Author Topic: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti (Read 6948 times)

TherapyCat · « **Reply #25 on:** February 15, 2018, 12:02:52 AM »

I saw a ring today,

A simple gold band.

I looked to the Vistani man who was selling it.

I wondered of all the men, or women that had worn it before.

Then I pictured the one I wished to wear it next.

I don't know what I intend to do with this simple gold band,

but it is now in my possession.

Love is confusing.

A band doesn't keep a man from running.
Stupid Girl.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #26 on:** February 18, 2018, 09:57:50 PM »

[This passage has been ripped out.]

TherapyCat · « **Reply #27 on:** February 18, 2018, 10:02:32 PM »

[This passage has been ripped out.]

TherapyCat · « **Reply #28 on:** February 21, 2018, 01:11:03 AM »

The Man I loved,

His heart was the most precious thing my hands has ever held
but it was also the most explosive.
I was caught in a dance with a wildfire
The pure beauty was something unkown to my skin.
I would have thought it to be beautiful,
had it not burnt my flesh.

But it did.
It burned.
More than the sun
more than the fire.
More than I have known.

His feet were always moving
Stepping away from me
or toward my demise.
Paranoia, Jelously, Greed.
All these things he put into me.
All these things that haunted my needed sleep.

Because I was the fool for thinking a ring of gold
and words of love,
could mend the foundation of a house that has been long abandoned.
Someday I will be built again
My walls made of passion
and my floor made of earned trust.
And then never, will the abandoned house be burned to the ground again.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #29 on:** February 21, 2018, 07:57:58 AM »

"He was just another stepping stone."

That is what I told myself.
In a pathetic attempt to get any rest that night.
I stared at the celling of my inn room,
questioning everything.
Even the wood beams above my head.
I questioned them.

From which tree were they cut from?
From which man?
From which hands?

These questions distracted me from the pain for a time.
Until my eyes fell on my own hands,
and I looked to my finger than bared his ring of promise.
Without it, there is a tan line.

A line that reminds me of him.
Of my own failures.
Of the Love I lost to Paranoia.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #30 on:** February 22, 2018, 09:01:04 PM »

I met the Owl boy formally in the Ezrite library last night.
He doesn't know, that I know he is the owl boy.
But he knows I am the owl girl.

What can I say?
This whole situation is a Hoot!

[ The line " this whole Situation is a hoot" is crossed out, and sloppily written over it, is a mental note to herself "This is why you are unwed Aziza."]

TherapyCat · « **Reply #31 on:** February 26, 2018, 07:26:28 AM »

Aziza,

Eventually
"A girl" grows tired from running
and she goes back home
to the man she knows
will keep her safe, will keep her warm,
will keep her sheltered.

Even if she is a stupid girl.

He loves me, He loves me not
I've outgrown flowers and doubting.

He loves me. [/s]

Stupid Girl.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #32 on:** February 28, 2018, 02:31:41 PM »

I do not care what they say about the one I love under their breath.
These people do not know his character.
They do not know his heart.
I do.

I know this heart, it is the one I love.
The one I broke
The one I wish to rebuild.

It's the one that I listen to when I fall asleep beside it,
the steady beat makes me feel safe.

It makes me feel warm.

stupid girl.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #33 on:** March 10, 2018, 08:55:55 PM »

With that I moved onwards.
Just another stepping stone.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #34 on:** March 12, 2018, 07:22:53 AM »

Walking free is refreshing.
Without a hand to hold I have no responsibility.
I also have nothing dragging me down.

Yet the winter is still cold.
and I feel it more so now.

Another stepping stone.
Yes.
Inhale
Exhale.
Keep Walking.
Another stepping stone.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #35 on:** March 13, 2018, 10:25:11 PM »

I have this ridiculous amount of freetime.
Empty space
Empty Soul
Empty thoughts.

Too much time for thinking.
But yet I keep stepping,
Hoping that one day I'll cross the river.
Till I'm home.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #36 on:** March 14, 2018, 04:42:15 PM »

Each day it gets easier.
Each day I step further away.

Each day I'm getting stronger.

If I tell myself I'm not alone.
I'm just not next to anyone.

Somedays I walk the lands
without shoes.
I let the earth collect in my feet.
I let the rocks scratch my toes.
Because then,
I feel something.
And I remember,
I'm free.
When I'm alone.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #37 on:** March 20, 2018, 07:46:17 AM »

Life is practically back to normal.

Just a girl and her snake.

Selling wares with a blank face and an empty heart.

It's true what they say,

It's getting easier.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #38 on:** March 21, 2018, 02:57:17 PM »

It was raining.
I looked up and squinted at the clouds.
Rain seems to make everyone somber
But I find solace,
to know that the heavens weep more than I ever will.

I just kept walking.
It�s one of my habits of late.
to just walk.
I stopped for a minute.

And for a secound.
I felt like a child,
like the girl I never was allowed to be.
I stomped through puddles and barefoot
I ran.
Jubilantly.
Happily.
Spontaneously.

and I smiled.
For the first time in weeks.
I smiled

Because I felt the presence of father Geb.
In the air that I breathe
in the earth through the cracks in my toes.

