Ravenloft: Prisoners of the Mist

Within the swirling Mist (IC) => Biographies => Topic started by: TherapyCat on March 12, 2017, 01:33:37 AM

Title: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 12, 2017, 01:33:37 AM: [In what appears to be a 'Sketch Book' Is a drawing of a woman holding an umbrella in the mists, the words of the attached poem swirling around in the mists around her]

Yes, The Most Important Word

Yes, for he is harsh.
Yes, but there is care.
Yes, for in his broken callous hands
he will forever hold my freedom.

Yes, that is what I'll will utter
never will my lips fail, nor will they stutter
Yes, I will, and yes you may
Yes will bring me love in my coming days
Yes I will, and Yes you may
On my lips, these words shall stay
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 19, 2017, 03:34:34 AM: (https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2833/32680446254_08cdcb6cde_o.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/RMRQ6U)
March 17, 18, and 19th of 772

My fingers are growing thin.
It is not on purpose I reassure you,
just not sure what kind of mindset I'm in.

I dream about him nightly
I serve him daily
but it is never enough
never enough,
what I do is never enough
to earn his love.

I starve for I don't want it
I don't have the time to eat
My days are spent with worrying
my nights I hardly sleep
I wonder constantly if he'll deem me worthy,
worthy enough to keep
I dread for the day he won't need me
for then he'll set me free.
What I do
is Never enough, Never enough
it is never enough..
to earn his love.

// Just a Disclaimer, none of these images are in anyway my own artwork (https://flic.kr/p/RMRQ6U)
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 23, 2017, 10:57:45 PM: March Twenty Third, 772

I woke up in the port this morning,
my skin against the floors of the temple
I'm not sure how I got here...

I am remember getting on a Caravan
Filled with hooded faces,
saying they'd would take my on an adventure
to new and exciting places.
I was eager to roam, to feel my feet in the sands,
to let the words leave my mouth, to let my magic play against my hands

So there I went, without hesitation
On my destination, my deathly vacation.

The floor is cold, as it creeps across my skin
a constant reminder of the situation I'm in.
But I must pick myself off, and brush off my limbs
Make up an excuse when he asks where I've been

This is the life of danger I must lead
I must grow with him, so he does not dare to leave.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 10, 2017, 09:00:52 AM: [This entry is sloppily written, in the last stanza , it is clear she put a lot of pressure down unto the page the ink bleeding unto the next page along with her anger]
April 3rd, 772

She's younger
She's smaller
she's the mirror image of me, only better.
Her hands lack naivety
her vjara is advanced
Years more of practice than I .
I don't stand a chance.

His strength is growing more so
with each and passing day
I am being replaced, is she his new muse?

I hardly eat
Sleep is a distant friend.
Is this the end?
I am no longer his "Little witch?"
For she is littler, her vjara is more advanced.
My name is meant to be victorious but I am only second best.

Nicoleta, Nicoleta, helpless, useless, Barovian Nicoleta.
I can't go back to being just another Nicoleta.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 10, 2017, 09:17:38 AM: Apirl 10th, 772
It was always,
Straighten your back Nicoleta,
Fix your hair Nicoleta,
Smile , Nicoleta.
Watch your brothers Nicoleta.
Learn how to be a good wife and mother Nicoleta,
Pinch your cheeks, paint your lips Nicoleta
Cover your skin
Don't Speak, Nicoleta
Stop thinking so much, Nicoleta.
Be more friendly, Nicoleta.

It was never,
Be you Nicoleta,
Be Free, Nicoleta,
Be strong Nicoleta,
Be Independent, Nicoleta,
Be who you are Nicoleta,
Wear what you wish Nicoleta,
Be confident in your own skin Nicoleta

Oh.. Dearest Mother.
If only you could see your darling Nicoleta now.

Cry yourself to Sleep, Nicoleta,
Barely eat Nicoleta,
Drink till you don't know who you are, Nicoleta
Show your skin Nicoleta,
Fake a smile, Nicoleta
Risk your life, Nicoleta
Become an object, Nicoleta
Fall in love Nicoleta,
Keep Falling Nicoleta
Always falling, Nicoleta.
Always Jealous, Nicoleta

Where are you, Nicoleta?
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 16, 2017, 06:37:05 PM: Apirl 15th 772

I did not mean to smile at her
I did not mean for her to kiss me
I did not mean for her to get attached
I did not mean to tell her the truth
I did not mean for her to follow me
I did not mean for her to get so angry
I did not mean for her to get so heartbroken
I did not mean for he to become so... distasteful
I did not mean for it, but it happened.
This always
happens.
Why, oh why does this always happen?
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 17, 2017, 01:16:04 PM: Apirl 16th, 772

I thought about her the other noapte. . .

