyLenaMoore/letter2_zpsz2jkuvq8.png)
-
[Written in Luktar]
So the Doctor is back in Vallaki. Ever since my epiphany things have been falling into perfect place. Oh Emanuel, I know how crafty you are, and how good you are at what you do. I respect him greatly, makes me wish I had remained in Lamordia and studied more.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
Valentino, been years since I spoke my fathers name. So few memories of him, but many good ones. Even though the Black Wolf of Teufeldorf, Teodors father, is dead, that event still haunts me. I suspect it always will. Perhaps I will tell that dear man of mine of my past. The belt would look sexy around his waist.
I really should thank Melina for making that outfit. He could barely keep his hands off me after that kiss. His words are the sweetest I've ever heard. Such a fluent tongue, the way he speaks to me just... Oooh it makes me shiver inside. Perhaps I'll head back to Barovia, or maybe, better yet he can come back. Vallaki needs a proper guard on duty.
Perhaps there could be a partnership with Emanuel and guards. Lots of psychos and lunatics around Vallaki these days.
I really hope he will return soon. His touch was electric. Oh and when our dream become reality, that will be a glorious day bathed in blood and death, potential on the horizon. My ghastly king. Together we will make this a better place.
-
Heracleum Mantegazzianium: Also known as Giant Hogweed, Hogsbane(http://i838.photobucket.com/albums/zz306/LadyLenaMoore/hogsweed_zpsibawrnst.jpeg)
[Writen in Luktar]
All parts of the plant should be avoided touching bare skinned. They are highly phototoxic. When bare skin is exposed to the plant the initial reaction is blisters and burns, which result in deep purple scars that can last for years. These burns can take approximately fourteen days to heal and are highly painful.
It should be noted that the sap contains the most concentrated phototoxins.
Note: I've never harvested this before, honestly not keen on it. Maybe if I "tap" the stem like one does to harvest tree sap it may work best. This is not something I'd ever want to come in contact with to test.
-
[Writen in Luktar]
I am going to go mad with all this lack of challenge. I've found nothing worth hunting, even those large ancient dire bears aren't worth it. I managed to sneak past the old man. I had hoped it would be more of a challenge to slip past him. Had I stood still and not stowed that bow, he never would have seen me, or heard me.
I guess that is one more accomplishment. I've killed trolls, crocodiles, bears, undead monstrosities, darklings and even those deadly deep forest alpha wolves. What am I going to do when I've hunted everything and nothing is a challenge anymore?
Ooouuu perhaps I could play with my prey. I suddenly get why cats do that.
I know that fear is something to be conquered, however, I don't know if I want to confront the fear of losing control.
-
Erzsebet knew she would have to face her weakness in order to grow, to strengthen her mind. So when the doctor placed the bottle of Tears of Lethe, Erzsebet faltered. What was she doing, why was she doing this? Could she go through with this?
She stared at the glass of wine for several long minutes, Emanuel watching her, awaiting her reaction. She stopped drumming her fingers on the table and took the glass into her hand. Without pause, she gulped down a large portion of the wine. She was so resistant to poisons that she wasn't sure how much or how little would be needed to effect her. It would turn out that two glasses was all it would take for her, unlike the doctor who could handle only one glass.
"YOU ARE MINE!" He shouted at her in frustration at her evasiveness pertaining to his questions. A swift movement from the chair and the old doctor stood in front of a very shocked and surprised Erzsebet. He began to utter the spell, and Erzsebet found herself too weak to resist. A blank expression fell over her. Vacant eyes looking up at him, awaiting orders.
"What have I done?! Oh god, what have I done? I am so sorry." Panic, regret and even fear filled the doctor upon realizing what he had done. "When I snap my fingers you will remember everything, and I just hope you decide not to kill me."
In a moment of insight, he bid the dominated woman to follow him. Without hesitation or pause, Erzsebet obediently followed the doctor's orders.
"Walk through this door please." He locked the door and vanished into his office to unlock the gate. He then told her to step into the next section.
He snapped his fingers.
Erzsebet shook her head as if to get rid of the fog and glared daggers at him. She spoke only three words. "Let me out."
"Only when I know you won't kill me."
"If I wanted you dead I'd of shot you with my crossbow."
She managed to convince him to let her out. Once freed of the caged environment, Erzsebet silently strode into Emanuel's office and took a seat on the chair. Her legs crossed and a frightening look on her face. She could see the regret on his face.
In a sudden burst of movement, Erzsebet grabbed Emanuel's collar and pulled his face inches from her own icy stare. "You will never do that again. Understand, Doctor?" She hissed menacingly. The terrified doctor simply nodded. "Good." She shoved him back towards his chair and relaxed in her own.
An understanding had been reached with the two that day. For now there was no threat for either of them.
-
In one of the inn rooms in Ramulai, Erzsebet sat down and took out a book and quill.
[written in Luktar]
Never seen Ramulai before. It's a strange place, it's like it should be full of people seeing how it seems to be so important. It's so empty. I do wonder how long I will have to wait.
I am not finding much to do while I continue to wait. However, the chance to rest is good. I miss Fane, however, what I have the chance to witness is more important. It's a chance to learn.
I've not looked around much, but it doesn't seem like there's much to see or do. I dare not stray too far from this inn less I miss his missive. I'm excited, I don't want to miss this chance. Besides, I'm the one who brought her in and protected them both while they stupidly stayed on the road. For a doctor, he really does lack common sense.
I'm beginning to wonder how he survived to be this old.
I need to get this sap to Miuo. I don't like carrying it. But then again, it would be interesting to see if it's a toxin I can resist or not. But it only reacts with sunlight. Hmmm... It is quite the interesting plant. From what I know it does not react unless the area is exposed to sunlight. Either way, I am curious to see if it will cause any burns on the doll.
-
[Written in Luktar]
The Hated Mother. What is she that could be older than Nerull? Older than the God who first tricked mortals into dying? The Wayfarers and Erudites have no texts regarding this entity. At least that is what Yunon said. I did seem to gain some clue as to who might know something. On a whim I asked Connie, his response made me suspect that he knew something. I pushed and soon I will be meeting with Dumitru in hopes of learning what she is.
As I told Connie, if they wont share what they know with me, I will find another way to learn.
I suppose looking for information is as much a hunt as stalking prey. Maybe I should get a few people together and go hunt those deep forest wolves to the west. Hm maybe I will take him with me to do that.
Funny how things are falling into place. A while back he asked me to get involved with the Morning Lord church, and now I've a way to do just that.
I do hope that mother approves of this one. I've never felt this way about anyone ever before. It is magical. The way he speaks, his skill with words... The man is even writing me a song!
I do need to tell mama that before I accept her offer, I want to bring a child into this world. I guess I just wait and pray that I will be blessed with that.
-
The pale moonlight cast its shadows upon the chilled Barovian land. Gnarled and twisted black-barked trees sprouted from the forest floor of the Sullen Woods. Word had reached her of the death of the man she loved. In the darkness of those woods, she sat, reading and re-reading his final letter. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she wailed and sobbed. Her heart was broken.
He was gone, and all because he felt the need to protect her. Had she been there, had she known, had she not been out hunting bears. She could have saved him, or perhaps died at his side. Poor Erzsebet, she was beginning to think herself cursed. Every time she allowed herself to love, she ended up hurt. She ended up alone. All the men wanted to protect her, to keep her from harm. She didn't need that. She was strong, she was dangerous. She was deadly.
Stefan knew this, yet he still could not let her come to harm. He faced off that vampire without her and died. Claimed by death and sent back to the realm of the dead. She wailed and screamed in the wilds, letting the emotions and feelings strike her as she would strike the vampire. Although Erzsebet did not know very much about vampires or how to hunt them, she would learn. And she would make that vampire pay. She'd heard legends that vampires can not turn to mist when trapped in a mirrored box. If it was true, she wanted to keep that creatures head in that box. Sending it to the afterworld seemed a kindness that Erzsebet was not ready to afford this monster.
As the sun began its rise into the sky, Erzsebet arched her back and screamed at the sky. The scream echoed with pain, sorrow, hatred and a burning rage. Erzsebet could not allow herself to remain distracted like this. She had so much to do, so much to learn. Yet without his voice to guide her, she felt like the little girl she once was; alone, lost, and afraid.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Mama and I are cursed, but there is one who claims she can take away the pain. Make the heartache I feel go away. I'm not sure if it is true, but I do trust mama.
I saw a man who gave up his own freedom to watch over the woman he loves while she slumbers. I had love like that with Fane, but never again now. I found true love. Love so intense it was hard to explain it in words. Fane understood, and he's gone. His final letter he told me how he could not bare to let harm befall me. He was going to fight that beast and hoped to win.
He lost his life and that wretched Rittmeister still lives. So many people are claiming to hunt it, but it still walks. I need to find its coffin and kill it. Or find some way to make him burn in the sun.
Although I have his lute, I'll never hear it play, I'll never hear him play it.
Although he is gone, I can still strive for our goal. I just won't ever be able to have his child, or feel the touch of his skin on mine. There is nothing I wouldn't give for my beloved to come back.
-
I understand what I have to do now. Besides that, I want to know more about the sunless grove and black chapel. It feels strange having so many people treat me as if I were helpless... Father Miklos suggested baptism. What will I do after that, though? I've heard rumours of a man in the drain putting out some very interesting bounties. That could be a good distraction.
But perhaps not... Then again one thing is becoming quite clear. Because of my loss, they seem to treat me as if I could not care for myself. Is this normal? Last time I was grieving I was alone. Hm, I think I will go through with this baptism. A new start.
-
[written in Luktar]
What was that thing? It came out of the mists, beckoned me over, and it... Did some sort of magic and made me a mistway back to Barovia... I still don't understand it.
I asked it what it was, and it just motioned to the mists and trees around us. Could I of just met a manifestation of the mists themselves? Can they even do that? Maybe I could ask the Vistani...?
The entity didn't speak, it was just a skull, it made chattering sounds with the teeth though. And before that thing showed up the mists themselves called out to me. By name.
-
Baptism.
Such a thing Erzsebet never imagined going through, but it was called for. Despite that, she found no joy in it, no happiness either. Her heart was still gripped by sorrow for the loss of her one truest love. Erzsebet listened to Ilu as he spoke the sermon, inside her mind, she was disgusted by how optimistic it was. As if they truly believe that the good can always wash away the darkness when they don't take notice of the shadows that only exist in the light. Erzsebet would become such a shadow.
