Within the swirling Mist (IC) > Biographies
Legacy, Inheritance, Matrilineality
raeda in fossa:
The following is written into the back of an ugly, old, worn journal but the handwriting is even, neat, legible.
It was clearly done with great care, consideration, thoughtfulness.
i.
I LEFT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO.
I MISS HER EVERY DAY, BUT FEAR SWIFTLY FOLLOWS THESE THOUGHTS, FANCIES, IMAGININGS OF RETURN.
I AM MORE SCARED OF ARATÓ THAN I AM OF THEM.
ii.
FOREIGNERS FROM AN OUTLAND, OUTLANDERS FROM OUTSIDE, OUTSIDERS TO THE CORE.
THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND I DO NOT THINK THEY EVER WILL.
THEY WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEMS FOR ME.
iii.
IT IS NOT THEIR LAND, HOME, PLACE.
IT IS NOT THEIR DARKNESS, STRIFE, CONFLICT.
WHY DO THEY TRY SO HARD?
iv.
THE ONE WHOSE FACE IS MORE OFTEN A REFLECTION OF MINE TOLD ME I COULD BE A POET.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE POETRY AND THIS SCARES ME.
HE IS ALWAYS SO KIND, PATIENT, PROTECTIVE FOR ME.
v.
SOME PEOPLE USE FISTS AND I HAVE SEEN THIS.
I MET A WAYFARER AND SHE GAVE ME A BOOK TO READ.
THERE WAS A DOG.
raeda in fossa:
vi.
HE WANTS SOMETHING.
HE ALWAYS WANTS SOMETHING.
NOTHING IS EVER FREE.
vii.
THEIR ATTENTIONS ARE GENTLE.
SOMETIMES THEY SCARE ME.
I WATCHED THE END OF THE WORLD.
viii.
FLASHING, GLIMMERING, VIVID.
LIKE A FISH WRITHING ON A HOOK WHILE THE SUN SCATTERS OFF ITS SCALES.
FRAGMENTED, BROKEN, SHATTERED.
ix.
I CANNOT TELL IF THERE IS PITY, PATIENCE, OR FRUSTRATION IN THEIR EYES.
A TRIO, TRIAD, TRINITY OF EMOTIONS.
I AM SEEING HIS FACE MORE OFTEN.
x.
HE HAS ONLY GIVEN ME A GIFT ONCE.
THE PRICE I HAD UNKNOWINGLY PAID WAS TOO MUCH FOR EVEN HIM.
PREOCCUPIED, HAUNTED, CURSED.
raeda in fossa:
xi.
I SAW HIS FACE AGAIN.
I TOUCHED HIM AGAIN.
HE IS REAL AGAIN.
xii.
CHANGING, ADAPTING, COPING.
THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY DOES NOT OWE US CONVENIENCE.
EVERYONE IS CONSUMED, BUT NOT ALWAYS IN THE SAME WAY.
xiii.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF EVIL DOES EVIL.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF MONSTERS ARE MONSTROUS.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER.
xiv.
REVENGE, RETALIATION, BETRAYAL.
IN THE HEARTS OF MEN IS CONFLICT.
IT SEEKS RESOLUTION THROUGH VIOLENT METAMORPHOSIS.
xv.
GROWING PAINS.
I AM LEARNING.
I HAVE NO CHOICE.
raeda in fossa:
xvi.
THEY CELEBRATE.
VIOLATED, EXPLOITED, IRREVERSIBLE.
PARALLELS FROM WHEN I BECAME A SCAPEGOAT.
xvii.
HE CONCLUDED THAT I COULD NOT READ, THAT I WAS WONDER, STARRY EYED.
I AM PLAYING MESSENGER, COURIER, HERALD.
THEY TELL ME I AM HELPING THROUGH EXISTING.
xviii.
I FELT ILL, SICK, UNEASY.
I TOUCHED HIM IN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A SELFISH GESTURE.
THEN HE DIED.
xix.
ORACULAR, PROPHETIC, INTENDING.
HE WANTS TO EAT APPLES WITH ME.
I AM THAT I AM.
xx.
FOR WHAT FLAWED NOTIONS MADE,
THE MIND IMPERFECT IN ITS MUSING,
FOR WHAT INACCURATE CASTS OUR PERCEPTIONS MAKE.
raeda in fossa:
xxi.
HAPPINESS, JOY, HEDONISM.
WHAT POINT IS THERE TO LIVING IF IT IS NOT TO BE ENJOYED?
COMPANION, FRIEND, LOVER.
xxii.
HE THINKS HE LOVED ME.
EXPECTATION, PRESUMPTION, MISINTERPRETATION.
A TAX FOR EXISTING.
xxiii.
MY TEETH FELL OUT AND SLIPPED THROUGH MY FINGERS.
FROM THE SHADOWS, THEY SLIT HIS THROAT.
HIS HANDS WILL BE DAMP WITH TEARS AND BLOOD.
xxiv.
I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL.
THAT MAKES ME SAFE.
DEPENDABLE, PREDICTABLE, CONVENIENT.
xxv.
SOMETIMES HE WATCHES ME SLEEP, OTHER TIMES HE SLEEPS WITH ME.
IF THEY KNEW WHAT HE HAS, WHAT HE CAN, WHAT HE WILL, THEY WOULD NOT EVEN DARE TO LOOK AT ME.
OUR FATES ARE IRREVERSIBLY LINKED, CONNECTED, INTERTWINED.
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