Author Topic: The Journal Of Merna Titescu  (Read 492 times)

Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« on: September 11, 2017, 02:53:09 PM »
[The Begining of yet, another Journal By Merna Titescu.]




Septembrie 9th , 772


Donovan.

It's a name I'll remember. I should'nt feel guilty. Afterall. It was just one little name in my journal, it should mean nothing. My mother would love him, quiet -silent- even... She always liked the quiet ones.
His eyes are kind, but I've learned that eyes can be just as good at lying as the mouth.   
I stared at his mouth, I should'nt have.
What Am I doing? Why am I writing this- why, do I care. I am married, for Iaduls sake..Everyone's wrong about him, he's changed. He'd never go back.
But what would I do if he did?If he went back, if he never came home, or if he came home.Her scent clinging to his worn cloak.
Would I just smile, through my tears.I've found myself to be an expert at that...
This is all too dramatic. I am too dramatic.I am also married.
A vow, I cannot break.Even if he leaves again.
I am married.




« Last Edit: September 11, 2017, 02:54:47 PM by Colorfullfan »

Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 02:57:53 PM »
Septembrie 10th 772


Nothing has happened today. I played in the outskirts yet again- for little pay. I used to be popular once. It's a shame what happens when you stop taking his name. Once again I am back to just being Merna Titescu again. I made five fang. I should be more grateful. An outlander named Kaine tried to flatter me today. I wasen't in the mood. If you ask me, he looked like one of those Knighly types. I hate those types. Hate is a strong word. I should learn to use it more sparingly.

Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2017, 08:11:10 AM »

Lies.
I used to never tell them, but it seems to be all that comes out of my mouth these days.
I wish I could stop, but lying is so much easier then facing reality.
If I told the truth?
People would hate me more than they already do.
Fearghas  is the only one I can be honest with, but ever since she steped into our picture. even to him I have been censoring.
If I told him everything, everything I felt- would he run back to her?
Lies.
I'd be lying if I said that wasen't my biggest fear.



I saw Net'lia today, she sniffed the Alcohol on me like a blood hound, I suppose there is something positive in tripping on the journey home and busting an old Tuskia bottle on my gown. However the cuts in my thigh would suggest otherwise. I saw Syleth, it was nice to see her. If father could only see me now, taking solace in a dragon. But since Lexington ran and told mother that we had split up, Syelth is the closest thing I have to a mother.

I have so many thoughts, so many emotions.
Eveyone tells me that I have the right to be sad, but I'm not sad.
I'm angry, fire within me on so many things.


Lexington. I saw him today, he still looks nice, it's funny how he can still wear white even though purity is the last word I'd use to describe him.
If I'm telling the truth, I wanted him to look at me, I wanted him to be envious.. I wanted him to miss the ribbons in my hair, I wanted him to miss me.
But he didn't. He looked onward, didn't pay me a secound glance.

Andras and his wife were there, they didn't say hello, but hardly no-one says hello to me when I don't have a man on my arm.

People ask about Fearghas, and what we are.

and I can't answer, because I don't even know what we are.

 I know I love him, and I have forgiven him. But it's hard to let him in when he hasen't forgiven himself.

I missed the way he used to look at me.

I miss the way everyone used to look at me.

I hate the way they look at me now.

So sad? I'm not sad.

I've just got a Iadul of a fire burning in my heart.


Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2017, 01:41:32 AM »
I would'nt kill her.
I'd like to say I would, if she touched him.
I'd love to be that domna that would throw  her down in the earth and fight for what is mine.
But I would'nt.

I'd be mad
I'd pitch a fit
call her childish names
I'd spread lies.

Weeks later?

I'd feel awful.
I'd apologize,
I'd tell her that it's okay.
I'd make her soup.

That's just what I am.
And I can't change it.

Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 01:44:49 AM »
I saw him today.

He had his campfire burning for me.
He wanted me to see the flames, and remember how we used to dance.
As one.

I gave him my locket.
He took it better than I thought he would.

He kissed me. Everything, is clear when he kisses me.

We went where I first gave my heart to him under that old tree.

