The Spark of Dawn

[Boots]

[Boots]

[A simple leather cover has been sewn onto a collection
of different sized pieces of parchment, obviously collected
from different sources and patched together to create a
journal of sorts. The writing within is surprisingly easy to
read, and penned in a slow, careful hand.]

The Garda paraded a man around today, in a dress.
It looked humiliating but the outlander in question was
annoying, so I did not mind too much. One of the younger
ones would not stop looking at me, it made me nervous
even though I had nothing to hide. This is how we live,
now.

Another of the guards took me for a walk, an older man.
I thought he was going to hurt me, but he only wished to
talk. I was wary. He said I reminded him of his daughter,
that we were all Barovians at the end of the day.

I tried to hide my bitterness. He is a nice man. It is
not often I am shown this kind of kindness. His name
is Krasimir.

[Boots]

Lots of people wanted fish today, I was swarmed!
Met a boy named Izzy, now he won't leave me alone;
sits at the damn fire and watches me cook. It's nice
to have the company, though. Also met a man named Lazlo,
trying to convince him to come and sell with me, his job
sounds terrible..

[Boots]

I have missed being with family.

[Boots]

I am noticing that more and more Barovians,
speak the tongue of my people. Also met a boy
named Sandu who seems unusually interested
in me; Brothers don't trust him, of course.
People keep giving me things. I don't like it.

[Boots]

Metodiu strikes me as strange. Nice, but strange.
I don't think I saw him blink once in the entire time
we were together. Izzy got sick last night, cold fever..
Bronislav, the older Barovian man made him eat this
disgusting brew my Mama used to make me eat.

I am worried about Ubul. As usual.

[Boots]

The guards threw me in the fountain. It was humiliating.
My cheek hurts, but I will get over it and the wounds will heal.
At least I kept my head. Every Gundarakite fears those gallows.

Lazlo bought me some new clothes, they itch and I don't
like the way they feel. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

[Boots]

Metodiu was promoted, Krasimir looks well.
I don't want to attach myself to these people.
But quietly, I am proud of them all the same.
Sandu the Barovian has been drawing me,
into his book. It looks .. too nice. Going to
throttle Izzy for teasing me.

We slept under the stars tonight.

[Boots]

[Random words in Balok are scrawled here, in random places, making no real sense.]

[Boots]

"Let's go home, Rika."

A whisper in the darkness, forehead touched to forehead.
The amount I trusted that boy is unbelievable. We fought.
He is changing. Not for the better. I don't know what to do,
or how to stop it, make him see reason. I knocked him out,
and by the time he came to, I was already at the gate. I
was furious. Hurt. Upset. Fighting back tears. Sometimes
I wish I wasn't such a child. I said-

"We are fighters, brother. Not murderers."

He tried to come after me but I was already gone, I knew
he'd be looking for me inside one of the inns and as I eventually
made it back to Vallaki, beaten and badly wounded, I just crumpled
beside a large boulder and curled up to sleep. Images of him
performing the deed flashed in my head. I felt sick. My injuries
weren't helping.

From the wall I vaguely heard the warnings to get away, but
I remained where I was. I knew if he came near me now
they would see him. If they didn't shoot me first. It was a
risky gamble, but it was definite protection.

"Shoot anything that comes towards her.
Don't let me catch you out again."

As soon as I knew I was safe, at least for one night, I managed
to fall asleep where I was. I don't know how, I must have been
exhausted. I am not surprised. I am afraid for you, brother. Afraid
for what you are becoming. Afraid that I might not like you anymore.
Still, my lips are sealed even though my heart screams for release.

This is not who we are..

[Boots]

They suspect him, will he leave?
What will I do on my own, can I do this?
It has been too long since brother and I went home.
We could both use the rest.

Followed the guard around for a day,
surprised myself by really enjoying myself.
Papa is angry with me for keeping secrets.
But keeping secrets is all I know.

I am beginning to question my goals.
I will not forget who I am.
I will not forget.

.. Gods give me the strength to carry on.

[Boots]

Izzy is gone. Wouldn't tell me where.
Ubul is back at least, which makes me
somewhat happy. I will not be completely
alone, and.. I have friends. I have a few
friends. Though, not the ones I expected.

Truthfully, I am slowly finding my temper
harder to control when I hear certain things,
about certain people I know. I learned how to
make different fish, I learned some more Balok,
I bought a dress that Barovian women would wear.

All because they asked me to.

Because they think I am something I am not.

Something I never will be.

Sometimes, I really do wish I was someone else.

[Boots]

Two days. They gave me two days to decide.
If I stand with them, or with my family. The
decision should be easy, but I find myself
hesitant.

But, do two nice ones make up for the entire
country?

[Boots]

Things have changed for me so much in the recent days,
that I barely recognise myself in the mirror. Half of my face
is shredded and I forget, it hurts to sleep, my eyes seem larger in
my face and my hair has grown into wild tangles. My arms
and legs are stronger, as is my mind. Though this night I
simply feel drained, and empty.

"Ye' ain't leavin', are ye'?"

The look on his face made me hurt, somewhat. As vulnerable
as he seemed in that single moment, it was nothing compared
to how vulnerable I felt.

