Lies.
I used to never tell them, but it seems to be all that comes out of my mouth these days.
I wish I could stop, but lying is so much easier then facing reality.
If I told the truth?
People would hate me more than they already do.
Fearghas is the only one I can be honest with, but ever since she steped into our picture. even to him I have been censoring.
If I told him everything, everything I felt- would he run back to her?
Lies.
I'd be lying if I said that wasen't my biggest fear.
I saw Net'lia today, she sniffed the Alcohol on me like a blood hound, I suppose there is something positive in tripping on the journey home and busting an old Tuskia bottle on my gown. However the cuts in my thigh would suggest otherwise. I saw Syleth, it was nice to see her. If father could only see me now, taking solace in a dragon. But since Lexington ran and told mother that we had split up, Syelth is the closest thing I have to a mother.
I have so many thoughts, so many emotions.
Eveyone tells me that I have the right to be sad, but I'm not sad.
I'm angry, fire within me on so many things.
Lexington. I saw him today, he still looks nice, it's funny how he can still wear white even though purity is the last word I'd use to describe him.
If I'm telling the truth, I wanted him to look at me, I wanted him to be envious.. I wanted him to miss the ribbons in my hair, I wanted him to miss me.
But he didn't. He looked onward, didn't pay me a secound glance.
Andras and his wife were there, they didn't say hello, but hardly no-one says hello to me when I don't have a man on my arm.
People ask about Fearghas, and what we are.
and I can't answer, because I don't even know what we are.
I know I love him, and I have forgiven him. But it's hard to let him in when he hasen't forgiven himself.
I missed the way he used to look at me.
I miss the way everyone used to look at me.
I hate the way they look at me now.
So sad? I'm not sad.
I've just got a Iadul of a fire burning in my heart.