What happens when one walks away?

I assume she cried, in the same sense I did for her.
Perhaps I'm fooling myself.

I assume that the woman she was with ,was another one of her lovers.
Perhaps I'm imagining things.

I assume that when she thinks about myself, it only brings her heartake.
Perhaps I am being too self centered.

I'm slipping away from him,
Perhaps it is because he started slipping away first.

I thought about writing to her,
Perhaps it would only make things worse.

I thought about running to her,
but I ran to him first.

I thought about telling her the truth
that I loved two at one time.

But I simply shook my head.
I didn't kiss her goodbye.
He is allowed to cheat,
but that is not a life I could ever live by.

I thought about her the other Noapte
how I longed to kiss her head.
I simply put my quill down
and cried myself to bed.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 20, 2017, 07:02:20 PM: The words I'm Forbidden To Say.

To my brother, the purest heart alive.
The man who is frowned upon, all for a single lie.
The domn who held me when I cried, who read me books to sleep.
While I can never speak these words,
Close to my heart you will keep.

To my friend Alexandru, I will never forget the way you let me dream
How much I loved tu , how I smiled when you'd fall alseep
For a friend, is all I took tu for,
I regret that I lied to tu, that I left tu striving for more.

To the Domna with the sweetest smile, the most sincere expressions.
My apologies for disregarding all your heart-felt confessions.
I know that you are strong, stonger than the many
but never question my love for you,
for which I had a plenty.

To the domn who owns my heart and my being
my youth I will give to tu,
the only words I wish to say,
is am I not enough for tu?
You say that I am everything, everything tu have ever wished.
But yet I hear the rumors, of all the domna's tu long to kiss.
I fear the day when my wrinkles settle in
What will happen to the little Witch?
Who will love her then?

Not the domn that read her books to sleep
Not the domn who gave her dreams, without any of his own to keep
Not the domna who had the sweetest smile.
for they are all gone now.
and they have been gone for awhile.

But this words I will never dare to say,
For the Little Witch, has her box, and in her box she will stay .

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2831/34126215746_b8eeff09d4_o.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/TZBM17) (https://flic.kr/p/TZBM17)
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 22, 2017, 01:51:27 AM: Barovian wine.
Courage in a Bottle.
Strength in A sip.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 12, 2017, 12:02:16 AM: I didn't leave a note for him
I didn't say goodbye.
I looked at the mark he left on my leg.
... I had to hold my breath not to cry.

This life it is not healthy,
My life it is not right.
How am I suppose to be worthy enough to be his woman?
When for him, I am not even worth the fight?

How hard must the word love be to say?
It's all I need to hear.
Not an engravement on my leg,
Not to be crowned witch of the year.

I need three words.
Not more, not any less.
But I will never hear him speak those words.
For am I secound best.

I packed my bags, I walked right out.
Did not even leave a note.
I sit here, inside the vallaki walls
weak, unwanted, no purpose.
I look outside at this loveless life, and I think to myself.

" You dug this hole, you deserve it."
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 12, 2017, 11:14:18 PM: Internal:

He walked up right to me, the way he towered.
He smiled at me, the way he drowned my power.
He smirked, I smirked in return.
After all this heartache, you'd think a girl would learn.

He'll run.
Hurt, and destory you.
Don't smile, don't tilt your pretty head.

I ignored these voices, and smiled back instead.

He picked me up when I fell.
He dusted off my knees.
He is making me whole again.

But how long will this Last?

What about your family, Nicoleta?
Your dearest Brother Nicoleta?

I didn't think I just smiled, I linked my finger around his.
He was warm, gentle to the touch.
There was hope.

Hope is gone Nicoleta.
Go back to where you belong Nicoleta.
You were never meant to live a happy life Nicoleta.

But he smiled at me, and I smiled back.
Despite what happens, I don't take anything back.
He put me in a fix..

So dearest voices, muse me this.. Why could'nt a barovian love a witch?
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 15, 2017, 02:57:35 PM: Power.
Fire in an instant.
Death in a breath.
I know I should regret this, but taking her life was the most..
thrilling thing I've done yet.

