Blessed by the Gods - Elias Cal'Raheal

[FinalHeaven]

- - - Basic - - -
Race: Half-Elf (Ears hidden unless otherwise stated.)
Nationality: Darkon
Place of Birth: Martira Bay
Occupation: Merchant.  And stuff.

- - - Physical - - -
Height: 5'10
Build: Trim and compact, Elias is well sculpted but built for speed over brute force.
Eyes: Vibrant, sea-foam green.
Hair: Dark blonde, often in a state of disarray.
Scars/Tattoos/Piercings: Numerous faint scars from various things dot his body.

Elias is a handsome man, there is no denying that.  Despite his often disheveled appearance he is fresh and clean.  His dark blonde hair, while often messy, adds to the roguish look he seems to display (whether knowingly or not).  He is obviously no stranger to manual labor as he sports a well defined a sleek muscle structure, but graceful movements hint at a preference of speed and precision over brute force.  Still, the palms of his hands are slightly calloused and indicate no issue with physical exercise.  More often then not he sports an easy smile and an open, welcoming posture.  His eyes are a deep sea-foam green, always watching something with curiosity, and depending on the lightning can seem darker or lighter then normal.

When in casual dress he prefers loose fitting clothing of fine make.  Darker colors are prominent in his attire though he seems to have no specific personal preference and will often switch his wardrobe around on a whim.  Depending on the day he may appear to have a problem with accessorizing, going from almost no visible jewelry to multiple rings and necklaces seemingly at random.  He often wears a pin with the crossed rapier and rose of the Cal'Raheal Trade Consortium.

- - - Personality - - -

Elias tends to be lighthearted and humorous, bordering on painfully sarcastic.  This is the attitude he displays most regularly and hints at him being a carefree and perhaps not often serious man.  Those who know him, however, know that he is often far more serious than he lets on.  He has a calculating mind, preferring to weigh the pros and cons of a situation rather than jump in head first, despite what his snarky attitude might otherwise suggest.  To his close friends he displays a strong loyalty, but achieving such a status with him can be difficult.  He is known to judge a person strongly upon first impressions and regaining trust with him can be difficult.  Almost nothing can cause Elias to hold a grudge for long, the one exception being any insult or perceived negativity towards his Elven mother.

[FinalHeaven]

"And now I wonder - not if she would be proud of me, but if she would know who I am at all."

Mother,

Is it strange that I am using your journal as my own?  Likely no more strange than the fact I am using it as a way to speak to you.  Or am I simply using it as an outlet for my thoughts?  It doesn't matter, because I will still have to be careful with what I write on these pages.  So I will start with something simple - no, not simple, but something that is acceptable to write about without risking the security of my new Family.

Henri Janvier is dead.  He was both an enemy and a friend, though I don't think either of us would admit to the latter.  This has left me feeling strangely empty, as though the the last part of a different life I had a chance of living has slipped away.  I had thought perhaps I had a way to save him, end the curse he found himself bearing.  I felt I owed him, and selfishly a part of me was using it as a way to balance out all the bad I had done.  Things happened, and I couldn't get to him in time.  Strangely, this makes me feel worse than the moment I pulled the trigger myself.  Someone asked me recently if I had the chance to go back and change my decisions, would I do so? No, I wouldn't.  Changing things would change who I am today, and despite my faults, I am proud.  I've built something for myself that I'd never considered having before.  And I have a family now.

I also met father.  In a position of power, unsurprisingly.  Just as much of a bastard as he always was.  But I've grown up, and I do not think he was expecting me to be as cunning as I was.  I managed to do everything I promised I would.  I destroyed him, his reputation, his influence, everything that made him who he was.  The second time I saw him was drunk in a tavern, covered in his own stale ale he'd been drinking.  I made him nothing, just like he tried to make you nothing.  For a time it didn't give me the satisfaction I so longed for.  Now... now I am just rambling.  I will end this, before I feel like more of a fool.

Rest in peace, Henri.

You ass.

[FinalHeaven]

((Bumping to prevent deletion.))

[FinalHeaven]

Mother,

It has finally come.  The point of no return has been thrust upon me and I am not sure I am ready for it.  I struggled for so long to atone for what I did to Henri and to repair my relationship with Juste, now the Vicomte de Roissy.  And despite everything that has happened, despite coming to terms with the knowledge that it was futile and a one sided friendship for a long time, I am not mad.

I wish that I could have seen what Port-a-Lucine could have been.  Together we could have ruled this city.  Now I fear that we will tear it apart.  And worse, more of those who swore to serve me have perished in a conflict that should not have involved them, and more are likely to do so.  Each time a life in my hands is snuffed out I feel a piece of me turning to ash with it.  What right do I have to command them to fight on my behalf?  What right do I have to seek elevation in this society, at the cost of others?  Am I turning in to Father?

Or worse, have I always been him?

Perhaps, if so, it will strengthen me for the war yet to come.

And yet through all this, it is not the violence or the lies the shame  me the most.  It is knowing that Henri would be disgusted at what Juste and I have become.  That is what I fear most.  That when all is said and done I will have to face him at the very end and explain why I burned his city to the ground.