Her heart was shattered, broken and blackened by the sorrow. Her mind battled against the notion of failure. She wasn't even there to send that vampiric Falkovnian back to hell. He was likely given a swift death, which he did not deserve. No, the Rittmeister did not deserve death or undeath, it was far too kind of a fate. Torn between a longing to have one more night with her beloved Fane, and a desire to turn her heart cold as ice. It ached, and many days she kept her ghost hood up. Letting the unnatural shadows hide her face as silent tears freely flowed down her cheeks.
She was promised a way to make the pain stop. She trusted her mother deeply, monsters don't feel sorrow, and the bloody tears her mother shed for her daughters' pain was touching. Real. Erzsebet would do what she agreed to. Her question now was whether or not to reveal her personal goal to her newest allies. She knew the woman was completely insane, also powerful, the priest? He was Gundarakite. She did not trust him, however, the old man had been right. They needed each other. Especially if they were to achieve their shared dream.
Erzsebet felt that one thing would get in her way. The pain that swelled in her heart. She had not been there when he had died, nor was she there to deal with the beast that took his life. She would never get a chance to do that now. She had once been told that she would long for the things she could never have. That was a fact turning out to be too true. A child, a husband, a family. She was leaving a trail of death behind her.
Dead lovers and their offspring. She damned all of those responsible. She felt helpless. Erzsebet realized that she had tasks to do before she would ever be rewarded with what she longed for. However, the Trickster may not give her exactly what she wanted. After all, eternity can be awful dull. Love was a pretty little distraction from her cause and goals, but now she had to face the devastating loss.
-
There was darkness, she could neither hear nor see. The thought of losing her sight pulsed through her mind. To be so unaware, helpless, it terrified her. While she babbled and begged them to not take her sight, she did not hear the Corporal state that she would merely lose one eye. When the Doberman lunged at her, she regained her sight.
She stared in horror at the drooling maw of the dog, it's teeth coming right at her eye. She shrieked in both agony and terror as she felt the dog bite into her face. Teeth tore through her skin, wrenching her right eye free from the socket. Blood rushed from the gaping wound landing on the otherwise pristine snow, steam rising into the cold Barovian winter air.
Voices raised around her in a swell of noise as they argued against the law. Erzsebet felt sick, hot. The blood caked her face and robe, it matted in her hair as it mixed with sweat and tears. When the stockade was opened, she dropped to the cold ground, crawling away from the crowd. Crawling away even from those who tried to help her. Her body trembled and shook with pain. Erzsebet curled up in the cold snow, thankful for its iciness in contrast to the burning heat of the pain.
This should not have happened. It was not supposed to happen. She had worked so hard to ensure that she would not be arrested simply for being Gundarakite. It filled her with a bitterness she thought she had escaped. That resentment felt towards Barovians. The Private had been desperate to find something to hold her for. Especially when she proved that she earned the permit for a weapon. She had complied and thought that by doing so, she would escape such events altogether. Yet, that man was so desperate he found a copy of Van Richten's Excerpts that she had hidden in a false bottom of a bag, wrapped in silk undergarments.
This renewed a hatred she harboured for her whole life. How hard it was to be reminded in such a way. Such a harsh reminder that just because she had worked hard, did not mean she was any more than a filthy Gundarakite to them.
-
Filthy Barovian sleaze bag. He had no damned reason to arrest me. No right to strip me, tie me to that post, or to take my damned eye!
It seems that no matter what I am still nothing more than second rate shit to Barovians. Perhaps it's time for a change of pace.
-
It had been months since Erzsebet had checked the bounties posted by the Devil himself. The rewards for the two remaining bounties were impressive. She wrote down the information on the wanted men. There was potential in this. Erzsebet would focus her anger in a productive direction, even if only from the shadows.
The time was coming for her to take action. While she had hoped to achieve at least equality by showing both sides they can get along, it was clear now that she had infact been naive and foolish. Her dreams were filled with strange visions of blood rivers and a throne of bones. By her side in his own throne sat Stefan Albescu. Gaunt and deathly with eyes that burned with hatred. They shared a glass of blood together from a bounty of hanging corpses. Hanging Barovian officials. Hand in hand they walked beneath the blood red moon towards a castle, smiling at their greeting. A bodyless head whose crown was lifted and donned by Erzsebet.
She awoke that night and sat up in her bed. Her mind raced to remember the details of the swiftly vanishing dream.
-
Another man dead in her wake. This marked the third Barovian man to die since she came to Vallaki. Could the Priest of the Old God have been right? Did Nerull see something in Erzsebet that he granted her minor grasp of nature's magic, yet cursed her with a trail of death?
Miklos was dead. With his death, went part of her plans. Deep in the woods, she screamed towards the heavens and hells for clarity. Why did she leave a trail of death of those she did not want to die? Why did it continue to happen? Was this some punishment?
Her dire wolf curled around her, wrapping his tail around the crying woman. Erzsebet sniffled and scratched the wolf's head. "You're a good boy." She whispered to the animal.
"Is this all because of Teodor and his cursed line? Is it because I laid with him that I am so cursed?" She mused as she stared up into the night sky.
As a shooting star shot across the night sky, Erzsebet made a wish. "I wish to have clarity. Lord have mercy on me."
She had learned that there was a funeral to be held in Barovia, but the aches and loss had taken a toll on her. She was weary, worn, and so tired. Despair tried to read its head in her direction, reminding her of all her failures. No, not failures, her lessons. She could learn from them. She could improve herself. It was to be in her weakness that she would find strength.
Yet that strength would grow slowly as the woman lay with the wolf deep in the woods. The glowing red embers of the fire slowly dimmed and died out, casting the pair in the silvery white light of the moon. The trees swayed in the cool night breeze and carried with it the howls of wolves, chirping of crickets and the croaking of frogs. The stream gurgled in the distance as Erzsebet let loose a heartbroken wail. Her animal companion chimed in with his own melancholic cry.
She began to pray, and beseech the Gods and the Hated Mother for strength, forgiveness, and wisdom.
Deep inside her, she felt something stir, what? She could not tell. She needed to let go of the past, let go of her attachments to the Barovians who had stolen her heart and innocence.
-
My cousin has shown up in Vallaki. I guess my family has heard of me. Gundarakite woman granted permission to carry a sword in Vallaki, merchant and rich. Surprised that he is still alive, I sort of pity him. His father disowned him due to his illness. I can see that passion in his eyes though. He is far from dead.
I need to work for my goal. Maybe he can be useful. I need to find a safe place to meet with others who share the same goal. Freedom. I need to regain my footing in Vallaki. So what if Teodor ruined my chances with the Red Vardo Traders? Did I really want to associate myself with that bunch of criminals? Or did I just want the protection they offered?
I can't even use my favourite bar to meet with others. That group has their hands in every business in Vallaki, it disgusts me. How can I gain any footing when they all try to push me down when they all try to shove me under the bridge, drown me in despair. No more.
I was naive to hope for a non-violent solution. To hope for minimal bloodshed. I see now that if I am going to walk among the beasts, I too must become a beast. I must show everyone that I am so much more than they think. Teodor, son of the Black Wolf, the Barovian Bastard who destroyed my life. His family is a curse upon my life.
His father made it so I can't carry a child to term. His father stole my innocence and killed my mother. Teodor has ruined my chances with so many things. Barovian scum just like Mama said. I will stand strong. I will regain my footing and this time I will be stronger, tougher and fiercer than ever before.
-
[Written in Luktar]
My cousins' strange sickness has taken a turn for the worse. There is a strange serpentine growth on his back and I would swear I heard a snakes hiss. Once my back is properly sutured I'll examine Imres back. I suspect whatever is making him ill is related to that growth.
It is such a sad thing when a human man is less manly than a male elf. I regret ever speaking to that old, washed up sellsword. Ever since Fane died everything has just collapsed around me. Even the simplest of things set me off now.
It is hard to focus and stay directed. I don't even know how to begin getting that information about the library and the hands of dawn. Who have I even become? Times like these make me wish Emanuel was around. Creepy and peculiar as he is, he does have good advice at times.
The current rebels are idiots. Blowing things up, causing more damage than good. It must be a result of that, that the garda are so keen to believe the lies of a whore.
I think I have stared into the devils face too long. That darkness hasn't just looked back at me, I think it is inside. All the trauma and suffering I endured. All the injuries and wounds, the battles fought to build up my reputation... Gaspar was right, I was naive.
Lord, how I was naive. Thinking that I could ever become more than I am. But I am all that I am. I need to stop trying to be what I am not, and embrace the cold, harshness within. No more shit, no more distractions. The time for flights of fancy is done.
I just hope I can stay on track this time.
Perhaps my choice to lay with the sons of the devil is why I've never seen such... Gentleness from a man.
-
[The following is written in a shaky hand, and tear stained. It is written in Luktar]
I have lost everything that mattered now. Love, hope, dreams. I worked so damn hard to EARN that permit. And just like that, this bitch has cost me it. I have fallen so far. I lost all that mattered.
What is more, is how they have done little to arrest the man who tried to murder me, and now they have made me easier to kill. Mama is right, I shouldn't trust men, least of all Barovian men. However, I am beginning to believe that there really is a curse on this family.
I will have to ask Imre if he knows anything about a familial curse. Mama doesn't seem to remember a whole lot from her time alive. Perhaps she does though.
//Modified due to characters arrest being retconned
-
[Written in Luktar]
Well that was an interesting thing to stumble upon. A member of the vardo chatting with an essentially naked winged woman right beside the orphanage.
That creature called herself an angel. What business would an angel have with the RVT? What business would the RVT have with an angel? If she was a fiend that would have made more sense.
I regret not sneaking back there to eavesdrop. Yet, I don't want to get more into the politics of the vardo right now. Whoever Tarius was, many people seem to think I know of him.
I don't know anything anymore. I've fallen back down to the bottom of the ladder. I have lost all connections and informants I once had. I need to start over. I will enlist Imres help to find that library.
Syras is helping me to learn more discipline and... Well humility, as much as I hate to admit it. My pride is a problem. Selfish and prideful.