I could feel again.
And the sky opened up.
And the rain stopped
Once I learned to find solace
with something everyone found so somber.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #39 on:** March 25, 2018, 02:35:42 PM »

You weren't stupid for loving,
You were stupid for thinking that love could'nt hurt you.

Her words cross my mind quite often.
They hold truth, perhaps more than I am willing to admit.

I've done alot of walking.
It reminds me of when I first came here and I learned the land by doing deliveries.

So many thoughts,
So many questions unanswered.
It used to be haunting.
Now it's more of a vauge fascination.

It's not greiving of what could've been.
But instead wondering.

Wondering without pain,
because I know it will never be again.

In some twisted way, I've accepted that.

Inhale.
Exhale.
It's just another stepping stone.

My talents are getting more powerful.
I've never had this much destruction at my finger tips before.
It's... terrifying.
I preach peace, but I could destroy a sea of men in a matter of seconds.

It's reassuring, to know that my chances of becoming a victim fall rapidly as my power rises,
But it's also terrifying to know that one slip of sanity could take away everything I've ever believed in.

The days are long, but I apperciate everyone of them.
The pay is nice, from being a merchant.
So many women find other ways to gather coin, in much less ideal situations.
I should be grateful, and I am.
But it gets lonely.
The only conversations I have these days are "Yes, you can open the crate."
"No I can't lower the price.", "Thank you." , "Peace be with you."

I suppose I crave that thing most people do.
Compassion.
Real Compassion.
Something I've never been showed.
Not undivided, anyhow.

I have power, I have wealth.
But I have no one to share it with.

What's the point?

TherapyCat · « **Reply #40 on:** April 05, 2018, 05:01:45 PM »

Rivas,

A dream for a moment.
A friend in the next.

It was the right thing to do.
Didn't make it any easier, however.

I'm beginning to learn it never is.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #41 on:** April 05, 2018, 05:08:20 PM »

Rory,

The stranger in the night.
If I was wiser, I'd remind myself the last time I trusted a man with a charming smile that greeted me in the night.

Although I never claimed to be wise.

You'd think a girl would learn.

But he didn't run.
He didn't act like I was insane.
Or stupid.
Or Controlling.
He just smiled.
Like I was a woman.
and he was a man.

His smile may never mean what I wish it too.
But it made me feel human again, if nothing else.

This would be simple.
This would be easy.
He is good, he is kind.
He is honest.
He is humble.

Lady Isis.

Please.
I'm begging you.
I'm Pleading to you.
Don't let me mess this up.
Don't let me scare him away.
Help me not to be afraid.
Don't let this be my fault, not this time.
Please.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #42 on:** April 07, 2018, 01:48:02 PM »

I used to love that tree.
How it sheltered me from the storm.
But I shared that tree with another,
who brought the storm with him.

This should be a lesson learned,
I should be regretful.
But I think about that trickling flame on the candle
how the flame blew out quicker than we did.

Perhaps it was a sign.

I'd like to think however it was just a coincidence.

That this flame within us will be burnt again.

I always lingered unto hope when there wasn't any there.

For I used to love that tree.
How it sheltered me from the storm.
But I shared that tree with another,
who brought the storm with him.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #43 on:** April 08, 2018, 12:27:37 AM »

"What Did That Candle Mean?"

It meant I would've waited.
For that pigpen
For that tree to shed its leaves and grow anew.

But all candles wither away eventually.

Some quicker than others.

For fire is destructive as it is beautiful.

Something You'd think I would've learnt by now.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #44 on:** April 08, 2018, 12:32:23 AM »

I've spent my life being peaceful.
Keeping my mouth shut, giving my smile unfaltering..

One heartbreak too many,
One word too many,
One day too many.

And I snapped.

I erupted.

I don't know what's worse.
The fact that I said it,
Or the fact that I don't regret it.

I'm sick of bottling it up when every other heart around me remains hollow.

What's the purpose of peace in this violent world?
Another Naive girlish fantasy of mine.

What's the purpose of love, in a world that won't spare me any?

Another Naive Girlish fantasy of mine.

I need to calm down.

This isn't me.

None of this is me.

So why do I like it?

" I hope you drown."

TherapyCat · « **Reply #45 on:** April 09, 2018, 02:24:57 PM »

He�ll love, someday.
I know that he will.
He�ll give away that heart I would�ve cherished.
I know that he will.
And She�ll be lucky, but she wont even realize it.
I know he will.

Perhaps a part of him already is.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #46 on:** April 16, 2018, 02:52:17 PM »

An Apprentice

I've had one before.

I taught him everything he knows.

Then He loved me

Then He out grew me.

Then he left me.

But this one.

He has promise.

He will never know me

He will never love me

He will never outgrow me.

I promise this.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #47 on:** April 17, 2018, 07:34:27 AM »

Timond,

I have no idea what to do with Timond.

Not in the slightest.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #48 on:** April 18, 2018, 07:20:01 PM »

I had one promise that I had kept to myself.

Just one.

And Yet again, I broke it.

TherapyCat · « **Reply #49 on:** April 19, 2018, 08:21:43 AM »

This is my chance.

This might be my only.

This might be the last.

I can't mess things up.

No, Not with him.

This time It will be different.

Everything will be different.

It has to be.