He'll be happy.
Yes he will be pleased.
For his little witch is living up to her potential.
What will she do next?
Her story is unwritten, as she takes her foes last breath.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 16, 2017, 06:34:48 PM: As I sail to the midway,
my hair is flying free.
I grin as my eyes, wash over vallaki.
I leave my crimes behind, a life that was never meant for me.
I do not shed a tear, for even my brother has abandoned me.
Not in his actions, not by his words.
His eyes are dark, judgemental.
.... For...
Little sister does not knit.
Litter sister does not sew.
Little sister does not clean his dishes.
Little sister, does not look over to him,
instead she looks up.
Longing to see the man,
she had pledged her youth.

Will he be mad? For his prize has run away?

Let him hurt me, I like the pain anyway.

What if he does not accept tu back, what will you do then?

I'm stronger than when I left, my beauty is pronouced.
Trust me, my dearest master will have nothing to complain about.

Why could'nt you just stay at home, and be his little sister?

Because I am Nicoleta.

and I was meant to be more than just a Nistor.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 23, 2017, 07:11:43 AM: All I needed was an

I love you, Lottie.

To stay.
Stay I will.
Stay I must.
But for once,

Stay I wish.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on May 30, 2017, 02:00:28 AM: Survival.

He made it sound so simple.
As he does everything.

Kill or be killed.
Run or be chased.
Fight back or cower.
He always made it sound so simple.

But it's not simple.
It's not- It can't be!
A life is a Life, and I've already taken unu, how could I take another?

I could'nt.
I can't.

You Must

I Must?
Then it is settled.
It is simple.
It is always.

I must.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on June 06, 2017, 09:15:19 AM: I couldn't do it.
I'm weak.
I lifted my hand, the energy left it set heat to skin.
But he didnt even blink.

This moment still haunts me .
With Skyla it was satisfying
she cried she screamed .
She made me feel like the monster I am .
The monster he has made me .

But Jacob was different
he hardly flinched.
He treated it as if someone had stepped on his toe .
He made me feel useless
inadequate.
Perhaps I am.

I wanted him to feel pain.
I wanted him to feel sorry that he had hurt me. I wanted something .

Vargas has grown cold lately .
It is obvious now that am I nothing but an object.
How I tested this theory?
Once he couldn't play with his toy, he left it.

I am an it , I am not a person, I am not his little witch. I am his it , and that's all I will ever be .

So I let out a breath , let the cold chill of the old noapte run across my skin .

For I am a monster, and a monster he has made me .
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on June 17, 2017, 07:31:38 AM: Girl

I have earned many titles, lately the following are accurate:

Whore
Cheater
Murderer
Witch
Liar
Thief

But
Girl

Is not a title I have earned, nor one that I deserve.
Call me what I am.

Woman
Nicoleta
Lottie
Little Witch

But don't you dare, call me a girl.
For a girl is a innocent, wholesome child.
And that is a title, that I lost some time ago.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on June 17, 2017, 07:35:03 AM: She knows.
In those cold- Monsterous eyes.
She knows.

She takes joy in my pain,
She takes pride in my defeat.
She will pull him away from me If I am not careful.

Today, I am weak.
So I smile at the enemy.
But tomorrow I will be strong,
and the enemy will wish she would've smiled at me.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on June 22, 2017, 04:52:27 AM: This will be the last entry.
My last words to ever be put on paper.
The time has come, where I must give in.
Where I must stop running.

My quill is down, and my hands are tied.

So with this, I will hang from the gallows.
His glowing eyes in my mind,
as my lips quiver into my last smile,
as I take a breath one last time,
as I part my lips open,

and give my last airy goodbye.

My last goodbye to mother,
for I was never the daughter you dreamed I would be.

My last goodbye to my father,
who put his faith in me.

My Last Goodbye to my brother,
which will be the hardest of all.
For I will lock eyes with him, when the rope tugs at my neck.
The whole Citedel will stare, wondering what you will do next.
I will look at him with pain, and a life filled with regret.
For, even with all your faults...
It was you I loved the best.

My Last Goodbye to Alexandru,
the man that tried to understand me.

My Last Goodbye to Skyla
The woman that tried to fix me.

My last goodbye to Vargas,
The man that tried to love me,
Control me,
and own me.
I finally set you free.

Now I am prepared
to part my lips, just one last time.
To stare upon the crowd, and give my last airy goodbye.