But I won't let that stop me from achieving what I want. If I can not achieve it while living, I will achieve it after. Undeath will be my means of seeing it through. I need to do something good with my life.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Von Zeklos Keep.
What exactly happened here? So many ghosts, even ghouls. And a blood elemental, or ooze or something. I've seen shadow demons here, and there is a cavern full of water and fish, that leads into this strange sandy place full of child vampires. I am so confused by this place, I want to explore it more, but for that, I will need a group and at least someone who can make others not drown.
I've seen a lot of letters laying around but did not read them. I did read a book about summoning runes. The book mentioned a rune to open the gates of hell. Did someone do that here? Can such a thing be done? The way the book was written was rather confusing. Perhaps there is more to it than I gleamed.
I do not know why this place has me curious, but for some reason it does. I want to see every corner of this place and learn its secrets. Maybe there will be something to hint at the location of the Sunless Grove.
I need to find Imre, and the others who met in that room. Won't list any names in case this book falls into someone's hands. Come to think of it, maybe I should make some sort of code or cipher for my writing from here on in?
The elf has shown me some... Interesting things, to say the least. I've never allowed myself to be in such a position of vulnerability with a man before. The fear of being hurt doesn't go away easily. It takes a lot of time and effort, but at least I am learning.
I've not heard wind of Carinus since he was summoned to the citadel, I'm not surprised when an assassination goes badly like that you have to lay low. I need to continue my training, I put so much into my armour and weapon, but it was worth it.
-
Nightmares.
Horrible memories and visions of all the times she'd been wronged by a Barovian. Flashes of her mothers corpse being defiled while soldier laughed, that horrid hound as it bit into her eye. She had been jailed, humiliated and violated by the ones she aimed to achieve peace with.
These memories and visions had become almost too much to bear, certainly too much to sleep.
Opium.
She let the smoke coil around her in the luxurious room. Steam rose from the hot bath. Erzsebet reclined in the bath and took a deep inhale from the hookah beside her. She sighed with relief as the drug washed away her fears and clouded her mind in a most pleasant way. She had lost track of how long she had been renting this suite?
Another pull from the hookah and she didn't care. Time didn't matter. Nothing mattered. She rose the bath and slowly sauntered to the bed. The silken strands that draped over the canopy frame rustled above her as she flopped down on the soft bed, landing amidst the many pillows.
Her consciousness slowly faded into an opium hazed dream world. . .
A woman with a wolfs eye and a hazel one lounged upon a blood red throne with a serpent of gold coiled around her arm. Darkness surrounded it, obscuring any possible floor. She stepped into the darkness and fell, plummeting to land before a yellow robed man. He raised his arms, the sleeves of the robe falling away to reveal his missing hands. Way up high the throne was illuminated as the man in yellow now stood beside his queen; handless, watching, waiting.
Darkness descended on her, engulfing her in its velvety grasp. She saw a figure, a familiar figure. Surrounded in light with bloodied lips was the Dawn Father, his hands extended to her.
-
"Oh Hated Mother, Goddess of the Night, giver of life eternal
Oh Old God, Nerull, creator of mortals death
With blood on our lips, and death on our breath
We pray and beg for your insight into this
Our goals and hopes awash within your crimson tide."
The voices of many rang out together in harmonium as each plunged the knife once into the hanging man. One by one, each member participated, each painting their lips red with the blood from their knives. A figure stood up from the crowd, a leader, followed by a second. Female and male, each donned a mask and together they held a chalice collecting the blood that flowed from the corpse.
Together they turned and held the chalice out to a figure cloaked in shadow. A cold, pale hand reached for it and clutched its clawed fingers around the golden cup and brought it into the darkness. It was returned empty of blood and each member felt imbued with power and knowledge.
The shadowed figure twisted as stars appeared and began to form a picture. A clue. Insight into their victory. The stars parted and showed them a different image, a darker image. One of death, decay, loss, and darkness.
Erzsebet woke up in a cold sweat, screaming in terror. Tears filled her eyes as she shakily reached for her opium pipe. The thick smoke billowed around the room as she puffed on it. Flashes of traumas past and of what she could have had, her miscarriages and lost ones. In the same shaky hand, she penned a letter to her cousin asking him to come.
She let the smoke coil from her lips slowly as she filled her pipe with the rest of her opium to lull herself to sleep as she cried out for her dead love, Fane.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Imre was right. I should embrace that which drove me for years through trauma and tragedy. By Barovian hands alone I have been violated, attacked, incarcerated without cause, jailed and, they sicked a dog at me to eat my eyes. Yet they are not the only ones to blame.
I have lost what I fought hard for, my permit to legally carry a weapon, because of an outlander bitch. Because of her and her brood, I lost all credibility I had earned in a year of hard work. What good did that year of toil and work, aiming to appease and comply, do for me? Not a damned thing.
Look at yourself, Erzsebet Varga. You are unbreakable. You keep rising up from the ashes of the messes you put yourself in. Stronger and wiser. Syras said I was the ocean, but he is wrong, I am the fire that burns. The fire that purges. I am the nightmares that I dream.
With the blackness that coils inside my heart taking hold, I will be unstoppable. I will lead an army in the shadows and strike like a snake, precise and deadly. The darkness is everywhere and no light can ever truly destroy it.
-
"A rapier? Who the hell has a damned rapier?" Erzsebet pondered as she stalked through the streets of Vallaki. She could not think of one Gundarakite that had a rapier. She had her katana, she knew of one who held a claim for a stored battle ax, and the others had daggers. It perplexed her. At least this helped her to re-establish her network. A network that she would weave like a spiders web. Wide, vast, connecting to the strongest points of power.
Her dream was renewed, but she still felt lacking in ambition. Perhaps it was the poppy which had dulled her senses, perhaps it was the alcohol or the lack of a restful sleep. She put on a brave face to the world, pretended to be alright, but she was far from it. Adrift in a sea of grey, faces and days passing by one after the other. In the numbness she had used to cope, she found a lack of desire to do anything.
Her cousin had grown concerned over her use of the poppy, and likely the alcohol too. The woman he had always known was a strong, hot-headed, fierce lady. Yet the one he saw now was a shadow of that. Absent-minded, intoxicated, and disillusioned. A woman who had lost the flame in her soul. A poor, mangled husk of a woman, clinging to the threads of her broken spider web while hail and wind blow.
It was time to start over.
-
Darkness and smoke filled the room as Erzsebet lay on the bed, a pipe in her hand. How sweet the smoke tasted that it left her mind relaxed enough to sleep. She had been due to meet with Angelique in Krofburg soon, but the poppy had chased away all sense of time. What Erzsebet had thought was one night, had in fact, been much longer. But that was why she chose the windowless room in the inn.
The Gundarakite woman let herself drift away in the smoke of the opium pipe. Faces formed in the smokey haze, Rodica, Teodor, Stefan, Elias, Andras, Adira, Serghei, Syras, and many whose names she had forgotten.
"You're the ocean, Betty."
Destructive, captivating, swallowing all in its way in time. Death and decay, a thriving element that turns stones to dust and flesh to bone. A thing thought to bring life, but it is a trap, a trap that engulfs and destroys. One minute the ocean may be calm and friendly, but deep down in those waters lurks a rip tide that will drown even the strongest swimmer. Wild and impossible to tame. Ever-rising and ebbing. Eternal.
Biting the finger of her gloved hand, she pulled the glove off, trailing her hand through the coiling smoke. She set the pipe down on the side table and searched her pockets for some matches and another packet of opium. Imre was right, she would very likely overdose before she knew it, but that was why she carried antidotes with her. She knew her limits, and when to stop.
As she found what she searched for, Erzsebet packed the pipe with fresh opium, struck a match and lit the pipe. She could feel something stirring in her stomach. A feeling, waiting to erupt with power. Smoke rings curled up in the air from her lips.
"Hated Mother, Nerull, Mama... What the hell do I do now?" She pondered aloud to herself as if expecting the smoke to give her some answer.
Peace. A non-violent end to the violent oppression of her people. It was a stupid, naive idea. As foolish as the rebels seeking to regain a land that never once existed. She would have to spill blood, her hands were already dirty. Ideas flashed through her opium hazed mind. She could spread this sickness of cholera. Provide medicine to her kin for free, and charge the Barovians absurd amounts of gold.
'Turn the Barovians into sickly swine, dearest one. Make them weak with illness, decrease their numbers and rise up.'
'Gundarakites can rise up and take lead, but they need a leader. Someone as devout as the Mothers' King in Yellow.'
'Rise up from the blood dearest one. Smother their numbers with sickness. Death will be your ally.'
'Power and eternal life will be yours one day if you serve us well Dearest Erzsebet.'
'You will reign eternal in this grey city, my Charnal Queen.'
'Rise Erzsebet, remove your shackles and fears.'
'Become our Crimson Queen.'
Had those voices been a dream? She shook her head not knowing whether it was real or not. Now she set the pipe down and moved to the corner of the room. She crouched before the wash basin and splashed the cold water on her face and turned to stare at herself in the mirror. She did not recognize the woman who stared back at her. She looked foreign, broken and pitiful. Where was the fire in her eyes? The passion? Erzsebet placed a hand on her reflection.
"No. No. No! I am not weak! I am not this! This is not me!" She screamed at the mirror. Her hands hit the cold glass of the mirror as she sunk to the ground resting her forehead on the glass. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "If I spread this, children will die." She admitted amidst her tearful sobs. "DAMN THEM ALL! EVERY LAST ONE!"
-
[Written in Luktar]
I learned a great deal about the outlanders' version of Nerull. To them, he is a God who loathes all living things. They revere death as being the purest form of existence. They seem to view undead as a blessing I think? It is quite strange to think that someone living would worship such a god. Maybe they follow an archaic form of Nerull. It is said that he is very ancient. I respect their views, I mean mostly because I am certain the priestess' knight would have killed me in an instant. She wasn't very happy when I told her the view of Nerull being a trickster, she seemed to take offence to that. It makes me wonder if all outlander religions are shadows of ours.
I am pretty sure now that I need to find out more. I just know that with the right information I could turn the tide in Vallaki. I could make them see how dangerous outlanders are. I could get rights and freedom while they go punished. I see them all the time, flaunting their freedoms and being upset that the law is not their homes. They act as if they are persecuted or targeted. They think they are treated badly. Yet they do not realise that they can wield a real weapon, they could probably even own land if they wanted. They are the ones who go breaking the Counts laws so often.