"Never."

I still don't know if I lied or not. But it was the answer he needed
at that moment, and I gave it to him. I have thought back to that
moment in the graveyard a thousand times. How broken those
faces looked. How broken his face looked, I didn't understand.

Things are going to get rougher, I know this much. My mind is
racing with questions. What do we fight for? For a better tomorrow?
For a better now? Are you just making excuses to cause harm?
Or am I just too blind to see the truth...

[Boots]

Words cannot express how exhausted I feel.
Physically and mentally, they caught the runt.
I suppose I feel a little better, but I know still,
I can never go back to the grey city.
I can never sell my fish again,
I will never again see Metodiu with his milk
mustache and laugh about it.

I have a dull ache in my stomach,
I think I am somewhat missing my old life.
That much is to be expected,
Because for a while? I got to pretend everything
was alright.

[Boots]

Scars litter my body now. They itch and burn. I keep opening my stitches.
I keep making new scars. Too many close calls with curious people.
Training makes me ache even more than usual but it is worth every second
and bead of sweat or blood. I've often found my thoughts toying with the idea
of just asking for forgiveness. Ridiculous, aren't I?

In my days alone on the mountain I had a few interesting visitors. Barbat, who
I've come to actually .. like. Sort of. He's a grumpy old bastard but he makes me
smile somewhat. 'Mother' likes him, I can tell; and where ever she goes, I usually
follow.

I've finally realised that all of this Morning Lord talk, it wasn't a lie.
Not like Izzy's faith..

All we have is hope, now. We live from that, and that alone.

[Boots]

"Grow up, girl."

I don't need to grow up. I am getting tired of being told to.
When I want to prance around and do adult things, I damn
well will. In my own time. I've been told I am clinging to a
lost dream, a childhood I'm still living in. I guess in some
ways they are right. But I am not the only one who did not
get to be a child.

Ubul looks at me often with an almost brotherly concern,
and it annoys me. I must find new ways to piss him off.
Yet the idea isn't as appealing now as it was two weeks
ago, what the hell is going on with me?

[Boots]

I've been on edge lately. More nervous than usual. I saw that thing again.
The strange figure. The room went black, like last time. Pup and I were
talking in the pub. I broke my bottle and the glass cut into my hand. What
is this thing? And what does it want with me?

[Boots]

I can't sleep. I'm seeing this thing as soon as I close my eyes.
All it does is point and stare. It came into the church this time.
I thought it was a safe place. I guess I was wrong. It is turning
my every waking moment into a nightmare. I woke up and the
Dawnbringer was staring at me with worry. Head exploded with
pain. What the bloody hells is going on!? My head is killing me...

[Boots]

"An old Gundarakite once told me, blessed is the mind too small for doubt."

We fight, so that we may continue to live. We kill, so we are not killed.
We are only doing what we have to. Aren't we? If this is true, then why
do I feel such guilt? You are a naive little fool, Rika. He could have been
alive still if it weren't for you. They praise me and all I want to do is go
to him and set him free.

[This entry is quickly torn out on afterthought and tossed into the dying flames of an old fireplace.]

[Boots]

"It has been too long, my friend."

Dark Tidings.

Pup stabbed me in the gut. Hurts like hell. I must have blacked out
because I don't remember much else apart from waking up somewhere
else and seeing him standing over me. Protecting me. He saved me. But
I am a fighter. I will not back down from this demon.

Of course, that doesn't mean I have to tell anyone about the nightmares.

[Boots]

Through the hard times we trudge, hand in hand, cheek to cheek,
an eye for an eye. We're a family, heart. You, me, him. All of us.
In this hell together until we draw our last breath, whether it be at
their hands, or our own. We do what we must. Gods, I am afraid.

[Boots]

The bodies swung with faces frozen in terror at the moment of
their death. Hung in the rain and left to rot as a morbid spectacle.
I am glad the gloomy Barovian skies above me opened to hide the
tears on my cheeks.

Women, children, they did not seem to care when they had done
this to my people. The guards have the city on lock down. They
patrol more frequently, recruit more actively. I watch them when
I can. I saw a man, an Outlander in a brown coat. Either brave or
stupid. He stood up to them in a way I at least, approve of. A lot
of fire. I am going to seek him out.

I failed my parents and brothers. I will not fail my family again.
I will keep them safe. If it is the end of me. I will never let them
touch us.

[Boots]

I found him. But it wasn't long after I did that the sewer
tunnels around us began to heat up. Flames began to
lick up the walls, and rush towards us with a familiar
thunderous sound. Explosives. We ran for what seemed
an eternity. I thought my heart was going to fall out of my
mouth and onto the ground. Into the woods, where we
could lose our attackers in the trees.

I heard a familiar voice in the night scream for me to get
down. It was a blur. We were surrounded. My brothers
and sisters had arrived but they stood no change against
this thing. I watched in shock as my allies were cut down,
until I managed to find enough of myself to turn and run,
run until I couldn't run anymore.

Enough is enough.

[Boots]

More of us come out of the walls. Every day.
It seems the recent activities have brought out
the fire in us. I am almost hopeful.

..I wonder if Krasimir would remember me, the
way I am now.