Nicoleta Nistor.

"The Little Witch"
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: RickDeckard on June 24, 2017, 11:26:24 PM: [A new entry is written, however the handwriting is different, the wording, the everything is, likely someone else has acquired this journal.]

Nicoleta was th' gal I fell in love with, th' gal who broke my heart, th' gal who without a second thought left me bleedin' in th' streets.
And foolishly, th' gal I will love until my last breath.
One can't control who ya love.

Those beautiful green eyes have witnessed much horror,
The eyes that starred at me when she cackled in laughter as I laid bleeding on the road.
But those are th' pained eyes that looked at a broken woman
As she left with one last kiss.

She's not th' demon, th' witch that everyone knows,
She's th' woman I love, flawed but everything is not her fault,
It's all...

HIS FAULT...
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on October 11, 2017, 09:55:08 PM: The Journal of the assumed dead witch had been discarded and left for quite the time, however. There seems to be a new journal, a new chapter. The handwritting is messy and bearly legiable, as if someone had written it with thier opposing hand.
This new Journal bears one single entry, that reads:

ThE L
I LE

t t
WITCH
IS BACK
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on November 16, 2017, 01:19:29 PM: [The hand writing is slighty better in this entry, but not much better]

I am
in love.
If I
even
still know
what that is.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on November 19, 2017, 04:55:24 PM: He didn't miss me... Why didn't he miss me?

Nevermind that. History of the heart is nothing but a distraction.

Nercromancy.

it's a beautiful art. I wish to learn it next....
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on December 02, 2017, 01:39:39 PM: Marriage.

Something I never saw myself doing.

But.

It happened.

The ring is beautiful.

Most women like Diamonds.
I hate Diamonds.

I like this ring.

Simple, and comfortable. Like him.

Vargas never offered me a ring.
Vargas never talked about marriage.
About a future.
About anything.

I suppose this is for the best.
But the branding on my leg would say otherwise.

Doubt is normal, isn't it?
But is it normal to have a head full of it?

I've come to the realization that I know nothing.
nearly eighteen years on this earth
and I still know nothing.

Great.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on January 19, 2018, 05:04:24 PM: I tried being good, I swear.

But then I grew tiresome.

My sweet brother,

Forgive me.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on January 22, 2018, 04:11:52 PM: Let them think that I am ignorant.

It's more fun that way.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on February 28, 2018, 02:37:15 PM: What's the point of being good, when the world shows you no mercy for doing such?
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 05, 2018, 10:16:27 PM: This one

He's going to make me stupid in love
I can tell it.

He's going to make me ridiculously happy.
I can sense it.

He's going to make me mindless and weak.
He's going to be my demise.

That's how I know that he's worth it.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 08, 2018, 07:42:35 AM: Why was his touch so cold?

When it made me feel the warmest I have felt in months?

Just a another question left unanswered.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 10, 2018, 08:59:05 PM: She's likely going to kill me,
mother said to never trust her kind.

Mother also said never to do half the things I do.

Interesting.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 10, 2018, 08:59:44 PM: Roses.
I used to hate Roses.
Guess they're starting to grow on me.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 12, 2018, 02:29:33 PM: Names are pointless.
I don't understand why it means so much to him.
What I'd give to get rid of mine.

"Nicoleta- The little witch."

It has a good ring to it, I'll admit.
But I'll never be anything more than my name.
even if I try to outgrow it.
And that is what infuriates me.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 16, 2018, 12:12:07 AM: The letter I'll Never Send To My Brother.

773.

Dumitru,

You'll never be an uncle. Never like we planned.
Not that you'll let me see your children anyhow.
I'm a monster. I know this.
I hope that you will.
Though I've never liked the name Nistor,
you always wore it well.
I'm sure pa is proud.
In comparison to me, it shouldn't be that hard.
I love you nessie. You being the first man I ever did.
But before this one, you were the last.
If you met him, you'd say what you did about all the others.
That this wasn't love, that it was just lust.

And it did. It started of in such a manner.
I was lonely and he was there.
I liked him because he was different.
Or.
He seemed.
Now I see, twisted or not. He is just like anyother man.
Here to hurt me.

If I didn't have so much Iadul pride,
I'd come running home.
Tell you that you were right.
Tell you that I wasen't ready to go off on my own.

I used to be good once, I did.
I used to do everything you said.
I was "Yes Nicoleta, Kind Nicoleta, Good Nicoleta."