Where does the gunpowder come from? Outlanders. Who provides the guns and drugs that get smuggled in? Outlanders. It is infuriating. I want the garda and the Burgomaster and even the damned Count to see that we are not a threat! We do not need to be so oppressed. It is THEM who need it. It is THEM who are the threat. It is their fault. All their fault. While once it was the Barovians I loathed, I am beginning to hate the outlanders more. Flaunting their freedom to speak their own languages, carrying weapons sometimes almost as big as they are.
It is not fair. I want them to know.
I NEED them to know.
To know what it is really like to be harassed and forced into submission.
What it is like to be treated badly. Not to be able to defend ourselves, not owning land or weapons.
They need to know what oppression is really like, because I am so tired and sick of seeing them breaking laws and my people being blamed.
I know I am not alone in this either. There are Barovians who share this view, and there are Gundarakites as well. Those of us who know that there is no getting Gundarak back, it is gone, absorbed into Barovia. If we let that go, and just try to get treated fairly...
-
[Written in Luktar]
Such praise from someone so... Revered! And His house! To think something like that could be right under his nose. I can't get over the beauty of that place. It is truly amazing. I feel so damn fortunate. To be called a general, I am completely lost for words.
I can not recall the last time I felt such excitement! Such... Joy and power. The Caretaker thinks similar to me, but not the same. He gave me such praise when he said that I would succeed where he failed and that he failed because he did not think like a hunter. Oh Mama, Fane! This is the happiest I've been in ages!
Fane you'd be so proud of me. I met Him. I visited the church of the old god. I am thrilled and feel the need and desire even stronger now. I have to continue with my plan, and I have to continue to grow the flock that follow me.
I will need to figure out some form of test to test their loyalty. I can't have people who would act against me, nor people who speak too freely. Such things will only result in failure in my plans. I can understand how some will doubt me, and those who do are not worthy. I need at least one other with whom I can discuss plans and arrange things. Someone who understands my goals and sees the end picture. I need someone I can trust.
Someone level-headed, who has control, and who doesn't want war. I believe not wanting a war will be crucial. Like I told the Caretaker, Barovians are just soldiers blindly obeying their masters command. They are dogs, and dogs can be chained and taught and trained, and eventually turn on their old master. Perhaps the women in my following may be willing to sleep with those dogs to better chain them to a rightful Master.
But a General! General Erzsebet Varga.
Fane, your dream for me is coming true.
It all begins in Vallaki.
-
[Written in Luktar]
Another Barovian. A necromancer too, such power and control over death. And his eyes, that intensity is electric. It makes me shiver and tingle. Anatomy and the human body is as fascinating to him, as it is to me. I will teach him how to embrace his gift, the concern he shows towards me is sweet.
I wonder if the people of Krofburg would recall my visit with Teodor - who is now gone, like his family. Cursed, I'm sure, yet Serghei tells me that he has had such bad luck as myself. I hope it will cancel out. I can see such a magnificent future ahead. He is like the Lord, with control over death, perhaps I can become more like the Hated Mother. We could lead together and build a Vallaki where Gundarakites and Barovians are treated fairly. Where the Burgomaster and Garda recognize the threat of the outlanders over us.
There is so much I want to do now. I have not felt this... Alive since Fane died. Since my report I've heard nothing. I may have to find out what is going on with that.
While the poppy is out of my system, I still long for it. With my tolerances to poisons it would probably kill me before long with the buildup. What a pity. Oh and that surgery.. I was and still am so excited for it. How decayed is the flesh, will it slough off, or need to be cut? The chance to see something so unheard of is thrilling.
No matter how hard I try, my mind keeps drifting back to that first night we shared. Never have I ever enjoyed myself so much in bed. For a witch, he is quite toned.
-
Confusion and a cold rage filled her being. What was going on, why was she being arrested? Who would claim she was a rebel wanting violence? All who knew her knew that war was the last thing she wanted. It was strange, like a dream. A horrible nightmare. She had been beaten to the brink of death as she was put in her cell. The Garda wailed on her with punch after punch, strike after strike, hitting her until she lost consciousness. Erzsebet lay on the dirty, grimy floor for hours before she came to.
Erzsebet tried to lift her hand, but felt stitches give way and hot blood coating her skin. "If only I'd stayed in my room a little while longer. Or not left... " She moaned as she tried to move her body and was wrought with pain. With a defeated huff, she gave up and lay there; naked, bruised and covered in blood and scabs. "Everything hurts..."
How long had it been since she woke up? She could hear someone coming, she forced herself to sit up against the wall. A garda full of questions and accusations. At least two people told them she was a rebel. She was asked for information she did not have and replied each time with the truth. "I'm not a rebel! The last thing I want is a damned war." She was learning the harsh truth that someone betrayed her. She raced over the people she knew, and over those who knew. Yet aside one, she could not think of anyone. Even so, she still could not fathom why they would do such to her.
Could it of been some weird test from the Care-taker? That wouldn't make sense. Erzsebet drifted through the time in her cell. Frustrated she screamed about telling the truth several times before realizing how futile it was. Gross scabs had begun to form on some of the opened wounds, she knew they needed to be cleaned, she also knew that they wouldn't care. She could rot in the cell, starve or die of dehydration and it would mean nothing. She would just be another dead body they would not pass a second thought on the matter.
She had prayed to those she revered, asked for a miracle to get out. She did not expect an answer or anything, but still, she found herself reciting prayers. She could not get the thought of betrayal from her mind. It burned and seared like a white-hot flame. Every moment that her mind was quiet, that thought crept in. She had learned the sources were two people. Her suspicions and paranoia began to fester like the torn open injuries on her body. When she was given water, she did her best to clean her wounds and hauled herself up on the bench.
Several times she had tried to sleep, but the screams of the prisoners kept her from any restful sleep. Eventually, she'd pass out. Her body still weakened by the beating.
-
A truth serum. A god damned truth serum. I know I can trust Serghei, but not sure on the others yet. I don't want to be tested on, the idea of it working is great, but I will have to make something to nullify the effect. I will have to spend some time researching plants. I am pretty certain a combination of plants with a base of tears of lethe. Hallucinogenic plants may provide some benefit in the serum.
On another note, I have fallen in love. Imre would throw a fit learning that for the third time it is a Barovian who steals my heart, almost sounds like one of those trashy novels from Dementlieu. "The tale of the Gundarakite woman cursed to love men of her conquerors. First the son of the Black Wolf of Teufeldorf, a pox-marked orphan guard, and now a powerful necromancer takes her fancy." Good Lord and Mother bet if I wrote it I could make big money in Port-a-Lucine, I've seen a romance based on necrophilia sell there.
Rich people and their deviancies... I mean I can't talk, but at least necrophilia is not on my list. But Serghei, hm that man and the things I could do... He has had as much bad luck and misfortune as I have. Perhaps even more, I hope and pray that our misfortunes cancel each other out and that we can have a family together. I still can't believe Syras has the audacity to make that remark about that, telling me I -can't- have children.
-
Step one with the serum went well. I want to try that opium extract, Serghei won't let me, I get that. I rooted out one who was not working with me. I can not be certain that he ratted me out, but Zoltan is no more. I can not afford to let those who know and who oppose me live. Another concern is the outlander priest. I don't trust him, however, I do see benefit in an alliance, at least to keep the peace.
I told Mama about Serghei hopefully she will meet him. I still have people to interrogate and that one garda tramp to deal with. I also need to look into how best to preserve an organ. I am considering drying it out with salt or storing it in honey. My one regret was not letting my love take the knife.
-
(https://media.istockphoto.com/illustrations/botany-plants-antique-engraving-illustration-digitalis-purpurea-illustration-id651692646)
Foxglove (Digitalis purpurea), Dead Man's Bells, Witch's Gloves
Large doses are lethal, small doses can be used to treat heart conditions and can be used to lose weight. Overdose results in nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, intense hallucinations, tremors, convulsions and deadly disturbances of the heart.
All parts of this plant are poisonous. Even water in a vase of flowers is poisonous.
Foxglove is used to treat a variety of ailments in small doses. Examples are heart irregularities, epilepsy, tuberculosis. It is emetic thus can be used to induce vomiting. A salve containing Digitalis can help heal burns and minor wounds.
-
[Written in Luktar]
The Red Academy.
Honestly that was a strange day. Weird little gremlin led me to finding a position as assistant for some medical regards, possibly arcane and medical. It could be so very interesting. The man who hired me is peculiar too. I want to know what is with his arm.
Hah Varga. You and meeting men with strange arms. As fascinating as both conditions are, I think they are entirely unique. One is bone, the other seems to be I don't know, maybe a ghoul arm? Perhaps a ghast? It's too pale and leathery to be from a vampire, and far to fleshy for a zombie.
I am worried a tad that this place may twist me the way it has twisted nature. Ramulai has a very twisted nature about it. So empty and vast, and of course the academy itself. However there is little better for scientific advancement than human test subjects. The scientist and doctor who originally taught me that. Animals can not tell what they feel nor can we trust that something lethal to animals may be lethal to us.
I want to discuss with the man who hired me if I could perhaps experiment with transplanting an entire womb. If that can be done, then maybe I will be able to be the mother I want to be. I need to learn more and renew my study with fervour... I wonder whatever happened with Doctor Gisler anyway. Ludwig was a great teacher, but a bit mad perhaps, he was also a genius with his work.
-
Subject R.
Absurdly resistant to magic, even when drunk. Resistant to alcohol as well. Subject displayed a hostile reaction to Tears of Lethe. Unexpected and dangerous. Attacked me and my lover. Hatred of mages determined to be due to invading mages killing his pregnant wife. This subject is dangerous and lacks impulse control on a sober day. The subject should never be permitted to access alcohol.
I've had previous contact with this subject and I still believe, as I had then, that permanent confinement to an Asylum would be best. That or a damn tight leash.
Immunity to poison proven false as provided by magical trinket.
-
I love spending my nights with Serghei. This is the happiest and safest I've felt in ages, despite everything. I may loose my mother again, there is little I can do to fix that, I promised her. I have began to make Hazlan a new home, it works for now. My job at the academy is due to provide interesting results. Yet part of my being feels this dread about that place. The lack of ethics and morals there is so familiar, like my time with Doctor Gisler.