How I've missed those days.

How quickly they've come rushing back.

How much I needed them.

He Loves Me.

I am Merna MacDonogh,
and once again.

He loves me.


Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2017, 10:30:48 PM »
Father,
I think of him alot recently.
Sometimes I look at the woman in the mirror and I wonder if he'd be proud of what I've become.
 
He'd be proud that I know four languages.
he'd be dissapointed that I hardly use Balok anymore.

He'd be proud that I make my own clothing,
but he'd be dissapointed that I don't cover every inch of body in it.


Outlanders.
All my friends all outlanders.
Dragons, witches, criminals, heritics,
I love them all.

Would he be proud of that?

I wonder what he'd think of the men I've been with.
Which one's he'd hug and the others he'd tried to break.

From Mickey, Henri, Fearghas, Lexingonton, Fearghas again.
I wonder.

Would any of them be good enough for his Daughter?

 I think about father often, about the last name and the nose he's  given me.
I miss him dearly, what I would give for him to call Fearghas a "Iadul Outlander" and chase him around with a pitch fork. Those would be the days.


Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2017, 02:03:27 AM »
Septembrie 15th, 772


Today. There are days like today were you stop and you fall asleep and your face hits the pillow with a smile you cannot erase.

I woke up in the mist encampment, where almost instantly I ran into Katraka.
I have missed her dearly, She's Radiant, wherever she goes, and I don't tell her enough- but I care for her deeply.

Note: Make sure to get food, lot's of it. Outlanders eat like pigs. Although, I really cant not judge.

I saw Fearghas this Zuia,
We might have stolen a horse.
But through all of our madness, I think I am begining to trust him again,
I think he begining to find himself.

He's been rather considerate, it has been months seen I have seen him be not even remotely distant.

I hope this isn't a phase.

I hope this lasts a lifetime.

We stood in front of a mirror togther.
I could'nt look at our reflection.

I know mother would'nt approve,
Father would cause a Riot.

But He's the only one I could want.
He's the one for me .

And I could never dream of painting a different reflection
When that's the only one I've ever known.


« Last Edit: September 16, 2017, 02:06:01 AM by Colorfullfan »

Colorfullfan

  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 233
  • AKA: AlwaysCrabby,GivePeasAchance
Re: The Journal Of Merna Titescu
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2018, 11:18:08 PM »
March 13th

It's been months since I've wrote.
I found this journal  in some of my belongings at the warehouse.
Reading the words I wrote upon these pages, I wish I could go back and tell the girl that wrote them how ignorant she was.
But What good would that serve?

Yes, You will love.
And Yes, you will loose.
But it will be worth it.
The pain you felt was worth the year of happiness, of love.


Besides, if I went back and told myself all the mistakes I was making,
I would'nt have made them.
And I won't be who I am.

I suppose I should regret the way I loved Fearghas.
But I don't.
If it broke me for a time,
I recovered.
I found a new love.

It did not replace him.
No one can replace your first love.

But they call it a first love for a reason,
Because there is supposed to be more that come after.



I do hope he's happy.
That copper headed Iadul outlander.
I don't like to think about what he's doing.
But I do hope he's happy.
I hope one day he'll sit in front of a hearth, with  some other woman's children on his knee,
talking about the "One that got away."
Perhaps it's selfish to hope that it's me.

I wish I could go back and tell the girl that cried during the night,
that drank copious amounts of Alcohol,
that said and did awful things to those she loved to spot it.

I wish I could tell her, that I would still get to live my dream.
That there would be another man,
that would call you beautiful,
that would write you poems,
that you can make fat and happy.

That he would call you his Lubit and you would love everytime you heard it.
That he would fufil dreams you didn't even know you had.
That he speak of you like there is no other.
And that he might hurt you,
but that okay.
Because he always will come home.

I wish I could've told the girl in these pages all these things.
But she seemed to get along, in the end just fine.

Past me, Current me, and future me.
We're going to make mistakes.
We're going to hurt the ones we love, and they'll hurt us back.
But we're going to be okay.


We're going to be okay.