And yes, we can blame Vargas.
We can.
He's not the best of men.
But he's not the worst either.

We can blame skyla.
But that's hardly fair.

We could blame Alexandru.
But he wanted to give me what was best.

We could blame syras.
But I scare everyone away, so why not him?

And Tubur.
You can blame him.

I Know I'm supposed to .
But I can't.

Why do I love the ones that hurt me?

When I try to answer that question, the only one I can blame is you.

It hurts to step.
Every movement is a constant reminder.

You know me.
I was never that "little domna."
I never cared about having children.
I never wanted to be a mother.
But the feeling.
Knowing.
That I can't.
That I never will.

That is what makes me barren.

And sure, I am sure there is Varja.
I am not ignorant to think there is not such.
But the risks. Of having a Caliban.
In this world.

This world is cruel to those that are different, Nessie.

The calibans, the twisted, the dragons, "The little witch."

The us.

We never stood a chance.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, Dumitru.
I come home to you, all confident.
I'd love to have actual confidence.
Sometimes I'd love to chop off all my hair, become unknown and become some kind of ezrite.
But do you think they'd take me?
Do you think anyone would take me?

Iadul. You won't even take me anymore.

I've never been a woman of faith.
Because I never needed it.
I'll never admit this to you.
I'll never send this later.

But I might say a prayer, just one.

It's my last attempt at hope.

It's my last attempt to live.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 16, 2018, 11:06:47 AM: A letter to the daughter I'll never have.

I never dreamed of having children.
Growing up I hated the Idea.
I never played with dolls.
They never suited me.

But If I had you.
My dear.
You would've been my everything.
Because you would've been mine.

You would've been wild
Crazy, bold, intelligent, creative.
You would've been good.
I would've given up everything for you.
Catina.
I would've named you.
For innocent and pure,
I would make sure you would be.
I would'nt have wanted you.
I would've hated bearing you.
At times you would feel unwanted or, unloved.
But.
That's just because I'm too selfish to ever love anyone.
But.
I would've loved you.
Perhaps you'd have emerald eyes like me,
Or brown eyes like those in my ancestry.
You could've had no beauty to others.
But you would be beautiful to me.
Because you would've been mine.
I'm a mess.
Iadul. I'm a mess.
But I would've cleaned up for you.
I would've dropped everything.
I'd become the woman I was supposed to be.
I'd sell everything.
Everything Arcrane.
I'd never be a witch again.
I could'nt be.
No.
I'd change for you.
I'd buy a room in the village.
It is dark there,
but you would've been the light.
I wouldn't try to find love in a man.
You would be my world,
and we'd survive.
Because we'd both be persistent and somewhat mad.
I would've learned how to make you meals.
So you would never grow up as weak as I did.
I did get three occupations , I'd even pick up a craft.
I hate dresses but I would have made you however many you wanted.
I hate ribbons but I'd tie them in your hair,
I hate books but I would've read them to you.
I hate music, but I would've sang.
Off key.
I hate commitment.
But I would've been committed to you.
Iadul,
How I would've committed to you.
You were the only one that would never see as a monster.
You'd be my little girl.
Everyone would say I'd mess you up.
But I would'nt.
Because I've failed so many times I'd warn you before you ever took a step in the wrong direction.
You would've been educated.
I don't know how I'd afford it, but you would.
One day, we'd move to the port city and you'd study there.
You'd become fabulously wealthy, but have modesty.
You'd be a proper lady, just like I never was.
But you'd be strong.
Strong enough to not need a man.
Independent.
Yes. Independent.
And everyone would love you.
Because you'd be genuine.
You'd be kind, and loving,
wild and bold, but modest and reserved when needed.
I'd save up everything, I'd never over spend,
never take luxuries for myself.
If you wanted,
You would've have an extravagant wedding.
You'd find a good man.
A great one.
Kind.
Gentle.
But wild, just for you.
He'd give you children.
Me, a grandmother.
Me a mother.
It seems absurd.
But I would've adjusted.
I would've told the children stories of my youth,
and they would've laughed, not knowing the pain all my mistakes have made.
I would'nt have been perfect.
But I would've tried.
And I hardly try at anything.
You'd be perfect.
Because I'm imperfect.
Yes.
You would've been.You... would've been.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 18, 2018, 03:59:46 AM: I miss him.
I know I shoud’nt but I do.