"Knowledge can not truly progress with morals and ethics in place."
Fairly sure the Red Wizards would agree. I have this sick eagerness to begin. This eagerness is also a fear. I can't explain it, but it is the same feeling that caused me to flee Lamordia and my studies. I long to explore, yet my mind is filled with 'what if's. I am unsure what causes that unsetteling sensation, but this time I will push through it. For Serghei. For myself.
I can push and by doing so I can achieve what I long for. A child. I long for a child, but due to my past I am damaged. Every attempt has resulted in loss, and pain. I do not have a problem with fertility, not at all.
Everything is changing, I don't know what it is changing to. I have left my homeland, but not my cause. I wont forget my cause, my goal, my desire. Unlike those foolish rebels I don't want what never was. I want my kin to have the same treatment that the Forfarian or Thaani have. The same freedom the outlanders have. From there my true plan can begin to unfold.
I should try to find contact in Vallaki, since I am still banished. Banished for stupid rumours. I have NEVER wanted a war. I have never plotted against Vallaki, I fought to protect that city! Yet, throw Gundarakite and Rebel in the same sentence and all believe the worst. I will not give up on my goal.
-
[Written in Luktar]
His reaction was hardly what I expected. That outburst, and him warning me to stay away... I do wonder what went on. I guess the fat shirtless man wasn't their test subject, but the Zulkir - I think that's what they called him- Damn glad I bit my tongue and didn't say anything. I do wonder how the experiment went.
-
I remember a long time ago that I was asked to explain my views. I couldn't put it in words then, but I believe I can now. I'm sure anyone who freaking steals my book and reads it, will find these cold or cruel, maybe they are.
Death is not real, at least not how we believe it to be. It, like nature, is just but a passing phase. Flowers die and come back again next spring. Plants wither and die, and are revived from death with the thawing of the land. "Mortals", I believe can achieve this too. In a way we have, magic and elixirs to bring back the newly dead.
Knowledge can never progress when we stick to morals and ethics. They are but lines that become blurred when one seeks to learn further. Furthermore Caliban, I don't see as being "human". No matter how human-like they act, they are not. Corpses of criminals and those who died of illness should be allowed to be used as test subjects. If someone agrees and wants to, why not let them become a living test subject? The knowledge gained can be used to advance our understanding of how it all works. -Oh God, I'm sounding like Doctor Gisler...
I suppose another thing that people often ask is about religion, I don't know why. My beliefs are my own, if someone wants to be enlightened by learning about another faith, why not.
I thoroughly believe that outlanders are driven to madness upon entry to our "plane" (as they call it). Perhaps the mists contain some element that natives are conditioned to by exposure, but they are not. I mean how can anyone from a civilized place forget to close doors, let monsters in to attack people, and eagerly seek out death? Working briefly with Emanuel Gaspar gave me some insight into the various branches of insanity. Pity he vanished, like the others... Odd how that happens.
I guess times ahead I am going to be grateful for Grandmother teaching me how to 'act like a proper lady'. I loathe acting submissive though. It's worth it for what is ahead. I do not want to see how the academy punishes. I mean hearing of the loss of many of his assistants in such a brief time... Suppose when I properly meet that fat man, I'll apologise for not showing proper respect before, and then keep my mouth shut and do as I'm told like a good demure woman. Makes my skin crawl and makes me want to add some aconite or cyanide to a drink. Put an end to that.
Just consider it like dealing with the garda. Suck it up and smile, and mentally imagine them being dissected. I do have a feeling of dread about that academy though. I have never walked in a land that felt so- twisted? Wrong? Tainted? Warped?- and the city of Ramulai... Curious as I am, I doubt I want to know the reasons. I will put it to the back of my mind. I am here for a reason.
Hmmmm Hazlan is not far from Barovia... Perhaps I could set up operations here?
Side note: I've taken to trying to learn Vaasi.
-
A simple letter turned out to be her worst choice. "Come meet us outside Vallaki, we'll lift the banishment under a few stipulations." She had felt hope that things may have finally been repaired. So she walked to the outskirts of Vallaki, making certain to never cross into it.
Yordan and her spoke in hushed tones as the banishment was discussed, Erzsebet had no clue that this meeting was just a cruel joke. A farce, a facade, fake. When she refused an invitation to the citadel, she was assaulted and grabbed. Fear flooded through her and she managed to break free from the clutches of the two men.
Her body shook as she downed a potion to let her run. They chased her along the road, past the bend in the road right to the old cabin on the Svalich road, where the arrows that perforated her torso and the beatings of the corporal took their toll on her. She was rendered unconscious.
As she lay there floating in a world of darkness, two men stumbled upon the scene. When she came to and was shackled, her eyes darted around for anyone to help or means of escape. She saw a face she recognized and begged that man to tell her employer in Hazlan about her arrest.
Bitter and terrified, Erzsebet remained quite vocal as she was forced to break the banishment at the gardas behest. She wailed about being innocent, about not having broken any laws, but even the locals of Vallaki and the men who followed ignored her cries.
She was led into the Citadel where Corporal Hubchev sat down and filled the paperwork before sending the battered and bleeding woman to a cell. What came next, no one could have foreseen. A vicious crack to the woman's head, an abrupt end to not just her life, but the tiny delicate life that had been growing inside her. That fact would remain unknown until her corpse was checked and the post-mortem expulsion of the tiny little fetus had occurred on the jail cell floor.
-
One cell was traded for another. Smaller, less movement. Chained to the bars of the cage inside the small stone room. Terror, her body shook as she kept her eyes shut trying to delude herself about where she was. Someone watched her from behind a shadowy mask. Questions were brought up and asked. She had died and was now questioned. Was this a trick of Nerull?
No, the questions were about her mother. About her. About the Black Hand. About her employer in House Za'am. She gave the answers to what she was asked. Her words sounded foreign as she repeated the oath at his beckoning.
Two different, distinct bloods combined, they mixed and dripped on the cold cell floor. It was not the first blood there. Surely not the last. "Drink." She was bid, and drink she did. One dose, two doses, nothing. Nothing at all. And so, just like it began, it ended again in a cell with a vicious crack to render her unconscious.
-
That was not a dream. I am not sure who or what that stranger was, but to me, I will take it as a sign that my God is on my side. After all, death is just a deception. To those who understand the joke that is. Oh but you filthy man-lover, tsk tsk tsk, what a fool you were. You should never have left my corpse alone if you wanted me to stay dead. I'm going to root out the evil corrupted son of a filthy whore and make him regret ever crossing me.
Oh, sweet Barovian man, I know your secret, and I will destroy you for what you stole from me. You disgusting excuse for a living being. You stole not only my life but the life of a child. MY CHILD. Your lies and manipulations will be brought into the open. I can only speculate why you did what you did, your mention of the Wachter incident makes me suspect that your allegiances are not where I first thought.
Coffin Birth. A rare thing but it happens. Gasses and fluid build up in the corpse cause an expulsion of the fetus. I guess at least I wasn't conscious of it happening. So I can thank him for that much.
Oh, he will pay. Between myself, my lover, and this stranger I dealt with... I hope you are ready.
-
There comes a time in life when no matter how hard we have tried to treat a problem with medicine, that medicine turns to poison. It violates the system, causes pain and agony and needs to be treated another way. Naivety is something that I have been guilty of for far too long. I have hoped that things could be worked out peacefully, but now... Now I see that is not the case. Now I've come to a crossroad.
One path leads me to power and position in Hazlan. A chance to start fresh, a new name. Yet, the cost could very well turn me into a traitor to my kin.
The other path leads me into Barovia, into the shadows and into what I had hoped to avoid.
The middle path, the one I would love to follow, leads me betwixt the two. It is a path of vagueness and indecision. Complacency.
No path is free of consequences and each has its boon. I now know for certain that my mother is gone. She was not evil, mama was a good person. She was taken from me again by an outlander and a Barovian. I wish I could have her back, I wish I could have carried that child to term or at least known I was pregnant. There are so many things I wish I could have. A child, mother being alive again, peace between Barovian and Gundarakites, my own family. But these are just dreams, nothing but fantasies that won't come true.
I remember something I was told when I was little, about how to eradicate an ant nest. Feed the worker and harvester ants poison, they will bring that poison to the queen and she will die. From there the ants turn on each other and the colony collapses. Ants die and others migrate to another nest. Perhaps that is how I should deal with this next problem.
I need to speak to the Caretaker again, I want to tell him about my experience with that ... Well, I still think he was a messenger from God.
-
He spoke to me again. The avatar of God. The physical form taken by Him here. He spoke to me again, I can hardly refuse such order from Him. Besides, the order aligns with my own desires. It is time. . .
-
Slander. Lies.
These things keep haunting me. I have nothing that I can think of having done to warrant this. I have enough of this slander, I am going to have to take those steps I didn't want to.
I have struggled to maintain a sense of self amidst all this and not travel too far down the path of depravity. That path of inner darkness. I have tried to be good, tried to be helpful, tried to try a better way. Clearly that shit isn't working. I have one last try at resolving this mess without conflict or bloodshed. However, if this does not stop...
Although Dextan is right about it being a corruptive force, it is nearing the point that - and I dread this- the consequences will be outweighed. While I have tried to walk a good path since the incident with that dog. I mean both barovian garda and doberman. I've regained some sight back in my eye, but honestly I would give it up for my name to be cleared. I'm almost tempted to offer up my adamantine sword for this. I hope it wont come to that.
I still have a hard time dealing with what I lost, it haunts my dreams. I keep reliving that death, only in my dreams I see the coffin birth on the jail floor. It was almost three months. Longest that I've been able to carry... And he took that from me. Him and his lacky. J'qarr watching me being dragged into town, being stripped and tossed into a cell with several arrow wounds... And then that stick, that awful horrible stick. Last thing I saw... It's easier to tell if I exclude myself from the tragedy.
Wonder if Gaspar died....
-
[This is written in a shaky hand; the letters written hard and compact]
Oh Lord the hell do I do? I have tried over and over to do right...
Oh Lord what do I do? Do I become the villain that they make me out to be? Or do I continue to fight for clearing my name, which I believe is likely impossible. Hubchev is not the first garda to cause me to lose a child. He is the first one, however, to kill me.
Have I really repressed so much trauma. I lost a few when I was uncertain I was with child... I lost two with Teodor... One due to complications and one due to a garda beating my abdomen. I never had any children with Fane, I still miss that man... I just lost Serghei's baby-
[Tears stain this part and the hand is even less steady]
I was told a man saw the baby's soul... A daughter. I lost a daughter, knowing it makes it all the more painful.
I do not trust that the man can do what he claims he can anyway. He's naive like I was. Believing that the truth matters. Let's see how it would look for the garda... They lured, tricked and arrested outside of Vallaki lands, an innocent woman, who it turns out after she was beaten to death in her cell lost a child.
No matter the way it gets spun a Corporal of the garda, or even a garda murdered a pregnant innocent gundarakite. He will want to save himself. The man is not a good-hearted man.
Makes me want to poison their food and water with ergot. Harmless minus vivid and terrifying hallucinations.
-
Death was never a kind thing, the body was disgusting when death occurred. Death and defilement were an entirely different thing to overcome. She had been cut and stabbed to shreds by the curst, but she had been whole. Upon her resurrection she was not.
The man stood over her corpse, a wicked grin on his face as he, like a dog, marked where he had been. The thick black elixer of life was smeared on her lips when his appetites had been satisfied. As life filled her body once again, the poor woman let out a cry of pain and terror. She could feel every stab wound, every bite that had been taken, everything he had done to her.
"Here's the coins for payment for your services." He said as he tossed a hefty bag on the floor near her and dropped her crossbow.
"Services? What?" Erzsebet muttered, her mind was still cloudy from her death and it took her a few minutes to piece together what had been done. Her face and voice emptied of emotion and she spoke in a cold, monotone voice, "You will pay for everything you have done to me." She began dousing herself in over a dozen regenerative potions to restore the chunks of missing flesh. Tears flooded her eyes as the tonics worked their magic.
She must have fallen asleep as she woke up alone. Seeking to cleanse herself she ventured out into the woods, to a footspring and sat beneath a spout of water letting it gush over her naked body. It did not matter the amount of water of scrubbing, she could not get herself to feel clean. Erzsebet had even put on her merman bracers and sat deep beneath the water's surface for a long time.
To be consumed by another while dead... There was something about that which terrified and chilled her to her core. That night a new nightmare began to plague her...
It was right in front of her, her corpse. Her bloodied body laying lifeless on the floor. A dark figure hunched over her and ripped into her body like an animal. A sickening crunch as a bone was gnawed on. The wet sound of skin being torn. The blood-soaked the carpet. Witness to all the horrors done to her, she could feel his teeth mashing her skin, feel them caress the bone, feel him swallow her lifeblood.
Erzsebet awoke in a cold sweat, her bedding and clothing soaked. She struck a match and lit the candle beside her bed and walked over to the washbasin. For the second time that night she washed away sweat only this time when she returned to bed, she slept in her armour as if it could protect her from her dreams.
-
Oh for the love of everything holy and unholy. I am so fed up with this shit. Hubchev wants to make me into a villain, well he's succeeded.
Thankfully I knew this was going to go wrong. Everytime I attempt to confront these issues, it ends the same way: Shackled and jailed. Not this time, no this time I was ready. Bottled darkness to hide in, wore my best stealthing clothes, and had a few potions on my belt ready. Turns out trying to drink a potion with shackles is a bit awkward, but not as awkward as picking your own damned things.
I have two options, maybe a third. If peace and attempts to resolve this without bloodshed have not worked, then the path I had hoped to avoid is what I will have to take.
Sure I could flee from this all. Change my name, move somewhere unknown, live out in hiding. Or I could fake my death and take a new identity. I am a hunter, we do not flee from challenges. Never did I intend to draw weapon and blood but they are pushing my hands. I never wanted any violence any of this damned chaos. All I ever wanted was peace. No more war with the barovians, no more attempts to get back land that is never going to be returned... No one having to suffer the horrors of war and rebellion. I wanted a better life for all under the Counts rule.
But now I see. They don't want peace, they don't want an end to the brutality. They want war, and if it is war they want, so be it.
-
Wow. They truly have nothing on me. Just slander and words from over a year ago... I was partially right, Istvan was one of the sources, but the other.. I did not expect that. If what I was given is indeed all of it... This is proof that I committed no crime. At most, they have an accusation of planning to murder someone that never happened. None of these charges, save the rebel warrant death. I mean even the rebel bit is a lie, and was previously stated that I intend peace. I wonder why she betrayed me? Only rebellion I ever lead was to live peacefully with Barovians. As to Leon and Miuo? Where the hell did they get that idea? Did they suspect it just because I spoke to them? So they have words from two people who have not been seen in a long time. Well having this is helpful at least I can know what to defend myself from.
I won't become a monster, but I will become chaos. I'll expose every secret of his that I know. Litter his town with them, send a letter to the Burgomaster and Strahd, if they choose to do anything with the information, they can. If not, it doesn't matter. I will make him rue the day he tricked and murdered me. While I think he deserves a long life of living with his actions, I don't think that will come to be. If he was sorry or regretted them he would not behave this way. I've been so concerned with not becoming a monster that I neglected to see the monsters in-front of me.
-
A joke. He called me a joke and said I should go vanish into the mists. I suppose, Erzsebet, you have two options now. Hope that Verent can manage what he has said... Or give in to that inner demon. The one that is thrilled with dissecting, wild with bloodlust, burning with hatred. The dark me. My shadow self. If I finally give in to that darkness, I will cross a line that I won't be able to uncross. I could just wait for Him to mess up and get caught... I have so desperately wanted to prove that there does not need to be violence between Barovian and Gundarakite... Maybe I have lost sight of the truth myself. Living in a nightmarish dreamland.
Delusional maybe? I've not heard or seen Serghei in a while now... Starting to think this curse is real...
I'm a hunter, I am not used to being hunted. It has put me out of sorts. Especially with my desire not to spill blood and make it worse. Hell, maybe I should just descend into that darkness. Trying to do good has gotten me nothing at all, only troubles.
Alright, so I kind of knew, sort of did not know I was with child... I had hoped but assumed it was just stress since that's happened before... It wasn't this time though. I learned that afterward. Maybe I will just wait and see what happens in Dementlieu. If I get a job there, great. I'll expect to end up wanted there eventually too. In Vallaki... They have me on propaganda. I spread fliers supporting an end to the rebellion, pointing out that outlanders were more of a threat than Gundarakites. I never ever wanted the Barovians to weaken themselves fighting the outlanders. I certainly did not want any form of war. I was stupid, I wanted the roles reversed. Gundarakites having the freedom the outlanders enjoy, and them having the restrictions of my kin. Not a god damned war. Never a war. I have been a victim of the atrocities of war. I remember when I told Istvan that I wanted a peaceful end so that no one had to suffer those vile things. He slammed his fist on the table in anger.
I am fairly sure that what I spread was not illegal. Maybe I will ask someone to get me a copy of the laws of the land and the laws of Vallaki. I really wonder why people turned on me. I have this seed too... A part of me wants to plant this little bastard in the citadel courtyard. But that is that dark version of myself. The one I am trying to ignore.
I did purchase myself a gun. I need to practice with it.
What will happen to me if I give in to that darkness, to that evil inside?
Have I lost sight of who I am? Have I let myself become prey when I should be predator?
-
I have always seen myself as a hunter, a predator, yet this fear that I feel... This growing feeling inside. However, there is something weird about this. I'm not used to being prey. I have become a joke to at least one man, however, that may also include myself. Why? Is it because I have tried to fit into this world of "civilized people''.
I have been trying to do the right thing ever since that stupid choice of mine. I could use a guide right now. There are things I never planned on. Has God used these lies to direct me in some way? Or am I just a fool?
This growing feeling, I don't understand what it is. It is not like my morbid fascination with anatomy and chirurgy, poisons, herbs. To be honest that feeling terrifies me, but not entirely. I . I need to remember my roots. I can't let fear control me. Hell, I walked across a void to the man in the yellow robes. I have survived a dog eating my eye from my face. I have survived loss after loss. I have lived through invasion, hostility. I have been jailed, even murdered. I have been eaten, my body defiled. I have still managed to survive.
There are so many things that I have faced, but nothing causes me more fear than that feeling inside. Could it be the darkness that I have suppressed has begun to overflow? My dreams are getting weird. They are the normal nightmares, reliving what happened to my mother and I, the dog eating my eye from my face. Being beaten, jail. But lately, there is this elusive shadow that I always see but can never truly see it. It watches me, just as I watch what is occurring to my body. It is seen yet unseen. I've never had dreams like this before.
I wish I could understand them. Or get some damned divine guidance. At this point, I'm even ready to ask that faceless mist being for help.
I stand ready at the edge of the cliff. Do I jump? Do I turn back? Or is there a third option that I am not seeing. I know that I would rather kill myself than become a monster. Sure I may not be the best of person. I am not evil. Wicked, vile... A monster?
I would love to know the rumours that are around about me. They must be some vile. I don't understand. Everyone seems to view me as this murderous merciless woman. I can not possibly be that horrible. Could that be this feeling? Have I ignored what I am? Or what I have become?
-
I am wasting my life prowling these forests alone like I once did before. I suppose the time comes close that I make my move. I have discovered a poison I think will suit the matter perfectly well. I require more research into this poisonous item. I first need to find out if they eat rye bread commonly. If they do that will make this easier, if not... Well I may have to look at a different option.
I have tried the polite, civilized way. The way of words, and pleas. Hardly resulted in anything beyond further trouble. Oh I hate those damned fools who believe that by speaking to one person I can be freed. They do not understand how it works. They have all been men. Well except for Jadis, but it's my understanding now that that attempt resulted in nothing changing.
I have to embrace this new place for myself. I have allowed myself to become prey, where I was always the hunter. I have stared at my reflection for a long time; a lonely, hollow woman, a shell containing little more than a spark. I have snuffed that flame to an ember, but now I must feed it. I can not allow myself to continue to be this joke they think me as. I tried to play by their rules. I tried the "human" way. I need to embrace the darkness.
I have to embrace that darkness. I am a god damned huntress! A HUNTRESS. I am not prey. I will ascend from this pit of misery and exact righteous judgement on that wretched citadel full of corruption. I want them to feel the terror they put me through. I want them to feel the agony of that loss, and I am going to make them all pay for that horrible sin they all partook in. Every last one of them.