That’s the thing.
I’ve always done everything that I shouldn’t have .
And that’s how I wound up here.

At the mist encampment.
Not sure what caravan I should or shouldnt take .

Part of me wishes to go home
To stand in the graveyard .
And just stand.
To just remember .
To remember what it felt like
To be loved
To love
To be .
Naive .

But that’s the thing about innocence .
It’s just temporary .

And If I went back
And I stood in the graveyard .

He wouldn’t be there .
He would be there with a crooked back and a kind smile .

He used to be innocent .
But that was just temporary .

As I hope my love for him was .
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 18, 2018, 07:46:40 PM: Words.
I struggle for words to write down on this sheet of paper.
Should I really be doing this?
Should I Leave a note for the man who hurt me?

He did love me.
Atleast I tell myself that.

Although there's only a true way to know.
A note.
A brief note.
Something that would be overlooked but anyone elses eyes but his own.
Yes.
A note.

And if he doesn't respond to such.
If it's neglected, Ignored.
Discarded.
then I'll know.
That this love, was non existent.

Closure.
This will be closure one way or another. Something I desperately need.

Because I believe Tubur is still in there.
My sweet Tubur.
My twisted Tubur.
You don't have to be a Za'am to be loved.
Come home.
For I loved you first.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 19, 2018, 02:26:04 PM: I put out the note.
Because I'm weak.
Or perhaps I'm strong.
Brave enough.
Stupid enough.
Girlish enough.
To fight for something.
Something I care about.
I rarely care about things.
Especially other people.

To this day I still don't understand.
How he got through to me, when so many others have tried before.

I suppose it was because all the men in my life never needed me.
Is that stupid,to want to be needed.
What would anyone need from me anyhow?

Alexandru, needed a wife.
But that wasen't me.

Shyla needed someone to love,
and I wasen't ready.

Dumitru needed a sister,
but I was greedy.

Vargas never needed anything.
For anyone.

Sylas,
needed a woman.
But I was a girl.

And Tubur.
I don't know what he needs.
But I need him.

I'm not sure what it is, what I'm doing.
Or why I'm doing it.

I don't know what to do.
What to wear.
what to say.

I don't know if I want to forgive him.
I'd like to be this martyr that forgives everyone,
but I'd also like to be strong enough to not need him.
to not need anyone

But I posted the note.
I don't know if he'll even see it.
If he'll even come.

But I'll be there.

.. But I won't always be.
I kid myself that I still have some dignity.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 21, 2018, 01:11:26 AM: Remember this feeling.

And Remember it was worth it.

One smile.

was worth it.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 22, 2018, 09:49:06 PM: Be smart, my love.
Be smart.
Don't do anything stupid.
Please.

Be smart.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on March 25, 2018, 02:43:57 PM: This is never the life I imagined for myself.
But yet I still want it.
Desperately.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 10, 2018, 12:57:06 AM: He's delusional, but I love him.

He's Mental, but I love him.

He's mad, but I love him.

When he's sleeping.

He's just the man I met in the graveyard,
with a shovel and an open heart.

And I love him.

I'm a mess and Murderer, but he loves me.

I'm violent and unreasonable, but he loves me.

I'm irrational, and unpredictable, but he loves me.

Because when he makes me smile,
A real smile
To him I'm the girl of his dreams.
Perfect he calls me,
Nothing I could do wrong.

Perhaps Perception really is everything.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 10, 2018, 01:02:53 AM: Mrs. Za'am.

On one hand, I should be honored. I love Tubur, as much as a person like me can..
He calls me his bride, and that is one thing. Because then I am still Nicoleta, his perfect, little Nicoleta
That he adores.

But Mrs. Za'am?

All I can think about when I hear that name is his awful father.
What I'd give to set that man aflame and watch as the skin melts, and falls away at the bone.
To share his last name? To bear it?
To carry it?
It nausates me.
It does.

Oh. But it makes Tubur so happy.
It does.
I know it does.
To point to the young barovian with the raven hair and call me his bride.
I should be honored by that,
and I am.
To my core I am.

But to be Mrs. Za'am?
That's a whole other matter.

Of course. I'll never speak a word of this to Tubur.
I couldn't.
He loves that sorry excuse for a man.
I'll do it for him.
I'll do anything for him.
For all I want is to be his bride,
but no part of me wishes to be a Za'am.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 10, 2018, 01:10:59 AM: I think a part of me tells myself that I'd be an awful mother,
So I don't have to deal with the reality that I'll never be one.