I know where to begin, but now I have to actually take the steps. Darkness grows inside of me as I have tried so desperately to suppress it. I have tried to be the good girl, the good figure, a shining example of how things could be. I was stupidly naive. That doesn't matter as long as corruption exists in that establishment. I need to find those who share the same mindset.
I will make the plans and exact them. I will take the punishment if they catch me. I can not allow them to continue to make me the prey. I will embrace the darkness of the hunter inside and become the beast they fear. I will haunt their shadows.
I can no longer remain the victim, Erzsebet Varga you can not remain the victim. It is time once again to pick up your weapons and hunt. Embrace the darkness you tried to mask and shy away. The light has brought you nothing but pain
.
-
Darkness encased the world of the Village of Barovia. An owl hooted in the darkness of the cool night. Ravens lifted from their perch at the evading sound. She had mastered walking with the land and so she felt little fear of being seen as she slipped into the doorway of the cottage. Eyes darted frantically towards this new figure in his home. Erzsebet gave the man lying in bed a brief nod before heading deeper into his home.
Creeeeaaaak. The hatch door slammed shut behind her as she stood in a dark basement. She had been told the way and found the lever to open the door. She had read about the previous failings and so the extreme precaution was understood. Each door she locked behind her. Each lever was hidden before moving on. She could smell the musty earthen dirt, she put her key into the lock and opened a stone door.
Click, click, click, click.
Down the stone steps she trod, the sound of the heel of her boot echoing throughout the chasm beyond. Across the stone path stood the church. A ghastly skeletal figure presiding over the doorway into the sanctuary. Candles lit the underground cavern, and the sound of a river gushed beneath. Erzsebet passed into the inner temple and strode directly up to the altar and figure of the Gundarakite trickster god Nerull. She kneeled before it, her head bowed in reverence and respect.
The candles gave a faint illumination to the room, blood dripped from a blade above the central altar. Shadows swayed in the candlelight as other devotees moved around. Erzsebet removed her gloves and slit her palms placing her hands together in prayer. Blood trickled down her wrists as she prayed and begged for guidance.
"Nerull, I need your guidance. How do I progress with this? How can I make them all pay and earn your favour? Show me oh lord and I will obey."
Erzsebet put her gloves back on, leaving a small pool of blood where she knelt. Deeper in the innermost sanctum, Erzsebet placed a crystalline rose upon a grave. A grave that once served her mother as safe passage. . . Back through the darkness of the tunnels and stairs she slowly ascended into the world of the living. A quick look through the windowpane before she slipped out in the form of an owl. She would leave no trace that she had ever been in that holy place, as all others did.
The woods were alive with sounds, the howling of wolves, cries of birds, and screams of dying prey. Erzsebet smiled to herself as she stopped and listened to the nature sounds. She followed the wind west, back to Vallaki with a better grasp of herself than before. She would have her revenge and make every last one pay. The desire for revenge had begun to take her in its arms tightly, pulling her deeper and deeper into dark thoughts. The temptation of the kill. Could she do it though? Was Erzsebet Varga ready to do what she had to?
-
Months had passed and in that time she had only grown colder inside. The losses she had suffered had hardened her. Yet those final moments of her last loss haunted her dreams nightly. It filled her with a rage she had not felt since the Black Wolf of Teufeldorf. She had learned that the man responsible had gone missing. She felt no relief in that, they all had to pay for the sin they allowed to happen. This was not just her own desire for revenge, this was enacting judgement divine. No one should get away with the murder of a pregnant woman.
When Erzsebet had told a few others about her pregnancy after the event they refused to believe her. Even the one who had shot her down as she fled. Erzsebet did not display the child she carried in her womb. She did not appear pregnant, and so that single fact caused disbelief. What if she had been fat with child? Surely they would of let her flee. She could of told them and fled. She would not use a child to escape some simple minded men. Erzsebet had done what she thought was right, and her naivety left her another child gone.
Those moments prevaded her mind constantly. Even if Hubchev was no longer in the citadel, the rest of those men and women who were there, who could of stopped it, they had to face judgement.
Judgement would be delivered and she would be the herald. No longer did she care about her life, no, now she knew that she had a purpose. A divine purpose. Judgement would fall on all those who had wronged the women of Barovia. All those who had harmed a single mother, or child. The guards who killed her, the guards who let blame fall on Gundarakites rather than finding the real criminal.
Erzsebet sat in the woods surrounded by thick trees and closed her eyes. She pushed past the visual reminders of the beating, the loss of her eye, the miscarriage in the outskirts. She pushed deeper into her mind, past the last moment with her vampiric mother, past the man in yellow and the night mother. She pushed past all the memories and pain, finding herself still and alone in her mind.
Blackness, with a dying ember of a flame that cast a red glow around. She walked towards it and the fire burned brighter, flames flicking up in the air, reaching for the heavens. Erzsebet sat before that fire in the darkest depths of her mind and watched the flames lick the logs that burnt bright. She watched as the flames danced and twisted into images of rituals and words. She watched as they began to burn faster, brighter until the entire area was illuminated in the red glow of the fire. She looked around at the wooden area she was in and looked up to the sky above. She watched the moon and stars. Darkness took over once again as she felt herself drawn away from that serenity.
The pain and memories rushed back. They flooded over her with the drowning power of the ocean. Every painful memory flashed before her as she returned to her concious present body with a deep, gutteral wail of pain and sorrow that turned into rage and passion. She would do what she had to.
Nerull take them all. She thought.
-
Just outside of the city of Levkarest, through a set of iron gates, along a pathway lined with beautiful flowers and creeping vines that crawled around several light posts was the home of Erzsebets grandparents. The flowers that Nezetta tended to were a garden of poisonous flowers. Nightshade, Silphium, Foxglove and others with medicinal purposes. This was where she had her first taste of medicine and poisons. A young man approached the door and knocked gingerly.
A spry old woman in her sixties answered the door and stared down at the young man with steely eyes that sent shivers along his spine.
"L-l-let-letter f-for you Ma'am." He stuttered over his words as he handed off the letter bearing a wax seal with Erzsebets initials on it. Nezetta dropped a single Foxglove into the young mans hands and took the letter, shutting the door swiftly. Once inside, she sat near the fireplace and opened the letter with a smile on her face, a smile that would not last.
Grandmother Nezetta Da Riva,
I know my last letter to you was a happy one. Engagement and potentially a family, well that's changed. I am going to tell you everything that has befallen me, and I hope you can reach out to some of your old friends in the criminal underworld. Assuming they are still alive that is. I need to procure a large amount of a hallucinogen and your knowledge and theirs in poisons, toxins and the rest will be helpful.
So in short form I was engaged twice. Two good Barovian men Teodor Dragomir/Ursu and Stefan Albescu. Teodor turned out to be the son of that scum man who was behind my mothers death and why I fled to Borca. He vanished for a long time before reappearing and by then it was too late. Since he had not sent me any word. So I ended up falling in love with Fane, the love of my life, my heart still aches. He was slain on duty defending Vallaki from a vampire. I could of prevented that if I'd been there. Grandfather would be proud of him, he didn't want any harm coming to me. After that I did meet another, Serghei Ureche. But like the others he has vanished too. Probably dead in one of the cave collapses in Krofburg.
They found silver in the mountains there. What I will really need the help with is exacting justice. This is the part I don't like thinking about, but here it is...
At the hands of someone high ranking in the guards, in the citadel, with no real reason... I was . I had been with child. I've had several miscarriages, this time was nearing the end of the third month. It was too early for it to be showing and I was trying to not get my hopes up. I was convincing myself it was stress, but I knew deep down it wasn't stress. I did not even show, but that doesn't change the fact that I was. I was beaten to death all because I knew that bastards secret and who he was involved in. Dreadfully Borcan, the entire situation. I lost everything and was brought back by a divine miracle. I have to bring justice for what they did.
I had never broken laws and had even helped and served alongside the guards when the Invidians attacked. But that man, that lawgiver lackey performed a sin that can not go unpunished. Not a single man or woman in there tried to step up and stop it. Not a single one checked on me as I lay bleeding out from a crack in my head. So Grandmother, please help me.
Erzsebet Varga.
-
I have decided to set my path to Krofburg. Maybe I can achieve my dream there. A lady can dream.
I have not had word back from Hazlan, I do wish they would reply. As sad as it is, the Za'am family almost felt like family to me. No instead that silver tongued walking pile of manuer went and - just like any good old Barovian- tore me away from a family. Have I allowed myself to be blinded to that? Probably.
Krofburg shall be interesting. Serghei has family there. Perhaps I will let him decide if he wants to face me after this long. I hope I can at least sell off some of this stuff and potions.
Think Erzsebet when has a Barovian not caused you pain? N E V E R
Teodor, my rapists son
Fane, broke my heart when he died
Serghei, no word from him, another heart string severed.
-
This is the... Second day I think, that I've been wandering around the mists. I've encountered Perfidus and that ooze town. Yet not a way to somewhere habitable. I've not been able to get a good rest while here. I swear I keeping hearing my name being whispered... This area has trees, I think I will sit and give myself a break in their shadow...
Day 4 (?)
I keep finding those stupid places. I've seen lots of vampires and mist things. Still not a single sign of a way out. On the bright side I am able to collect some of the rarer herbs here like mist weed, misty willow.
Day 5
At least I'm going to assume it is. Feels like forever, I'll shit myself if it turns out this has only been one day. My feet are sore, and my nerves are frayed. Either I'm going to get out, or take the risk of sleeping here.
Addendum: Been walking for a while and I just found a tent. A damned tent in the mists. I looked inside but it was unoccupied. But this could maybe mean I'm close to somewhere with people.
Bless the Old God! The tent DID mean I was near people! The mist camp. What a relief. I can finally get back to things.
-
They forgot what they did.
It infuriated Erzsebet, so much so that she could no longer resist her urges. Not wanting to become the monster some had seen her as. Doing as she does, she left to hunt. So she did. Worgs, deer, wolves, spiders, bears, crag cats, bandits. The hunt did little to settle the boiling blood in her veins. The thought and the images from that night kept flashing in her mind. It resulted in many bad moments and choices during her absence.
The hunt was not enough. She turned her attention to study once again. She read all the books she could find on herbs, poisons, and medicines. She even sent a letter to the Lamordian who had taught her for a while...