Why would he want me anyhow?

Can't he see I'm broken?
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on April 27, 2018, 02:38:21 PM: I found that writing the first letter to the daughter I'd never have seemed to help me.
If anything can help I twisted person as myself at this point.

So with that said,

To the Son I'll never have,

The charmer. The breaker of many hearts. I know you'd be.
If you're anything like me, or like your uncle.
Nistor. I'd never make you bare that name.
Never. That name brings imperfection within it, and never would my darling boy bare it-No.
Black hair. Curls, perhaps. It wouldn't matter. You could have enough hair to stitch a blanket, or not a hair on your head,
but you'd be perfect. Because you'd be mine.

Jade eyes.
Bright. Loving.
Hopeful, and kind.
But intimating and passionate.
Round, and bold.
Just like your mothers.

When I imagined settling for some barovian man.
Living some boring life.
I always thought I'd raise a son better than a girl.
I was never really girly.
I suppose I was always a bit odd.
I blame nessie for that.
Mother always wanted me to be her proper little girl, learn to be a good wife.
I never cared much for that.
No, never.

If I had a boy, I'd never let how he acted be an excuse.
You'd be kind. You would. You wouldn't pull pigtails,
or cause such a ruckus. You'd be kind to women.
I'd teach you that.
You'd be the sensitive type. Iadul. You'd write poetry.
The most beautiful kind.
You'd be so talented.
You'd have a good heart too.
You'd be hardworking, and strong.
Sensitive, but never weak.
The weak get abused in these lands.

A garda, I'd never let you be.
You'd have an honest profession.
A farmer. something humble.
You'd never be a witch like me.
Never.
I wouldn't let you.
It causes more pain then it does protection.

I'd love to name you Dumitru.
But the boy I loved is not the man that bares the name now.
Umil. Is what I name you. Because "Humble" you'd be.
Or I would die trying until you became such.
You'd love me.
I'd be your mother.
You'd be proud.
Someone in this world would be proud of me.
You'd never see me as the monster that I am.
You couldn't.
You wouldn't.
Because you'd be mine.

I'd never let anything or anything or anyone hurt you.
I'd never let this world corrupt you.
I've seen darkness, and perhaps I can't shield it from hurting you forever.
But I could keep you from becoming it.

When you brought a woman home,
I'd be judgmental,
I'd bully her.
I'd be awful.
If she's any type of woman that deserves you, she'll stay.
And You'd hate me for doing this, telling me that you love her.
But only the ones that truly love us, stay my love.

But if she stays.
I'll love her like my own.
I would.

And perhaps one day she'll give me grandchildren.

Even though I never ate, I'd feed them a plenty.
And they'd laugh. And they'd call me sweet and short abbreviations of my name, because Nicoleta is too long of a name for small children to pronounce fully
You'd beg me to stop feeding them, but pleading me to keep watching them. Because you need a break.

A hardworking man you'd be.
But your family would come first.
They would.
You'd struggle you'd survive.
You'd survive.
The Persistent ones always do.

Just look at your poor mother.

Crazy you'd call me.
But a monster, never.
Because I'd be your mother.
And you'd be perfect.

Because you'd be mine.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on August 20, 2018, 01:22:05 AM: this entry has been ripped out..
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on January 15, 2019, 10:52:29 PM: I used to be good once.

The last few months I have spent in solitude,

trying to find such.

Out of practice with the Arcane.

But in practice of other arts.

This is the longest I have gone without a man beside me.

I'd be lying to say that I don't miss him,

but I'd be even more foolish to run to him.

After all, he is the man that stole everything from me.

Including his love.

There is nothing for me, there anymore.

In one breath, I miss Tubur,
and in the next, I loathe Mumed.

He used to be good once, too.
Title: Re: Nicoleta Nistor - The Little Witch
Post by: TherapyCat on January 16, 2019, 08:54:57 AM: It feels empowering,
to look in the mirror,
and see how my body is changing.

Muscle.

For once I have Muscle.

And for once I have strength.

Strength to finally fight back in this life,

So I wont be the victim again.

Never will I be the Victim again.

I miss my power however,
in the Arcane.
I´ve forgotten so much.
I lost so much.
Of myself.

But I look in the mirror, knowing now
That I should´ve forgotten it much sooner.

Because the woman I see now,
is better than the girl who stood before her.

I was good once,

I can be good again.