[writen in Lamordian]
Doctor Ludwig Gisler,
I hope this finds you well. I know it has been years and that I left without saying anything. I would explain in person if you ever find yourself in Barovia. I recall you had several tomes on hallucinogenic drugs and plants. I could use your expertise on the matter, as it pertains to an... Experiment, shall we say? As well as another experiment that is better left spoken of in person and privately. I suppose if this letter fails, I'll continue studying the matters on my own.
Erzsebet Varga
It was a new area of study for her; hallucinogens were never of interest to the hate-driven woman. Yet the best she could find on her own was Ergot of Rye. She had only read of its properties and not seen or tested it as she had with most others. That was where she began, it would surely lead her down the road of illicit drugs, and she knew just the place to ask. It was high time she returned to that walled up city. She had already confirmed that she was not officially wanted, and allies had returned from leave. This time Erzsebet would not make the same mistakes. There would be no more chances for those who cross her.
With her mind set, letter sent, and knowledge gained, she began the journey back to Barovia. Back to Vallaki, and the Drain and all the filthy outlanders who roamed about so freely there. She had experienced betrayal, rats, manipulation, and trickery. She had come to know death well, vowing to give respect where it belongs. That night, camped by the side of a river with the crescent moon above, she dreamed. She dreamed a dream beside a nightmare or a memory. She witnessed a trial, an invitation.
Word of mouth circulated in the Gundarakite heavy areas of Vallaki, traveled to Krofburg and even Berez. A General sought men and women brave enough to risk their lives for the cause. For their rights. The rumour said they'd find a cave deep in the forest with a candle in front. Those willing to take the risk need only enter the cave, and all would be revealed.
The woods were dark, as the moon hid away by clouds as if wanting to cover up the very events of that night. Mist rose up from the river bank, covering the forest floor in a thick blanket. Several people hurried along in the woods, huddled together in fear of the wolves that howled. Hushed whispers questioned if they should light a torch, while others quickly shushed them back to silence. They would find the place after much searching and cowering from the creatures of the Barovia night. It was impossible to tell how long it took, but there, shrouded and dimmed by the fog, was a single candle.
As they entered the cave, the candle went out leaving them in temporary darkness. Candles began to light up to guide them through the twisting tunnel. The sound of running water could be heard as they entered the end of the pathway. There was darkness, no light, but from it emerged a shadow, the attire to loose fitting to determine the gender, further the face was covered with a red mask. The being reached out, hands open to receive the guests. As they gathered nearer, it spoke.
'Freedom, equality, treatment equal to outlanders. If these things you seek and will die for, come forward and kneel.'
The voice was gruff, but not deep, it was perhaps a woman who spoke to them with arms outstretched. A few approached and kneeled before the figure. Gasping and second-guessing their choice when several lethal items were set out.
'Prove your commitment, pick one.'
A dagger seeping venom. A deadly serpent in a box. A chalice of liquid. These were chosen. The figure picked up the chalice and bid the Gundarakite follow her to a secret room. Once the room lit by one candle only, a voice spoke out, motioning for them to kneel.
'If you would commit to this cause, drink the chalice containing Digitalis, a poison.'
The young woman trembled and stared at the masked figure, then around the room. Hesitation replaced with understanding, she drank from the chalice and clenched her fists, waiting for death from the sweet beverage.
'You have passed. Speak not of the trial.'
Away she was sent, and the young man who chose the spider followed her into the room.
'If you would commit to this cause let the black viper bite you.'
The young man showed no hesitation and allowed the spider to bite him. Wincing at its bite. Before he could speak the figure answered.
'You have passed. Speak not of the trail.'
He left the room and watched the final person enter. An old man, hunched over walking with a cane. He entered the room and kneeled, a cracking sound of old bones moving echoed in the tiny stone room.
'If you would commit to this cause let the dagger coated in venom cut your flesh.'
The old man took the dagger in his hand and studied it first. He doused the blade with alcohol and swiftly cut his hand with the briefly clean dagger.
'You have passed. Speak not of the trial.'
They left the room together, the figure supporting the elderly man as he stood up. In the tunnel end, they all stood gathered, other figures emerged from the darkness around them and the masked figure spoke up.
'There was no venom in the blade. The viper had its venom glands removed. The chalice contained a medicinal amount of digitalis. Welcome.'
Darkness filled the room and the vision vanished.
Erzsebet was alerted by a ward, and woke up prepared to fight what it turns was merely a curious mink. With a small, yet nervous laugh she packed up her tiny camp and continued on her way back to Vallaki.
-
She had just reached the outskirts of Vallaki when a familiar man came into her view. Gaunt, pale, shrivelled and near death, but it was him. It was Serghei. She rushed to open the door for the woman who had found her lover on the side of the road. Once inside the lady's rest they made their way upstairs and into Mikhails room and lowered Serghei onto the bed.
Erzsebet kneeled beside the bed and stared at the husk of the man she loved. She barked at the young girl to get some fresh water, but was met instead with insistance to use the clay jar in the room. With a sigh, she tested the water and wet a cloth, pressing it to his cracked lips before giving him some water to drink. Mikhail and Erzsebet argued over how to care for the man and what was real.
"The Children?! Anca? I have to find the children."
Something had happened to him, in his mind several years had passed and Erzsebet had left him. Serghei had found a new woman, married and had children. Whatever delusion he had experienced was so real to him that it robbed Erzsebet, once again, of her dream of a family, of having children. To Serghei, it had been near a decade, he had remarried, helped his wife through childbirth and raised his babies, he was in love with his new wife and cherished his precious children, but that was suddenly ripped away from him as he now lay in the bed listening to the two women arguing. His head hurt, and he could not make sense of anything, Erzsebet had left him for a Hazlani man, why was she suddenly so concerned?
Sick of the arguing, Erzsebet gave in to Mikhails desire that she leave the room. Full of sorrow and bitterness she sat in the hallway outside their room, but it was too much. Her heart hurt at the thought that he may no longer love her. This was a fact that was confirmed a day later as they spoke in the inn near the fire.
". . . Go live your life, you never know when the rug will get pulled from under you."
"It just did."
With those words said in an icy breath she walked outside and set down her wares to sell. She would get rid of the things she did not value. Erl Queens Lace, it was a poison that rendered the victim unconcious, after her items were sold it was her plan to find a nice mossy spot in the woods and drink that plant from Forlorn. She was ready to let the green vines creep up her skin and into her brain, she did not want to be aware, the delusion her lover had suffered was so real to him that whatever they had shared was long departed. It broke her heart, and so she would let nature take its course.
Standing there in the rainy spring day the only that kept her from falling to pieces was the simple crystal on its leather string that she wore around her neck. The Heart of Ice, just as it strengthened the mind, it chilled the heart. It numbed her emotions enough to maintain herself, she knew it wouldn't last. How could it? When the source of her agony sat inside with a young Barovian woman. She turned her focus to conversations around her, listening to the Garda speak about going to the blood brawl, to outlanders babbling about adventure, and the other merchant selling their wares from a box. She was soaked from head to toe from the cool rain, and she was cold, but truly she did not care. Erzsebet had decided she would test that poison on herself in hopes that she would not awaken. All she wanted was a family. A husband, children. Yet each time she got close to that, it was ripped away from her.
Perhaps things would change with the meeting of Orzsolya.
The minute, tiny, Gundarakite woman approached Erzsebet a few hours before night and asked to meet with her at Anglers Dive. Why not? She agreed to meet her there, although it did take her a while to find the place. Once there the two women spoke throughout the night, Erzsebet learned of the trials and hardship she had gone through, and of her success within the Red Vardo Traders. She gave Erzsebet some hope, a tiny spark to relight a fire that was almost out. She was proud to know that her original gain of the permit had continued on through other Gundarakites, that there were others who shared her goal, her dream. But all those accounts of betrayal had added up and built a thick wall around her trust, but maybe Orzsolya could break through enough to learn all of Erzsebets plans and goals.
"Don't let your dreams die."
Those parting words held more weight and meaning to Erzsebet than the other woman could ever know. A spark was there again, and a small fire began to grow. Tonight she would not test that poison, tonight she would let those words sink in, come the morning she would begin again.
-
He vanished and I thought he was dead. This is worse than death. To him I left him, there is nothing left for him to feel for me. This is so much worse than loosing him to death. I've lost him to a god damned delusion. He no longer loves me. Why does this keep happening?
I wish for death now. My heart is aching..
I guess all I do is carry with me a curse. All the men I've loved have died, or vanished and came back without love for me. Seeing him so withered, so frail... These tears will keep flowing for him. I want to feel no pain. God why have you cursed me so?
Maybe it's the fact they all have been Barovian. Fane... I love you still, just as I love Serghei. But the pain all you Barovian men have caused me is now beyond measure. I wish that you were still alive Fane, things would of been much better.
-
Erzsebet sat deep in the woods as tears freely flowed down her face. She dropped to her knees and let out a deep, soulful howl of pain for the loss of Andras. A man she had not known for long, but whom she cared for. Composing herself for a moment, she removed the Heart of Ice that she usually wore. As it was removed, she could feel the warmth flow back into her heart, along with many suppressed emotions. Deep in the southern woods, she cried.
She cried and cried until the pain and sorrow was too much for any vocalization. From her knees, she leaned back and let out a silent scream of pain. She could feel everything, all the emotions and losses, all the worries, the fears. She curled up in a ball on the pile of moss and leaves she had made for a bed. She wanted desperately to be held by another. She wanted to be told it would be alright. Her stomach ached, her head hurt. It was as though all the emotional pain was taking toll on her body. She let it. It was punishment for her lack of action. Punishment she felt she deserved.
The pain was exquisite. She had not felt such agony since the death of Stefan Albescu. Hours passed as she sobbed and shook in a mixture of silence and wails. Eventually, she sat up and put the necklace back on. She took a deep breath, held it and let it go. She did this several times until she was no longer shaking. Men... She thought to herself with a shake of her head. I won't repeat the mistakes of the men. We won't strike alone anymore.
As she exhaled that last breath her eyes filled with a steely resolve. There was no way she was going to allow them to kill another of her kin. Erzsebet dried her eyes, shouldered her crossbow and began the march back to Vallaki.
I am ready to die this time.